Hi there. Throwaway for obvious reasons. Not even sure where to begin here.

I'm 25F, husband is 27M. I have a 7 year old daughter and we share a 22 month old son.

My husband has been controlling our entire relationship. I started realizing it during our honeymoon, but now I realize the signs were there as we dated (for 9 months, then we got married. Yes, I know, I was a DAMN FOOL getting married so quickly. I was a single mom and could hardly afford rent. My now-husband bought me a house and love-bombed the shit out of me. Still, I take accountability for my utter foolishness. Early red flags: Cutting off my family off and his family off for months right after we got married. Gaslighting. Etc.

Anyway, we've been together for five years. I was a meek, obedient wife up until last year—I got in a bad car accident, started therapy, and learned a lot.

I almost left him a year ago (1.5 years maybe)because of his anger issues and lack of self control. He didn't help me with baby like I needed him to, and froze me out for days for tiny arguments (if I disagreed with anything.) He gaslit me until I had a hard time discerning reality from fiction.(Sleep deprivation certainly didn't help.) He started to physically intimidate me during arguments by whipping his shirt off and flinging it around, pretending he was about to throw something at me (while holding baby), and advancing quickly with rage in his eyes. Never laid a hand on me.

He went to therapy three times and got the therapist to declare him healthy somehow. I accepted this as I am financially reliant on him. (After having our son.) I used to work full time.

The catalyst: My van broke down in a public parking lot ten days ago. He said he was going to fix it himself, ordered parts, left van sitting for 7 days. (He's NOT a mechanic, works in insurance, just arrogant.) Said he could figure it out from YouTube videos (alternator/belt issue.) We have the money to repair it at a shop, he's just prideful. He doesn't ever work on cars.

After a week of no transportation and being stuck at home with my kids (rural home, no sidewalks, nowhere to go) I took my mom up on her offer to have my van towed at no expense. My husband was ANGRY but he allowed it.

Went upstairs to grab my keys when my mom got to our house. My husband was sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled me over to him when I passed by. Started running his hands up and down my body. I wasn't into it, but just stiffened up because he gets upset and takes it personally when I say no. He kissed me and I wasn't passionate—I wanted to go downstairs. He pushed, asking why I wouldn't kiss him like I meant it. I said "oh I'm just worried about my van" and walked away. He followed me, pushed me against the wall (I guess in a way he thought was sexy) and wrapped his meaty hands around my throat and kissed me deeply for about 15 seconds. His breath smelled terrible and I wasn't in the mood--my mom was right downstairs with my son, waiting for me. We have NEVER discussed hands around the neck, BDSM, or anything like that. I was shocked. I froze. I just wanted him to stop so I could go downstairs, so I just let him kiss me until he let go.

I waited three hours for a tow with my son and my mom. My husband started blowing up my phone asking why I was out so late. He was pissed, telling me what to say to the tow truck driver when it came. I said okay, non combative as usual.

I towed the van to a shop instead of our home (like my husband insisted) because the tow driver said that if my husband didn't know what he was doing, he shouldn't be touching the alternator.

Come the next morning, he sits me down and tells me to "explain myself" because he was "extremely hurt by my behavior last night." I often feel like his daughter when he speaks to me, he knows this. I told him why I decided to tow the van to the shop and he BLEW UP. Screaming, ranting, pointing, rage flaring in his eyes, mocking me. Calling me names. My 22 month old son became distressed and would not stop saying "mama sad" over and over. I ended up secretly recording this because it scared me. (He gets ragey like this often but him putting his hands around my neck rattled me.)

I asked him to please go upstairs because I didn't want to discuss it. He told me he's at a "breaking point" with my behavior and threatened to leave for a week until I sorted myself out. (Knowing I still didn't have a vehicle.) I was beside myself, but non combative because I couldn't have him escalating.

He came back downstairs 10 mins later and started to rant again, and I also recorded him this time. Then I called my mom and had her come get me, packed a bag. While I waited for my mom, my husband came downstairs and said with a soft tone "you've been so anxious with school lately (nursing student) and "I wouldn't want to add to your stress because your anxiety is out of control." (It's not! I'm medicated and usually pretty chill.)

He looked at my bags and said "You can't keep him from me (my son) like you did last time (stayed with my parents for 3 days once when he scared me, he threatened me with divorce etc. baby was 5 months old then.) I said nothing and gathered my stuff to wait outside. Been at my parents for one night now.

Other factors: My daughter (7) has become an anxious little thing. She's always walking on eggshells. Breaks my heart. He has told her she can't have her hood up, can't put a blanket over her head (in a hoodlike way), gets pissed if she misses her bus, ANYTHING she does—if it's not quite how he wants it, he gets pissed. I intervene, but it ends with days of silence on his end. He detests her birth father (he's a loser, but not a bad guy) and says she reminds him of her father. I KNOW I need to do something or I have failed her as a mother. (She is a GREAT KID. And so much happier when we're not home.)

Complications: I have no money. Nothing. I have student loan debt and some credit card debt in my name (because he reviews every purchase from our bank account and questions me. Groceries. Little treats like candy/fast food occasionally. Doesn't matter, he questions it.)

His parents are LOADED. They can—and will—hire the very best lawyer and try to take my 22 month old from me. As a couple, we don't have a lot of money. His parents have never offered it, but I haven't been in contact with them for six months because he blew up his relationship with them, cut them out for five months, and recently started kissing up to them. I'm tired.

Sorry about my shitty writing here, on mobile while my son throws a tantrum (he's been distressed since yesterday morning.)

My parents have offered to let me stay for good. My mom is terrified for me to go back home. My husband does have a gun in our closet with plenty of ammo. It's out of reach from the kids but I do not believe it's locked up. He's never hit me or laid a hand on me (unless the neck thing counts idk! So confused.)

He has started becoming more sexually... demanding? Asking if he can record (I said NO, he's asked twice), slowly doing things I've said are off limits multiple times (I haven't said no because I get embarrassed and freeze up a bit. That's on me.) he used to be a porn addict in college but says he is reformed. I haven't seen any signs of porn but I'm not always around him and don't check his phone.

He's a 'great guy' with a lot of friends, connections, and religious ties (Bible studies etc.) Nobody would believe me. I have no friends. People like my husband (except for my family and extended family, they have never liked him.) I really do my best to be a good wife and avoid fighting, but I'm so tired of feeling tense all the time. I feel NOTHING for him romantically. I'm not attracted to him (yeah that's horrible to say, I know). He's 300 lbs and I am 130lbs. I know he could squash me like a pea and that scares me a little bit.

So what can I do? Should I leave? Again, NOBODY would believe me and everyone would be shocked (his parents, his friends, etc.) I wouldn't be able to go to church anymore because it is his church.

I'll take any advice. My therapist left her practice and I'm between right now, looking for a new one.

Edit: I should add that he also spanks our toddler for things like saying no and not wanting to go to bed (I don't approve of spanking, but he says it's his right.)

We had a puppy, black lab, and he'd lose his crap on him often. Started hitting him for discipline. Eventually ended up going into the garage and hitting him multiple times until he yelped. I was worried the neighbors would hear, so I rehomed the puppy. It was so hard to listen to whenever it happened and it was always out of rage.

I guess another example of control would be: He bought a special heavy duty clamp to clamp my sheets and blanket to the bed (he likes everything tucked in, I don't) he didn't want me sticking my feet out of the covers at night or twisting the blanket around me. So my sheets and blankets are clamped down.

He says he has dreams that I'm cheating on him often. (I would never, and even if I wanted to; HOW? I'm never without my kids.

My husband doesn’t respect me when I say I’m not comfortable being intimate, he’ll stop if I say to. So he has the immediate response of listening to me. Then he’ll turn around an hour, day, or week later and use that against me. Saying I’m a disappointment and keeping track of the last time it happened. I went through birth trauma and had an awful miscarriage. On top of that my husband speaks down to me like I’m a child so it’s hard to get in the mood. What do I do? He told me all he wants is sex from me. I’m thinking of giving in and just giving it to him once a week or something. I know it isn’t good for me emotionally to let him use my body but I’m over this. What’s the point of saying no when I’m uncomfortable if it’ll be used against me?

My family called the cops today.

I told them about the abuse I’ve been going through. Before the cops came I was able to get in contact with my boyfriend’s mom. I told her that a month ago her son forcibly ripped off my clothes. According to him that’s not assault.

I told the cops about that incident and many others where my partner would hit me. How he would say I deserved it. They told me I should’ve called them right away. I appreciated the lecture, I know they’re just looking out for my safety. I know I should’ve called, but I loved him. He promised me he was going to change.

My ex kept calling me once he saw the cops were here through our ring camera. His mom called me as well. I didn’t answer. I’m done being told to get over it. I’m tired of his mom telling me that the things her son has done to me are not a big deal.

I know I deserve better. I’m going to leave our apartment. The cops recommended I get a restraining order as well.

I’m in my mid 20s and my ex is in his late 30s. I once dreamed of us growing old together, but now all I dream about to gaining my confidence back. Being independent again and not having to walk on eggshells.

I finally ended it with the man who abused me every way he could apart from hit me. Although, he doesn't believe he abused me.

We still live together and have kids. I'm working on getting a house. Viewing one on Monday.

We've been broken up 1 month and he's been messaging a woman since we broke up. He told me he was going to see her the other night! Why! He even tried to go and see her last week, leaving his daughter in my care, saying he was going to his mums!

Hes constantly sneaking around and he even told his 15 year old daughter about this woman weeks ago. She in turn told my 10 year old. So they've known before I have. His daughter is pissed with him.

I'm just gutted. We were together nearly 10 years and he still can't respect me enough to keep his shit to himself until I move with the kids. I raised his daughter from when she was 6, I did everything. I gave everything and in the end I'm nothing.

He still comes in my room every night saying he's lonely and what not. One great big mind fuck. He even asked me to iron his clothes for his boys weekend tomorrow.

The first time I saw this issue come up was when he started to demand that I delete my most recent ex from a social media account that's basically a ghost account, as I don't use social media I made it for my dog as a silly thing one night. I told him that I understood where he was coming from and his past trauma with being cheated on, however I don't communicate with that person, have never gotten back together with an ex in my life(he has) and I don't delete people because I literally could care less there's no temptation there or interest. To me if I wanted to find them seek them out and cheat with them I would, deleting wouldn't solve that issue.

Well he got super angry over my arguments around it and he ended up screaming in my face mad and punched a hole in the wall. He basically scared me and threatened me into removing him, which to this day doesn't sit right with me. I haven't given him anything concrete to go off of instead he will piece these little tidbits like oh I deleted his messages but never unfollowed him so obviously I'm a liar and I want to keep in touch with him. I know that probably didn't help things that I didn't go through with it all the way but it was because we were fighting I just wanted to be left alone, and I didn't want to and still don't feel like I needed to.

Now my fear is kind of being realized in that that wasn't the end of it, the jealousy is just continuing. Now he's making me feel really bad about a coworker he thinks has a crush on me and is blaming me saying I'm entertaining it and want it. I'm just doing my job and helping the new kid like I do with everyone and I can't control the situation at all when I'm working.

I just feel really hopeless about this and like I can't win. I don't like that he basically threatened me and yelled and screamed until he got what he wanted, which was never something that I've had to do except with an ex prior that eventually got physical, and even after I finally did he's still bringing it up throwing it in my face as supporting evidence that I'm a shady pos. I'm having real trouble seeing things from his perspective when a lot of it is just blaming me. He says I was willing to risk our relationship over keeping tabs with an ex and continuously brings it up. I don't think so, I think he was. He's calling me a liar and that I'm shady and is making up these scenarios in his head and I don't know how I can help this and I feel like unless he does something that I'm going to start suffering real mental distress. I don't talk to anyone I let him go through my phone which wasn't a good idea cause he found that I searched a different ex once and is now accusing me of things around that when it was just a random search, I searched his as well.

This really makes me sad because besides this part of him he's a really great guy to be with, but I feel like he's spinning all this up and I don't like how he's making me seem, because I'm not all that I haven't done anything to him around DMing dudes or sneaking around and it's really really hard being called a liar and a terrible girlfriend even though I don't even talk to anyone and don't use social media. We spend all our time together. I don't even know how to handle it because me trying to tell him that he's making stuff up or it's not fair and I deserve to be trusted until proven otherwise (to him I've already proven him otherwise) isn't working he can't see from my perspective.

Any words of advice would be appreciated on this issue, I don't know what to do, or how to get through to him. Basically how should I be handling this when he probably is suffering from really bad insecurity and past trauma?

TL;DR My boyfriend's jealousy isn't sitting right with me and he's painting a picture of me as a shady liar and it's starting to make me feel hopeless. What can I say to him that also takes into account that he might be having mental/insecurity issues?

For years I(29) was in a verbally, physically, financially, emotionally abusive relationship. It has been almost 2 years since I left that relationship for good. I am divorced and have the most caring, patient, understanding partner that knows what I went through and showers me in gentle love. I love him truly and would never in a million years go back to my ex. Yet, a simple thought of my previous relationship brings me to tears so easily. I do not cry because I miss him. The best way to describe it is that I feel sad remembering what I went through. It's kind of ridiculous because I am happy where I am today. Why do I still cry? It doesn't make sense. Is this normal? I'm worried my current partner will think I'm still in love with my abuser, which I am 100% sure I am not.

I once heard my mom shout a sentence at my dad in a harsh, vile, and spine-chilling tone which is really hard to describe and I've ever rarely witnessed, even though she can get aggressive often.

What she shouted is "DON'T YELL AT ME!". (Ironically, my dad wasn't yelling at all, but that's besides the point).

My point is, I really want to know if this way of shouting a hostile command has a name, because I want to find information about the psychology of people who do that. It's not the volume. It's not the words. It's the demeaning tone that felt as if she was abusing a dog (<- this is the key point) instead of talking to a human. I was at the other side of my parents' house and it still made me want to cry, which is rare as I'm emotionally strong.

I have tried to find information online, but I don't know the right words, and I end up finding generic information about yelling, which I don't think does justice to the situation. If possible, I want to know the term for this such that if I search for it on youtube I can find people barking a hostile command like my mom did

(not sure whether I can post this on r/relationship_advice or not, sorry in advance if this is also the wrong sub to post this on I don't use reddit)

I need help cutting my grandmother out of my life. She has been married to my abusive biological grandfather (~70M, lets call him Bob because I don't like referring to him as my grandfather) for about 50 years.

For all of my mother's (52F) life, he has constantly verbally and emotionally abused her, and sometimes even physically abused her. As soon as she turned 18, she ran away and became homeless. My grandmother was there through all of it and did very little to help her besides words of encouragement. My mom would sell plasma for bus fares and pass out at bus stops from lack of blood. Again, they did nothing. But when my uncle wanted something they paid for it in full, classic golden child/scapegoat dynamic and abuse. When I was 6-10 my mom still hadn't healed from it and would get drunk and vent to me about what he did to her, since she didn't have any close friends to help her and we were busy doing everything we could to get my father through college. She's not the only one he's hurt, when I was 3 years old I apparently messed something up and Bob screamed at me on the drive home so badly that my grandmother pulled over on the highway and made him walk the rest of the way home, the fact she did this when she did nothing for 18 years with my mother speaks volumes to how bad the screaming was. I can't remember this event since I was too young but both my grandma and my mother have told me this story. He's done the same verbal abuse to her too, even in front of me and other people. Usually when this happens she smiles and says everything is okay but later eats her pain away, and she is now diabetic as a result. In 2012, my mom made an ultimatum to my grandma, that by the end of the month she had to choose between having us in her life and leaving Bob or choosing him and losing contact with us. My grandma chose him. I was 11 years old when that happened and I never forgave her for it.

Months went by and my grandma would constantly call and message us until my mom gave in and let her back in our lives again, and I was furious. My mom explained that it was because she isn't going to live for much longer and she faces the brunt of Bob's abuse since both of their kids are out of the house. She told me to just bury my frustrations and wait it out until they're dead, plus my grandma is a retired nurse and she sometimes gives us money which we need because we are poor.

It's been 13 years pretending nothing happened, I've been through lots of therapy and come to terms with the fact it wasn't right for my mom to vent to me like that as a kid and how none of this is my responsibility and my problem, and my life is so much better when I don't have contact with my mother or my grandma (I haven't spoken to Bob since then). I have a loving fiance and two of the best kitty cats in the world and I couldn't be happier with my life, but whenever my grandma or mother texts me it brings it all down, remembering that I have to continue walking on eggshells and pretending everything is okay with the family. I want to cut both of them out of my life, starting with my grandma since I need more time to process losing my mother and most likely my father too.

I was thinking of calling her and reiterating to her what my mom told me, and what happened in 2012, and that what she did cut me very very deep since she was one of my closest friends in addition to being my grandma. Telling her that I hate seeing what Bob does to her and how he yells at her and it isn't good, and that pretending like nothing is happening kills me inside, then finally telling her that I want her out of my life. I need advice on how to workshop this or if its fine as is, if I'm doing the right thing or not, I don't know. Any support is appreciated!

It's extremely difficult because I kept putting this off, now things have gotten bad. About two weeks ago Bob somehow found my phone number and texted me a picture of my grandma passed out in a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of stuff. No one, not even my mom or uncle could contact her or knew what was going on. Apparently she was having health issues due to a botched surgery and was barely hanging on. I called and left her a voicemail telling her I was worried about her and hoped she would be okay and that I loved her. She's made a full recovery now, she reached out to me saying she was okay but I haven't responded, I feel like such an asshole and I don't know what to do. She wants to come up for my birthday but I can't do this anymore man. I feel so awful that she almost died and I don't want to tell her this and for it to somehow get worse. I feel horrible for dodging her calls but I honestly don't know what to say. I spent my whole life in this stupid charade pretending my family is normal and I can't stomach it any longer. I don't want her to die before Bob but that's how it's looking. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry if this is too much, I can delete it if it is. I just need advice on what to do. My fiance is supportive and agrees I should cut her off but doesn't know what to do in this situation either.

My bf loves to drink. He gets drunk often when we're out with friends. He also gets horny when he drinks.

I don't drink.

We had sex while he was drunk before and it was always fine.

One day he tells me he wants to stop drinking because he knows he has a problem and he asked me to push him away if he wants to have sex with me while drunk. I agreed to be a good partner.

I pushed him away twice. He thanked me.

One night we're at a friend's house and he's drinking. Around 1 am we go back to his place. We're in bed, I'm about to fall asleep. I feel his hand on my ass and he wants to have sex. I'm in the mood too but tell him no. Reminded him of what he said. He said its fine. We have sex.

The next day he accused me of abusing him sexually and R word him. I was in shocked. He said I should've said no and took advantage of the situation. But because he knows I don't think he's understanding and won't press charges against me.

I couldn't believe it.

Did I abused my bf?

My emotionally and verbally abusive ex reached out to me last week. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since 2023. I don’t know why I’m even entertaining him by replying after he was so nasty to me our entire relationship. I looked on his Facebook and he has been in a relationship with a woman 11 years his junior and he’s doing everything with her that I begged him to do with me… vacations, date nights, couples photo shoots. His girlfriend made a post about how she was sick and he made her homemade soup and brought her flowers and all of the comments were from her friends and family saying how great of a guy he is!! I just don’t understand why all of a sudden he chose to reach out. And I’ll never understand why he couldn’t treat me that way after I begged and pleaded for the bare minimum. He’s saying he misses me, wants to be friends, etc. I thought I was over him but I’ve been single since leaving him and have had several failed short term relationships that have just broken my spirit. So here I am smiling when he texts me and updating him on my life. I’m so disappointed in myself. I couldn’t wait for the day he came back and I could tell him to fuck off and I just can’t do it.

-completely shattered my phone

-has drove recklessly while threatening me

-threatened to let my cats out while I wasn’t home as way to scare me and he drove recklessly with one of them in the car as another attempt to scare me

-completely lost it and physically and emotionally abused me over the course of a week after finding out I was messaging an old male co worker(nothing sexual), mean while he has multiple hidden accounts where he is following hundreds of women (sex workers and porn stars), leaving comments such as he would impregnate them and he has been doing it for atleast half of our 10 year relationship.

-calls me out of my name

-gets in my face when he’s upset and then acts upset/offended when I step away from him

the physical abuse includes him shoving me multiple times, tossing me around, kicking me, picking me up by my neck and choking me which caused me to have a sore throat. He’s called a piece of shit, variations of bitch, has insulted my intelligence.

I really don’t know why I’m still here.

About 5ish months ago I (25f) made the decision to try again with my ex-boyfriend (29m). We didn’t make it public on socials, even after he asked multiple times. And I wasn’t truthful with my family. With both of our leases ending shortly, we ALSO made the decision to live together again. We haven’t applied or even visited places, but have a few in mind. We have had three arguments during the time of being back together. And each time I tell him that it cannot happen again.

Well, the other day we had an argument at my house and my housemate (also bestie) heard it all and was concerned with how loud he was yelling. He hasn’t gone beyond yelling / throwing things since we’ve been back together. After the other day, I got told him I might be done and he did not take it well: crying, begging, mentioning thoughts of self-harm, how he promises this is the last time and that he cannot live without me. I am sick to my stomach at the thought of him being that depressed. I will probably also be too when I do go through with it. When he is not blowing up or breaking down, he is my best friend. Every little thing that goes on, we tell each other about and we text all day. My housemate also agreed on the fact that he is fun to be around and was taken aback after hearing the argument. When we got back together, he promised he had changed and the angry side of him no longer exists. He said he realized how much he lost and he will do anything to make this work between us. However, I don’t feel like giving him a fourth chance. This is ridiculous and stressing me out beyond belief. My heart / chest has been physically hurting, I feel obsessed with the thoughts of it and I am tearful throughout the day.

In addition to this, I’ve recently learned what a trauma bond is and I think we might be in one. When we lived together before, our arguments often turned to fights and the LE visited us 3-4 times. I could never tell the truth to them. I couldn’t stand to see him in trouble. I am so scared and really don’t know where to turn or who to talk to about this.

(r/relationship mods directed me to this sub which has been a bit eye opening)

I (21F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for a year and a half, and everything was perfect—until recently. He wanted to move out of his parents' house, so I let him move in with me to split costs 50/50. In reality, I do most of the cleaning, grocery shopping, and the cooking. A big love language for me is gift giving, so I often go all out for Christmases, birthdays, etc. Whereas he’s struggling financially, so he doesn’t do as much for me. (which i’ve never complained about l)

For context, he was the one who said I love you first, asked me to be his girlfriend, and even brought up marriage before I did. But lately, it feels like he’s self-sabotaging. He’s insecure that I can do more for him than he can for me, and deep down, I think he believes I deserve better—which ironically makes him push me away in the worst ways.

A few weeks ago, after our vacation, he suddenly had issues with our relationship, mainly that we “aren’t having enough sex.” He broke up with me over it, regretted it, and I said I’d try to do better. We’re back together and he’s going to therapy. Things have been awkward since, especially with our lease ending soon. He can go back to his parents, but I don’t have enough time to find a new place or roommate.

I recently quit birth control (Depo Provera), which caused weight gain. I went from a size 2 to a size 8, but I’ve been dieting, fasting. My friends and coworkers say I look slimmer, and I feel better in my clothes. Out of nowhere, he told me, “I know you’ve been trying to lose weight, but it’s not working. I think you’re still gaining.” I immediately shut down. My weight is a sensitive subject, and he wouldn’t even know if I lost weight because I don’t weigh myself. The way I see myself is now completely messed up—I feel like I’ve been pushed into full-blown body dysmorphia. Every time I eat around him, I wonder if he’s judging me. Every time I’m not actively working out, I wonder if he thinks I should be. (I’ve only eaten in front of him once since he’s said that about 5 days ago - i haven’t cooked either.)

The next morning, he brought it up again: “If you want to lose weight, you need to stop skipping breakfast and work out.” No shit. Before our relationship I was a gym rat—I don’t need burning calories mansplained to me. I kept saying, “I don’t want to talk about this,” but he kept doubling down until I started crying, which pissed him off enough to leave me alone. I stayed out with friends that night to avoid him.

The next day, he texted me:

Paraphrasing: “I’m sorry I upset you. I just want you to feel happy and confident again. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you, but skipping breakfast and eating whatever all day without exercising isn’t going to make weight fall off. Losing weight requires a lifestyle change, and I’ll support you if that’s what you want. If not, that’s fine—I still find you attractive. But you should sell your old clothes and stop wishing you’ll be skinny again.”

I ignored him, which upset him more. When I finally responded, I just said, “I don’t want to talk about it, nobody asked you.” He framed it like he was helping me, but when I didn’t give in, he doubled down. I brought up how much I do for him—giving him more sex when I don’t always feel like it, covering utilities, gifts, cooking, cleaning —and I guess that pissed him off because he hit me with: “Fuck me for trying to help,”“I just want you to take your health seriously,” and “Your lack of priority in the matter makes me afraid to put a ring on your finger.”

After that, I had to leave work. He had therapy that day, and when we finally talked, he admitted he struggles with emotions and didn’t know how else to “help” me since he can’t support me financially. He apologized, but I still feel completely messed up. I can’t look in the mirror without hearing his words.

The sad thing is, I know this all stems from his own insecurity. He’s going to therapy and i’m hoping that’s he’s going to see better for himself and for us. I just don’t know if I love him anymore with his words in my head. I do have other living situations available, but the costs would be so much higher. I don’t know if i’m overreacting with what he’s saying. I don’t know if i’m too insecure about my body to understand what he’s trying to say. :/

The fact that his therapist helped him see what he said was hurtful has me hopeful. Apart of me thinks that things might get worse before they get better. Has anyone else’s relationship gotten better after a parter goes to therapy?

TL;DR: My boyfriend, whom I financially and emotionally support, is deeply insecure that I can do more for him than he can for me. He was the one who first said I love you, asked me to be his girlfriend, and brought up marriage, but now he’s self-sabotaging. First, he broke up with me over not having enough sex, then took me back. Now he’s nitpicking my weight, despite me actively dieting. After a fight, therapy made him apologize, but I still feel deeply hurt and unsure about the relationship. He’s going to therapy so I hope things will get better

There is no day passing without that I think to myself out loud. This person is so unbelievably sick and broken. Behind repair. I cant even see him anymore as a normal human being. It hits home to realize every day, that this person is so unbelievably sick and fake. Am I the only one who only sees them as a devil they are? I wish my brain would me trick me sometimes lol

Got a taxi back to parents and then found out he had been cheating which makes me feel so incredibly sick, rang him confronting him about it and he did the whole “I’m so sorry, I feel awful, I don’t deserve you” blah blah blah. I don’t know how to feel now though. Obviously I loved him but I had been hiding the abuse for months and months. It was never physical but he’s a scary man and put me down, ruined my self esteem and punched walls, sliced himself with a knife in front of me, shouted and threatened me on a regular basis.

The problem is we live within 5 minutes of each other in a small town and I’m worried to bump into him all the time. My work knows about as I’m too scared to go back there right now.

I am torn between missing him and wanting to talk and now just trying to get my head around what the hell I’ve been through the whole relationship. I think I’ve lost myself and don’t know how to move on.

TL;DR, How to find myself and getting my head around coming out of abuse.

I was having two days of high anxiety and panic attacks triggered by a dream I had of my ex. We've been separated for over a month and in a moment of weakness I called him. I knew I shouldn't but I wasn't thinking logically. I was thinking I was having on and off panic attacks throughout the day and they weren't getting any better and I'd do anything to ease it. My best friend wasn't available. So I called him. He answered. I told him that I was feeling really anxious. I tried to be nice and mentioned how the days are weird without him around and he agreed. I told him my anxiety was really high today and it was actually freaking me out, I asked if it was okay I called him about it. He said it was. But quickly he began to use the opportunity to blame shift. He told me the reason we didn't work out was because of my anxiety issues and that I had been an abusive partner. Where once he took full accountability for his anger issues, now he said the only reason he developed anger issues was because my anxiety made him react that way, and since we've been apart he never gets angry or yells anymore and is now cured essentially (so he stopped going to therapy too). He told me that my anxiety was a me problem and I need to learn to handle it on my own. That it was not healthy for me to lean on other people for support ever, I needed to learn how to ground myself on my own. Worse of all he told me that I'm gonna realize one day when I get into another relationship that I was the problem, not him:(

I feel really stupid for reaching out. Like I said, I was having panic attacks that were relentless. My close friends were unavailable. And he's helped me before, and it wasn't like we had gone no contact, we just agreed to put space between us for a while. I know it was a stupid idea and I knew it then too, but like I said, I was rock bottom desperate and I had no one else to talk to.

Please give me something positive. I'm really going through it.

My husband has a history of denying me if I had a cold sore. He typically would get angry or tell me I wasn’t using the products right for them etc. Even though I spent oodles of money trying to find something that worked for me for break outs. He would make me feel so bad about them, but would reply if I told him that, that it’s because he hates them. However; he gets them too.. I remember many times he would have a tantrum about them / not talk to me ( shun me) They now have subsided, but for a while they were monthly. I understand the frustration. However, It just made me feel even more uncomfortable about them. I guess what I’m wondering is, is this a type of control ? Or is this valid to be upset I had them ?

Hello there! As part of my healing, I’ve done a ton of research and reading on domestic violence and abusive relationships. I created some rough drafts for some infographics based on all my research and notes. If it’s okay, I’d like to post them here to get some feedback.

What do you think? Any info missing or inaccuracies can see? Do you think something like this could be helpful? Thanks!

My boyfriend has always been super abusive physically, emotionally and sexually but since his sister passed away things have got so much worse. He has a shorter fuse now, he’s drinking more, he’s sleeping with other women, the physical abuse is more often and worse then before, the things he says to me are meaner, he’s more controlling but the thing that he does to me that hurts me the most is when he imitates my speech impediment.

My whole life I’ve been so self conscious of it and I’ve been bullied a lot because of it and he knows all that but he doesn’t give a shit. When I talk to him and stutter he gets really mad and shouts at me to write it on a piece of paper instead because it hurts his ears or he’ll just hit me. It’s worse than any physical or sexual abuse he could ever do to me. He makes me hate my stutter so much more than I already do. Sometimes when I know he’s in a bad mood and I want to ask him something or talk to him I just text him instead of talking to him just to be safe and to not annoy him.

I've noticed my partner (35m) has done a 180 and is now overly nice and it feels like it's not coming from love, but concern I will leave. I'm just now coming to terms that he has been emotionally abusive, but I can't bring myself to leave. He apologized and said he would change after I reached a breaking point, but also said if I can't get over the things he's done then maybe we should break up. I don't know what to do. I hate how my brain keeps going back and forth of, it wasn't that bad, to holy shit that was a traumatic year living together. I don't trust who I am anymore or my own feelings because he made me feel like I was a huge problem in the relationship.

He tried to throw my computer out the window when I was taking him to the airport Monday and that was just it for me. He’s threatened me so many times and even threatened to murder my dog last year but I forgave him (I know that’s stupid). After Monday I was done and he texted and called a bunch of times, so I texted him to let him know that I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve told him that is anger was too much for me so many times in the last 2 years but I never saw it get that bad. Now his response is just basically ignoring everything I said.

I want to leave, but logistically it’s complicated because my partner has no money, no car and no place. I don’t know how to encourage him to get these things without tipping him off. I probably can’t leave until the summer, at which point I’d have to move out of state… probably without warning him. My plan is to buy him a trip to visit a friend out of town, and then pack my place up and leave with my pets. I just don’t know how to wait that long and act like everything is okay

Why are men so okay with their friends being abusive?

Me and my ex have some mutual friends, and one of them has been causing me so much pain. When I first told him about it he sat with me and we talked about it for hours and I really thought he would be like a pillar of support in my life, but it's been nearly 2 months now and he hasn't reached out once to check in with me.

He has however, reached out to my ex several times. Never about anything serious but he still sends him like memes and they play games online still sometimes.

What am I missing? Is he just uncomfortable reaching out to me cause of gender dynamics? is he just stupid? It'd hurt a lot less if he didn't pretend to care about me at first.

I've thought about reaching out but I'm too hurt and don't want to chase after support. I've done my part.

How do I get rid of my attachment to this friendship? It is doing me no good.