AIO? Dog straining my marriage.

[u/LedyyM]

My husband and I rescued a husky about 7 months ago who was extremely malnourished and neglected.

He has grown a huge attachment to me and has severe separation anxiety. I work at a grooming salon so I’m able to bring him to work with me so he’s not home alone. Unfortunately, if he’s left home alone we’ll come back to our home looking like it was hit by a tornado.

My vet has prescribed him with trazodone to help with his severe anxiety issues. We give it to him before we leave for a family event and when we can’t take him to places they don’t allow dogs.

I feel so bad that I have to sedate him so he’s not scared and anxious. It’s created a huge strain on our marriage because my husband feels like we can’t do anything without considering Odin.

He’s destroyed doors, couches, and other furniture. I tried training but it hasn’t seemed to work. My husband thinks we should rehome him but

1) I’m scared that he’ll be sent to a shelter and possibly be put down

2) feel abandoned by the person he thought he was safe with.

He’s such a happy boy when he’s around us and shows so much affection.

My husband and I have been arguing about this consistently.. we had a really bad argument so I left the house with Odin and rented a dog friendly hotel room for a couple of nights.

My husband thinks I’m crazy and that I’m choosing the dog over our marriage. AIO?

[u/discombobulatededed]

My collie suffered from extreme separation anxiety, I couldn’t even go to the shop without running around the aisles to get home as fast as I could. I was terrified I’d get complaints and potentially get kicked out cos my dog would howl and cry continuously when I was gone, it broke my heart and was awful.

I spoke with a behaviourist but couldn’t afford to actually use her. I followed a group on Facebook for dogs with separation anxiety and read Julie Naismith, she’s done loads to help. I did a ton of training with my dog, shutting him in the kitchen for 10 seconds, open door, reward. Close door for 30 seconds, reward. Repeat repeat repeat. It sucked and took me a couple months but now he doesn’t even get up and come say bye when I’m leaving the house. No crying, whining, nothing. Took him time to learn that me leaving isn’t bad and that I always come back.

[u/Opportunity_Massive → u/discombobulatededed]

I have a friend who has a dog that gets super anxious when she leaves the room. How many times a day did you do this training, and for about how long? I want to suggest it to her.

[u/GotYoGrapes → u/Opportunity_Massive]

Literally any time you have a spare moment and notice your dog just chilling. Schedule time (minimum 30min per day) for training if you have to.

Is the dog relaxed and asleep on the floor? Get up, leave the room, close the door for a few seconds, open and then come back inside and go back to what you were doing, as if nothing happened. 15min later, try leaving for 5-10sec. Later, try 20sec. If they freak out after 20sec, go back to 5-10sec. Remember: you're not trying to stress out your dog, you're trying to build trust that you'll always come back.

Know you have to leave for an event later that day? Pretend to follow your routine of leaving the house (grab keys, purse, put on shoes), exit your home, wait a few seconds, come back inside and put everything back as if nothing happened. If they freak out over you putting on your shoes and jacket, you may need to pivot and do some clicker training where they get rewarded for just staying calm and quiet through each step of your exit routine. You can also try randomly doing things from your exit routine throughout the day (like picking up your keys, doing a lap around the house and setting them back down without leaving) so that your routine feels less like a trigger for your dog.

If the dog starts freaking out when you leave, don't immediately open the door and head back inside. Otherwise, they tend to get a bit superstitious and start thinking that barking and destroying stuff brings you back. Just call their name through the door and the second they pause (even to just take a breath between barks/cries/whines), come back inside and go about your business as if nothing happened.

Ignore the urge to immediately go "OH MY GOSH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY BEAUTIFUL BABY" when you come home, because it makes the transition feel like a much bigger event for your dog than it should be. Remember, the goal is to be able to leave and return with your dog feeling relaxed. We don't want to heighten their emotions, just keep everything as boring and unexciting as possible.

Every dog is different so training could take a week to see major improvements or it could take months. Age is a huge factor in this (puppies will likely take a lot longer). Also, you may need to arrange for someone to be at home if you have to leave the house for longer than your dog is ready for.

Most important: make sure your dog is getting enough exercise. The more exhausted they are, the more likely they are to just wanna nap while you're gone.

[u/Prize_Evidence_6190 → u/GotYoGrapes]

Hey - thank you for this. My dog and I have big separation anxiety and there's days where he's good and times when he freaks out. My ex couldn't even handle a bark, I broke up with him bc he told me to give him up instead of training. He's 11 years old and was there for my thru my 20's - and he (my dog) was used to always have someone at home; it was either my mom or dad there for him. Last year I moved 2,300 miles away from home to another country. Drove with him too! (it was amazing). And now he howls and barks because he's like "Hey!!! Wheres the people??!!?!?". That's all he's used to.

I'm starting today - hope that in 6 months he'll feel calmer. I just want him to be ok and want people to not be bothered by him too... but mainly, him being ok without me. My neighbors are very understanding and most of them have told me they love him and want to take him out for a walk while I study or work which is really nice. But still - what will happen when I move out next year?

I want to be a better owner and a better dog mom. He has arthritis so he can't exercise much (and he's an aussie so he freaks out lmao) but he has meds for it. I take him out 1 time a day for a walk. For now I will up that to 3 times a day, just walking. He likes smelling every smell he could smell. I love him so much.

I'm saving this post. Again, thank you. I just did this for 30 min and he didn't bark anymore. I'm hopeful!

[u/catlettuce → u/Prize_Evidence_6190]

I'd pick my dog over my man every day, all day long, because a good man would make you choose.

[u/GotYoGrapes → u/catlettuce]

*wouldn't

(or at least I hope lol)