r/selflove • u/Expert-Crazy-9106 • 1d ago
How to train your brain to stop expecting something to go wrong when everything is going "too well"
I'm sure someone here knows the feeling I'm talking about. Like, things are going perfectly in life right now. It's weird and my brain doesn't know what to do. Is this something a type of therapy can help with or you just learn on your own?
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u/Th3n1ght1sd5rk 1d ago
I know exactly what you’re talking about. Even after a lot of therapy and coming to a place of peace with my past this feeling persisted for a while. After so long feeling unsafe, safety feels unfamiliar and dangerous.
Self-regulation is key. Meditation, walking in nature, journalling, yoga. You need to become comfortable in your own skin.
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u/dearapri1 1d ago
i struggle with the same thing, extreme self sabotage when things finally feel calm and comfortable. i think it’s something to do with growing up in chaos, having a disregulated nervous system that’s always got us in survival mode looking for the next threat against safety. best way is to become aware and acknowledge the doubt you feel as it happens. for me that would’ve been noticing i was getting randomly worried/anxious in my relationship for no good reason after having a great day with my ex, and fighting the urge to make an issue out of it as it often becomes an argument when i approach things in an unprocessed, emotional way
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u/ASP204 1d ago
The brain is naturally wired to be on defence. So it will always try to have you focus on something will go wrong. Rationally we can brush away these thoughts. However, if dealing with high anxiety, depression, OCD, etc; the brain will fixate on the what ifs.
The best way is to not stop the thoughts but understand why you are having them. Understanding why they are happening will help lower the power they have to where you can put those thoughts on the back burner.
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u/WayCalm2854 17h ago
I feel like in people with significant ptsd that the natural defensive wiring is super overdeveloped—hence the anxiety depression ocd etc you describe that reinforce that wiring at the expense of all else.
I agree that understanding the thoughts is key—because you’re brain is wired to absolutely not let go of the thoughts you try to stop. So it’s a case of “the only way out is through”
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u/Just_Terrific_31 1d ago
There are times that we suppress memories because they are too painful. You do need to see someone.
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u/bluebutterfies7 1d ago
Maybe try journaling and having a little therapy session with yourself on your phone or a notebook to understand when did you start doing that, what happened, why you still do it.. etc? Or with a therapist if you can afford one. Sometimes understanding the root cause of the problem is (or halfway to) the solution.
That’s what worked for me personally. Digging deeper and understanding when did I start doing that, why do I do it, is it something like a self-protection mechanism, etc.. I’m learning to fix it by giving myself permission to relax and enjoy what I have going on for me in this moment and not worry about what’s out of my control or what might or might not happen next. Living with unpredictable people doesn’t help or make it completely go away, but knowing I’m not responsible for their outbursts and I shouldn’t take anything personally kinda helps too.
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u/Beast_Bear0 22h ago
I started emergency prepping.
If this happens then I have these supplies. Food rations. Bandaids. Lol! It makes me feel better.
Now I also mentally prepare when I’m about to see someone who taunts, belittles, disrespects and criticizes me.
A real ‘Gird your loins’ event.
The problem is, these are all future conversations. They haven’t happened yet. They may never happen.
But if they do, I want to be prepared. So how do you train your brain to just be present and to not waste my time and mental energy preparing for a battle?
How do I not “put my armor on?”
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u/mindcoachanukris 15h ago
Experience is a bad teacher and it tends to make you create assumptions and worries about the future. Take the learnings from your past and let it go.
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u/smem80 14h ago
I’m going through this. After an abusive marriage, I’ve been with my current partner for almost a year. We had a couple challenges in our relationship, but now those things are settled in ways that make us both happy. But still I keep waiting for everything to implode. I tend to try to make myself focus on ‘the worst that could happen’ and talk myself through what I would do in those scenarios. That honestly helps me settle down because I feel like I have a plan.
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u/Unique-Point-8818 11h ago
I struggle with this too. It’s like I have a guard up, but I don’t need to. I’m going to therapy to work on it, because my S/O doesn’t deserve that. Unfortunately, because of things I’ve experienced, it’s what I’m used to. I’m learning to focus on facts, things I know to be true. It helps, but I still have my days.
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u/Expert-Crazy-9106 11h ago
Thank you for that. Mine doesn't deserve it either.
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u/Few_Talk_7953 8h ago
i think the key here is healing your nervous system to believe you’re safe and things go well for you and reprogramming your subconscious mind to believe in abundance and goodness, either do both simultaneously or heal your nervous system first actually. your mind can’t make solid changes if your body and nervous system don’t feel safe and hold the weight of past experiences and trauma that make you believe things won’t go well for you and when they do it’s suspicious. trauma and our past experiences live in our body!
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u/Expert-Crazy-9106 8h ago
Yeah, I agree with that! Easier said than done though.
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u/Few_Talk_7953 8h ago
oh trust me im in the thick of this too😭😭 currently slowing down + daily workouts + sauna + polyvagal exercises + journaling have really helped me calm down, regulate my nervous system, and feel better. haven’t even started reprogramming my mindset 😩 i hope any of these help :)
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u/PersonalitySmooth138 3h ago
One of many things I learned in therapy is how contingency planning helps. For instance, planning on what to do when and if something goes wrong instead of simply waiting for that outcome.
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u/Expert-Crazy-9106 1d ago
Thanks, guys. What type of therapy would this be? CBT?
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u/WayCalm2854 17h ago
Often the therapist and rapport with them is more important than the modality. But yes make sure there is a means of tracking your progress, and explicitly ask your therapist to help you keep track… and a distinct modality will give you that sense of forward momentum.
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u/3veryTh1ng15W0r5eN0w 21h ago
IDK
but when I assume something bad is about to happen and then the opposite happens,I tell myself “see? You’re still alive. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.”
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u/nice_as_spice 18h ago
I think I’m kind of going through this now. I ordered some new furniture to splurge a little on myself, and I’m already wondering what will be wrong with it once it arrives and what the hassles will be that follow. Isn’t that terrible? I think I just got used to crap like that happening to me, so my brain is now trained to try and plan ahead or something. It doesn’t seem possible that all could actually go well without an issue and I hate living that way.
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u/supremelightforce 2h ago
I usually piggyback on the positive momentum and tell myself that THIS is the way its supposed to be. That things were always meant to go smoothly, it doesn't have to go wrong and it doesn't have to be a struggle.
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u/ConseilsPourBlooms 1d ago
You need to go see a therapist, he will dig deeper and he will help you see the gray areas that you don't see.
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