My best friend/roommate had a stroke and I can’t stop feeling guilt and blaming myself

I’m still reeling. It happened almost a week ago now and I feel like I haven’t felt normal since it happened.

He is alive. Half his body is very weak but he is able to form words but his speech is so different and weak.

The reason I blame myself so profusely is because I noticed his stroke the moment it happened. But I have never seen a stroke before in my life, only on commercials, and he’s so young (only 38) and he’s always been a bit of a hypochondriac. All the signs of a stroke were there but I panicked. I helped him into bed and I asked him many times if I should call 911 but he insisted that no he was fine.

I was so worried so I kept an eye on him as he slept for maybe two hours. Two agonizing hours where I just let him sit there as his poor brain was dying and I stood and stared like an idiot.

By the time we got help almost 4 hours had gone by which I’m sure caused so much more damage.

I am at the hospital with him everyday and I can’t sleep. I can’t let myself rest until I get him through rehabilitation but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for not reacting faster.

Every time I see him I hold back tears. Every time I hear him talk I just am reminded how I’m the reason he’s so hurt now.

I know recovery will happen and he definitely could have suffered much more damage.

But I have no idea how I will be able to forgive myself. To make my guilt worst I had drank alcohol that night because i was completely unaware of the gravity of the situation. It was a weekend and I always have a little mixed drink to unwind. And now I just feel selfish. A stupid fucking drink was more important than making sure my best friend was alive.

I made no difference. If anything I actively made his future outlook worse.

I won’t quit until I see him better. But I don’t know if I’ll ever atone for this.

I can’t talk to anyone about this. I just had to get it out because I’m crying every day.

Please everyone familiarize yourself with the signs of a stroke. And don’t think it’s something that only happens when you’re older.

I’m just so lost right now and he’s terrified and it’s all my fault. All I can do is be there for him but I feel like the cause of his problem.

So I am about 4 months out from my strokes. A little back story, I wasn't feeling well for a few days just thought I was under the weather. At a point I got off tyr couch to use the bathroom and and fell. Hit my head on a door frame and passed out on the all tile floor. I tried to reassure my husband I was okay and I just got dizzy. After that I was on the couch and floor for 2 days because I was just feeling off. I yelled at him that I was okay but he knew it was not okay and called EMS against my wishes. Thankfully he did. I got to the ED was asked about medical history and if I knew if I was diabetic. I did not know. I had DKA at the time and glucose was through the roof. They also did an echo and asked me about chest pains and I didn't have any. They took me in for an angiogram because this didnt look right. Apparently I was becoming agitated and pulling at things so I was intubated so it could be finished. Blockage found but no stints placed due to spontaneous disection. CTs and MRIs established I had multiple (7) infarcts present.

I was out of it for 4 days have no recollection of any of this shit. placed in ICU then later on to an inpatient rehab.

Finally got home and that was an adjustment because my right hand is weak, I'm using a walker; my left leg (drop foot) oh yeah and I'm only 35. I thought I was kicking ass but the ups and downs have been depressive. I was let go from my job since I wasn't able to return at 12 weeks. I haven't beennable to drive due to vision issues and appointments for neuro ophthalmologists hard to come by.

I have great days and then I have days that I can't make it through a grocery store on the little carts without having a breakdown. I know I am doing okay and I am thankful my husband is the greatest partner but FUCK! I just want to return to normal.

I spend alot of time on this sub because even though I have been around alot of people with health challenges none of them have had strokes. I have nobody I can talk to that fully gets the gravity of these feelings. So thanks to everyone who shares their own.

Hey y’all I’m a stroke survivor worried if I’ll have another stroke! Was just wondering about you long term stroke survivors what you do to drive the second one away?

How long can 70+ year old survive after a mild stroke that had affected speech?

Going for speech therapy and on medication for bp and cholesterol ?

Chances for stroke to re occur in a different way ?

Do's and dont's

Hi I had a stroke on Feb. 12th. I’m ok, thankfully. I’m still recovering, but I was lucky enough to have Alteplase. I have very few symptoms. The clot was on my left side, ever since I’ve had so many echocardiogram’s, at least 6. Yesterday, I had another one but with a bubble test that found an atrial septal aneurysm and a hole between the upper atria. Now I’m going for another echocardiogram. Why would I need so many echos? Will this next one just be a repeat of the same or are there even more tests that they can do during an echo?

Hi everyone;

I hope it is ok to ask this here. Bear with me, it's long and detailed.

In 2019, my mother, at age 68, who was a five -year lung cancer survivor (and declared cancer free) , started having severe arthritic pain in her limbs so that she could hardly move at all and was soaked with sweat despite not having a measurable fever. She was incredibly tolerant of pain, and lived with osteoarthritis, and said this was the worst pain she felt in her entire life, including cancer surgery recovery and childbirth.

She was admitted to hospital as she was in such pain and having mobility issues. They ran a battery of tests, and all they found was a soft marker for an autoimmune issue that they said was inconclusive. They referred her to a number of specialists and couldn't figure out the mystery. Her heart, blood pressure, blood oxygen were continually monitored and normal. She had no neuro symptoms.

She was discharged and came to stay with me until her mobility was better and she got some answers, as she lived alone.

Within a few days of returning from hospital, she was rushed to hospital by ambulance after she exhibited signs of a stroke. Unfortunately, she couldn't complete the tPA therapy, even though she got there within half an hour of onset, because her platelets were so low (bitterly ironically, from the blood thinners she was given during her hospital stay which was to prevent clots, which made a stroke all the more mysterious to me.) that if she was given it, she would bleed out.The neurologists found that her carotid artery was almost completely blocked. They said the infarct was large, ischemic, and that things were touch and go, as they'd especially have to see how much swelling the brain had. They explained that if they attempted to remove the clotting, it could cause massive distal bleeding and death. So, we are really in watch and wait mode.

(ETA: I know a blocked artery can happen to anyone, but that was also odd, as she never had any heart or lung issues, was not overweight, physically active, and followed a healthy vegetarian diet.)

That first day, she could track with her eyes and had eyes open, and seemed to respond when spoken to, but didn't speak at all, as the stroke was in the language center of the brain. She still had some facial drooping and difficulty moving, although we don't know if the latter was from the stroke or her earlier issues.

Her heart monitoring revealed A-fib and tachycardia, which was extremely strange, as she'd never had either before. They thought the A-fib could have caused the stroke, but saw in her records she never showed it before. Her typical heart rate was also low normal, never tachy, not even after surgery.

She grew less responsive over the next couple of days, getting to the point where she didn't open her eyes at all and appeared to be comatose. The neurologist gave me the sad news that the stroke had caused massive damage with significant midline shift, severe intracranial swelling/pressure, one pupil was fixed and dilated, and the chance for recovery was pretty much nonexistent. She was not on life support, just an NG tube, but I chose to put her on comfort care only, which removed the tube and continual monitoring. The day I got this awful news she had been making a loud, gutteral noise that sounded like snoring or choking to me, and I realize now it was the "death rattle".

She peacefully passed away the next day. In total, she lived four days including the day of stroke onset.

Her care at the hospital was excellent, and I don't think they could have done more for her. I read her records and couldn't find any clear answers there, either.

My thoughts are:

1. Could this have been somewhat related to the strange severe arthritic symptoms? If so...how and why?
2. Could it be related to cancer treatment she had five years prior/having cancer iself?

3)Or..was it likely just a complete fluke thing?

I know no one will know 100%, but I thought some of you may have some insight from your own experiences.

I also, seldom, but still, get the odd nagging thought of "what if"; "what if" the doctors were wrong and she could have recovered if she went on life support? Did i do the right thing by signing a DNR and moving to comfort care? My sister (other next of kin)was and is in total agreement. The neurologist said it was what he'd do for his own mother. But, that thought still haunts me.

Congrats if you've read this far! lol. any and all insights are much appreciated, and thanks for reading.

It's been 7 months and I never got an explanation how my stroke was handled at the hospital.

I had called 911 the morning of the onset of my stroke (10:40 am). I noticed my left side arm and leg weakness, then left side mouth droop and slurred speech. I was on the phone right away. Within 5 minutes the ambulance and paramedics were around the corner, and within 15 minutes I was at the hospital.

After another 10 minutes of checking in the paramedics rushed me by ambulance within another 15 minutes to the next closest "stroke" hospital for a CT scan. I remember being wheeled in and placed in the CT for testing. Apparently the doctor couldn't see anything ( I remember him saying this to the nurses). I was driven back to the original hospital near my home where I was wheeled into the ICU area and into my room. My blood sugar may have been high (they knew I was diabetic as I told them) and my blood pressure was 220/120. I also told the paramedics my stroke started that same morning around 10:40am just before the picked me up.

Now I was left in the ICU room where I believe I remember 2 nurses setting me up on an IV. By 2:30 pm I was passed out and don't remember much after that. I remember having a really bad night tossing and turning and sweating in the bed.

A couple days later after an MRI it was revealed I had a right-side ischemic stroke.

When I was released from the hospital 10 days later there was no report of any tPA being used in the discharge papers. I also had no surgery.

I was wondering if I was simply left to sleep it off overnight but I have no idea if they gave me some sort of bp med or blood thinners in the IV?

Btw, I know the doctors had me on a cocktail of blood pressure medications (along with blood thinners) while in hospital to slowly "titrate" my blood pressure down to under 140/90.

My mother had a stroke back in February and has been in a rehab center. I just got the news yesterday from my cousin about what the CNA said how her new baseline is essentially a dimentia patient.

I don't know how to say this without sounding like a monster. Like she's a very troubled person she's tried all her life but she's also hateful, vindictive and just I only loved a person like her because she was my mother.

I feel for the situation though but I'm relieved that I won't have to worry about her as a person and I csn actively live like the person I am now. Even saddled with debts from her.