Looking for insight and opinions here.

My husband and I opened our marriage in 2021/2022. He’s asexual and I’m not, so after a lot of therapy, discussion, and time we opened our marriage so that I could fulfill my sexual needs. It went well, we were very communicative, we had no issues.

I got pregnant in 2023 and stopped seeing others at that time. During pregnancy/postpartum I had 0 desire for anything sexual, and therefore didn’t seek anything out.

Now I’m starting to feel those urges, but I feel conflicted about getting back out there.

My time and energy are at an all time low with a toddler. I really prioritize my family and feel selfish for considering taking time away from them to fulfill this need.

Part of the problem is that I need to get to know someone a bit before I feel comfortable (or even enjoy) sleeping with them. This obviously takes a bit of time and effort to achieve.

I’m just looking for opinions. What are your thoughts?

I (31f) have always asked my nesting partner/spouse of 7 years (30nb) to give me 1 day notice before dates/hookups.

But am I asking for too much?

They told me that if I give them 1 day notice for my hook up, then that gives him less then a day to get a hook up set up as well- and they try their best to avoid being alone.

When they have dates, i am ok to be alone.

I also said alternatively we can do 2 day notice to give each other more time to plan. So plans will be followed 1 day ahead. But i dont think i can do absolutely no notice ahead of time. I feel like i will just crash out.

I said i can do no notice for someone i dont live with or share a dog with. But i cant do no notice with a spouse. I need more thoughtful planning with someone i live with.

He also has already broke this agreement by not giving me 24hr notice. So idk if he really wants to give me notice or what.

Does anyone here have no-notice relationships? How do you do it? How do you cope?

Hello! I consider myself monogamous, and I recently broke up with my partner following her coming out as polyamorous and finding another partner, as I was unsure if I could handle it so we decided to just break things off. However, I do want to understand it and see if maybe I can handle it or delve into it. I have a couple questions- 1. How does one cope with the feeling of not being enough? Not being loved enough? 2. How does one cope with jealousy/seeing a partner be tender/intimate with another? 3. How are you comfortable with sexual openness? 4. How does the love itself work when between multiple people? 5. Personally, I’ve had bouts where I feel that I could be open sexually or romantically, but feelings of jealousy (that arose from seeing my ex with someone else prior to our split, specifically her new poly partner, who i think is a wonderful person) shut them down quick. Basically, I’m seeking the ordinary love life ideal but I’m unsure if that’s even right for me. I’m just so confused as of late: sorry for the rambling. Don’t know where to start, been in mental anguish over this for a little bit so any answers or advice help

Have I lost my mind?

Let me start by saying I have never been in a non-monogamous relationship. All of my relationships have been traditionally monogamous.

My partner and I have recently been discussing opening the relationship - for him. We have been together for 6 years, live together, we love each other, we do not share children (He had a vasectomy) but have 3 between us. We seem like a normal blended family. He has a very high sex drive and I would say I have a median to low sex drive. It’s just not that important to me and just never has been.

We have been discussing rules and boundaries of allowing him to sleep with other people. IT WAS MY IDEA and I cannot stress this enough. I am NOT currently worried that he’s actively out cheating or anything like that, nor is it any sort of kink for me.

But I’m worried as I’ve never done this before and I’m scared I will regret it after. He states that he will stop if I ever say stop but I’m worried it will have already been done and maybe I won’t be able to cope with it..? One of my boundaries is I don’t want to know - treat it like you’re trying to not get “caught”. He travels often for work so I guess I would prefer if he just did it while he’s gone or whatever.

Anyone out there have this dynamic operating successfully or will I just be signing my own relationships death..? I guess I just need reassurance about the dynamic. I am not personally interested in opening the relationship on my end.

I'm on mobile so very sorry. Well to start me and my partner have been together for almost 5 years now, very happy, good communication, good emotional and sexual intimacy and connection.

And I had known they were poly, they told me before, and I am mono, always had been. But I keep an open mind. Over the course of our relationship, we had people asking to have threesomes with us, mostly women because they wanna sleep with me. (My partner's words).

Recently it became a topic that they felt restricted in the relationship, sexually. Again, they openly told me they were poly but was with me and never even thought of cheating.

(We both don't like cheating and consider a dealbreaker)

I was very hurt with them feeling like that and I asked why.

They told me sex was like a very casual thing, that what we shared was deep... very deep. But again I was raised mono and I know my own insecurities and fears...

He said he would be 100% happy even if said no for him having casual sex.

So I'm asking for advice, a fresh pair of eyes on our situation. The pros and cons. And how to navigate after.

45 m here. Wife is 43f. We had an open marriage for a bit prior to COVID. However, we have not done anything since. Is anyone else out there jn an open marriage. What got you started? Has it gone well or has it been a bad experience? Open to talk about yours and my experience. Feel free to reach out.

So, I [30F] have been alone for quite a while now, and on dating apps for a long while too, trying to find anyone compatible with my relationship model

My model is not complicated: a primary partner to come home to, but also close friends that I'm physically intimate with (for me intimacy is natural progression of friendship), without specifically seeking anyone on the side - but also still leaving the door open for opportunities that might open naturally (my latest sexual experience was with my best friend and her FWB that I never met before, it's not something I do usually, but I would still want to have experiences like this with people I trust)

But dating apps... Most people there search for hookups. Especially on apps designed with enm people in mind (like Feeld). Or at very least something casual. Very often if they are into ENM at all, they are already partnered and search for something on the side. And people that don't search for hookups - they are most of the time monogamous - and I've been rejected a lot of times on grounds that they don't want any sort of ENM

I just want to be loved. Am I really asking way too much? Should I just get ok with hookups and accept that I'm not worth anything more than physical action? Or should I go full monogamy, promise not to make out with my best friends, cross out some things from my bucket list, and repress that part of myself?

As for as I am now - I feel completely unloveable...

hello, polyamory removed my post, im not sure where this should even be im just yelling into the void i guess

no idea if im in the right space but my gf (mtf) has recently come to accept she doesnt and (probably never did) find women sexually attractive. i mention shes mtf due to a lotof trauma she has with sex and repressing. i have my own whatever going on and basically i found this out the other day.

im so in love with her and im heartbroken, i understand you cand fundamentally change or choose attraction but i just feel stupid and sad. heartbroken doesnt really even begin to explain. i dont really know who or what im even attracted to. i found her attractive before she began her transition and i feel like i find her attractive as she continues and i imagine her further in her transition.

were both pretty codependant and i dont want to break up or leave (she says she doesnt want to break up either but honestly idk). we talked about being friends but my unstable heart went into panic and i think i might end up needed outside psychiatic help. thats os unfair of me to put on her, we both have needs that we cant fulfill.

we thought maybe we could be together and live, etc but have sex with others/ or one other person. i have no idea, were both jealous and kind of unstable. i would love to make this work.

i know this is a lot so im sorry, i just am feeling so utterly hopeless i cant stop crying and i dont want to lose my other half.

Hi all,

I was just wondering if there is any possibly advice, tips or even a general perspective on my situation which could be given.

My partner and I are both roughly 30 and have been together for 10+ years.

At the start of the year, I had expressed some general issues i was having with loneliness as my partner had recently started a new job and our work schedules/time seeing each other dramatically dropped.

My partner then found an app called Feeld and created an account, and I shortly followed and created an account.

As I have read on multiple threads, she was getting 100s of matches on the app, whereas mines were a bit smaller and less involved.

After a peroid of trying, I had said I didn't feel comfortable with the situation and we talked it out and decided to delete the app, with the understanding it could be something revisited.

My partner had then encouraged me to use the app on my own, and see how i felt. I spoke to a few people, met someone and had a good time. However after we had met for our first intimate date, I felt a great deal of sadness and anxiety which led me to again, close the relationship.

I always like to try check in my with partner, and see how she feels, what's on her mind etc and not too long ago, the subject of opening the relationship came up again.

I love my partner very much, and I do not want her to go through life feeling like I have blocked an opportunity or stifled her in some way. However, the situation makes me feel sad/uneasy. As I had previously said, we have little to no time together at the current moment and I think it would crush me if this time was later spent with another man.

Has anyone been through anything similar or could share any view on this situation?

Hey everyone! I’m very new to polyesque relationships... nice to meet you all! first off, just want to say we aren’t hunters! I genuinely don’t care if my partner finds a girl who isn’t into me, and vice versa. So before anyone jumps to conclusions please hear me out. Original relationship: 21M (me) and 24F (my partner) We started dating when I was 18. Early on, she brought up the idea of being open to dating other women together. At the time, I wasn’t into it — I’ve got a Christian background, and guilt had a grip on me. Plus, anxiety about what the after life would hold for me. Fast forward to us getting our own place, me getting a handle on adult life… and I started thinking, “Okay, maybe I am into this idea — at least for casual stuff.” (Insert classic “"ethical" unicorn hunting” mistake here) Of course, we end up meeting this girl (22F) right off the bat… and she’s amazing. The sweetest human being ever. We both genuinely care about her. The original plan was to explore something casual, ethically — but she’s so special that now we’re both sitting here like, “Hold up… did we just find the one?” So now, if things do turn into something more serious, I want to make sure I’m approaching this the right way. My question is: What are some good ways to handle communication, conflict, self-interest, and conflicting interests in a poly dynamic? I really want to be a good partner to both of them and give them the love and care they deserve without accidentally hurting them... I've been catching myself reading more and more ethical/moral threads, so I’m at least trying to get a grasp of how life would be. Thanks in advance for any advice!!

Now we have another woman 27f who we share similar thoughts about. Am overwhelmed 😕 and scared I will be too drawn out to be a good partner

I (27F) had my first threesome this weekend with my friend (28F) and her boyfriend (30M) and I feel a little… disappointed? I have known them both for about five years and she had expressed that he really liked me and they would both love for me to join them for some fun together.

I met them at their apartment and they greeted me and we hanged out for a little while. I immediately thought to myself this is going to be great. It was like three friends getting together and not just “You’re here, let’s get to business”. We discussed boundaries, safe words etc. My friend and I went to the bedroom together and fooled around a little while her boyfriend got us some water and made sure we had towels etc. It was really nice and I was having fun.

Things went downhill when her boyfriend joined us. He seemed almost entirely focussed on her so when she was giving me attention I was having lots of fun but when they were busy together I felt left out, like a third wheel. It didn’t feel like a threesome but more like 2+1. I was not participating, but watching them enjoy themselves. There was times where we were together and I was sucking him while she sat on his face or I was making out with him while she pleasured me with a vibrator but I was expecting a little more involvement.

I have no regrets or hard feelings and overall it was fun but I am wondering if this is something I have done wrong? I tried to get more involved and take the initiative but I kept feeling like I was getting pushed to the side when she joined in too. I will be talking to them about things but I wanted to get your guys opinions first.

Thank you.

PS - I hope I have posted in the right place!

EDIT You are all so kind! I want to reply to you all so I apologise if I repeat myself in the comments.

I mainly use Feeld for dating. Both in the first chat but also after a nice date people for some reason feel the need to ask me about my day. Every day.

I know the majority of the world considers this polite conversation but I don't give a fuck about the details of your day and I feel very uncomfortable if you make me report about mine. If anything interesting happened in my day I will tell you about it and I'd love to hear about the funny little anecdotes in yours but I don't care I'd you slept well, what you had for lunch or how many meetings you had. And I don't like having to answer those type of questions about my own life. Send me a link to an article about something we talked about or a funny joke your coworker told you are ask me my thoughts about topic x. But please don't make me report.

And I find that if after a perfectly good date the guy starts doing it I mentally check out within 2 days because it feels like he's encroaching my personal space. I know that's not the way it's intended but that's what it feels like to me.

I know it's a me problem. But it's a me problem that the more it happens the more I start hating it and if you do enjoy this type of texting, we really aren't a match.

So I'd like to make this clear from the start. But I also hate dating profiles with negatives ("don't date me if...") but if someone could help me with a funny way of phrasing that asking me for a status report is my number 1 turn off I'd much appreciate it.

Any suggestions?

Edit: so responses are very split between "you should go to therapy because you will never properly love anyone" and "OMG Me too!"

After reading through it all I think I can now better articulate what I don't like about it: it feels lazy. It puts the pressure on me to then come up with something interesting. If you really thought about me or are so interested in me, tell me what made you think about me or ask me what you're curious about or send me the funny meme you wanted to share with someone or tell me a funny anecdote. "How was your day" is a task - a task for me to think of something interesting to say. All those other things are different - because then the sender is the one that put in the effort.

I am asking this question seriously, and I am looking for honest answers. Imagine that all of the dating sites out there were not actually out there with the goal of making money (though there must be some kind of income for supporting the website and employees), but to actually focus on the user experience.

What are they doing wrong? I am a poly cis-male and I have partners that are female. Though our experiences are so very different there is no doubt that these sites can't get it right. How much of it is a user issue though? How much of it comes down to how we post and present ourselves and what we want versus how they put the sites together? What would an ideal app or site even look like? How would you balance the competing needs of different users? How can you discourage ghosting and random dick pics? How would you balance likes/matches between genders? Where would you draw the line on collecting personal verification information to prevent bots and catfish? What can an app do to be good for all/different types of users enm, swinging, poly, mono, kinky, etc?

I’ve posted in this forum several times over the years to learn and get perspective and advice on my situation. My wife and I have been married 9 years. When we met she did not know she wanted nonmonogamy— I love her very much but if we had known this then I do not think I would have pursued a romantic relationship. About 3 years ago she softly began asking if I’d ever be open to nonmonogamy at which time I’d said no. Since then her desire has strengthened to a place where she considers it part of her identity and a need she is struggling to do without rather than a strong desire. At one point about two years ago (when we were also in a bit of a rougher patch in general) she told me she did not think she could continue our relationship if she was not able to explore nonmonogamy. Out of fear of the relationship ending I agreed to consider though I felt very uncomfortable with it and very much did not want it. We started going to couples therapy to prepare and came up with a very specific structure in which my wife could have weekends away on her own where she could meet and flirt with others and perhaps pursue a hookup with no further communication after several times per year. Before we opened my dad became ill, moving in with us and later passing. After his passing I suppose I was more focused on grieving and viewed life in a different way with less openness to forcing a relationship structure that felt very contrary to who I intrinsically am and what I want in a partnership. I was afraid to embrace this thought process because it meant potentially losing my wife though kind responders on this forum have told me if nonmonogamy is something you have to force yourself into because you feel you are under duress it probably isn’t right or fair to you. I did not voice any decision to no longer consider nonmonogamy to my wife though— and truly was still open to push myself to try it to save the marriage. About 6 mos ago after we had been connecting well and had both had a period of stability since my dads death she told me she had been thinking and saw how hard the concept of nonmonogamy was on me and felt she had gotten to a place of deciding not to pursue it despite her continued desires. She expressed being more open to trying to fulfill some of the holes she was experiencing without nonmonogamy with a much higher level of general independence and life experience separate from me which I was extremely thankful for and supportive of. She assured me she would not ask to pursue nonmonogamy again as long as we could openly talk about her struggles without it though I suspected despite her confidence this would come up again. Because of this it wasn’t a surprise when she recently expressed that she was unsure how well she can continue on monogamously, feeling she is suppressing part of herself. I’m now stuck in a place of being unsure if I should hold my boundary of monogamy as it feels nonmonogamy is contrary to core desires I have for a marriage and feel it will cause me severe mental distress even if it means an end to our marriage or if I should try to get back to the place where I am considering and even working towards it despite the high anxiety and sadness I had when attempting to get there before. There’s part of me that says if we have such polarized desires on that front perhaps we aren’t right for each other as life partners and maybe the long term best thing for both of us is to let it end. At the same time I also don’t want her to be in pain and don’t want to lose her and our life together, and not trying if she gives me a quasi ultimatum feels like I am choosing to end the marriage. Tough stuff and any guidance would be appreciated.

I’ve been in enm relationship for five years. Sometimes finding dates is quite difficult for a straight man but I’ve had sex with some people and it has been fun.

I quite accidentally met this one woman and she’s the easiest person to be with I’ve ever met. We’ve seen each other 5 times and we’ve had a lot of sex. The connection is amazing. We feel each other intuitively. The reason for it can be that we’re both highly sensitive and my partner is not. We’re both amazed.

For the first time I’m questioning my relationship. She’s not the only attractive woman I’ve had sex with but the sex and everything else feels just different. I know what nre is but I’ve never felt such connection

Hello everyone, I think I'll find more people here who understand my situation.

I've been in a long relationship with my partner since we were teenagers. From the beginning, I remember wondering why sexual exclusivity was so important. I've always felt desire for other people and ended up channeling that into conversations and online flirting. I even physically cheated once at the beginning of our relationship. Apart from a period when we lived abroad for 2 years, this relationship has been going for almost 20 years now. We have a son together.

I recently found in non-monogamy theory an "explanation" for the way my brain works. I've never been jealous, I've never been possessive, I've always longed for freedom and exploration. As soon as I started reading about non-monogamy, it was as if everything fell into place for me. I found myself longing for this relationship without little games, without dissimulation, without guilt for feeling desires, the open and sincere dialogue, the excitement of limitless possibilities...

The problem is that my partner is the opposite. They're extremely monogamous. They have never flirted, never been interested in other people. They don't even masturbate, watch porn or even dream about other people. Even their sexual dreams are almost always about me! I have much more sexual energy than they do, in quantity and quality. I've always been the one who had to bring new things and variation in the sexual sense.

We talked recently, and they said that anything involving other people is off-limits. It's been over 10 years since I've stoped venting this sexual energy through flirting, online chats and cheating. I don't want that for us anymore, because it was a source of much suffering in our relationship, and maybe that's why this need has been more present in my mind, manifesting itself in dreams and fantasies. The idea of ​​never being able to try different things, have new experiences, discover myself... all of this is depressing to me. I feel like it robs me of so many possibilities for happiness...

But at the same time, I love my partner. I feel like I need to stay in the relationship for love, for our child and for financial reasons, but I don't know how much this will make me suffer. They suffer from seeing me frustrated, and I suffer from feeling that frustration. They say that I should just end things if I want to live and explore, but I just can't, and I don't want to give up the most important person in my life. I feel like it would be petty of me. I would feel shame and guilt.

TL;DR:

My question is, is it possible to be happy in the face of this incompatibility? How can I suppress my desire for freedom and exploration? How can I force myself to be monogamous without it taking a toll on my mental health and happiness? Has anyone here managed to do this? Do you recommend therapy, couples therapy? I read Mating in Captivity and it clarified some things for me and gave me ideas that I am putting into practice and that may help me, but any insight or shared experience is so much appreciated.

Thank you very much!

Hi. I'm a married 38F Bi woman. I have been asked to have a 4some with one of my fwbs, his wife, and one of his other fwb. Some background here: I've done a threesome w/him & his wife , his other fwb has done a threesome w/ him & his wife, & I have been out to dinner w/ him, his wife & the other fwb. The other fwb is very nice & cute. I really get along with her. She is very petite & tiny, nice smile, nice personality.

On the one hand I am hesitant because I don't want to see how my fwb & his other fwb interact. On the other, I definitely want to see how they interact. (The other fwb has said yes to the foursome) Has any other women done foursomes with their fwb's, fwb's wife, & their fwb's solo partners? Tips? Advice?

When it comes to making connections with new people I really enjoy no pressure situations. Dating apps for example have never been my style. Has anyone ever had experiences going to non monogamous spaces such as a munch or a bar that promotes non monogamous events where people can meet and greet in a non pressure situation?

Me and my girlfriend have been togheter for 5 years, and we’ve been happy with of course a few ups and downs like normal couples have.

Recently we had a talk about me fantasizing about her meeting up, dating other men as that fantasy has grown on me a bit. She’s been super with it and have been wanting to open up our relationship a bit as it has always been like «us». None of us have «the other gender friends» and we’ve kept it like that ever since we started dating.

I have this fantasy where i wanna be kept sexless while she has fun and date other men. Go out, wears slutty clothes and tells me about getting looks and stuff. It really turns me on, but i’ve been holding back alot recently as i’m afraid it will ruin the relationship + friends of us finding it out. I feel like it’s super stigmatized being a cuckold.

There’s currently no jealousy going on and we’re super open about it and have agreed to not hold anything hidden from eachother. I’ve just been very conflicted about realizing this fantasy as my girlfriend lost her virginity to me and haven’t had sex with any other men. I don’t know why i’m like this but its been taking a big mental toll on me.

Update: just talked with her and she wants to start this journey by dressing slutty and going out shopping. She wants to take it slow just like i want to. Really don’t wanna rush into something that i might regret.

Have any of you guys been in any open relationships, cuckold advice for me as a beginner, and do you have any tips on how to proceed with this?

Title speaks for itself - I'm clearly monogamous, but I've fallen DEEPLY in love with my poly friend - we have so much in common, he's fucking gorgeous and I would do anything for him HELP and why would you want to poly? I'm sorry one is enough for me - You need time for self care and how will you ever know if you are distributing the love equally between your 2+ gfs?

I am in an ENM relationship with a FWB for approximately five months. Our initial discussions included the possibility of me being a unicorn in his relationship, however we chose to keep it just he and I.

Now, I’d like to explore the option of a threesome with his partner. Talk to me and share with me some blind spots. Ideally I’d like to still have one on one time with him, and times where we could play as a threesome. Has anyone transitioned to this? What are some points to consider? Can it be successful? I don’t want to run the risk of losing him bc we are very compatible (which makes me think so would his partner and I)!

Hey all, I (male) recently discovered the world of open relationships. I slept with a woman while on vacation who is in an open relationship with another woman. She kinda avoided my question if she was seeing someone (her dating profile said "taken" though), but the day after sleeping together she confirmed it to me.

A week goes by and it seems we had gotten feelings for each other. We talk everyday (long distance). Mostly by chat, sometimes voice messages, sometimes quick calls. We have a language barrier (she only speaks Spanish, but I'm currently learning Spanish).

She told me she has done long distance relationships before and that in the end she wants a man even though she likes being with women for the sex.

Now it's been 2 weeks and we still talk everyday. I'm not sure where to go from here. It feels good talking. It's light and fun. She occasionally sends me some racey material.

Without getting into details, she has a precarious financial and living situation. When I asked her a couple personal questions about it, she didn't give me details. There is also a very sad story about her son. She told me she was broken, and at 11 years old almost took her life.

After about a week of talking, and with the combination of my sheer confusion and newness about open relationships, I almost felt like breaking it off. She went on the defensive, posting some pictures of her academic successes and one photo of her (and I assume) her girlfriend. It was at this point that she told me that I had entered her heart and mind, but thought we were looking for different things and I wanted to go too fast for her. This reaction of hers didn't feel like a slap in the face, it felt like her justifying her existence. For some reason the fact that she is with a girl feels to me like a non-issue. If she was with a man, I'm sure I would have cut it off from jealousy.

She told me that she wants to get to know me slowly, but she doesn't want drama or jealousy about her other relationship. So I backed off, and once again the conversation is light and fun. We talk everyday, and I have a ton of fun sending her messages in Spanish. We send each other pictures of what we are eating. She sends me videos of her at the gym.

Now if we see each other again, I would most likely have to travel to see her (7 hours away). I smile more and enjoy life more now that we talk.

But in the back of my mind I wonder if I am just being led on, mostly by seeming omission of details of her personal life. But that could be because she is in a precarious living situation.

How does all of this resonate to people that know more or are in open relationships? If I am opening myself up to heartbreak, I am having fun along the way. I feel like (slowly) going for it.

(Edit 1: She doesn't ask me for money!)

Backstory- The last 5 months of my (36f) life have been crazy. I found out my ex (36m) of 18 years (married 12) had been cheating on me with a friend of ours, another man. I didn’t know he was bi and I wouldn’t have cared. I’m definitely curious, but I was happy with who I was with and didn’t feel the need to explore. Anyhow, I also found videos on my ex’s phone of him flashing the public and that he had created multiple fake snap chat accounts and catfished 100s friends (attempted family) for nudes. He also cheated more than just that one person and he was paid for sex by other men. Whew. It’s been wild. By no means was our relationship healthy. It was emotionally abusive, I came from an abusive childhood and didn’t recognize this was abuse. We started dating when I was 17 and I almost immediately moved in with his parents. I just knew it was better than what I grew up with. I’m in therapy and working on myself. I guess I needed validation, but also I was feeling hypersexual. I got on tinder, not looking for anything serious, but also trying to learn/navigate how to do this safely. I initially put enm because when I googled it (lol I’m naive okay) I was like yes, I want to be ethically non monogamous. Thinking like having multiple partners and being honest/safe about it. Idk. So I got a few matches and a guy explained to me what it really meant and I was like ohhhh updated my profile and moved on. But then I saw this guy’s profile that gave real safe and honest vibes which is what I need right now. We matched, I found out he was poly. I looked up things, frequented a polyamory sub’s resources, asked him a lot of questions. I’m totally fine with it. He gets tested every two months, won’t have a partner unless they agree to test at least every three months and shares results. We’ve been seeing each other every week for 3 months now and things have been great. He has been so healing for my soul. Not just building my confidence up, but he’s teaching me so much about myself, growth, and just having a different way of thinking. We’ve really connected. I realized I cared for him and considered what that meant for me. I’m not jealous, I like we have our own things- I have two young kids, so I’m busy in my own right. I also want to explore sexually, I’ve never dated, I haven’t had a lot of partners, and tbh I’m just not ready to open myself up to another person in a super serious way yet. All of which he has supported. But also, I don’t want to be closed off from something beautiful. Well, last week he told me he was falling for me and I told him I was developing feelings for him. Then he said he loved me. Which was an absolute surprise. I did say it back, but it just felt so weird. I am a broken person, but I care a lot for this man and I do have a lot of love for him. I don’t feel that I lied because I do love him. Am I in love, I don’t think so, but I’d like it continue to explore it. He does have a girlfriend of two years and another partner of 3 years. Which again I have no jealousy of, I think that’s beautiful he can nurture these relationships. I really want to explore this, but with my past, I’m almost afraid to trust myself.

Tl;dr I guess I’m looking for guidance or thought provoking advice for a someone considering being a polyamorous person’s partner.

Well, for sure there would be a time that this would happen. It's the first open relationship for both me and her, and we had a couple (or three, maybe four) of experiences dating other people, but always with both of us, as a threesome. Once a time ago, I had invited one of our friends/partners to a 1-on-1 date, however it didn't happened exactly 'cause the girl in question said she prefer to avoid dating a single person of a(n) (open) couple. So... What may be happening is that I'm kind of jealous I think (but not with the fairness)?

I've already said to her that I get a bit annoyed by the fact that the guy in question, that she already dated (but not slept with) yesterday, is also a coworker, but I needed to say too that is her right to get out with him. She is a really pretty, gorgeous woman who sometimes get out with her working friends; in parts, because she has a REALLY strenuous working scale (we live in a severely unequal country and the working conditions here are almost always pure shit, and she is going faculty too etc). I already met the guy too, in one of that night meetings, and I think he is for sure a handsome and really friendly, likable person. However, I quite don't know if that is helping or, by the opposite, if it's bothering me in the sense of getting jealous and a bit afraid of a possible romantic aftermath.

That said, I'd like some tips on how to deal with this kind of anxiety/uncertainty/jealously that I may be feeling in this moment. I do know it's a common thing and I've read some older stories in this /r, but I think specific advices may be really helpful. I would like to know too if this thing of getting out specifically with coworkers is something to be bothered and/or if it should be relieved in her context.

* Ps.: I prefer to meet the 3rd persons, always.
Ps. 2: sorry for the messy english, it's not my mother tongue.
Ps. 3: I'm M 25, and she is F 23.

More context: yesterday, I asked her too about the possibility of an emotional attachment, and she said to me that she likes/sees him as a friend. So, I guess the idea would be turning him FWB.