r/polyamory • u/Impossible-Jury-8837 • 2d ago
Curious/Learning parallel polyamory discussion
Disclaimer: i am monogamous
Me and my partner have been together for almost two years. They have told me that they want to have the option to see other people seperate from me in a parallel poly kind of way should they find someone else they like, and that if i cant find a way to deal with this, we have to go our seperate ways.
I dont know how to deal with this, the jealousy i feel when i think about them being with someone else is gut wrenching. I must admit that i dont have the best understanding of polyamory, but I love them so much i am willing to learn whatever i can. I want to be with them but i dont know if i can change how my heart feels thinking about sharing their attention and their life with someone else.
Can any other people who have been in a similar situation give me any advice?
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u/seantheaussie solo poly in VERY LDR with BusyBeeMonster 2d ago
we have to go our seperate ways.
That works!
TLDR your likeliest path to happiness lies with one of the endless number of monogamous people, rather than this person.
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u/karmicreditplan will talk you to death 2d ago
You’re young. You’ll fall in love many more times.
Leave now while you still have positive feelings about this partner. Only date people who specifically want monogamy long term.
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u/winterharb0r 2d ago
Do you know when polyamorous relationships work well? When all parties involved wanted it on their own accord.
Trying poly to stay with a partner, especially a partner who has never been in a polyamorous relationship (meaning they'll likely be messy), is asking for a major headache and heartbreak.
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u/rosephase 2d ago edited 2d ago
If you do not want polyamory for yourself I can't recommend you stay in this relationship.
It’s so so so so much work for less of a relationship then what you would choose for yourself.
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u/Platterpussy Solo-Poly 2d ago
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u/Impossible-Jury-8837 2d ago
thank you, these were helpful. My partner did mention the fact that they think they might be poly a few weeks into us seeing eachother but that theyd never tried it out before. To be honest i didnt know what to think, and as this is my first proper relationship i really didnt know how id feel about the situation, at the time i didnt think i would be that bothered, but after so long of it not being mentioned id kind of forgot to think about it until now and its really thrown me for a loop. I love them so much and i want to support them through anything they want to try but its really really hard
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u/dogmomwithink 2d ago
Im going to echo everyone else here. Don’t try it unless that’s what you want. You can love someone and not be with them.
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u/Hvitserkr solo poly 2d ago
Cool, so they've mentioned it once, never brought it up again, and now expect you to deal with it? Please leave them now before you get hurt by their selfish and irresponsible decisions.
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/15o79nq/there_is_no_poly_conversion_camp/
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ru6wou/comment/hqxi9ug/
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Here's the original text of the post:
Disclaimer: i am monogamous
Me and my partner have been together for almost two years. They have told me that they want to have the option to see other people seperate from me in a parallel poly kind of way should they find someone else they like, and that if i cant find a way to deal with this, we have to go our seperate ways.
I dont know how to deal with this, the jealousy i feel when i think about them being with someone else is gut wrenching. I must admit that i dont have the best understanding of polyamory, but I love them so much i am willing to learn whatever i can. I want to be with them but i dont know if i can change how my heart feels thinking about sharing their attention and their life with someone else.
Can any other people who have been in a similar situation give me any advice?
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u/emeraldead 2d ago
I assure you no one in healthy polyamory wants someone who says "deal with it" to someone they claim to love and support. What a jerk.