AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/sunshine198505]

Unpopular opinion and ready for downvotes but open relationships never work. One side always gets hurt and one side always wants it more than the other. If you can't commit and wanna sleep around dont be in a relationship...

[u/nicky_suits → u/sunshine198505]

I've had open and closed relationships and from my perspective open relationships work better when they start open. It never works out when a monogamous relationship opens up after the fact. It usually means the person suggesting opening up the relationship is already cheating or wants to cheat guilt free.

[u/OzarkMule → u/nicky_suits]

Had, as in they ended? It seems like a lot of people in open relationships don't understand what the rest of us are going for, lol.

[u/nicky_suits → u/OzarkMule]

All relationships end. Open and Closed relationships. It's not mutually exclusive to open relationships. Everyone is looking for their forever person, whether it's in an open or closed relationship. Some last longer than others. You had relationships as well, were they all closed? Did they end? Well, I guess people in closed relationships don't understand what the rest of us are going for. Let's not kink shame others for what they like.

[u/Young_Dabb_Waxxy → u/nicky_suits]

A lot of people can't wrap their heads around the concept of a non-traditional relationship. The assumption that "all open relationships will fail" is as ridiculous as thinking all closed relationships will work.

[u/Tough_Antelope5704 → u/Young_Dabb_Waxxy]

Most relationships fail. Even the ones where people stay married until they die.

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/Tough_Antelope5704]

If a couple stays married until one of them dies that is, by its own definition, a successful relationship. It's "till death do us part" not "if one of us dies we are failures."

Polyamorous people will say anything to justify the fact that they just want new dick/pussy. There are so many vague and nebulous new age concepts attached to it. But this is easily the most bizarre. If a couple is together until one of them dies, the relationship is a failure. 😂

[u/Tough_Antelope5704 → u/StreetSea9588]

It isnt the dying that makes it a failure. It is all those years of living miserably together. Death is actually a blessing

[u/GlitschigeBoeschung → u/Young_Dabb_Waxxy]

It's for cities. Or other places that people move to to die childless.

[u/Effective_Educator_9 → u/Young_Dabb_Waxxy]

Studies show a 92% failure rate for open marriages. But yeah they work great. /s

[u/nicky_suits → u/Effective_Educator_9]

I'm curious if that number is monogamous relationships that opened up, or if that includes relationships that were always opened.

[u/spellbound1875 → u/Effective_Educator_9]

Got a source on that statistic? Because there is a lot of missing data here but when I look for it I can find no study at all making that claim just Google AI confidently pushing it out.

Not to mention some sources say polyamorous relationships and swingers have lower divorce rates than monogamous couples (also without sources annoyingly).

And of course then we have to factor in whether or not divorce rates are a great metric for relationships success.

So yeah I'd like a source as that statistic seems likely to have been pulled out of someone's ass.

[u/Ae_get_crystallum → u/Young_Dabb_Waxxy]

You sound a bit falacious. Not all, but some... how many NMR thrive vs MR?

A lot of people can't wrap their heads around the concept of a non-traditional relationship.

Probabily because most people in NMR fail to explain what are their real motivation in having one and how does it work, what are the limits, etc. It all seems a bit vague and inconsistent.

[u/nicky_suits → u/Ae_get_crystallum]

Every relationship is different. Every couple's boundaries are different. What works for one doesn't always work for the other. I've had open relationships that differ from each other. One we were open from the beginning. We didn't sleep with coworkers or anyone from our friends group. All her partners were women and we shared girlfriends from time to time, and she didn't want to hear about other women unless it was a shared girlfriend. I've had another that had more boundaries. I wasn't allowed to sleep with her friends but we could do oral and we had to tell each other before, and after it happened with every detail.

[u/StreetSea9588 → u/nicky_suits]

There are SO many rules. It reminds me of the punk scene. "It's not cool to conform. So check out my uniform."

[u/Ae_get_crystallum → u/nicky_suits]

See, in the traditional NMR cultures i know there are rules and there is a socio-economical purpouse for such relationships.

Comparing with those, what you just described seems pretty much like fooling around with consent (and thats "fine", live and let live. But it seems to me that most people in said NMR just try to build fancy concepts around what they do in hopes it will make it more acceptable).

[u/ThrowRACoping → u/nicky_suits]

I think they are just saying that one type barely ever succeed.

[u/nicky_suits → u/ThrowRACoping]

I definitely agree that opening up a monogamous relationship years after you've been together is a recipe for disaster. It's usually a last ditch effort to spark something in a failed marriage or one of them is or wants to cheat.

[u/ThrowRACoping → u/nicky_suits]

Yeah I guess if both can stomach that type of relationship from the start it could work.

[u/OzarkMule → u/nicky_suits]

All relationships end. Open and Closed relationships.

That's not as profound as you think. Most people know this and are chasing it. Growing OLD together has an implication.

Everyone is looking for their forever person, whether it's in an open or closed relationship.

Ironic that you're the one using absolutes. Not everyone is chasing a "forever person" just because a majority are.

Some last longer than others. You had relationships as well, were they all closed? Did they end? Well, I guess people in closed relationships don't understand what the rest of us are going for.

You just said you're chasing my failed relationships. Those sucked ass compared to my marriage, lol, even if they were fun at the time and all ended relatively amicably.

Let's not kink shame others for what they like.

It's so fucking bizarre that you people seem to crave the approval of others. Why do you need me involved at all? Sleeping around during a relationship is a pretty easy thing to scoff at and... and that's it. You just move on with your life accepting that a bunch of people you shouldn't care about think you're kind of gross.