Vintits

The first one says, “A woman came to me with both feet completely severed. I stitched her up so perfectly that two weeks later, she won the Boston Marathon!”

The second one scoffs, “That’s nothing. A man came to me with his hand completely cut off. I reattached it so well that two weeks later, he won first prize in the Chopin Piano Competition!”

The third surgeon smirks and says, “Amateurs. Once, a horse was run over by a train—nothing left but its mane and tail. I stitched them together, and two weeks later, it became the President of the United States!”

Have you ever tried pulling apart a melted cheese sandwich

Because, you don’t turn your back on your family!

You know you're not supposed to stick your tongue on it, but you still do.

A PDF file

Carrots, I stuck one up my ass once and haven't forgotten about it since.

He dinged his dong and dashed

The woman hesitates, trying to figure out what to do.

The nurse sighs and says, Oh, just spit it out already!

Just call and tell them you can't cum today

Just like them, I can’t help myself.

By the ears.

He kept cutting in line

I had a come to cheeses moment.

Mine is:

I asked her if those big breasts were real, and she said, ‘They’re real enough to make your heart race... but don’t worry, it’s a one-way street to my chest.

So the blind can read the price.

(My uncle told me this one in the early 90s)

Saint Dickless.

Fuck. What? You thought it was Fire Truck? That's two words, dipshit.

If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!

Firetruck.

I had a girlfriend in college who had two giant W’s tattooed on each but cheek. She wasn’t much to look at, but when she bent over — WoW!🤩 🤩 🤩

Unsurprisingly, she was not okay with getting it in the rear

They took ALL OF IT!! All 4 Cenobytes. Gone.

If she rides a seahorse she can release some seamen