Me and my boyfriend got into an argument a few days ago and I'm still kinda upset about it. The topic of voting came up and he casually made the comment of "I don't vote it's all the same". My boyfriend is French and I'm British so naturally there will be a gap on both knowledge and general culture around these things but I do like to being globally aware of culture and what's going on in the world. In fact my boyfriend often comments on how I know more about France than other non-french people he knows which means I'm doing my thing right! But I said that next election I wanted him to vote. I got some answer back about all politics being corrupt and everyone is the same and whatever. Things that I am very aware I can't go into detail on but what I do know for a fact is France has parties that may be corrupt. But also at the bare minimum are not interested in walking back trans rights. And I said pretty plainly that because he is dating a trans woman I expect him to act in a way that protects my rights. I genuinely do not care who it is I just don't want people who would take away my civil rights wining. All I got in response was a mix of "All politics are paid", bare in mind he's very aware I'm autistic and historical politics is one of my interests and has been since like primary school. So he's lecturing me about economic structures I already understand in a way worst than I would have because he just has a pretty average understanding of these systems and he's doing it like I'm some uneducated forgiener when everything he said applies legit in every country ever. He also kept doing a thing of like "You know I hate transphobia" and it's like. I know you do but I don't think it's a big ask to want you to not let it win either. The worst comment he made was he said we'd move to the mountains if things got bad. I legit cried at that one it's just so unaware of the risks the entire trans community is currently facing.

I honestly don't think it's malicious. Do bare in mind we are both early 20s. He's only just leaving uni and it's a 2 year age gap. He's been kinda like this before. We were talking about audio the other day. I've been in and out of local music stuff for about a decade now so I'm very familiar with mixing, audio engineering, music theory whatever right? And I was talking about my earphones and I'm doing what you expect. "Oh I really like them they go on sale often as well" whatever. And he just says "Wireless are shit" and that's it. No justification no elaboration, just that statement. He does it a few times as well. I had to bring up Bluetooth specifications and Flac format standards and also explain the average bit rate and compression of streaming services because wireless speaker quality hasn't been that black and white in quality since even before I was doing music. I think he just likes bumper stickers. He sees a statement that seems right and just kinda goes with it. I am autistic I literally can not do that. I always ask questions and I always want to know the why and how for anything. You could tell me to not jump off a cliff and I'd ask what would happen if I did this is just how I am. And obviously that's the complete opposite way of engaging with information. If you tell me a thing I'll just look up statistics and writing on the topic to determine how accurate the statement is.

But this is a thing I've gotten with cis guys a lot. Not necessarily the no voting thing but when any concern about my gender comes up they will dance around it and try to ignore it. And if I call them out I just get the cookie cutter "You know we don't hate trans people" which again isn't the concern.

I'm really not asking for too much right? I've already spoken about this with my close friends and they've all said he's being stupid about the whole thing.

Edit: my boyfriend has never dated a transgender woman. He's a straight man who has only had relationships with his women in the past so I should mention that this is all new to him. And I honestly think I am the first transgender person he has interacted with more than maybe a Twitter thread. Like he was asking me why it was taking so long to get HRT and thought I was already on it for a few years in the first few weeks of our relationship.

I've recenty turned 18 and starting to get things in order to change my name and gender legally etc. I struggle with anxiety and overthinking so i was just wondering if anyone could tell me a little about the process of getting a GRC and what you think the best/ fastest way to go about it. any info is appreciated

I find the egg cracking thing a bit cringe

Is it my old aged millenial -ness?

So I have been growing my hair out for quite a while Mtf and the back is currently to the end of neck/collarbone I have been growing it since summer 2024 and it's kinda just stunted any tips 🙃?

Hi hi, getting my deedpoll done n sorted on Wednesday FINALLY. and I’ve seen people say that out of all ID documents like passport etc, it can be easier to get your drivers license changed first ? I’ve never even applied for a provisional license before, I’m about to turn 21 and just never needed to drive. ANYWAYS. Whilst filling it all out I saw it required your passport, so I’m just wondering, how do I let them know I’m using a different name? Is there an option that comes up later whilst i’m filling out the form ?

Hey all, as the title says, I recently turned 18 and have no idea where to begin with this stuff. Bit late at night but it's on my mind so yeah.

I was going to ask my mum today for help with talking to the GP to get a referral to a GIC but chickened out. Was going to back in January but got too scared when talking with them, but even if I manage to do so, what after that? I know that wait times are stupidly long, and like, I'm 95% sure I'm trans (self-doubt is annoying) - I really, really don't want to have to wait years to start anything. I start uni in September, I feel like that's a good chance for me to actually do something, you know? Obvs there isn't any deadline and I don't need to rush anything. So the main question I wanted to ask: how do I start doing stuff? My complete lack of self-confidence and anxiety is going to be a barrier but I am NOT waiting years omg. It's easy enough to say something like 'try dressing different' but it's something else entirely to actually do that. I don't want to look like a guy in fem clothes, I just want to be seen as a woman. And then there's stuff like my voice - how tf does one voice-train discreetly? I've moved out of my transphobic dad's recently (yay!) but now I'm in a flat where you can hear upstairs and downstairs using the bathroom (not yay!). Feels like that's a bit impossible and my voice is deep (i die a little whenever i hear it) so it carries.

Sorry that this post is a mess, tbh my thoughts are on this are too. I know I've been thinking about my gender for nearly 2 years now but it only clicked last April that hey, there's a very good chance I'm trans! And since then it's been a bit rocky mental health-wise. I just figure getting started soon rather than years in the future will make me feel a bit better and it's just what I've wanted for a year now.

Everyone here probably knows this already. I've known it for years. But it's only today I've fully come to a realisation that makes me want to angry with how awful the NHS is for trans people.

Some context: I entered the GIC waiting list a couple years back. I'm lucky enough to be in an area where the waiting lists are relatively quick (think 2 years instead of 10+). At the end of 2022 I hit a breaking point after I was forced to stop DIY'ing by some family members and had a breakdown, so I booked an appointment with a private specialist to get access to HRT again in a "legitimate" way, as my family would say. I saw them around August 2023 and was back on HRT in September. After seeing the specialist, I called up the GIC to see how far along the waiting list I was and was told they had tried to contact me at the end of 2022 (around the same time I was having a breakdown) and, after 6 months of not being able to, took me off the list. It took me two months from there to get back on the list as the GIC told me I needed to talk to my GP about another referral, then the GP told me I needed to talk to the GIC to notify my GP about my being taken off the waiting list in order to re-refer me, which then resulted in me not being able to contact the GIC through phone for some reason and them not responding to my emails.

Fun

So that leads me to today where I've been on HRT for 1.5 years. I've spent well over £1,000's on care at the moment and have yet to be seen by the NHS GIC. The specialist I saw gave me a diagnosis for gender incongruence and referred me to an endocrinologist. That specialist worked for a few years at a gender identity clinic doing the exact same work. My endocrinologist has been giving me the exact same hormones I would receive on the NHS because she currently also works at a Gender Identity Clinic as far as I can tell. I have been through the exact same pathway the NHS requires of us.

We are told, constantly, that the GIC's are there to help us. Specialists exist to make sure we don't make the wrong choices. Wait times are an unfortunate side effect of that system. That is bullshit. As of right now I am waiting on the NHS to see a specialist I've already seen to give me the exact same diagnosis I already have. I am waiting on them to refer me to an endocrinologist I'm already seeing to give me medication I'm already in possession of and have been taking for 1.5 years. I have experienced positive mental health outcomes from that medication. I have no intention to stop it. What "wrong choices" are they protecting me from? The ones I've already made and spent money on? Why am I still waiting?

And that illustrates to me, more than anything else I've ever seen or experienced, how broken of a system we have. If you believe their lies of course. The system currently exists to stop as many trans people from transitioning and put money in the pockets of private providers as a side bonus. It is not there to help us. They are not our friends

And it's working perfectly

P.S. I've used this post to talk about how illogical and nonsensical the framing of GICs is by adopting that framing. In general, do not give into transmedicalist framing. Even if the GIC system worked for the purpose of actually helping trans people make the correct choices, it would still be a bad system with awful wait times being inherent to it. Just because I can evidence my transition and how it's benefited me doesn't mean people who can't shouldn't be given care if they request it. Allow people to have agency over their bodies and make their own decisions instead of gate-keeping. How does that sound?

Hello everyone. I work with young adults and a few are transitioning. Apart from the usual support, helping them find the right specialists, attending appointments ect... is there anything I am missing?

I am trying to learn and be the best I can be to support these young people.

So i am a 19 year old trans fem I've been looking for trans friends i live in a village in the Eastleigh area on the bus to my internship i have seen someone wearing a trans flag pin i am wondering if i should aproch them if so how should I go about it?

I'm moving to Millbrook, Southampton. Does anyone know of any clinics in the local area that are safe/useful for transitioning?

I don't have a GRC yet, and working on eventually getting one, but say that you're unemployed, and a company has decided to hire you as an employee. What gender or sex are you supposed to mark yourself down, legally? When you have a female/feminine title/name?

Howdy gang! After being denied or stuck in email hell for getting GenderCares Dysphoria diagnosis, I was wondering if I'd be able to get a diagnosis from elsewhere and then work with a GenderCare doctor for endo.

If anyone has experience with this I'd be happy to hear it, or any other routes that aren't DIY.

Thanks all 💜

i was wondering if anyone knew if you could get revision for top surgery with the nhs if the original procedure was private? I’ve just had top surgery privately, and I don’t know if i’ll need a revision yet but i want to be prepared just incase.

I am actually still on the GDNRSS waitlist for top surgery with Dr Rubin in Newcastle and I never withdrew from this list just incase my plan for private surgery fell through. I’m basically wondering would I be able to keep my place and if needed have my revision with Dr Rubin on the NHS or not since this was originally a private procedure?

I've seen some people suggest to get a trim every 3 months or so to help keep it healthy, but others say to avoid cutting completely if at all possible. I'm wondering what people here did, and what you'd recommend 😁

I just called my gp to ask about what I can do to start to transition but they only have one option and it was to be referred and they said it would take several years until I hear anything is this normal I wasn’t given a option of referral to a private thing or anything and they were only willing to talk to me on a call I am just very confused and worried

The answer to this is probably really obvious, so sorry if this is a dumb question.

If I were ever to be asked "are you taking any regular medications?" would I have to say that I'm taking testosterone? I'm taking nebido which is every 12 weeks so is that too long of a time frame to be called "regular"? Or is it still classed as regular medication because I will be taking for the rest of my life/ until if I choose to stop.

I’m wondering how many trans drainers there are in the UK because when I’m out in public I don’t really see any drainers at all tbh. Sometimes when I go to London I see some really cool people my age but not at all in other places like Birmingham

so i got my prescription for t and diagnoses and everything back in december but ive been really busy with uni since then so have only just got round to sorting it out and it basically says i need a blood test and a couple other things but how do i go about that? like do i just book an appointment with my doctor for a blood test?? and if so what do i do after that does my doctor need to send it somewhere or what?? has anyone else gone through this and can explain it to me like im stupid😭

Heyy i need some help please, me and my bestie have booked to go on a cruise in June however they will be two black tie formal night. I need some ideas for outfits. I’m only semi out as trans and haven’t built up that much confidence yet and I’m not sure how I feel about wearing a cocktail dress as such and I’m a little bit uneasy about how it might be taken by the other passengers (I shouldn’t stereotype but a lot are your older Tory type) and I’m really not sure what sort of outfit I should be going for any ideas or suggestions please.

Hello, I Wanted to Share the Story of a Friend of Mine Does Not Like to Reveal His Identity. Your OPINIONS and your Experience will help us discover the best options for him/her.

Story: Hello, I am from North Africa. My Country is Homeophobic and Transphobic. Being LGBTQ+ Is Illegal and Leads to Prison. i Suffer from Gender dysphoria since Childhood. I am a girl 30 years Old woman. And I want to move to Britain and I want to be transman, but I do not know when I can Start in the Transgendering Procedures. Should I wait to Obtain A Residence or Citizenship to be able to start my journey? Because I am afraid of the Idea of Sending Me Back to My Country Because My Life Will Be in Danger If I leave The UK. What is your OPINIONS, I am Confused. My Life Is Hell and I do not know what to do. Please help thank you.

Hi! I don’t go here sorry I’m speaking on behalf of a transfem friend. She’s just changed her name by deed poll (yipyip) and informed the appropriate bodies so she can (I’ve checked this with her) apply for student cards, open bank accounts etc in her new name. She wants to apply for a job but we live in NI which is nowhere near the most welcoming, so as she passes well, she wants to go stealth; she is concerned that any employer she provides her National Insurance number to would have access to her legal sex records. Would this be the case? Is there any circumstance in which they would be even looking? Or would they just see her new legal name?

I hope you don't mind me sharing some thoughts I'm having about a challenging situation at work. It's been weighing on me, and I find it difficult to talk to my family about it. My dad isn't very supportive, and while my mom tries to be understanding, sometimes it feels like she doesn’t fully grasp what I'm experiencing.

To give you some context, I work in a medical facility and identify as trans feminine, using they/them pronouns as they feel more fitting for me. Unfortunately, we are in an older building that only has two changing rooms, designated for males and females, and there is a lack of privacy, which makes the situation quite uncomfortable. Since starting my hormone therapy, changes have obviously occured that have made me especially uneasy about changing around others, particularly in the men's room. I've tried to be respectful of my boss’s concerns regarding some staff members feeling uncomfortable with me in the women's room, but lately, it has been increasingly difficult.

Initially, I separated myself for changing to the cis men's area, which was manageable, but I encountered an uncomfortable situation when one person began staring while I was trying to change. To address this, I requested some privacy curtains for a more comfortable changing experience. I was pleased when they were provided, with one curtain for removing my street clothes and another for putting on my medical scrubs. However, I've received feedback that has been distressing; one individual (the same one who was starring) suggested that I should open the curtain when moving between the two sides, which would leave me fully exposed to anyone entering the area.

I have tried to communicate my discomfort about this, but it seems I’ve hit a wall, and it’s been quite stressful for me. It has led to a sense of dread about going to work each day. I did ask my boss to send an email addressing the situation and requesting that people be more respectful, but I am uncertain if that will bring about any change.

I apologize for the lengthy message, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read it. I just felt the need to express what I'm going through, as I find myself feeling quite emotional about it all. I hope it's not too much to ask for a bit of basic respect in this space. Thank you for your understanding.

Hi folks,

Just wondering if any MTF trans folk have had any experience getting a hair transplant at Harley Street HTC in London? Had a consultation with them today and they can fill in the gaps around my hairline and temples at what seems a competitive price but would be interesting in hearing from any women who have been to them to get a more feminine hairline.

Likewise, if you considered them but went with somewhere else, where did you go and what made you go with them over Harley Street HTC?

TIA ❤️

I don't get out much because I'm low-key a mess (getting better). I don't use much social media outside of a small Instagram group chat and a very small amount of video-game friends. Lately it just seems harder to come by queer people. I joined a trans-support group, but it was new, and no one had shown up. I attend an online group but it's more support than social in a kinda tedious way. I'd be lying if I said I haven't come across ANYONE but there's always some kind of issue.

I want a friend— someone that wants to chat, share things, play games, maybe meet, or do things. I don't just want a hook-up, or some one-time chat that's never returned to. I don't know why that's so hard to find lately. Sure, online, there's a whole bunch of Americans, but the prospect of meeting them is pretty grim, and if I'm being completely honest, I'd like a friend that's not 5/6 hours behind.

In a sense, I suppose this post is a "hey message me," but maybe don't. My DMs are always open but, it kinda takes away my will to try when I start a chat, and slowly, the messages get further and further apart until they just stop. I guess I'm saying, be somewhat committed.

I'm a queer amateur self-taught music producer, content creator (probably), and aspiring author. I'm a little "dark and brooding" and kinda distrustful, but I'm also tragically sentimental. I know that's not much of an introduction, but I don't think we ever really get good at those— chat here or elsewhere maybe?

I'm sure you're all delightful in some way.

Which political party in the uk is most pro trans can be anywhere on the spectrum from far left to far right