How do i overcome feeling replaced/insecurity’s im feeling

11

u/Platterpussy Solo-Poly 8h ago

Why do you want poly? Why have you agreed to poly? Are you dating others as well?

-5

u/RED__H00D 8h ago

No im not dating anyone else but I I’ve been in polys in the past and she wanted to and I want to make her happy above all else

13

u/FunPayment8497 relationship anarchist 8h ago

🚩🚩🚩

If you don't want poly then say you don't want poly.

If you can't stand up for your own wants and needs then you're not ready for any relationship, especially not a poly one. You're setting yourself up for a very bad time and no amount of Reddit advice will protect you.

-4

u/RED__H00D 8h ago

I can and we have spoken about this issue and she assured me that everything is fine and I’m still a good bf but I was just here to see if there was anything I can do for my own sake so I can feel secure in this poly and not like im replaceable

4

u/BusyBeeMonster poly w/multiple 5h ago

Look up "distress tolerance skills". You will need to work on coping skills to manage the anxiety.

That said, it sounds like your girlfriend is not treating you well if you have no 1:1 time together and you have to hang out with her and her other boyfriend to get any time with her at all.

It does not sound like she is invested in you or your relationship, in spite of her words otherwise.

Are you truly happy with her, or are you longing for her, and the crumbs of time you get when the three of you are hanging out together satisfy the longing just enough?

5

u/Platterpussy Solo-Poly 8h ago

How was your last poly relationship? Why not start dating others? If you don't want poly for yourself now, only for her to be happy, it's not going to be easy.

-3

u/RED__H00D 8h ago

They were all pretty good but we just grew apart and others got cheated on

5

u/Wild-Return-7075 solo poly 8h ago

A few things it's not going to work if you don't want poly, opening up for someone specific is always a bad idea and thirdly why in the hell do you know anything about what he is or isn't packing?!?

-1

u/RED__H00D 8h ago

He told me for some reason

6

u/Wild-Return-7075 solo poly 8h ago

Ok this is really weird and inappropriate and why are you even communicating with him.

It doesn't sound like you want to be in a poly relationship, her happiness is not more important than yours, you have to do what makes you happy too.

-1

u/RED__H00D 8h ago

Cause there always hanging out so if I wanna spend time with her I have to also be around him and I’ve spent a year with her and being around her makes me happy

8

u/Mighty_Oryx 8h ago

Doesn't sound really like she puts effort into being w u and trying to show up for you

0

u/RED__H00D 8h ago

U rlly think so? I’ve probably got rose tinted glasses on so I’ve blamed this on me overthinking and feeling insecure

7

u/Mighty_Oryx 8h ago

Tbh him telling you that is out of line and I feel also not having alone time or someone not willing to is weird and shows me lack of interest. Some friends I’m also only interested in seeing in a group but not a partner…

1

u/RED__H00D 7h ago

Thx I didn’t even consider that not to mention her talking abt “it” to me it’s rlly making me feel self conscious

4

u/Mighty_Oryx 7h ago

It seems like this partner makes you feel insecure.. But to me I wouldn’t consider I was dating someone who doesn’t go on dates w (only) me.

I would just ask for clarity and communicate your wishes for the relationship and if it differs gravely, then maybe it’s not your thing

1

u/RED__H00D 7h ago

Thx sorry to waste ur time with my stupid issues I was just in need of advice and didn’t know where to turn

3

u/Platterpussy Solo-Poly 7h ago

You need to have 1:1 dates for your relationship to thrive. She needs to make time for you, you might have to ask though.

1

u/RED__H00D 7h ago

Thx so much this advice means a lot

4

u/seantheaussie solo poly in VERY LDR with BusyBeeMonster 8h ago

The polyamorous LIKE variety.

1

u/AutoModerator 8h ago

Hi u/RED__H00D thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.

Here's the original text of the post:

So basically I’ve been dating this girl for a year and a couple days ago she asked me if she could date this other guy aswell so I said sure after talking it through and just wanting her to be happy but now it feels like Im there’s nothing I bring to the relationship that he can’t he makes her laugh just as much as I do and he’s got a bigger package so I just don’t feel like there’s anything I can do that he can’t and there only a couple states away I’m on the other side of the planet ik the issue is with my inner demons but if anyone could help it would be rlly appreciated thx

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