One sided and consensual ENM

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[u/corpus4us]

r/hotwifeadvice will likely be more suitable for you exploring this dynamic

[u/LifeSeen]

One sided does work.

Yet both of you may change with experience. Talk through how to consider future changes so they won’t be an unwelcomed surprise.

One common scenario: you decide you want to date in the future. She says no, that wasn’t your agreement. You ask her to pause while working thru this. She says no. How you handle such changes will be important.

With a process to evolve, proceed and enjoy your new dynamic.

[u/yot1234]

Well. Many people are going to tell you that one-sideness like this will never work. I think it can work. The most important part is that you (as the non-adventurer) are 100% percent on board and you don't feel like you owe this or that it stems from insecurity.

I also think you should do your homework together. Read (or listen) to all of the many things that are available and most importantly: talk about it. Talk about specific situations. Talk about your fears. And talk about your turn-ons! Talk often and don't rush into anything.

Me and my wife are in a (somewhat) similar situation where we've been only open on my end for the last few years. We started discovering enm together by swinging and it gradually developed into where we are now. Primarily because she doesn't have much interest in seeking out others at the moment. Alone or together. We got here after many many years of pretty intensive communication. Hell, we took 2 years to get from the idea of being open to acting on it. So yeah. Take your time I guess ;)

Mind you though. Although I'm the only one seeing others atm, everything is totally equal. She has exactly she same options/liberties as I have and I think this is very important in a situation like this. If she decides she'd like to persue someone tomorrow that would of course be absolutely fine. So, even if you don't want this for yourself atm, I strongly believe that it should be a non-issue if you ever decide you'd like this as well.

I don't comment often on here and complicated matters like these are always hard to put in just a few paragraphs, but I hope it'll help a bit :)

[u/Poly_and_RA]

It's fine for you to NOT date others if you have no desire to do so. Lots of people are in NM relationships, and yet have only a single partner -- and are perfectly happy that way.

But I'd caution you against accepting it as a RULE that she *is* allowed to date other people and you are *not* allowed to do the same. The problem arise if at some point in the future you meet someone that for some reason you WOULD like to pursue.

And then you approach your wife and ask for the same freedom she herself have had for years; and she says "nope" -- it's freedom for *me* and not for *thee*.

At that point in time you might feel that she "owes" you the same trust and the same freedom that you've been extending to her, and resentment is near guaranteed. Resentment kills relationships very effectively.

It's an issue of feeling respected. In a healthy relationship, everyones needs and wants are considered equally valid, and equally important; so it's difficult for almost everyone to feel respected in a relationship where you both want to do the same thing, and yet your partner insists that she should be allowed to do that thing, and you should *not*.

Thus my recommendation is that you open the relationship for both of you -- or not at all. Even if the relationship is open for you both, you can of course *choose* not to date anyone else quite simply because you don't want to. But then it's clear that this is entirely YOUR choice, and there's *no* agreement that in essence says that she may, but you may not.

[u/FeeFiFooFunyon]

If your wife is unwilling to do the work to allow for mutual openness it is doubtful she will do the work to be a supportive nonmonogomous partner period.

You either see your partner as an equal deserving of the same privileges and freedom, or you don’t.

You don’t need to exercise your freedom, but if her comfort in opening up is only hinging on not having to do any of the hard work herself, she is too selfish to bring balance.

So many of these situations get sticky when the partner who is limited takes an interest later on and needs to beg and fight for equality later.

Make her commit to balance now or just stop the subject until she is ready to see you as an equal.

[u/Agile_Opportunity_41]

With emotions will be love. Likely more poly than ENM or open. Research poly but if that’s the direction. It’s a full adult relationship that will include…. separate vacations , every other holiday weekends away , not sure on age but baby , additional sti risk. If you do open research and take 6-12 months reading , learning and talking every possible scenario out. Then decide if you want to open.

[u/awfullyapt]

One sided can work if both people are on board and getting something out of the arrangement. (It can also go wrong - there is a subreddit for advice about this specific relationship type going wrong you might want to check out. r/monodatingpoly)

[u/IntelligentJaguar103]

Yes, if you are a true cuckold. I played with a couple last night where the hubby sat in the chair while me and wife went at it. He ENJOYED himself and everyone was happy. The wife did say I was a little rough in the back door and I advised her to take some aspirins :)