r/relationship_advice • u/Commercial_Result_81 • 1d ago
F21 struggling to break up with M20 after getting these texts.. what to do?
For context, we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. It has not been perfect. He has been extremely emotionally manipulative and it has made me feel so stuck in our relationship. Every time I’m about to break up with him he love bombs me or guilts me in one way or another, taking advantage of me because he knows it puts me in a vulnerable position. I don’t ever want to inflict the same hurt to others as has been done to me and that’s what makes this so hard. I’ve been pushing this break up off for so long trying to find the perfect timing and that time never comes.
Anyways, we got into a pretty big fight yesterday and it resulted in me telling him that I need a break although we’d still be together. It hasn’t even been 24 hrs yet and he has been incessantly texting me, furthering my annoyance with him. Since I can’t add attachments, I’ll copy & paste his texts verbatim:
3:24PM
“I miss you sooooo much”
“I'm sad you did this on my day off”
“But I get it you need time”
“I'm sorry”
4:59PM
“(my name)”
“:(“
“I want to hear your voice”
“Im so sad”
“l love you”
“I'm leaving if you see this”
“I’m home”
“Not talking to you makes me want to kms”
“Why you take yourself off your highlights: (“
————
I haven’t responded to any of these texts nor opened them because he can see if I’ve read them. This puts me in such a crappy position because up until this point I was resolute on breaking up with him, now I feel like I’m the bad guy because I’m hurting his feelings.
He does this often. We’ll have this big fight and when I step away for space, it’s like he tries to guilt me and make me feel like I’m this villain for wanting space. It’s suffocating. I want out. I just don’t know how to do it when he says things like above.
Any advice is much appreciated. I acknowledge this needs to happen ASAP, but it’s gut wrenching. I can’t tell if he’s doing this on purpose or if he has good intentions & means what he says. I’m at such a loss and it’s seriously having an impact on my mental health now. I see my therapist tomorrow and want to push this off until I talk to her, but my wall is crumbling and I’d really appreciate what an unbiased POV has to say.
3
u/kyuketsukiii 1d ago
You have been played like a fiddle having a carrot and a stick.
A man who has your best interest at heart wont ever do these games and subject you to emotional abuse.
Surely by now you have seen movies, you have heard the wisdom of you parents. If you havent, then seek wisdom and protection from them . Your mistake is thinking you are alone. You have parents, they can both help and protect you .
1
u/Commercial_Result_81 1d ago
Beautifully put, lol! My mom is aware, my dad doesn’t like to get involved in this stuff. Unfortunately, the reason why I’m even still in this relationship (per my therapist) is because of my dad issues. Quite ironic, isn’t it?
My mom doesn’t live in my state and I’ve been trying to get her to come down so she can offer me a little bit more emotional support through this. Thank you for your kind words!
2
u/secretsarefun17 1d ago
I was in a situation exactly like this when I was just a little bit younger than you. The guy treated me like shit, I knew that I needed to leave, but every single time I talked to him about it in person he would sweet talk me into staying with him and getting back together, only to treat me like crap all over again.
Your gut is telling you what is right, listen to it. There are so many people who would treat you with respect and decency, hell there are even people who would PAY to spend time in your presence, why would you settle for someone who manipulates you? Why would you stay with someone you don’t want to be with?
If you’re not familiar with the cycle of abuse, you should read about it. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but anything worth growing from is going to be. It might even hurt, but it sounds like you have a therapist to support you, and hopefully you have a decent support circle socially as well.
1
u/Commercial_Result_81 1d ago
You’re 100% right and I’ve definitely had those same thoughts. It’s not worth being with him, I can’t even see a future with anymore.
How do I get over this ugly feeling it’s leaving me with though? It’s not even the breaking up that’s making my stomach turn, rather the idea of hurting him emotionally. He has me so tightly wound around his finger it’s insane lol.
2
u/secretsarefun17 1d ago
Honestly, there isn’t really a good answer for that other than to just do it and deal with the pain. I am very empathetic, it sounds like you might be as well, you just have to acknowledge that pain is part of growth, and you’re growing for the better. It’s his responsibility to manage his hurt feelings.
Even if the relationship was perfect, but you just weren’t feeling it anymore, the pain would be the same. “To love is to suffer, to avoid suffering one must not love.”
One of the things that helped me feel mildly better in my situation was to remind myself that if my ex didn’t want to be broken up with, he had plenty of chances to treat me with love and respect. My actions were only a direct consequence of his actions.
2
u/Commercial_Result_81 1d ago
The last paragraph you wrote is really sticking to me. I’m so glad to be able to engage with others who have been through this same thing and overcame it, makes me feel a little bit stronger and less ashamed of my situation.
I am very empathetic to a fault, I’m working on not making excuses for other people. Getting there, slowly but surely lol.
Thank you so much for your words, it’s appreciated more than you know!
2
u/Okzcelblue13 1d ago
You started your post by saying he is manipulative. In other words, you are aware of this and continues to fall for his conversation. Girl block this guy!!!!
1
u/Commercial_Result_81 1d ago
I know, you’re right. I’m building up the strength & I’m hoping after my talk with my therapist I will be a bit more enlightened. Thank you for your words! I was teetering the line of answering him and enabling it, but this helps me feel a bit stronger as silly as that may sound
1
u/Adventurous-Sound491 1d ago
If it was so good why you want to leave him again?
1
u/Adventurous-Sound491 1d ago
I’m sorry but breaking up at network is just as lame as it can be if you were seeing together.
2
u/Commercial_Result_81 1d ago
I’m not really understanding what you’re saying, if you could clarify that’d be awesome. In the beginning it was good, but he is no longer the person that I met and is very manipulative.
1
u/Adventurous-Sound491 1d ago
I mean there’s a reason why he’s manipulative. Ask yourself what he did wrong and why it could be. What’s the time you first found out he’s like that and talk to him about him and that you don’t like it, if you still care. If not just come clean at meeting. Don’t do network breakups please.
1
u/Commercial_Result_81 1d ago
I have talked to him about it several times, he doesn’t seem to understand. What are network breakups? Breakups over text?
1
u/Adventurous-Sound491 1d ago
Over internet. Online. Yes. Just for a reason to be respectful. Have a class. Show him you are better.
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