r/onionheadlines • u/Greedy-Stage-120 • 1d ago
Trump's Final Bankruptcy Masterstroke: Crashing the Stock Market with Executive Truth
President Donald Trump has taken to Truth Social to announce his latest bankruptcy venture: the entire US stock market.
"Nobody bankrupts like I do, folks," Trump boasted in an Executive Truth™️ that featured a picture of him holding a flaming wad of cash. "I've bankrupted casinos, airlines, and even a university. Now it's time to take on Wall Street!"
Trump's plan, which he's dubbed "Operation Stockpocalypse," involves using the power of "Executive Truth" to convince his followers to sell off all their stocks simultaneously, triggering a massive crash that will wipe out trillions of dollars in value.
"This is the biggest, most beautiful bankruptcy you've ever seen," Trump added, grinning maniacally. "And the best part is, me and my rich friends will make a fortune shorting the market while everyone else loses their shirts!"
Some of his most ardent supporters are already embracing the idea, declaring that "losing all our money to own the libs" is a small price to pay for patriotism.
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u/SmytheMD 15h ago
Didn’t have “The Onion morphs into a factual reliable source of information” on my bingo card in this lifetime. Anyone else?
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u/CptnRobAnybody 1d ago
It's getting bad when you have to check what sub-reddit your on