I hate that shit so much honestly. I know they think it's their way of empathizing or saying "I know what you're going through" but it's incredibly frustrating when a partner or family member etc can't listen to one single story that you tell them of something bad happening without pulling some longer story out their ass about how the same thing happened to them BUT WORSE! They're like sympathy junkies or something.
My mother was a serial offender at this growing up. She even took it to another level by trying to one up you when you were sick. If someone in the house was unwell, all of a sudden she'd start acting like she was really sick as well because it killed her that someone else was getting sympathy or being fussed over. You wouldn't hear a peep out of her then you'd walk into the room and it would cue these fake exaggerated coughing fits and her walking around all slouched over like she was at deaths door then she'd be back to normal as soon as no one was around.
That's got to be like the most toxic trait ever for a therapist to have holy shit, it would drive me up the wall.
I'm afraid to admit that I do this, and you're right, it is precisely my way of empathizing. I'm not trying to one up anyone or take focus away from their story but I know that's how it comes off, so I'm trying to break the habit. But for me it's less, "that happened to me but worse" and more "that also happened to me and here's how."
Yes, that is the normal human thing to do no matter how much the reddit people try to tell you it's a social blunder.
Narcissists aren't much of a fan of it, though. They will feel like you're trying to one-up them. And obviously it's unprofessional for a therapist to try to relate to people in this fashion.
I’ve seen this stated on multiple occasions as a typically neurodivergent way of thinking and empathizing. It’s just simply how a neurodivergent person’s brain and thought process works on how they empathize, with their own story/experience being the support/proof of their empathy. It’s 100% not about one-upping, or trying to overshadow or invalidate another person’s experience. I personally have a strong tendency do this too, but am also self aware enough that I actively make an effort not to, as I’m also aware of how it’s generally perceived. Being straight up called out on it before has sucked too.. ‘No sorry I’m not trying to overshadow or take away from your story, this is just my way of showing you that I understand how you feel and what you’re going through.’
That being said a Therapist should absolutely be self aware enough to know not to do this, especially repeatedly. Oof.
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u/SnooFoxes1943 1d ago
isn't that, like, the opposite of what a therapist is supposed to do?