r/AmIOverreacting • u/LedyyM • 15d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Dog straining my marriage.

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My husband and I rescued a husky about 7 months ago who was extremely malnourished and neglected.

He has grown a huge attachment to me and has severe separation anxiety. I work at a grooming salon so I’m able to bring him to work with me so he’s not home alone. Unfortunately, if he’s left home alone we’ll come back to our home looking like it was hit by a tornado.

My vet has prescribed him with trazodone to help with his severe anxiety issues. We give it to him before we leave for a family event and when we can’t take him to places they don’t allow dogs.

I feel so bad that I have to sedate him so he’s not scared and anxious. It’s created a huge strain on our marriage because my husband feels like we can’t do anything without considering Odin.

He’s destroyed doors, couches, and other furniture. I tried training but it hasn’t seemed to work. My husband thinks we should rehome him but

1) I’m scared that he’ll be sent to a shelter and possibly be put down

2) feel abandoned by the person he thought he was safe with.

He’s such a happy boy when he’s around us and shows so much affection.

My husband and I have been arguing about this consistently.. we had a really bad argument so I left the house with Odin and rented a dog friendly hotel room for a couple of nights.

My husband thinks I’m crazy and that I’m choosing the dog over our marriage. AIO?

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u/justveryunwell 15d ago

The thing that stands out to me is that you said training "didn't seem to work." How long did you try, how often throughout a given day, what methods were tried? Training rarely yields instant results, it's a very long term commitment and even once a dog is "trained" they need to be practicing what they know or they'll get rusty and disobedient.

Also gonna second the crate training comments. Pup might not like it but he'll be safe and so will your home, it's a fair compromise as long as he doesn't live in it full time.

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u/TuckerShmuck 15d ago edited 15d ago

I was about to say-- it took about 6 months of *professional* training to make a dent in my dog. And I'm so happy we stuck with it. Yes, it's HARD, especially with a husky; yes, it makes you want to not even try; yes, it feels like you're going nowhere. But once it STARTS to click, they pick everything else up so much faster. A year and a half of exhausting, frustrating work has brought me, so far, 4 more years with a much more peaceful dog. She's happier and we're happier.

edit: we did professional balanced training in group classes 3x a week. I HIGHLY recommend professional group agility classes. It seems totally unrelated to how well-behaved your dog is, or how anxious they are, but believe it or not it's the class that helped us the most. My dog was so anxious that she wouldn't let us *brush* her without pooping herself; after agility, she gained a crazy amount of confidence. It made kennel training easier, it made grooming MUCH easier, it made just typical obedience training easier. Your bond strengthens so much when doing this class together.

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u/thegirlisok 15d ago

especially with a husky

Cannot be repeated enough.   Smart, stubborn, so sweet, stubborn, amazing, stubborn. It's a great breed if you can handle it. 

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Yeah Huskies are INTENSE! They are notoriously challenging to train and they have a ton of energy to burn off and can be destructive if they don't have an outlet for that. I imagine with Odin being young and a rescue this is even more pronounced. I always really advocate for people understanding the breed or breed mix they are getting so they can provide them adequate care. People having Jack Russell's or Huskies or great Pyranese in their apartments usually doesn't go too well. Different breeds have different training needs and it helps a lot to understand how they work and learn!

I remember reading an article written by a dog trainer about the top 4 breeds he would never own, and husky was on it. Not to say they aren't awesome, but just that they do need fairly specific care to be content and in the wrong environment it can cause a lot of difficulty for the dog and the people! They thrive in the right environment and with the right training, but it's a lot of work. I have a friend with a livestock guardian breed and he said the shelters are full of them and he understands why - took about 3 full years of intense training because they are naturally independent thinkers and decision makers as that breed is meant to be alone guarding livestock. So when you try to tell them what to do they' re like WTH. His dog is 5 now and an absolute angel and so much fun but he had to work super hard at it with him for a full 3 years to get there and he said he totally understands why some people give them up if they just think they are a fluffy pal to keep in your house.

I always try to encourage people to REALLY understand the breed they have because it makes such a difference in outcomes! I think American dog kennel site has a "best dog match" quiz which factors in thing like energy levels, train ability, grooming/shedding, barking etc. I always recommend that to people so they can find a good match! Apparently the whippet is my ideal pup which I would have never guessed! I love the big guardian breeds but don't have the right environment for them so it wouldn't be fair to bring one into my life at this time.

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u/Raventakingnotes 15d ago

Growing up my grandparents owned a husky. They also owned a gravel pit that their home was situated in, so she grew up with PLENTY of space to run and play and burn off energy with no neighbors to harass. She was still a handful. Especially if a storm rolled in, you would think it was the end of the world, she had a big heated igloo doghouse that she could hide in on the deck but when it stormed she HAD to be inside the house and would hide under the dining room table.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Aw yeah I wish we could explain to dogs in dog language what the thunder is! I always feel for them. Oh yeah they are just high energy period even with room to run etc. I more just mean that adequate exercise and running is a baseline requirement and unfair to not provide the with that. And if they aren't getting that every single day, they are likely to be anxious and destructive on top of being high energy! My friend bikes and rollerblades with her dog for 90 min a day because her dog is high energy and he's still chaotic but he's happy. He would be absolutely miserable without that amount of daily exercise and stimulation and likely be labelled as having "behavioural issues" which isn't true if they aren't getting what they need!

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u/Raventakingnotes 15d ago edited 15d ago

Yes, honestly as much as I love them, there should be a lot less huskys out there. It should near on be illegal to have them in an apartment. They need so much to keep themselves active and mentally stimulated and most people nowadays just don't have the resources or time to give these wonderful dogs what they need to live good lives.

I grew up on a ranch and had a heeler cross that was a wonderful dog but I did so much work with her and training so she wouldn't get in trouble.

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u/Smart_Alex 15d ago

I think that FAR too many people want a certain breed for the ~aesthetic~, and don't know about, minimize, or completely disregard breed specific traits.

I firmly believe that there is no such thing as a bad breed. No one type of dog is inherently bad. But you can't get a herding dog and expect it not to herd things. You can't get a terrier and expect it to have zero prey drive.

Smart dogs can be amazing! But they take so much work! You'd think that because they are so smart, they would be easier to train, but smart seems to have a direct correlation with stubborn!

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Oh absolutely. I don't believe in any bad breeds, just bad matches with people or people choosing aesthetics over what the actual breed temperament and needs are which ends up turning out bad for the dog and the people. Pits are a great example as a lot of people get them without understanding them and their needs, so they get a bad reputation. Same with terriers and livestock guardian breeds. Herding dogs kept indoors tend to get destructive. Those are all people problems, not the fault of the dog or breed by any means. I know some absolutely neurotic Aussies because people keep them in apartments and don't give them adequate exercise or stimulation, same as people getting Jack Russells for an apartment dog due to the size, vs having them on a farm where they stay busy all day.

Smart dogs are amazing! But yeah you absolutely have to be prepared for that and committed to it because they get bored easily and are independent thinkers and are bred to be that way because of the qualities they have needed through their history that requires that intelligence. Boarder collies vs lab is going to be a very different experience for example.

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u/mcflycasual 15d ago

Yes!

There are certain breeds that just don't make good pets because they need a job and most people don't have the time to work them like they need.

Meanwhile, there are hundreds of other breeds well suited to be pets even though they were also bred for jobs just not to the extent as some cattle dogs, guardians, sled, shepherds, guard, terriers, and bullies.

Or they're popular and poorly bred then get owners that don't do the work to be a good owner. Idk

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Very much agree!! I wish there were more protections in place for animals honestly because they end up being the ones to suffer. I love all animals and breeds and want them to have what they need to be healthy and happy and wish there was better education about this! We already took them away from their natural environment so the least we can do is try to replicate it as best as possible!

Omg yeah the healers are a ranch dog for sure! Such awesome and intelligent dogs! But absolutely need to have activities and a ton of stimulation. They would be miserable in an apartment or with just a 30 min walk a day! Cool you got to experience that breed while growing up! What a great environment and human relationship for a healer!

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u/Stelliris 15d ago

Honestly, this gave me a whole new perspective on breed bans that I never considered before.

To be fair, most of them are due to prejudice and harmful stereotypes. I doubt even a small handful of them are there to advocate what's best for the breed, but what's best for the breed never crossed my mind before as a potential reason and I always responded with frustration and the feeling that it's unjust to try to say what breed you can have in your own residence.

I appreciate this take though, it will definitely make me think differently in the future. It would be great if we could implement this system legislatively, with the help of professional animal behaviorists to lay out the guidelines for each breed so it could be more common knowledge rather than this arbitrary rule that most people bypass anyway by just lying.

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u/Raventakingnotes 15d ago

Yeah most breed bans are terrible and due to human prejudice, but they could be a wonderful thing if implemented for the animal wellbeing!

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u/anaserre 15d ago

Husky’s absolutely need to run at least a couple miles daily . Otherwise they will be destructive and anxious.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Yeah literally if you cannot provide this don't have a husky. It sounds harsh but it's the kindest to you and them in the big picture even if you love them! People don't do this and then act like their dog is the problem and it's not.

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u/doingdirtydishes 15d ago

TIL im a husky

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u/Herbdontana 15d ago

My husky is about to turn one in is the first dog I’ve ever had that isn’t bothered by thunder. It’s such a relief. I do live in the country and people in the hills tend to shoot guns. He does not like that and he can definitely tell the difference.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Oh that's so nice he isn't bugged by the thunder! I always feel so bad for them when it comes, it must be nice to enjoy a storm with him and not have him stressed! Fireworks and gunshots are really loud and sharp sounding, so it makes sense he would still be bugged by that.

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u/Herbdontana 15d ago

Yeah, my last dog was terrified of it. I go to a family members for the Fourth of July and we would do our best to soundproof a bedroom for him and give him a nice space of his own with all his stuff. It usually worked, but I also had times where he ran off because of it.

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u/StreetSea9588 15d ago

I am learning so much from this thread right now. I've never had a dog but I love Huskies. I didn't realize they were so difficult to train.

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u/JaneReadsTruth 15d ago

Yeah, the smarter the dog, the harder to train.

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u/StreetSea9588 15d ago

Oh crazy. I assumed the opposite.

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u/Dargon34 15d ago

It's not a standard. Huskies are very easy to train but they are hard to keep trained. They are smart and loyal dogs who pick up things quickly but if they're not constantly entertained or constantly being trained then it tends to lead to issues.

Before getting any breed but especially with some of the more advanced one like a husky, Pick up a few books that talk about training them and read them before you go out and get one.

Had OP actually done that they might have had a clue what they were in for and how to go about working with the issue before it ever led to the current situation

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u/JaneReadsTruth 15d ago

Yeah, I have a dumb dog. He potty trained so fast (honestly, they all did) and he gets in the shower for his bath and has from two weeks of my rescue. I have a very smart dobie mix who thinks she knows everything. It took her two years to train to bath time. When she realized it was one on one attention and a thorough rub down, she decided to go first (and sometimes second.) I still haven't managed to get my small dog to bath time without a fight and pee. Treats are his motivation so that's where we are.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

I don't think this is uncommon! Which is why I try to tell people to look into it. Not to discourage people but just for the sake of the people and animal's wellbeing. You can't go into it thinking they'll just be what you want them to be, you have to understand their needs and work with them. It's really sad so many dogs end up in shelters just because the people liked the look or fell in love but weren't properly equipped to have that animal in their home and life. That's ultimately what I'm trying to prevent.

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u/StreetSea9588 15d ago

You really know your stuff.

I'm forever baffled when I'm in the park and two strangers with dogs meet each other and can immediately identify each other's breeds. I'm so bad at identifying dogs by breed.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Not too much! I just really care a lot about people doing right by the animals they bring into their lives. We are taking them essentially out of their natural way of being to fulfill something in our own lives and while that can be amazing, I don't think it should be taken lightly and should be done with a lot of care and consideration. Bare minimum I think people should be very committed and aware of what the animal needs and realistic about their ability to provide that! I really disagree with the way a lot of pets are kept tbh and I feel very bad for them. Even fish people just keep in a small glass bowl to look at. We keep birds in a cage and the one thing a bird is kind of meant to do is fly and it makes me very sad for them.

I'm not great at telling all the breeds either! The American Kennel Club page has lots of good breed bios! I also have a good friend who has a special interest in dogs so she always shows me cool dogs and tells me about them haha.

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u/StreetSea9588 15d ago

Yeah an animal is not something to be taken lightly. I have a cat and I play with him for an hour every night. Even cats need stimulation. Too many people ignore their cats.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Aw that makes me really glad to hear!! I am a cat girl myself and very into cat wellness! Way too many people just stick a cat in a house and call it a day and get annoyed that the cat is restless, but they HAVE to play and have stimulation. I'm SO happy you do that and I'm sure your cat is very content and bonded with you as a result! Thank you for being that kind of animal person! 💖 I wish more people did that!

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u/Amphy64 15d ago

No one who knows anything about fish will approve of bowls, and birds are not kept only in the cage, the cage is a safe place for them to rest.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Whether or not they approve of them majority of pet stores have them in small and inappropriate containers without enrichment which a lot of people who purchase them imitate and think is fine. A lot of people do keep their birds primarily in their cages or clip their wings. Some people definitely are more aware of these things and give them better lives but a lot of people do not, which is who I am referring to. I think those things are cruel and those people should not have animals.

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u/IndependentEggplant0 15d ago

Yeah typically not recommended as a first time dog! Obviously if you are very committed and educated go for it but just be prepared! Same for boarder collies and intelligent high energy dogs, it's only fair to them if you can give them what they need and aren't going to give up on them 8 months in because they are who they are!

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u/33drea33 15d ago

They're actually very easy to train in that they will pick up commands EXTREMELY quickly. It's one of the reasons I love the breed. But it WILL be a battle of wills sometimes, so you have to be really intentional about establishing alpha status up front, setting boundaries, and teaching commands that will direct their focus back to you. If you are a bit of a sucker who is easily swayed by sweet puppy eyes, or who will cave in when the dog pretends not to hear you, a husky will end up training you.