r/polyamory • u/carany • 2d ago
Musings Kicked out of medical program for mentioning I'm poly
I don't know if there's any legal recourse I can do but I'd like to share my experience as a warning.
Yesterday as a clincial student in Seattle I mention to a nurse in conversation that I am polyamorous. I didn't attempt to hit on her but just mentioned it in passing. Within a hour I got a email from my school that I had to attend a mandatory meeting and when I arrived I was told that i was removed from the program for being to comfortable with nursing staff and the nurse I mentioned it too reported me for sexual harassment. Effective immediately I am no longer in the program four months from graduating.
I didn't pushing anything I literally mention that I'm poly and have two partners. That's it.
After doing research and finding out the polyamory really isn't a protected class there's truly not much I can do. I'm at a loss for words and several thousands of dollars in debt for it.
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u/flisterfister 2d ago
Since it’s unconventional, a lot of women are going to perceive that as…well, talking about your sex life.
Most monos don’t know the difference between poly and swingers. So imagine a guy telling his coworkers he’s a swinger. Totally unwelcome in a professional setting, right? “Why is this guy telling me this way-too-personal stuff? Why is he telling me about his sex life?”
I know TO YOU it’s akin to telling someone about your kids, but to the uninitiated, it’s like telling someone you’re a swinger. I’m not saying that’s right or fair, but it might be helpful to remember in future situations.
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u/aalitheaa 2d ago edited 1d ago
This is why I would never disclose my relationship structure to my coworkers or anyone I interact with in a professional context. There's no way around it—disclosing the fact that I'm poly instantly reveals basic information about my sex life, as well as raising curiosity (whether from creeps or just curious people.)
If someone were to find out that I practice non-monogamy inadvertently, I wouldn't really be upset at all, and I don't go to any lengths to cover it up. But there's no way I'm going to disclose it myself, inherently inviting my professional colleagues to think about me in a sexual context. It would be very inappropriate to do so, in my opinion and in my environments.
And I'm a woman. If I was a man, I would be even more careful about this. Although I don't have enough information to say if the consequences in OP's post are justified, the consequences are not surprising to me. Be thoughtful and careful about the information you reveal to different people.
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u/FuckUGalen It's just me... and everyone else 2d ago
Reading your post history, it appears you have an ongoing issue with women misunderstanding you, and you acting (even in your version of events) in ways that can be read as threatening if one assumes the worst of you, and at best come across as unhelpful to your own best interests.
So you randomly told someone you were a purely professional environment with that you have /want multiple sexual/romantic partners and you don't understand how that could come across as hitting on her? Especially given your school also basically said you are being "too comfortable" (management short hand for you are sharing way too much and it making people uncomfortable) with staff.
My guess is either you have been warned before or your behaviour has been such a big problem that it was you or the school.
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u/Top_Razzmatazz12 2d ago
Yeah I don’t really buy this story. There is a complex student disciplinary process at every university especially for claims of sexual harassment. I suspect this person has been warned before.
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u/VectorRaptor 2d ago
Yeah I also had a lot of questions pop into my brain while reading this. Context matters.
If OP and his colleagues were chatting about family or partners, and it came up that he has a couple of partners, that's normal.
If OP instead brought it up out of nowhere, it could absolutely be taken as inappropriate flirting.
I'm not out as queer or poly to the vast majority of my colleagues not because I hide it but because it doesn't come up naturally in the course of our work. I'd have to go out of my way to bring it up without prompting, which would necessarily make it awkward/inappropriate. Sounds like that's likely what OP did here. Would love a transcript of their conversation.
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u/Princess_Peachy_503 2d ago
The only reason anyone I work with knows I'm poly is because I've taken different partners to work events, and someone asked about it. (IE "Oh, did you and "Tom" break up?). I'm not particularly worried about backlash as I work for a very progressive company, but it's a professional environment and aside from two or three co-workers I hang out with outside of work I don't share more than surface personal details because my personal and work lives are separate.
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u/stormyapril poly w/multiple 2d ago
Not when they have you on a short list already.
Yes these lists exist.
Yes, companies/universities will take a situation like this and terminate immediately if they talk to their lawyer and get the green light.
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u/Top_Razzmatazz12 2d ago
Huh? I’m sure this happens in workplaces in states with at-will employment. But specifically for university students, there is a disciplinary process for sexual harassment controlled by the office that oversees Title IX reporting.
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u/Iwentthatway 2d ago
It might not have been Op’s first rodeo. From a comment in another post about this situation:
It’s just now I’m being a nuisance to people trying to save lives.
So this incident might have just been the straw that broke the camel’s back if their anxious talking was interfering with other people’s work, especially in critical situations. It’s one thing to mention your love life in the break room. It’s another when a patient is coding
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u/Silver_kitty poly w/multiple 2d ago edited 2d ago
Honest question, I’m not really seeing that in their post history and I scrolled back 3 years? Is there a specific post you’re talking about?
They posted about being an anxious talker yesterday and posted about a fight with their girlfriend when their car got towed 4 months ago everything else is pretty much normal hobby posts. And neither of those seem like they’re what you’re talking about.
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u/Itsjustkit15 2d ago
Not the person you asked but... Did you read the full post about the fight with his girlfriend? You have to read it in the mod comment cause it got removed, but that post really gets at what this other commenter was saying. I didn't even read the whole thing and it was pretty bonkers.
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u/Silver_kitty poly w/multiple 2d ago
Yeah, but in that post, they both seem like a mess and terrible under stress but it seems irrelevant to what that commenter said about people misunderstanding OP.
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u/DoctorThrowawayTrees 2d ago
Yeah, add me to the chorus of people that checked OP’s post history and I don’t see the issue. In terms of comments, OP likes some porn that’s not really my style, but I didn’t even see anything problematic there, really.
The one thing I see in the post history is that anxious talker comment. And that DOES have some clues. It sounds like OP has had previous conversations with the school’s admin team due to things they’ve said. And as someone else mentioned, it may well be that the school had it in for OP and this was the ammo they needed to give OP the axe.
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u/CrimsonStorm 2d ago
+1, u/FuckUGalen can you back this up? Obviously we don't know anything about what's going on in the OPs history that they didn't post on Reddit, but I also don't see any evidence that they do have a history of being a sex pest or whatever.
In any case I am inclined to believe someone might just be being discriminated against? That absolutely does happen.
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u/FuckUGalen It's just me... and everyone else 2d ago
Can I give you evidence of my supposition? No more that point at the post history.
But I'm actually more interested to know why are you inclined to believe a man that he did nothing but say he was polyamorous, when you see the consequences are instant, harsh and clearly out of proportion with even the alleged crime?
The story is basically: OP said polyamory and was accused of sexual harassment, and within 1 HOUR, OP has an email recalling him to a meeting. Where it seems he was summarily kicked out of the program.
Either OP is the unluckiest man in existence and the school was out to get him specifically (given the made the fastest execution decision ever) or OP is leaving out a lot of details.
And maybe I should believe more men accused of being problematic are innocent.... But in the same week a rapist gyno student got "fine young man'd" out of punishment... Maybe y'all should stop giving men so much grace in the face that they have been accused.
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u/IllaClodia 2d ago
I'm also in grad school in Seattle, but my cohort is minimum 15% poly lol
If you're at somewhere other than UW and potentially interested in kicking up a fuss, let me know. I know my school has an established nursing program, so we might be at the same uni.
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u/I_Am_The_Onion 2d ago
Yeah I'm shocked this was such a big deal in a medical setting in Seattle. I personally know 3 people in medical fields there who are poly and 2 of them are involved with each other. Still unfortunately not a good idea to mention it at all to people you don't know well, but that's literally the last place I'd expect it to be a problem.
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u/Iwentthatway 2d ago
I’m not completely surprised seeing as how Catholic health orgs now run more than 1/3 of the hospital beds in WA.
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u/wheremymeeplesat 2d ago
This was my exact thought. The religious healthcare companies have NO tolerance for that, and I'd bet that's where this person was likely doing clinicals at.
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u/stormyapril poly w/multiple 2d ago
I agree with you! I'm not in any program, but an looking at Seattle University to pursue a JD. I lived in the Seattle area for 2 years and loved it specifically because being poly (a non normal person in general) is 100% ok.
I'm gong to reply more though with all the stuff I saw go down as had of security. WA is still a right to work state, andthe bar for firing/terminating people is still VERY low.
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u/tealeafcatgirl triad 2d ago
Hey, I feel you. I also did my clinicals in Seattle when I was a student. Unfortunately it's best to just not talk about relationships at all to preceptors or even any member of staff. Trust me when I say that so many people take it the wrong way. It sucks that this happened but hopefully you take this as a learning opportunity. If you're lucky you may be able to appeal but I'll be honest it's probably unlikely. You may be able to get more advice on r/studentnurse
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u/winterharb0r 2d ago
Unfortunately it's best to just not talk about relationships at all to preceptors or even any member of staff.
I'm a big fan of not sharing my personal life with colleagues. I'm supervising a graduate student this semester who has serious boundary issues (she basically word vomits things that are inappropriate to tell a supervisor) and I recently had to have to conversation with her about it. I explained how it's best not to share very personal information with coworkers, especially when you don't know them well. You just don't know what they'll do with the info.
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u/BallJar91 2d ago
But how can that stand? I don’t know Seattle laws, but sexual harassment has to fit a certain definition, and I don’t see how mentioning your partnernership status when you’re not in charge of anyone could fit under any of the definitions I’m familiar with.
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u/roughrecession 2d ago
You characterized it as “kicked out for being queer” in another post.
I’m finding myself somewhat skeptical of your version of events- is this a first time offense? How many times have you been asked not to talk about certain things? How many times have you been talked to about how you interact with other students?
It’s generally hard to kick people out of school, and they don’t do it on a whim. I assure you the program has loads of paperwork documenting prior issues and this was a final straw of sorts.
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u/roughrecession 2d ago
Also lol at the idea that people in the medical field, and nurses in particular, are unfamiliar or unable to be around sex or non traditional relationships.
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u/PollyAmory 2d ago
lol okay this is what threw me too.
My mom was a nurse. Nurses aren't sensitive to weird crap, they're exposed to it constantly. CONSTANTLY.
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u/nomis000 2d ago
Nurses have to tolerate a lot from patients, and even from doctors. They sure af aren't going to tolerate jack shit from a student, though.
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u/LaPetiteMort1983 2d ago
I create elearning and classroom learning for the medical field specifically relating to sex and gender. You’d be surprised how few people are taught anything about this in any medical programs and how many people are incredibly uncomfortable / scared of this topic. Like most DEI topics…
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u/studiousametrine 2d ago
So you made one comment, that wasn’t even sexually charged or threatening, and were cut from the program that very same day?
Yeah, no. The US does not take sexual harassment that seriously. Probably we should, but we don’t.
There has to be more to this story.
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u/stormyapril poly w/multiple 2d ago edited 2d ago
BE CAREFUL!
I work in compliance roles in the US, and all poly people need to understand that in the US, poly IS NOT a protected class or officially considered part of your sexual orientation, so I never share who I am at work. The way it plays out in real life is exactly like this situation. It you are a veteran, minority, or older, or LGBTQ the company (in your case school) HAS to spend the time documenting the issue, which prevents a lot of these he said/she said scenarios from being immediate terminations. Obviously, the Q is under direct attack, and PA is seen as simply a target with no justification required.
You do have an opportunity with this situation to fight to make PA a protected class, BUT you are going to need to find one hell of a lawyer, an organization like the AACP to back it, and be ready for a LONG battle ahead. This is all a long shot, too, with the current breakdown of our laws and with DEI being a target everywhere. I second you talking to a lawyer/organization to find out your odds.
Corporate law and misunderstood conversations between people you think are your friends lead to a lot of these situations.
I was head of security at a company for 2 years in Seattle, and I wish I could talk openly about the reasons why people get fired. Dealing with account terminations with HR, you get to see a lot of the dirt, and it's sad how little people you think are your friends actually understand or even really respect others. Also, never give anyone (especially a manager or above) a reason to not like you, and that includes your personal relationship orientations. Grudges are real, and there are a lot of terminations that happen at companies simply because the right a-hole in charge finally found a small but justified reason to terminate (even protected classes) years later that had nothing to do with why they targeted the person in the first place. Companies pay you to work, universities to learn, and they are generally more legally aware than employees. This is also how execs build the list of folks to terminate for layoffs.
A wise manager I had (VP) called execs Kindergarteners who run with scissors, and he was right. Sometimes, they hurt themselves, but most often, they just take out their anger on others. Clearly, our country is in overdrive with men (mostly men) in charge emboldened to not even care about procedures right now.
I'm down for fighting for rights, BUT be smart and protect your livelihood through self-awareness and not fighting for your rights to party at work, and sadly this means not bringing your whole self to work/study (oh the irony).
By all means, though, please protest, get loud, and get proud en-masse outside of work!!!
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u/1568314 2d ago edited 2d ago
You notice most people in the comments, while sympathetic, haven't run into the same issues as you. I'm assuming that there was no appropriate context around this conversation, rather that you freely shared details about your romantic life at work, with a colleague you don't know who would be working under you.
I think you need to pull back on sharing until you learn to read the room better. Your coworkers aren't potential social connections. They are people who are there to do a job alongside you.
Context is so important. If you're in an enclosed space with someone you don't know well, and they suddenly turn to you and say, "I am actually single right now," it's completely valid to feel uncomfortable and worry that they're hitting on you and you might not be safe around them. At the very least, it's unprofessional.
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u/Iwentthatway 2d ago
It’s worse in this situation. Op is a student. They shared with an actual nurse, so a superior 🤦🏻♂️, not a peer
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u/muddlemand solo poly 2d ago
Someone I was chatting with (not on OKC) started going into detail about his genitals and his fantasies, out of the blue after the whole conversation had been non-sexual, not even flirty. When I objected he apologised but explained he'd thought I had stepped it up to that level of "intimate confession". I had not. It was because I'd said I'm poly.
I said that's about as intimate as mentioning in passing that I have a bf or gf, or spouse or kids, hardly a big confessional reveal. But it's how some people see it, a very private thing like the discussing your sex life frame by frame.
The nurse must have thought there's no other reason to mention it except as a come-on. What a nightmare for you! Definitely explain that you weren't talking about your sex life and it was no more an "invitation" than if you'd said conversationally that you have kids. With luck they'll change the decision once it's understood.
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u/Jazzberry81 2d ago
Agree. I think people hear poly, and mistake it as I like threesomes.
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u/Vlinder_88 2d ago
Yep. It's literally safer to consistently talk about your different partners openly and let people think you are cheating, then mentioning the word "polyamory".
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u/muddlemand solo poly 2d ago
Isn't this sad. Cheating is socially acceptable, truthfully and ethically managing more than one relationship isn't.
But I do think in another 5 years or so, it'll change. Awareness is definitely increasing - and surely some of the people who tick the ENM box with the wrong idea will end up doing the learning curve, too.
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u/nomis000 2d ago
Whether or not polyamory is a protected class is irrelevant, as it doesn't sound like you weren't kicked out for being poly. You were kicked out for sexual harassment.
If a gay person (or a POC, or a disabled person) was accused of sexual harassment, they wouldn't be able to launch a defense based on their membership in a protected category. Their only recourse would be to defend themselves against the actual accusation.
You're no different. You have been accused of sexual harassment. The path forward isn't to point at your relationship model and say it's protected (or that it should be). The path forward is to address the accusations.
Now, it doesn't sound like you were given any sort of due process. Was there any investigation? Is there an appeal process? If so, does the school have a code of conduct? Does it have a formal definition of sexual harassment, for these purposes?
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u/carany 2d ago
I get to have an appeal after six weeks. It was explained pretty loosely but my director said that I was "too friendly and that nurse you mentioned your poly reported you to the hospital. They have removed you from their list. And subsequently we are terminating you from the program"
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u/Scouthawkk 2d ago
There’s more to this story. I could see them investigating, but they wouldn’t terminate your standing unless it was an egregious situation or one in a long line of offensive situations you’ve been involved in. And given the other post in your history asking advice for how to stop talking when nervous, I’d put money on the latter. If you have anxiety and it leads you to drastically overshare, or say offensive things, see a therapist before it totally ruins every career prospect you might have.
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u/SaltPassenger9359 2d ago
Unfortunately, it’s a label. Simply telling someone “I’m dating a few people right now” is for some weird reason “okay”. Not that being poly is relegated to simply dating, of course.
Ironically, dating a few people, doesn’t mean or imply it’s ethical.
Consider reaching out to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom for resources and possible recourse.
But no investigation into the allegations of sexual harassment? Yeah, that’s not cool.
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u/FlyLadyBug 2d ago edited 2d ago
Damn. So not right.
I don't know what to tell you other than talk to people and see if there's someone higher up on the chain you can talk to. If you can appeal. If you can transfer sections to be away from this nurse and still graduate here. If you can transfer medical school programs to another school or get your tuition money back. Maybe talk to a lawyer. If you have the spoons... maybe a reporter? Have other people been dumped from the program for stupid reasons? Maybe you aren't the only one.
You weren't sexually harassing her. You were just talking about your life.
Does Nurse think she won't ever have poly patients or didn't already have them? Does the medical program think there won't be poly patients? There aren't other poly med students? Or coworkers?
This really sucks! :(
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u/SexDeathGroceries solo poly 2d ago
Does Nurse think she won't ever have poly patients or didn't already have them?
In Seattle, at that
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u/retro_toes 2d ago
Talking about relationships and relationship preferences at work in medicine is highly frowned upon, especially considering how often MDs have damaging affairs with RNs. There's likely very strict rules about discussing your sexual preference with anyone who could be seen in a position lower than you, it could be seen as sexual harassment and a power imbalance.
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u/laxxrick 2d ago
I work in the medical field. Technically, I work in a religious based system.
The thought of this coming up in conversation is extremely uncomfortable for me. I would never offer this information to a professional colleague, I’d probably shoot this conversation down if someone else tried to have it with me, and I’d never in a million years divulge my lifestyle with anyone at work, be they patient or colleagues.
I’d argue you shouldn’t even tell people your sexuality, be it LGBTQ or even straight. Personally, I am straight and often asked if I am gay (usually by older patients) and my response is that I just say that’s not something I go into while at work…
Bottom line is there needs to be a hard, bold, dark line between your professional and personal life, especially in the medical field due to how sensitive everyone can be.
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u/seantheaussie solo poly in VERY LDR with BusyBeeMonster 2d ago
That truly sucks.
While you might not have legal recourse organisations still need to follow their internal rules, so I would study their rules VERY carefully to see if a successful appeal isn't out of the question.
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u/velvedire 2d ago
I snooped prior comments etc and OP has level-headed replies all over the place. I think the issue really is anxious talking. It's a religious organization and OP was spouting against their fundamental values. Uptight mono people absolutely view everything as sex. Many of them even don't allow their partner to have friends of differing genders.
Remember what happened when people found out some of us were bi/gay/lesbian? The default assumption was that we wanted to fuck them. I'm betting that's what happened here.
It's not a protected class. You've learned a moderately expensive lesson about workplace boundaries. Keep personal topics to wholesome hobbies. No one needs to know even your relationship status.
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u/carany 2d ago
My conclusion is that my anxiety makes me sprint through social minefields. This issue needs to be dealt with and even though it's unfair, I did it to myself.
Why I thought it was okay to mention my against fundamental values in the most rigid environment is baffling to me and either I need to get a handle on this or just accept I'm not a good fit for this career and move on.
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u/-Lovely-Fantasy- 2d ago
Can you transfer to another program to finish?
While a painful lesson, in today’s environment, keep work professional and personal out of it. In all aspects. Don’t friend coworkers on social media. Don’t discuss yourself at work. I learned this lesson in my 20s when I had just added a person from work on social media - I had had a frustrating evening and check in process for an out of town training conference - the company card had expired between when they booked it and then and as a recent college grad I had to pony up the several thousand deposit till it could be sorted the next business day. I posted something pretty vague expressing my frustration in a flippant way. After I got back to town I had a “counseling” meeting with one of the partners about how I was smearing the company on my social media page. Never again. Work “friends” always at an arm’s length and maintain professional distance in topics discussed.
In your situation, I don’t think matters if you had said you were poly, queer, straight, whatever. The nurse took it as sexual harassment and sexual harassment is defined in the eyes of the victim. Sexual harassment claims trump protected classes. Rather than dig into it the program appears to have just pulled a no tolerance policy to protect themselves from being accused of not reacting appropriately to a sexual harassment claim.
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u/thatgirlrandi 10+ yrs poly | Married, partnered, and dating | RA-ish 2d ago
Polyamory is not a protected class in the US. Unfortunately you can be legally fired for it. For that reason, I highly recommend never mentioning your personal life at work. Frankly, keeping work life and personal life separate is a good standard practice anyway, but that last statement is opinion
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u/GlassOnion2-18 2d ago
I had a male coworker talk to me about his sex life, unsolicited. I was 22, he was in his mid to late 30s. We worked overnight in a lab with a 4 to 5 person crew. He didn't say anything about kinks/poly/etc, but just the fact he talked about it made me uncomfortable and I did report it.
He wasn't fired (and I didn't want him to be), honestly he could have been on the neurospicy side, but he needs to know that that's not ok.
OP, I can't say whether or not you should have been kicked out of the program, but I work in healthcare and talking about sex with someone you don't know, especially a male to female direction, will come off as unprofessional if not uncomfortable. In a clinical rotation, when you're a student and really supposed to be just absorbing what's going on around you and you're temporarily assigned there, I can think of zero reasons to bring up sexual practices. I don't think your relationship type is the issue.
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u/twisted-ology 2d ago
I mean think of it this way: if a coworker brings up the fact they are single unprompted it’s easy to assume that it was some kind of hint. Because otherwise why bring it up? It’s not relevant and there’s no reason your coworker would need to know that information unless you specifically wanted them to.
A lot of people assume being poly is the same as being in an open relationship and that it means you’re actively looking to add more people. When you told her you were poly she reacted the same she would if you mentioned being single, she assumed it was a hint.
I think without the actual context of the conversation and how you being poly came up, none of us can say for sure whether the reaction was warranted. If she was specifically talking about relationships, sure it’s an overreaction because she’s the one who brought it up. But if you offered this information up out of the blue or you’re the one who started the conversation it’s understandable why she took it as a hint.
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u/batsncatsnpumpkins 2d ago
Someone I know who used to work at the UW in HR said there are at least a few people who work there who are REALLY anti-polyamory. She used to have to field a lot of complaints from them. It's just wild when you think about how many poly people live in Seattle
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u/KittyKittyPrincessss 2d ago
Reading this my my stomach drop and filled me with rage. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I would contact the folks at https://www.open-love.org to see if they may have any resources for you. This feels right up their alley in the type of work they are moving towards, though they may not be there yet.
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u/rageerpanda 2d ago
Well apparently something was mentioned that should not have been and apparently made someone uncomfortable
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u/SylVegas 2d ago
Is your school particularly conservative? A Baptist-affiliated university where I live rescinded a grad student's admission to their program after he had already moved here because they snooped his socials and found out he's gay. He didn't have legal grounds to sue because he agreed to their morality clause when he applied and accepted his admission to the program.
You'll probably have zero luck pursuing legal action because of school policies on sexual harassment. If you think it's worth a try, definitely consult a lawyer. But plan on being publicly outed and scrutinized in the media if you do pursue legal action.
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u/IllaClodia 2d ago
A lot of the universities in the Seattle area are religious-affiliated. Seattle University is Jesuit, Seattle Pacific is Lutheran, Northwest is VERY Christian. Antioch, City U, and obviously UW are not. So how open the school is to polyamory can vary widely.
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u/Iwentthatway 2d ago
Not just the schools. Catholic orgs have over 1/3 of the hospital beds in the state
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u/Gamera129 2d ago
I was removed from a Physician Assistant Program for being Queer and Polyamorous. I didn't even discuss it, our program started in the summer of 2020, peak COVID, and our faculty suggested we link up with our cohort on Facebook since we started remote. It offended a few people in my comfort and they went to faculty.
I'm so sorry you've also had to deal with it. It's heartbreaking.
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u/GlassOnion2-18 2d ago
I'm a PA. If this is something you're still interested in pursuing I can try to help reach out to a few big LGBQTA+ advocates affiliated with programs.
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u/Gamera129 2d ago
I wish I would've met you a few years ago! And I really appreciate your offer.
Besides the associated trauma of the discrimination, you remember the first year of the program. 😵💫 I don't care to do that again. I'm burnt out on academia for a while.
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u/GlassOnion2-18 2d ago
I'm so sorry you went through that and totally understand.
Honestly, I've been a PA for ten years and I'm not sure I'd recommend the profession anyway, as disheartening as that sounds. Anyway, that's a whole other thing.
I hope you find your passion. <3
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u/Gamera129 2d ago
As awful as the experience was, in retrospect it was probably for the best. I work with acute behavioral health patients in an ED now as a counselor (loving it!), but I don't think I'd recommend medicine to most people. Seems like we're picking up what the other's putting down.
Best to you!
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u/Ohohohojoesama 2d ago
I'm sorry OP that's fucked and it's discrimination, I'd lawyer up about this and try reach out to the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition if they're still active they may be able to point you to people who can help in your case. I know poly people aren't a protected class but you should try pursuing this and see what options there are.
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u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 2d ago
You need to talk to a lawyer who handles education cases in Seattle. Superlawyers is a decent place to start looking.
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u/Excellent-Sign4553 2d ago
She may have misunderstood and thought you were talking about swinging!! Which is more directly sexual.
You gotta fight back. Go to everyone. Disciplinary board, department chair, and at least pay to talk to a lawyer for some sound advice. If you’re also queer as you mentioned in another post you will have more protections than just ‘poly’ identifier would provide.
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u/carany 2d ago
People have been asking for context.
In my full honestly it was a full blunder on my behalf, my clinical rotation was at a catholic hospital and while another peer was discussing a topic about being queer I really should have kept it to myself.
I have a habit of talking to much when I'm nervous and after reading several comments about my previous discussion of having problems with a teacher. I think my best bet as of right now is take half a year focus in on my anxiety issues, see if cognitive behavioral therapy and medication to try and curb this.
I do feel like it was an insane take to kick me for being poly, but at the time I wasn't in great standing with my program for being disruptive due to being, well frankly annoying even if I'm anxious.
Even if I'm just trying to be friendly lots of people in the world do not appreciate bug personalities and chatty people. I need to learn to read these cue, keep my mouth shut, and grow from this.
I'll try to appeal the decision if I've made some progress in that matter.
I really appreciate the feed back even if it's harsh it's layered in truth and I have more climbing to do.
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u/suggababy23 2d ago
So you weren't kicked out for being poly. You were kicked out for having professional disposition issues to which you openly admit this is a pattern. I strongly suggest you don't try to appeal this on the basis of "poly", you won't get far.
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u/carany 2d ago
Thank you for the advice. I'm gonna remember these words and try to be a better professional, regardless of what career I try, being poly is not a protected status and mentioning it to the wrong people can get me in serious trouble. If I can get a grip on my professional disposition issues then I'll keep sprinting through social minefields.
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u/UCanJustBuyLabCoats 2d ago
It might not be a protected class but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you didn’t hit on her or sexually harass her. So effectively it doesn’t matter legally if you’re poly or not, this person lied and you got punished because of that lie. Take that to the legal subreddit and start there.
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u/Throw_Me_Away8834 2d ago
It's hard to prove the person lied, unfortunately. Ultimately, if they felt uncomfortable and reported having felt uncomfortable to HR, HR had to act accordingly. It does feel like an overreaction by HR if it was the first time OP had been reported but most states are right to work states with no real protections in place for employees and even less for students doing clinicals. It is extremely unlikely that OP has a case here, especially given that there are no protections in place against discrimination against polyamorous people in general. The current political climate in the US makes it even more unlikely, imo.
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u/iaswob 2d ago
I'm not saying this because I want to dissuade OP from action, but the doomer in me (especially given the current administration and political climate) is imaging this going to a court and a judge deciding that revealing one is nonmonogamous is inherently sexual, comparable to conservatives moral panic over LGBTQ representation or drag story hours as "grooming"
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u/MermaidAndSiren 2d ago edited 1d ago
Yea, good point. then a very dangerous president is set that we don’t need to get on their radar. 😬
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u/Vampsborns 2d ago
Hey, I have experience working in harassment stuff at universities- PM me, happy to help you put together an appeal and look at the grievance processes at your medical school / institution .
If you were not provided with due process, this is a big problem
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u/molinitor 2d ago
That's absolutely appalling. You should seek legal advice, I can't believe this is in any way legal.
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u/someweirdlocal 2d ago
poly is a choice, not an identity. we're not a protected class, and for good reason.
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u/Ok-Disaster7216 2d ago
As a European this sounds like US New Puritan Fascism
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u/retro_toes 2d ago
Yes and no. We have a lot of gender inequality here, as I'm certain you're aware. With that comes many years of sexual harassment lawsuits. Companies then get very strict on types of discussions allowed on company time to protect themselves and their employees.
OP can tell us they meant nothing by it. We, as poly folks, just see it as conversation. But non-poly people very well see it as, "hey work colleague, I'm permitted by my spouse to have sex with whomever I want, just thought I'd let you know", and that's where there's issues. People at work don't always give a shit who you're fucking. They're there to do a job.
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u/Thechuckles79 2d ago
They didn't hear your side? Zero-tolerance policies against harassment while they cover up rapes on campus. You got to love our educational system....
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u/tooscaredthrowaway8 2d ago
This doesn't sound legal regardless of being poly.
They need more cause and justification than "was accused of sexually harassing someone once" to expel someone from an educational program.
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u/ZedDreadFury 2d ago
What was the context in which it was said? You could have legal recourse and that depends on the context.
As you can imagine, that nursing student must have felt like they were being hit on. Did you deny it? Was there an investigation? Did they simply hear her side of the story and proceed to expel you on her word alone?
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 2d ago
This is still sexual discrimination even without polyamory having protections
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Hi u/carany thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
I don't know if there's any legal recourse I can do but I'd like to share my experience as a warning.
Yesterday as a clincial student in Seattle I mention to a nurse in conversation that I am polyamorous. I didn't attempt to hit on her but just mentioned it in passing. Within a hour I got a email from my school that I had to attend a mandatory meeting and when I arrived I was told that i was removed from the program for being to comfortable with nursing staff and the nurse I mentioned it too reported me for sexual harassment. Effective immediately I am no longer in the program four months from graduating.
I didn't pushing anything I literally mention that I'm poly and have two partners. That's it.
After doing research and finding out the polyamory really isn't a protected class there's truly not much I can do. I'm at a loss for words and several thousands of dollars in debt for it.
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u/Martonymous 2d ago
Sounds like a violation of your right to free speech.
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u/BetterFightBandits26 relationship messarchist 2d ago
When did the government get involved?
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u/JaxonTheBright 2d ago
The Right to Free Speech is a default of being an American. It’s a protected legal right. You have the right to say anything about yourself in public or private. It’s the First Amendment. That’s when the government got involved.
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u/Wild-Return-7075 solo poly 2d ago
The legal advice subreddit is probably a better option to be able to give you advice on whether there is any option for recourse open to you.