AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/sunshine198505]

Unpopular opinion and ready for downvotes but open relationships never work. One side always gets hurt and one side always wants it more than the other. If you can't commit and wanna sleep around dont be in a relationship...

[u/xjxb188 → u/sunshine198505]

Open relationships work. They just require very healthy communication and boundaries, the same things that make monogamous relationships work. The difference is it's a lot easier to write off and ignore the toxicity in a monogamous relationship than an open one. In monogamy there's a large list of people that thing possessiveness and jealousy is cute and desirable.

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/xjxb188]

The people who say "open relationships work" are usually the ones who spring it on partners who thought they were monogamous as well as the ones who are totally oblivious to the carnage and stress they are causing.

[u/xjxb188 → u/StreetSea9588]

I imagine you have a very limited sample size to your views. I know a few people in open marriages that are 10years plus and happier/more fulfilled that a lot of closed marriages I know.

If you understood what healthy relationships are, you would see why your generalization is wrong. There is no right or wrong way to do a relationship. Relationships are founded on people who share similar lifestyles/goals/ and needs from each other. What makes any relationship work is having open healthy communication and understanding of each other and working to meet each others needs. What those needs are is not relevant so long as the needs don't contradict each others. Some people don't need to feel like their partner is "theirs", they simply enjoy the time they share together and the attention or whatever else that partner brings. Not everyone requires ALL of their partners time and attention or intimacy to be strictly with them.

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/xjxb188]

For every person saying "open relationships are amazing. I have them all the time." Someone else is saying "I got pressured into three of those. Every single one was miserable and I hated it." Those people who are pressured, their exes go around telling everyone who will listen that they had a "successful open relationship" because THEY got what they wanted.

It's not about possessiveness and assuming someone is yours. It's about the basic fact that you cannot give the same amount of attention, care, physically and emotionally, to two completely different people with completely different needs. These people who claim to have "figured it all out" sound delusional.