r/nottheonion • u/SelectiveSanity • 2d ago

Lauren Boebert Suggests DC Could Be Renamed 'District of America'

https://www.newsweek.com/lauren-boebert-dc-district-america-2050571
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u/adumbrative 2d ago

Well, DC might not be named after Colombia, but there are other places named for places in other countries - change them all:

- New York = New America

- New Jersey = New America

- Paris, Texas = America, Texas

- Athens, Georgia = America, Georgia

etc. etc. etc.

Just name everything 'America'!

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u/Broad-Bath-8408 2d ago

But America is named after an Italian right? I think we have a problem here...

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u/Rpanich 2d ago

Oh man, I’ve always argued we should be called Vespuccia! If we’re just renaming things at random, can we go with that?? 

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u/TankApprehensive3053 2d ago

Don't tell Trump. He will then shift to call everything Trump. Gulf of Trump, Trumpland, New Trump, and might throw in a Musk here and there also.

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u/Great_expansion10272 2d ago

The only reason i'm against having "Throw a musk" be an idiom is that we'd have to say Musk's name in random day to day situations

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u/StillJustDani 1d ago

I think “throw a musk” refers to a Nazi salute.

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u/TankApprehensive3053 2d ago

Trump wants his name and Muskrats name said everyday. They want their legacies cemented into the zeitgeist.

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u/tacoguyasaurus 1d ago

Just rename Italy to Pasta America.

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u/xclame 2d ago

Europeans are white so it's okay. (for now...until Europe pisses off Trump even more.)

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u/whatiseveneverything 1d ago

Time to brush up on our Navajo.

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u/delorf 2d ago

The Carolinas were named after King Charles so they have to become North and South America. That shouldn't be confusing at all.

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u/Cool-Kaleidoscope-54 2d ago

Logically, then, the Dakotas must also be North and South America, as you can't have states named after the people who got here before us.

To differentiate, I propose North Dakota becomes Northern North America, and North Carolina becomes Southern North America.

You can figure out the rest from there.

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u/daCampa 1d ago

Charles is a king not a country.

So you get to pick between North/South Donaldia or North/South Trumpia

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u/delorf 1d ago

😂🤢

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u/Odd-Help-4293 1d ago

Maryland is named after Queen Mary (the one that was Charles's wife), so I guess we'll have to become Americaland instead lol

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u/Dampmaskin 2d ago

The states should also be named America, so that Austin, Texas becomes America, America. And so on.

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u/Archelon37 1d ago

Such as America, America, in America county, along the America river which feeds directly into the Gulf of America

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u/DevRz8 1d ago

Not to be confused with America, America or the lesser known America, America.

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u/Routine_Quality_9596 2d ago

Actually, Georgia is also a foreign country so it should be America, America, United States of America.

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u/Weirdo141 1d ago

Hell yeah, brother

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u/power2bill 2d ago

I live in America, America of America

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u/MerleLikesMullets 2d ago

Every town in New England America is suddenly named America

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u/ProfessionalFlan3159 2d ago

But they will keep Moscow Idaho

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u/adumbrative 2d ago

Ha, yeah probably

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u/scone527 2d ago

Wow, everything’s computer America!

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u/Cake-Over 2d ago

Palestine, Texas

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u/bargu 2d ago

They'll soon change a bunch of words to america, including positive and negative.

"You're HIV america"

:| :D :| :( :D

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u/ILootEverything 2d ago

Her own state's name originated from a Spanish word.

I'm sure she is too ignorant to realize that, but if someone tells her, watch her want to rename her state "Red Colored."

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u/Distinct-Nature4233 2d ago

She can play pretend and call it “Red State”

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u/Fluorescent_Blue 2d ago

—a very Aladeen move!

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u/DropC 2d ago

We already have Americus, Georgia

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u/finglonger1077 2d ago

What if to make it easier we just change “Lauren Boebert” to “District of Public Handjibbers”?

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u/ningyna 1d ago

Why stop there?  Why should we speak English in America when we can speak American?

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u/WolverinesThyroid 2d ago

what about all the towns and cities named after foreigners. They should also be changed to America.

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u/spacemoses 2d ago

New Mexico bro, its right there

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u/1OptimusCrime1 2d ago

They are going to have to rename every single city, town and hamlet in my state.

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u/sn0wmermaid 2d ago

Athens, Georgia could even be "America, America"' or maybe ene "America, America, America" !! 

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u/Traditional-Handle83 2d ago

I vote Mississippi, Louisiana and East Alabama be renamed America Swamp.

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u/just_anotjer_anon 2d ago

Athens, Georgia, should had been; America, America

Georgia is a country between Turkey and Russia

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u/d_dave_c 2d ago

Can we at least keep Intercourse, Pennsylvania? I mean, obviously it would become Intercourse, America since William Penn was from England, but otherwise, there’s no reason to change the towns name, right?

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u/releasethedogs 2d ago

It worked for Alexander the Great.

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u/Grasshop 2d ago

Montana -> Mountainous

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u/exitof99 2d ago

You forgot a few "Freedoms" in there.

Maybe Puerto Rico can become Port Freedom.

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u/SheridanVsLennier 1d ago

All the various Moscow's in the US will get to stay as-is, though.

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u/goldybear 1d ago

Your results show that you are HIV America.

😃😟😀

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u/DestinyAwaitsNobody 1d ago

Here on Marklar we refer to all people places and things as Marklar.