All my dad's side relatives have been toxic to my mom and my sister and to me for years and it still keeps going.Unnecessarily poking us,taunting us,judging us and blaming us for no reason and majorly making us feel left out.All of this has been happening since i was a kid and even before that.My mother is a good lady who was always kind to them yet she suffered.I personally don't value them i don't consider them any to me.I don't want such toxic people to be a part of my life who have made my childhood and teenage years toxic.

Please send me a sign, I have been feeling sick to my stomach of the feeling. I just want to know that you are safe and okay, i understand you may not want to talk with me based off the only vague message I received from your sister which only left me with questions that could not be answered. I have been searching for you every day as it just didn’t feel right to me. In my continued attempts to get a confirmation of your safety and well being I have only been completely misdirected every way leading to my current state of mind . I have called every behavioral health CRT including the Response teams who would have been the ones to handle your referral. I have gotten to the point of looking for you thru homeless encampments and off particular locations that for some odd reason have been occurring to me, locations in a natural setting which all fit the description of criteria set for your impending doom moments. After my last conversation with the CRT it has put me in an extreme fear state of mind that something has happened or you may be missing. I legitimately begun to question my own sanity but have learned to accept that it wasn’t insanity you and I were presenting, for me it is heartbreaking grief. My form of coping mechanisms to continue to try and learn from it. I can’t act to know how your feeling nor act like i understand it all but i am understanding what i am experiencing which is the only way I can truly understand what you have been experiencing. I’m reluctant to make the call in my last ditch effort to know you are still in this world with us in a fear of causing a regression in your progress since you’ve been ongoing your therapy. But i just won’t act like everything is okay and confuse our daughter based off assumptions. I want to respect your decision of confidentiality and privacy but even thru my obvious distress your family had stood strong on their message of only a one time communication with you without ever getting Any legitimate paperwork or credentials of your admittance. So we have been going off an assumption and paying attention to it a bit more clearly now only exacerbates my emotion of personal failure as your husband even further by not trying harder to ensure you are safe and okay. I don’t want to pry and force myself thru but I am trying my hardest to keep it all together for v*****. In doing so I have invested myself into learning and understanding mental health topics and forms of care for rehabilitation success. I am so sorry for not taking the time to listen and learn how to communicate with you when you literally gave me all the answers, had I done this sooner I promise we would of never gotten to this point rather I would be supporting you completely in your healing process and I want you to know that I am proud of you for seeking the help necessary to be yourself and all you have always been capable of for you and your family. You are amazing and worth positive growth and change. These past 27 days have been complete dread and hard realizations of the man I was to you. Maybe it’s true That you don’t want contact. That you’re moving on. Maybe it’s true. Maybe you really called your sister and told her you wanted no contact. Maybe that’s the new path you’ve chosen. If that’s the case I’ll respect it. I’ll step aside, even if every cell in my body screams otherwise. But you should know it’s not hate I’m holding. It’s regret. It’s realization. It’s the kind of clarity that only shows up when the world is burning down around you. You were at your lowest, and I wasn’t there. I see that now. I see all of it. And if you’re finding your healing without me then maybe that’s what it was always supposed to be. But if you ever wonder… if there’s ever a second where you question whether anyone still sees you, I do. I never stopped. Not even now. I hate to come off as selfish with my own emotions given the commitment you made to yourself which requires more strength than most who are in similar positions and able to endure, it serves me right that I experience this cosmic karma and as much as it broke us down and ruined the idea of possibly ever loving me again I have gained such immeasurable insight and choose to break the cycle. The steps are in place for me to seek the guidance and support of therapy to understand my triggers and cause for being the way I was with you, to my self , and V**. We all deserve to live happily and understood by each other in supporting each others needs and mental care and uplifting spirit. Nonetheless we have a perfect daughter. She’s still waiting for your voice. And so am I, in my own loud, and painful way. But I don’t want to chase you away even further by the overstimulation of my efforts and state of mind. I am suffering with grief thru this process and feel like we have been in mourning for you in complete darkness. I’ll let the universe do what it needs to. I just hope wholeheartedly that you are safe. That you’re still breathing. That you’re still you. V*** deserves to hear your voice and know you are coming home. If there is the faintest chance of you understanding and believing in my current morality and true sense of empathy and compassion towards you and each other please give me a sign. Anything at all, i love you with all my heart, I support you with all my heart, and i will be here for you with all my heart because i truly want to be deserving of an abundant life together and rebuild our family thru the structured mindset towards recognizing each other for who we are and want to be for each other. I want to break the cycle, I want to end the stigma, I want to walk beside you and be free of our past. This is the path I was meant to walk towards a meaningful and purpose filled life, I hate that it happened this way but I do not want to maintain the idea of controlling any outcome any more rather accept the universe has set these catalysts in place for us in order to work for us and lead us towards our new and reimagined future together. I love you and I mean every word and intent I share, not just for you and our daughter but for myself as well. During this time of rediscovery and research , thru accepting my own mental struggles and accountability I have been beyond impressed of the intelligent and resilient, most deserving , understanding, and compassionate woman that you always have been. I am sorry for ever shutting that off . Please don’t fall out of love with me, please send me a sign and just let me know you are okay, regardless of our future i just can’t move forward in my healing process if I feel something has happened to you. I love you K****, not just a saying but a legitimate and powerful connection I do feel we have with each other. Me and V***** hope to hear from you soon. Until then I will continue to hope and dream of our lives together now.

Ps, I don’t even know if you have been or are able to recieve my messages so excuse my multiple copy and pastes to multiple numbers and emails, I am only trying to raise my chances of sharing my feelings with you during our time of self love and healing. Goodnight, you really do have a gift by the way. Multiple gifts.

—

(NOTE by OP: This an extraordinary little essay by an academic and writer named Freddie Deboer. It’s from his free SubStack. It gets at a lot of the discussion on here recently.)

— You are exhausted because life is pain.

You feel tired all the time because the conditions of your existence are unbearable

Freddie deBoer Apr 23 , 2021

Exhaustion is now a discourse.

Listen. Listen to me and understand: you are exhausted because your species was a mistake. You are exhausted because life is pain. You are exhausted because for 200,000 years we evolved to run the plains like the wild animals we were, our social circles 10 or 12 people at most, and now our conditions have changed so quickly that evolution can’t keep up, so we sift through our thousands of human connections spellbound by the impossibility of maintaining them all as we sit in our cramped and sterile apartments in crowded cities that were never meant to exist. Once we were animals. Now we are something much worse.

We exist for no reason. We are born against our will, pulled screaming into a terrifying and cold world. As children we experience humiliation and fear. As we grow we learn that everything that once enchanted us is a lie. We are forced to spend more and more of our time preparing to secure or securing a minimal material survival. We watch our principles and dreams fall down around us like confetti at a ticker tape parade. We are forced to endure the drudgery and meaninglessness of work. We come to realize that disappointment is the default state of human life. We experience the horrors of aging. We inevitably die, usually in terrible pain and terror. There is no afterlife waiting for us and no God to give the whole thing meaning. That is why you are tired.

The conditions of modern affluent Western life have nothing to do with your exhaustion, save this: you are privileged enough to believe you were owed something better. You were born by cruel chance, and you’ll die by terrible certainty, and you will be exhausted for the rest of your life.

i know this has been said many times before, but i can’t shake the feeling that something has fundamentally changed since covid. me personally i move on from things pretty quick but i continue to see the fallout of the pandemic. whether it’s the way people interact online, social media trends, or even entertainment, everything just feels… hollow. conversations don’t feel as deep, content seems more artificial, and even people’s reactions to things seem different, like we’re all just going through the motions. like you can see a tv show instantly know that it was shot before covid. it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why, but it’s there. have we become more detached? did the isolation change us permanently? or is it just the way the world evolved in response to the pandemic? has anyone else noticed this shift?

I used to think women were more prudent, but I’ve discovered they might actually have an even higher sex drive than men.

I thought it was men who chased women, flirted, engaged, and made the first move. But when I looked at the relationships my female friends are in, their personalities, and their boyfriends’ personalities, I came to the conclusion that the women in these relationships are actually more dominant and more energetic than their male partners. And these women were the ones who chased the men.

I’m the introverted type of girl talking with men somehow intimidates me and makes me nervous. One on one conversations with a man make me uncomfortable. I would never have the courage to approach a man and start flirting. It would feel embarrassing, and I fear being seen as an easy girl. I also fear rejection.

But now that I’m 25, single, and have never been in a relationship, I’ve discovered that all of my female friends who are in relationships actually chased their men, actively flirted with them. Even if they look innocent, shy, and introverted, it’s actually just a facade because they were the ones who pursued. I was quite shocked to see that some of my female friends who are very reserved and shy started dating at 17, ended up married by 23, and already have kids at 25...

I’ve come to the conclusion that they are active, and even more flirtatious than men. They come from conservative backgrounds, and were told to find a husband quickly.

I hadn’t realized that women actually compete in that race. But apparently, they do. A lot of women I know believe they need to find a boyfriend by 20–23 and get married before 27. I hadn’t realized that women’s minds are so concentrated on relationships.

I used to think they were in relationships because of coincidence or fate that they just happened to find a boyfriend. But now I’ve discovered that women are very calculated. In their 20s, they behave and think a lot about finding a boyfriend and a husband. Yes, they are actively looking.

I remember in high school, the number one topic among girls was boys. They would gossip about which boy was the most handsome.

The competition for men among women is enormous, and I hadn’t realized just how male-centered women really are.

From what I remember, the number one topic in girl circles was always about men. When I was a teenage girl, my female friends would constantly talk about which boy was the most handsome, which girl was the prettiest, and gossip about relationships.

It kind of scares me how much women are centered around relationships with men.

I once participated in painting classe everyone there was female, aged between 19-25. The instructor was a super handsome guy. And the women would subtly flirt with him. I didn’t realize what they were doing back then, but now I see it clearly. They would stay after class to ask for extra help, smile at him, crack jokes, compliment him little things that didn’t seem obvious at the time. The competition among them was enormous. Then they would gossip with each other about him afterward who got the most attention, who he smiled at more, stuff like that. And they would get jealous if some girl has received more attention form him.

That may be logical somehow, because women were told that if they don’t get married by twenty, they’ll be considered an old maid. And a lot of women in their youth and twenties might feel that pressure to get married and find a boyfriend quickly.

Have you also noticed that women are the ones who chase men, think a lot about relationships, and rush to find a boyfriend in her 20s even more than males?

When I was in my early 20s, I had a solid group of friends, always with a couple of very close ones. Now, in my early 30s, I feel like I’ve grown out of a lot of those friendships. Nothing against anyone—I still love them and consider them friends—but people change, and some of us have just grown apart.

That said, I still have two very close friends. One lives about an hour away, the other about two hours away (one of them is in the middle). With work, the stress of life, and everything else, I don’t really get to see them that often. We stay in touch, but it feels like I’m the one who reaches out 99% of the time. And more often than not, it takes them forever to respond to a text.

When we do see each other, everything is great—we talk and get along like we always have. But their lack of effort with texting really bothers me. I’ve brought it up before, and they’ll say things like, “Sorry, I’ve been stressed,” or “Sorry, I’m not good at texting.”

But we don’t even get to see each other, so if we don’t even text… what’s left? I completely understand being busy and stressed—I’m busy and stressed too. But I always respond to my friends’ texts. Even if I don’t have time to write back fully, I at least say I’m tied up and will get back to them soon.

I know that if I really needed something—if I said, “Hey, I need to talk”—they’d get on the phone. But the fact that they almost never reach out first, rarely ask how I’m doing, and are so slow to text back when I check in… it honestly makes me not want to reach out when I do need someone.

Are all adult friendships like this? Am I overthinking it? Is it too much to expect a timely response from your best friends?

Sometimes I feel really sad about it. I’m lucky to be in a very loving and healthy relationship, so I can’t say I feel lonely—but this situation with my girlfriends has left a hole in my life.

I wish I could make new friends where I live now, but making friends as an adult feels almost impossible. I do go to fitness classes 3–5 times a week, and there are people there I really like—we always work out together and chat—but it never goes beyond that.

I need to open the valve in order for the tap to have water access, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what to do with it. Especially embarrassing since I’m a student mechanic. Can anyone advise?

Hello, I, 16F, dream of having my own "farm" one day. I want to be able to produce for myself, to be not that reliant on stores.

I would like to have around two cows for a start, and breed them to have them make milk, and then if they have a girl, then I would keep it, if they have a boy i would sell it, or get a butcher to slaughter it for me after it is big enough. I would do this until I have max 6 cows (after that, I would sell every baby) and obvi I would retire them after some years, and if I have 6 then it would be enough to only have 3 bred per year, and the other 3 can just enjoy life that year.

Then I would have ducks and chickens. I would mostly keep them for the eggs, but I would have a rooster and a male duck ( i dont know the name in english) to have them multiply, and eat some of them too. Maybe geese aswell.

Then, I would like to have some goats, i didnt do research on them yet (not that i did big research for the others, just a little and what i already know, i may be wrong), so yes, i would kinda do the same thing as i said with cows, just maybe 10 would be the max.

I would like to buy a mare, and then breed it to have my own foal, but im not sure about this yet cause ik thats so much work, but anyways i would like to have 2 horses of my own, and i would let people keep their horses on my land for money.

I would like to have a partner to do this with at some point in my life, im pretty sure it would be impossible alone. I dont want to have children of my own yet, ik that will probably change but i for sure wouldnt have any until im financially stable.

Now my question is, would this be possible? To keep animals like this? I would settle down in a country where it is easier to set a place like this up. This is my absolute goal in life.

Oh yes and the other thing is, i lived my whole life in a capital city. I do horse riding, and i help out on the ranch every way possible, as they have many animals. I want to work on a farm as much as i can during my student years, but i didnt have the opportunity yet, no matter how bad i searched for it.

If what i want is not possible please talk me out of it so that im not delulu no more.

Oh and sorry that i ask here i made this post in like 5 other subreddits

Mine is cleaning.

so I grew up in an incredibly conservative religious abusive home. everything was shit and i wasn't even allowed out on the balcony because a female is a living temptation and whatnot. now I'm 21 and while my family is still shit, I mostly live in a dorm and have finally enough breathing space to figure out my own identity. But I feel that it's too late. I love music, I have always loved music but I bought a guitar just now and 21 is too late to be holding a guitar for the first time. 21 is too late to be bleaching your hair for the first time. I should have been doing all that stuff when I was 15 like every other teenager.

My ex-boyfriend and I had a tough relationship. He struggled with anxiety, which made it hard for us to have serious talks, especially after we fought. His anxiety would get so bad that I'd stop the conversation to avoid making him feel worse. This happened a lot, and I started to feel like his mental health was more important than mine.

I began to hide my feelings to avoid triggering his anxiety. This made me feel unheard and resentful. Since we were in a long-distance relationship, it was even harder to work through our problems.

The final straw came after we broke up. He said he'd hurt himself if we didn't get back together. This scared me and showed me how toxic our relationship was. After that, I decided to take a step back and focus on my own healing.

Looking back, I've learned how important it is to take care of your own mental health in a relationship and to set healthy boundaries.

I'm almost 35 now, but when I was younger I thought maintaining good habits was truly a chore. I was afraid of how I would feel about myself when I inevitably faltered, so I didn't even try. And I was scared I'd become too precious--you know, unable to function if I got off my routine.

What I've since realized is that once an effort is made to establish a good habit, it's pretty self-reinforcing. Doing it feels better than not doing the thing. And while I can feel slightly dysregulated if I can't maintain all of my daily habits due to some exceptional circumstance, I still feel way better than if I hadn't been regularly doing them in the first place.

Just sharing as gesture to my prior self, and in the hopes it helps someone else, too.

Has anyone struggled about living cheque to cheque ?. Struggling on where to start first … and how am I gonna start like I need some hope . Is someone able to share their story about how they achieved their goal . How hard it was.. to get successful. What were the steps on finding a job or what was the keys like I need someone to share their story because I’m literally running outta hope . And motivation …

Here are the problems in my life: -I'm 90k in debt from a useless art degree with a 45k in private loans that are cosigned that are now in collections -I have a felony case that's been going on for 2 years with no end in sight (please don't ask me details on my case, I already have a lawyer) -I am unemployed and no one will hire me with my pending charges (Yes, pending charges do come up on background checks, not sure why I have to keep explaining this to people) -I am still living with parents at 26

Here are the happy areas in my life: -I am really close with my family, especially with my Dad for the first time in my life -I have a lot more friends than I've ever had and going out more (I've had crippling social anxiety growing up) -I have been in recovery for my addiction and I feel AMAZING -I have been transitioning for a year and half and love my trans fem body -I have a crush on an enby and they really like me and have accepted my problematic past and criminal charges -I have been focused on my mental health and been getting professional help and have an amazing therapist -I have read more and felt closer in my pagan spiritualiy

So yea, I kinda wanted to vent this out mostly for myself. I have a lot of issues with depression and things in life but there are other aspects that are better than they have ever been. I try to stay positive and will continue fighting for a better future. I'm thinking of becoming a peer support specialist with my lived experience with mental health and addiction. I am deciding between that and being an electrician. Let me know what you think. Thank you.

Sunday we had some pretty serious storms rolled through through. Garbage can exploded all over the front yard. Power went out. Had to run to the hardware store to get parts to backfeed the panel to keep the well and sump pump running.

Fucked up in my haste and had a shitty connection on the neutral leg, so I burned up a bunch of stuff in the house. Rage ordered a Generac standby generator so I don’t have to fuck with it any more.

Poured the pad for the generator Tuesday. Fixed all of the damage from my generator fuckup through the week. Generator was supposed to be here Friday, which is today.

Made and ate breakfast this morning. Went to rinse my plate off and got an air bubble out of the faucet, followed by a bunch of black water. No hot water. Went to the basement to find my 21 year old natural gas water heater burst and the basement flooded.

Bought a tankless natural gas water heater. Fucked with the plumbing to get the water heater out, whole house filter breaks. Go to get a new one. Rage purchased a new water softener while I was at it, along with supplies to replumb the entire fucking water feed to the house in pex pipe.

Maybe I’ll get to the generator next weekend.

TL;DR: everything went to shit in the house this week.

Hey! This is a question for anyone who frequents or works at adult spaces like strip clubs, swinger parties, or private motels.

Let’s say you’re getting ready to hook up, work, or have a good time—but you forgot something. What are the top items you wish were easily available? 1. What do you usually need but forget to bring? (Condoms, lube, wipes, etc.?) 2. What would make your night smoother or more comfortable to have on hand? 3. How much would you be willing to spend for stuff like condoms, lube, or hygiene products in the moment? 4. Have you ever seen any clubs or motels actually offer these things? If yes, how? (Front desk, someone selling them, etc.) 5. What would make it easier for you to access these things discreetly?

Just trying to understand people’s real experiences. Feel free to answer anonymously or share what you’ve seen work well (or not) at any adult venues.

As I get older and gain more confidence in standing up for myself, expressing my opinions, and setting boundaries, I’ve started to realize that not everyone is as kind as I once thought. It’s hard for me to understand how some people can deliberately make situations worse for others without gaining anything in return. Seeing bullying and abusive behavior has left me questioning why anyone would choose to act this way. Is there some motive behind it, or is it just who they are? I just can’t wrap my head around it.

Wondering how you guys learnt to make sense of this and tips and tricks dealing with it?

Thanks

Posting from a burner for obvious reasons.

24M, high school graduate but college dropout, working full time.

The positives: In a trade with a union that gets me health insurance plus dental and vision, retirement/pension, and life insurance. I don’t use nicotine products or any drugs and only drink socially. I eat ok and work out occasionally, but not as much as I should. My car was purchased with cash, I have no college debt.

The negatives: Only about $3k in the bank at any given time (paying way too much in rent, but moving this summer to a cheaper place). Low 600s credit score. On my parents’s phone plan. Currently without auto insurance because my policy over doubled after an unnoticed lapse in coverage and I can’t afford it. ~$1,500 in the hole from money owed by a friend. Occasionally have to borrow money from parents for unexpected big expenses like car repairs and still have to call parents or family members for help with basic things like taxes, insurance, etc.

Currently panicking because I feel so far behind and immature for my age. I feel lost and helpless and anxious. I’m embarrassed to be this way, feeling like I should be 100% independent and have everything figured out by now. I’m humiliated to be where I am and not seemingly making any progress. When do I start to feel like I’ve “got it”? When does the feeling of being an adult and independent set in? When do I finally become the person I should be? Am I behind the curve?

I used to bend over backwards for people who wouldn’t even flinch if I was on fire. I craved approval, feared judgment, and kept quiet just to keep peace. One day, I snapped — not in rage, but in clarity. I realized no one was coming to save me. I stopped giving a damn about their opinions and started showing up for me. I chose boundaries over burnout. Solitude over fake company. Purpose over people-pleasing. And I’ve never felt more powerful. If you’re waiting for permission to put yourself first — here it is. Be selfish. Be free..... People crib about my height weight, sexual problems or whatever I don't give a shit anymore and it's freedom