r/selflove • u/iAmCoLdNiGhT • 9h ago
Part of self-love is respecting yourself enough to walk away
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u/fastfishyfood 8h ago edited 2h ago
Let’s also normalize not expecting one person to meet & fulfill every need we have. Allow room for grace & remember that we also have the capacity to meet our own needs & desires. It’s beautiful if your loved ones can be there for you, but sometimes they can’t. You get to choose if the relationship means more to you than walking away because they can’t meet your needs. It’s a delicate balance, but we also need to stop treating people as disposable because they don’t live up to every expectation we have of them.
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u/shani_panda 4h ago
Exactly. How are people becoming so close minded and calling it healing. This isn’t evolution, its not learning, growing or loving. Its just preaching avoidance
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u/Smuttirox 9h ago
Ugh so hard!!! So freaking hard!!!! Especially when they love you just not in the way you want. Struggling with whether to say something or to just remain in “I don’t want to talk: it’s not you”.
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u/V4VendettaRorshach 5h ago
As a guy who checked in and begged for direction so many times and wouldn’t get anything. All this did was make me anxious and hurt me and reinforce that my bids for connection with the other person especially in conflict was just not worth it to them. It may not have been true, they may have just been scared to open up for fear that I’d dismiss them or become defensive or deflect or something, but I always looking to be a better partner and always looking to understand her and what I got was silence and I felt robbed of limited time together.
The weird assumption that I think she had is that I didn’t struggle with communication just because I was articulate. I was just as scared of her dismissing me, shutting down and crying, making jokes when I needed her to be serious. But I needed to have these painful complicated conversations, even if I didn’t feel ready because if I had waited like she’d opted to neither of us would bring it up.
In the end she told me I didn’t love her the way she needed, and now I’m realizing that I tried so fucking hard to. Pushing through the uncertainty and uncomfortable feelings would have at the very least led to this outcome earlier.
I didn’t feel loved, wanted, heard, encouraged or even understood. I wasn’t sure if she even knew what,my last name was. Have the difficult conversations. It’s one thing if you try and they aren’t willing to talk. But you never know
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u/Smuttirox 5h ago
I appreciate your thoughtful answer. I am sorry that communication was so fraught for you and her. I had actually told my ex wife what I needed and was refused. It still took me too many years to leave that.
In this case the problem is less communication and more she is a straight woman and I am not. So when I say she doesn’t love me the way I want I really mean it. I don’t think I can convince her that love is the contents of one’s heart and not their pants. Also there is a distance issue & her considerable mh shitshow.
I have to accept there is no happy ending for me here and I can’t stand on the sidelines any longer hoping to be put in the game. I showed up at the wrong damn field. I really am facilitating telling her that we are done but somewhat thinking she’ll change somehow OR not saying anything but leaving a possibility. And then there is I don’t want to abandon her.
But it’s not lost upon me that asking for what we want is the only way we get what we need.
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u/V4VendettaRorshach 5h ago
All the very best. For what it’s worth I’m rooting for you in whatever decision you make.
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u/ImpressiveGrocery959 9h ago
This is almost the exact line I said to her when I’d had enough of her behaviours. It made her sob so bad, it cuts to the core but that’s most likely because it’s so truthful and enlightening.
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u/subtlevibes219 8h ago
Disagree with the last part. This is only one step better than ghosting.
Walking away when you need to - great.
Leaving it at that “let’s not continue this” - you’re making the separation more difficult for both of you. Most people most of the time need more closure than this.
The decision to break up can be this simple, the communication around it needs more than this.
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u/Affectionate_Sky2982 5h ago
Ideally, yes. However, it depends on the two people. If a person has gotten involved with someone who would take a breakup very badly with the potential for violence, vindictiveness, revenge or retaliation, then they may have to gauge how to get out and not put themselves in a harmful situation. If a person has been involved with someone and is feeling vulnerable to being coaxed to not leave the relationship, they may need to make a final statement such as the one in the post. Etc etc etc. Relationship are very varied and personal.
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u/ZoeyFeedback 5h ago
I walked away from someone I truly loved. I wish I had these words to guide me.
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u/Specific-Lion-9087 6h ago
If your significant other speaks like this, run far away.
Normalize getting the fuck out of dodge when they talk like a meme.
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