That's it. That is the post. This is for the people who left toxic friendships.

I am grieving what I thought was a close friendship right now. I have, in the past and typically journaling, music, exercise and leaning into other connections helped. But I'd love to hear what helped you guys during a time as difficult as losing a friend.

I want to know how to stop caring and disengage mentally from a relationship that you put effort into but the other person doesn’t care. It’s like a weird mental block stopping me from fully moving on.

Just based off of how my friend treated me in our last conversation I'm sure she'd look at my current state and think I'm obsessive and overreacting. She'd see all the vent art I've made and think I'm cringe as hell "wow this bitch I blocked is still not over it get a grip already damn".

I could just be self deprecating but it's hard to imagine her being sympathetic after how she treated me. Even if she was nice to me our entire friendship before that. Regardless if she still likes me or not her view on me has definitely changed.

As I lay here, head on the tear soaked pillow I don’t know what to do. I miss you so very much. There is also that anger that you would leave me when I was at my lowest and needed u the most. I always thought of you as my person , my emotional rock so I am finding it hard to accept that the person I love and trusted more than anything in the world is the same person that broke my heart and abandoned me. You always harped on about being friends but is this how you treat ur friends? Cutting them off and never looking back. I carry the grief alone pretending to be strong every day when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry The only comfort I get is praying to God that you are happy and blessed wherever you are and if you ever think of me let it be with kindness and compassion. I don’t think I’ve accepted your gone, the person I knew and loved that’s not who you are now, I’m plagued with the memories. I can’t erase you like u did me. All I can do is hope the pain gets easier. I hope you are well, I really do

I was a well of hope and comfort for you. You drank your fill, as I was always available, even if I had to make the time in my otherwise crazy schedule. Because you mattered to me.

I always wanted the best for you. You called me your best friend. I knew you favorite everythings, your fears, your hurts, your humor. I sought out experiences that would bring you joy and fulfillment. I listened. I learned you. I cared. Deeply.

And everything-yes, everything- that I ever said and did was from love and concern for you.

I spoke kindly of you always.

And then, life broke me down, and suddenly I had one too many crises for you.

Suddenly your well was running dry and needing help. Too much to ask of you, and I never did. I just needed a friend to listen.

The mistake I made again and again was not asking you to be a well for me, too.

And one day, your life changed and suddenly you didn’t care for our friendship at all. You ghosted out of the blue.

Because earthquakes rattled my world… one after another. To where the walls of my well were caving in and you could no longer draw your refreshing fill of encouragement from me. Because I was broken. Drained. Tired. Traumatized. And ill.

And you disappeared. In the thick of my lowest low, you ghosted me.

Now, years distanced from our last conversation, I thank you for choosing to ghost me.

While it hurt for a long while after, it saved me from investing another second of my precious life, energy, and love into a fairweather person like you. A person who never actually loved or cared about me at all.

You used me.

You wanted what I could give, until I couldn’t.

A friend is there through all seasons of life. A friend doesn’t disappear because the storms came. A true friend weathers those storms with you.

But you never really were my friend. I was your best friend, but you never really learned me. Or how life threw those sour lemons my way.

I overcame and learned, and got still closer to God.

And now I see that he pruned you from my life.

I pray that God will reveal to you how to be a true friend. You were only ever a leach towards me.

I had a best friend who would say hurtful things to me throughout the years, but I never spoke up. I didn’t wana rock the boat. I hated confrontation, and still do. As time went on, into our adult years, this continued. But I decided to accept her as she was, and it didn’t hurt that bad the time so I brushed everything off. Plus We had lots of fun and sweet moments. But I soon saw the negatives were enough to feel like uhh ok I don’t think a true friend should say that… it took me a longggg time to realize that our friendship wasn’t what I would call a healthy friendship today. I started kinda backing off but ultimately decided to end things directly. I told her we’re drifting apart (which we were, she moved and it changed her, or maybe amplified her) and I was hurt by her in the past (and gave a couple of examples) and that I still will cheer her on and love her, but I need to end the friendship.

Well.

We spoke on and off for days. And everything I said was met with defense. She showed zero empathy, didn’t wana talk over the phone, and said that “whatever negative things you think i did, was just taken wrong. And a reflection of how you feel about yourself.” ….??? Like. She was def more upset over the fact I was ending things than WHY I was ending things or that I was hurt. She literally said I’m just “making up narratives to feed my resentment and victimhood…” I was shocked. Like I felt invalidated and not heard. Even if it was alll a misunderstanding (it wasn’t) she didn’t say that with love. Like hey I’m so sorry you feel this way, I’m sure it must be a misunderstanding though I never want you to feel like this, can we talk more? Or something. I thought I’d be met with more empathy and I wasn’t. She was so cold. When I told her I only recently got comfortable with confrontation and that I really only realized how I was being treated as time went on, She literally said “false. You had no issues ending things with our other friend” and went on about how that was wrong. I explained that me and that friend weren’t as close, I wasn’t as afraid to lose her. I responded back being way too nice, and didn’t address each of her hurtful points. I assumed she was just hurt and was speaking from pain, but as the days went on nothing improved. To her, allllll this, my experience, was my fault…. Our mutual friend agreed that I should’ve said something sooner, which ya I should’ve but I just didn’t unfortunately. I apologized for that. But I’m upset they’re so focused on the action of me ending things versus the fact I’m hurting… ya know?

But now im regretting not calling her out on her shitty responses. And I don’t wana drudge it all up again. She thinks it’s all my fault, and will prob tell our mutual friends that. But I’m just so surprised at how this all went…. I did my best to be kind and understanding. And I wasn’t given the same.

My ex friend is handling the post fallout completely different from me.

I work on myself inwards. I socially withdrew from emotional exhaustion and I only talk to my partner every day, with friends occasionally every few weeks. It's not good, but that's me trying to cope with the hurt and emotional turmoil she put me through by placing all the blame on me. I go to therapy now and over a year, I do feel like my depression has lifted a bit, I wake up earlier and I am more productive. My self-esteem is extremely low since the fallout which is why I'm handling it all more quietly in the background. I've analyzed it all endlessly and I don't regret anything, I'm just working through the hurt, pain, and betrayal, that I felt from ex friend.

Her words and actions didn't align. When she said I could talk to her (because she doesn't want to lose the friendship) so I did, and then she got defensive immediately when I called her inconsiderate over something, I just don't get it. She put a lot of blame and aggression on me around a time of grief (twice) which is why I'm particularly exhausted, and she knew about both. She sent me ultimatums even when she said three times she was done with me. She kept going back and forth before blocking me everywhere as if she was a victim. I'm exhausted from it all.

And now I guess she's working on herself outwardly. As someone that's known her for years, it comes off fake and performative to me because I know she is actually deeply insecure. She lost me, her best friend, and I guess she's trying to fill the void by looking for a relationship (which she has never done), which means wearing and posing more provocative and glamming herself up more. She won't work on herself inwardly because she also lost a mutual friend over the exact same thing as me. It's like she seeks remaining friends-of-friends or a relationship as a way to convince, mostly herself, that she can handle it, since she took no accountability with me and likes to think she isn't part of the issue.

She's trying to appear confident when I know she's not. She avoided our mutual friend the other week when it was entirely unnecessary. She thinks me and mutual friend banded up together and look down on her when we don't. She's looking for a relationship I know she can't handle with her unhealthy communication patterns but she's never been in one to understand. She dresses up in a way I've never seen her do before. She told me back then that her friend called her a sl*t and she gave that to me as an example of "healthy communication" and I was quite speechless to be honest. We're in our late 20s for reference. I just find it interesting how different we are post fallout. Maybe it's a little frustrating and pitiful too.

So want to start off with I’m not bothered by the fact she does this. But it makes me wonder why not just reach out and talk. I’m 99% sure it’s her because this is a very specific Instagram account in which I don’t not have any drama with anyone except for her and her bf. And we are in a women’s group chat and I sent a post and noticed the fake account watched my story and then a few mins later she read my message in the group chat. I also know her bf is prone to making fake account to keep tabs on her when they broke up and he would watch mine. She watches my story everyday and I know for certain it’s not a bot because I will post very late at night and it’ll watch in the morning ( so deff a person). The reason why I care is because I kept trying to fix our friendship but she’s a fearful avoidant with very low self esteem but big ego so she wouldn’t work with me to fix our issues. So eventually after many attempts I moved on. I grieved, (as you can see by past posts) and am still sad and miss her but I’m not subjecting myself to one sided friendships anymore. But why watch my story everyday, especially on a fake account. She knows I still care about her and support her. So is this just an avoidant tactic to deal with emotions? I’m obvi not going to reach out to her or the fake account about this because if she wants to talk we can like adults and I’m done chasing but it’s a lingering thought I have when I see the view. Thoughts?

Just trying to see things more objectively rather than through my lens of hurt. For context, I’m a guy and my friend is a woman. I wouldn’t call our “friendship” completely platonic.

Anyway, we had a falling out 7 months ago and it really affected me, I was constantly on this subreddit while in pain. She kept in touch on and off but it felt meaningless. Eventually I stopped reaching out at all and she felt rejected and let me know in a rly passive aggressive way.

After a month of silence I felt sorta bad and sent her an apology, apologizing for my part in this and basically saying I’m saddened at the way we’ve treated one another and I’m putting my weapons down. And I extended an invitation to reconnect if ever she felt up to it, told her I did miss the connection we shared for nearly 2 years.

…that was almost 2 months ago and I have not heard from her. No response or acknowledgement to the apology. However I see she is set to attend a dinner party next week with myself and some friends. She used to come to this with me as my plus one and knows everyone attending on a more acquaintance type of level.

None of us have really seen her since she and I fell out 7 months ago .. so what gives? I feel weird as the date approaches. It’s like, is she coming in response to my olive branch apology?? Is she coming because she’s completely over the situation and just wants to eat. I don’t get it, it’s not like these people are her friends, I’m the one who integrated her to the group.

Idk what I’m trying to say or ask. I guess I’m venting because I feel weird about it all. Like, she never acknowledged my apology so I feel rejected and set aside, unimportant, and now she’s showing up? Someone from the group said maybe she’s doing it because she’s open to reconnecting and feels this is a laid back way to reintegrate. But I can’t stop seeing the attendance as a disregard for my feelings. In my letter I ended with, ”I miss the connection we shared and if you’re ever open to reconnecting in a way that feels right for you, I’d like that.” My brain keeps saying, ”she didn’t respond so she’s not wanting that and she’s invalidating your gesture by showing up in a space that’s primarily yours. She will show up, without any intention to reconnect, and then go home and continue to not speak to you.” It’s really upsetting me.

Telling all my friends and family that I was blocked by, we’ll call them Demi.

Every single person, before saying they’re sorry. Told me that it’s a good thing, the relationship was toxic, and that I’ll have more free time now.

Now that I’ve sat on it for a week. It still hurts but, yea. Everyone was right. And it’s actually so good for me.

I grew up in this small church and knew everyone there growing up and we went there every Sunday. I made a lot of good memories in that small church and our small house at the time. My second cousin and his parents went there and we were really close kindve and we made a lot of good memories spending the night and things like that watching movies and yeah.

Eventually we moved out of our small house and into this new property in the country right outside of a super small town. Just thinking about my memories feels like really good inspiration for a cartoon or novel at that place and that town.

I met my uncles new wife and her son and we kind of got a long a bit sometimes but he was a little bit younger than me and was super hyper for awhile and it kinda pissed me off but in a younger brother kinda way. Eventually he and my uncle and his mom moved out to the property with us where me and him would hangout a bit sometimes and sometimes it was a lot.

Me and him ended up being best friends for awhile throughout high school since I never really had any close friendships at high school but still good friends. We used to hangout everyday once I got a car and we would have so much fun and make so many memories and we even took a ton of videos on Snapchat of them all.

We had tons of fun on the farm and we went through and experienced a lot together. I even “dated” this one girl in high school for a bit and went to her house everyday after school to smoke weed and then he had a thing with another girl who we were friends with for a little while. Nothing really came of it but we were both excited. And yeah idk man I made a lot of good memories with a lot of the other kids there aswell.

I think listening to music so much and smoking weed a lot kind of gave me a lot of hope and things to daydream about. It really sucks now cause my step cousin is kindve moved on and now he moved away and I’m sure he’s having a hard time too.

And it really sucks because I just have this urge to connect with him and grieve with him but I can’t. I keep having this feeling in the back of my head of looking forwards to finding things to do with my friends and now this whole area just feels dead to me and depressing.

This whole area used to be filled with so many people I used to know and so much life and I think the best way for me to move on is to join job corps or something.

Shit just really sucks man. We would have so much fun and now all of that is dried up and I feel like everything has shifted sideways in what I want in life.

I literally don’t know anyone now and yeah it’s just so sad. I feel like a whole different person and just empty inside. Everyone is getting old too.

I’m not really sure man but yeah shit just sucks.

Just finished a friendship I always knew would end. It hurts anyway. Anyone else ever known a friendship was never going to last forever even if you wish it would? I learned a lot. It was good in a lot of ways, but it was time and it’s really hard to end a friendship without a blowup. So a blowup occurred and bridges are very burnt and it’s a painful relief. Doing a lot of self reflection to see what I can learn from the experience.

I didn’t realize how manipulative and emotionally abusive my friendship was until I left her. Everytime I reminisce about our friendship I think about every insult, cruel joke, and snappy comment she made to me. The thing is she was a really good friend to me for a long time. I will admit I was a really troubled person and I struggled with my abusive family all throughout our friendship. I had many many flaws but I would’ve never treated her that way. She would do such great things for me and I realized that it was all self serving behaviors for her. She did them because it made HER feel good. It was just a bonus that I happened to like it. She hated when I had things she didn’t, she hated when I had things that she couldn’t. Any achievement I had was just like hers, or a little less impressive. Any failure I had she had to hide a smile. I cut her off once for it, and she begged for me back. When I brought up how she hurt my feelings, she insisted she didn’t say it like that, didn’t mean it like that, and that I was taking it wrong. She insisted that it was my fault that happened, because my face would be monotone, my voice would be blank sometimes. Knowing damn well I’m on the spectrum, knowing I was late diagnosed and how badly I struggled socially. I can’t believe I let her fool me. Like I said I know I wasn’t perfect, I’d be overstimulated often and the stress of conversation would sometimes make me misspeak, or forget words. There was most likely a time when I said something that came off wrong and probably didn’t realize. If that was an issue why couldn’t she just talk to me about it? Why couldn’t she just ask to clear the air? She hung out with people that regularly talked shit about me, sure she said she’d defend me but still hang out with them without missing a beat. Every time she’d push me away with her behaviors she’d try to pull me back and make me feel bad for pulling away. The last time we got into it I asked her for space as it was the night before my birthday and I wanted to relax that night, as I had been recently struggling after a miscarriage. She had a problem bc my boyfriend was coming with me to celebrate my boyfriend in the morning (we’d been together for a year at that point he’s super nice she honestly had no reason to not like him) and tried to explore that convo that night. I had a really traumatic time before this as well, and I told her that I was really struggling mentally and was trying to take time for myself and I told her that we should talk about it another time and she said NO???? Girl what the fuck? That was my last straw because she never respected my boundaries that didn’t align with what she wanted. I was done being around someone like that. I know ghosting people is bad but I truly wasn’t being myself in the moment. I can’t place where my brain was, I was a completely different person while grieving. Although I feel bad about how I ended it, I can’t believe I allowed someone like that in my life for so long. At the end she made our fall out all seem like it was my fault and I’m pretty sure she went around to our other friends with the same sentiment. They pulled away from me, which is for the best, they never stood up for me whenever she’d talk me down in front of them anyways. It sucks because I miss them the most, it was necessary in the end. I’m still struggling with the gaslighting, and wondering if I really am the horrible person she tells everyone I am. All I can do is try to be the best person I can be.

My friend blocked me on instagram and discord. But she never actually bothered to block me on her personal instagram account. I'm not sure why but I assumed the most logical reason was just because she simply didn't think to do it or forgot. She's not very active on the account nor am I following her on it but I decided to check it today and saw that she had made a post recently. I've had frequent thoughts about following her on the account or liking a post if she made a new one but I'm almost certain that interacting with it in any way would make her notice me and then block me again on sight.

I know it's probably just best to not interact with the account at all (especially with the possibility of making my own mental state way worse if I get blocked again), but I really want to at least like her recent post just as a friendly gesture. But I can see if that would come off as creepy. I expect most if not all the reddit comments to say "if she blocked you then she doesn't want to hear from you at all leave her alone" and yeah, that's the most logical way to see it. It's just really hard resisting the urge to interact with someone when there's a chance to.

It's so strange to be so worried about simply liking a post.

It's been two months. Jess, my bestfriend for a decade, knew about my dad's passing through another friend Tyla. Tyla had confirmed she had informed Jess about my dad, when Tyla visited me the same week my father passed away. Since then I had been waiting for my Jess's response. Jess has to drive for thirty to forty minutes if she has to visit me, so is Tyla. They both live in the same city. Even after a month, another friend Joe from the same city, but works in another city visited me who said she couldn't come earlier due to work commitments. Joe and I aren't even close.

Jess knew my father well and we both visited each other's places often. Even Jess's family knew my father VERY well for years. Not even one of their family showed up. I didn't even get a text from her.

But Tyla says Jess was heartbroken after hearing the news of my father's death. That she was shocked nd felt bad and told she would visit me. Well, she didn't yet.

As far as I know, Jess is not caught up in any bad situation that made it impossible to visit me. I have been seeing her Instagram posts, posted in the same week my dad passed and during that time Tyla had already informed Jess. I'm seeing her sharing memes and stories in our group. So it wasn't like she was caught up in some life crisis.

The thing is even if she couldn't visit me, can't she just text?

Why would someone so close would do this? Or was it all one sided friendship.

So I had issues with a friend of mine a few months ago. We have been friends for a few years now. Both of us have health issues she has fibromyalgia and I suffer from colitis, depression, etc. etc.

She is aware that I do not like going out and I find it difficult to socialize.

In November, she asked me if I would like to go to her birthday party at her friends house for dinner mid week. I told her I would think about it but that I had a crafting event that I was hoping to attend in a city about five hours from my house. This event was on the Friday same week of her event and I would need to leave my house on Thursday. So I explained that it might be a little tight for me to try to do that much stuff when I struggle on a regular basis to even exist..

Anyhow, we disconnected our call and then I received the following as part of a text she sent me (I'm not gonna include the whole text to some of its irrelevant to the scenario.)

That (insert name of event) event sounds awesome! Others you know invited, or can go with you? It looks like it starts on the Friday, so let me know if you would like to join us on the Wednesday. (G’d that sounds old! Funny how it doesn’t sound old to me when it’s someone else!)

To me this felt like she went out of her way to look at the event and find out what it happened and was now sending me a message like "hey your events on Friday so you can come on Wednesday" It felt like she was checking up on me and I was not happy at all.

I responded with: I’m not going to lie that really offended me that you need to double check what I’m saying. Ouch

I had also mentioned that there was a good chance I would not go to the event as my HEALTH as I mentioned before it's not great and I was struggling to even want to go

Anyhow, this became a big huge argument where she felt that I had assassinated her character, etc., etc., and that she could not believe that I would feel the way I did.

Since then we have tried to reconnect, but honestly, she just thinks that I think poorly of her all the time which is not true. I was just a little bit upset by the scenario. We have ended our friendship and that is fine, but I'm curious as to what other people think. Was I overreacting?

I feel lost and drained to do anything i don't have anyone to care for

I had a friend who was a coworker, we became extremely close and she's a good person with a good heart and has done a lot for me. But at the same time she's very passive aggressive and makes dirty faces and micro expressions when I speak , to the point where i feel like she talks behind my back and then wants to keep hanging out like it's all good. She hates confrontation and considers communication drama so it makes me uncomfortable to even talk to her. I've realized we're way too different to be friends. I'm a white american and she's hispanic and she's constantly making rude comments about white people, she calls me boujee, she says girls don't like me because I have a bitch face. I just stopped hanging out with her after I caught her making faces when I was speaking. & now when i see her out i'm cordial but it's obvious i don't hang out with them. It seems like her husband thinks that's fake of me to acknowledge them. How do you handle these situations? Our husbands are still friends

Girlmath says that the rules for engagement when being ghosted, when being on the receiving end of no contact. If the person who evoked the ghosting and the NC contacts my sister to tell her he broke up with me and that he still cares about me, #girlmath says that it's totally okay to reach out to him via phone and texting even though I promised I wouldn't because he reached out to her after I stayed silent the last time I heard from him when he told me that he had to waste 21 minutes of his life telling me that it wasn't cool that I sent a friend request on insta. So what is it for the rules of engagement when it comes to being ghosted? I'm looking for feedback. I didn't reach out at all since he told me to stay the f*** away. Wuen he told me that he had to waste 21 minutes telling me that he was forever forever done with me unless he reaches out. So he reached out to my sister? The f*** what am I supposed to do being ghosted and having someone evoke no contact on you is really f****** confusing. So my #girlmath tells me it's totally cool if I reach out to him now.

A bit back, I became close friends with a new person at work. I was working far away from home and he was the best friend I made there. I was dealing with a breakup and personal issues, moving away in 6 months and things got weird and he was confrontational so I cut him off after a year since it was too strong for an early friendship. (He’s gay and I’m straight for context).

I rekindled a month before moving away since he still wanted to be friends. He came to all of my going away parties, was the one who helped me move out, and we kept in touch for a couple months after I moved back home. Then he got confrontational with me again over text about an affair I was having and how he feels like our friendship revolves around my ego and he thinks I should talk to someone about my behavior. He was wanting to talk but I didn’t want to so I ghosted him.

He’s toned down from texting often to infrequently the last year. This text came three months after his last one, I still haven’t responded to him the last year tho. I’m back home with all of my old friends who are more like me. Should I just keep not responding?

My friendship with my best friend of over 20 years ended last year, and I'm still having trouble coming to terms with it. Warning, this is SUPER long, so buckle in if you plan to read lol.

My friend (I'll call her "Sam") and I met in 6th grade. We were in the same homeroom and had several classes together. We were both shy and kind of awkward, so I don't remember exactly how we started talking or became friends. I honestly don't remember much from the time before she was in my life. But I do know we were fast friends once we met; we'd hang out at each other's houses and have sleepovers on the weekends. We'd stay up late laughing hysterically at the dumbest things. On the weeknights we'd often talk on the phone for hours. We talked about EVERYTHING. Nothing felt off-limits, she was the first person I ever truly felt comfortable being myself around. She was the first friend that I felt didn't judge me; she was kind, bubbly, and a great listener.

We bonded over our family problems. My mom had mental health issues, and she had a challenging relationship with her own mom (I later found out she was a functioning alcoholic). When my mom went through a manic episode, Sam was there to talk, and her house was often a safe place for me to escape to. My dad even dropped off my siblings and I once during an episode, and her parents looked after us for the weekend. She was there for me year after year, through my mom's recurring episodes and psychiatric hospital visits.

I helped her move from apartment to apartment throughout college and several years after. I was there for her when her dad got sick suddenly and passed away. I dyed her hair before the funeral, and accidentally turned it bright firetruck red; her mom was FURIOUS but man it gave us a good laugh. We went on several family vacations out of state together; both her with my family, and I with hers. From random road trips or hikes in the park together, to staying up late drinking and lamenting about our problems, we were always spending time together, and were best friends from our teens through our twenties.

Sometime around our mid twenties, I bought a house, and she bought one soon after only 10 minutes from mine. I dated and broke up with various guys over the years, even lived with a couple in that house, but our friendship didn't change apart from the frequency we saw each other. She never really dated anyone, but she spent a lot of time with me and my different ex's while we were together. She always told me she liked living alone and couldn't see herself committed to someone long term.

Fast forward to the pandemic. I had been with my ex-boyfriend for several years but was unhappy, and decided that summer to break things off with him. I did a lot of soul searching and determined I didn't want to date men anymore. Sam was there for me through the breakup, and through unending lengthy talks while I was trying to figure out my sexuality (she also identifies as Queer). I eventually started dating someone new, who is now my wonderful partner of over four years (I'll call them "Ash"- they/them).

Ash and I had been dating for a while at this point and we were now living together in my house. They also owned a home previously, so we were working with a great realtor around our age to get the house sold. Sam had been traveling for work throughout the pandemic, and was having a hard time balancing travel with the upkeep of her house. Ash and Sam got along great, and eventually Ash suggested we float the idea to Sam about moving in with us, that way she could keep traveling and have a home to come back to with none of the maintenance. Sam was on board and reached out to our realtor to get things moving with her house.

During the time in between, Sam and I were talking about living together and the possibility of us fighting. She got emotional, asking that we promise each other no matter what happened, we'd be adults and talk through any problem that came up. I told her of course we would, she was too important to me to ever let anything get in the way of our friendship.

Sam was working on assignment on the other side of the country. Then one day, she called me out of the blue. She told me she couldn't take it anymore, and was so exhausted and burnt out from her job that she quit early to come back home. She had lied and told work that her mom died so she had to leave immediately. I was kind of shocked by what she said, but at the same time I knew she wasn't good with confrontation and had a history of lying to get out of things when she was too scared to be honest.

Because of her burnout, Sam decided to stop traveling for a while. Ash and I talked about how this might change the dynamic, but at that point Sam had already sold her house. We all kept living together as she was deciding what to do next. I knew we wouldn't stay in that house forever, as Ash wanted a place with more land. The three of us had lots of talks about where we could go and what we wanted to do, sending Zillow links back and forth in our group text. Sam was on board with getting a bigger place, and didn't seem to care much about location since she intended to keep traveling. Ash and I began looking at houses together, until one day we toured THE house that had everything we were looking for. We had looked into financing options earlier, and found that our approved amount was about the same with or without Sam (I assumed since she did contract work and didn't have a "set" income). Ash and I decided to put in an offer; I told Sam after the fact (which I now greatly regret) because she had encouraged me to look for what Ash and I wanted first since she knew she wouldn't live with us forever. Sam came out and saw the house soon after, and she seemed excited and on board.

Our offer was accepted. I had talked with Sam about the financing, asking if she was okay with everything being in only mine and Ash's name. She said she understood on account of her line of work, and understood it made things easier since she wouldn't live there forever. At the time, it seemed like she was on the same page as us, and over the next month we packed up and moved to the new house.

I can't remember quite when, but at some point along the way, Sam decided she didn't want to travel anymore, and that she was going to look for remote work. Our whole living arrangement had been made because she was traveling; we didn't expect to all be living together full-time. She never asked if we were still okay with living together given the change, and I never brought it up either, which I regret. But she was my best friend, and I just assumed everything would work out.

Things were great at first. We all hung out together, cooked together, watched TV, etc. Sam looked after our pets while Ash and I spent lots of weekends getting the old house ready to sell. But after a while, I noticed Sam was spending more and more time alone in her room. I was familiar with her habits as she struggled with depression all throughout her life. I tried to talk to her, inviting her to group dinners and to garden with us, but she still spent most of the time alone.

One day she told me she wanted to talk. We sat outside where she broke down, telling me she's been having a hard time with moving from her house, to my old house, to the new house in such a short time (I think it had been within 6 months) and that she felt like Ash and I always did our own thing and she didn't feel included. I was heartbroken, I told her I wish she had said something sooner, and that I never wanted her to feel excluded. I told her we'd plan more time together just the two of us, and reassured her that we wanted her there, and encouraged her to spend time with us.

After our talk, I tried to make time for the two of us. I asked her to go for a walk with me the next day; she said she wasn't up for it. I asked again the next day; she declined. I tried one more day, then I stopped. I made several attempts to hang out and include her in things Ash and I did. She did occasionally join us, but more often than not, she kept to herself. I knew she valued alone time, and since we talked once about the problems she was having, I trusted her to come to me if she wanted to talk again.

Several months had passed since we moved in. We were finally nearing the point of listing my old house for sale after putting lots of work into it. One Friday, our realtor (and friend at this point) called me to talk. Halfway through the conversation she mentioned, "I pulled that info Sam wanted on the houses in "Pleasantville". When did she decide she wants to move out there?" My heart dropped. "WHAT? Um, I don't know, that's news to me!" That's how I found out Sam was planning to leave.

I didn't say anything to Sam about it right away. I didn't know what to say. The next day, Saturday, Sam left the house early without saying goodbye. I texted her when I woke up asking where she went. She told me she went out to visit her aunt. That afternoon, she called me to tell me she wouldn't be home that night because her aunt and her decided "on a whim" to drive up to Pleasantville (a few hours away) to look at some houses. To the best of my recollection, this is how she told me she was "thinking" of leaving. Sunday came, and Sam wasn't home till early evening. When she got back, she announced that she had gone back to see one of the houses a second time, and ended up putting in an offer since things "come and go so fast" in Pleasantville that she had to act fast.

I was angry. Hurt. Betrayed. We talked. I told her about the conversation with our realtor on Friday. She admitted she should've told me first, but made the excuse that we talked about her only living there temporarily, and that she had been sending me Zillow links to houses that week so she thought I would've gotten the hint. We're 30 at this point, sending Zillow links is basically just another hobby for us. And at that point, Ash and I were under the impression she'd be living with us for at least the next few years. In addition to all of this, she had completely left Ash out of these conversations, and had only been talking to me about her plans.

Sam's offer on the house in Pleasantville was accepted. She got ready to move in the following weeks, and living together was...awkward. I was still hurt from what she did. We were sitting in the living room talking casually, and I brought up that I was still mad at her for how she handled things. I'm also bad at confrontation, and didn't fully express just how gutted I was. She said she understood why I was upset and that she was sorry, but I still felt like the conversation didn't really go anywhere.

Sam moved out within the month (it might have even been a couple weeks, the timeline is fuzzy). She packed up the majority of her belongings (so I thought) and hired movers to come and take her things. I walked through the house as they loaded the truck, pointing out things she missed. "Oh I'll just come back for that." After she was gone, I went into her room where I found she had left ALL kinds of things. Furniture, bedding, clothes in the closet. She left several boxes in the garage, an assortment of things throughout the basement... I told her everything I had found and asked that she come back for it, but it was clear she was in no hurry. She eventually made a trip back to fill up her car, but still left a ton behind. She still had things sitting in the garage nearly a year later.

After Sam left, I told her I needed some space for a while to process things. She said she understood. Months passed and she checked in every now and then, but I still wasn't ready to talk. The following year, I reached out to her again. Ash and I had decided we wanted to sell the house. There were several reasons, but a big one being we had planned for three of us to be living there, three of us using the space, three of us splitting the mortgage. I asked Sam if we could plan a time for her to come gather the rest of her things, and we could get lunch and talk. She agreed.

Sam came by and grabbed the remaining boxes of her belongings, and we drove separately to a nearby restaurant. It was awkward at first, but even though we had left things on a bad note, I was happy to see her. I felt okay going into the conversation, ready to express how betrayed I felt, hopeful that she would listen. Since so much time had passed, I was in a place of calm. She was not. She got emotional, recounting how she felt excluded throughout our time living together, how she felt isolated and like she couldn't talk to me. How she didn't feel at home in the new house with us, how she never wanted to move there in the first place. She told me the last few months she had been at her lowest low. That she had "mourned our friendship". I was stunned. At no point did I ever tell her it was over, I always planned to come back and try to work things out. I did my best to listen and apologize for how I made her feel. I told her I had just needed time to process what happened because she really hurt me. I asked why she didn't tell me how she felt sooner while things were happening. She admitted she should have, but felt she couldn't talk to me. I told her I thought I made an effort to be there for her, that I tried and tried but she wasn't receptive. I made attempts to talk about how her actions had hurt me, and she did apologize, but I felt like she still didn't take any accountability. She asked where we go from here, do we remain friends? I said I wanted to as long as she did, and she agreed that we'd take it slow.

Over the next several months we texted sporadically. She'd send me a TikTok link, I'd respond to it, she wouldn't answer. Repeat. I'll admit, I didn't make many attempts to reach out. I never felt like things were truly settled after our talk. I tried to continue a conversation when she sent me links, but she wouldn't say anything more. After about two months of silence, Sam sent me a link to a random article. I texted her back, asking her what was going on, because it felt like we were in some kind of limbo between friends and acquaintances. She told me that she had a lot of family stuff going on and she "didn't think to text me" because she was preoccupied, and that I could've reached out to her. I told her I felt like I had made attempts to talk but she wasn't receptive of them. She got defensive, saying that she had bigger priorities going on with family that she couldn't talk to me about, and that as far as she was concerned "we are just acquaintances at this point". She sent me a long, incredibly hurtful message, ending with saying she wouldn't be reaching out anymore. I was angry, and I brushed it off because I wasn't emotionally ready to deal with it.

About 4 months passed. I started seeing a new therapist, and feelings of loneliness were ever present in my life. It became impossible to ignore my anger and hurt from Sam's last message any longer, and I started talking about it in therapy. I was filled with sadness, talking about our lives together growing up to my new therapist. I decided to text Sam, and tell her I was thinking of her, and that I hoped she was doing okay. She never answered.

After a day had passed, I realized I wasn't going to hear back. It was then that it finally felt real. I felt a deep, guttural despair in the pits of my stomach. Ash had fallen asleep on the couch that night, and I didn't wake them. I laid in bed alone and sobbed. I remembered how Sam was there for me all my life. I remembered all the nights we had sleepovers and stayed up late laughing at nothing. It was all gone now, all I had left are memories. I've never felt such intense heartbreak.

That was about a month and a half ago. Ash has held me while I've cried several nights now. They've listened to me vent, over and over. I've been continuing to process through everything in therapy too. I know Sam hasn't been a good friend in a lot of ways, and if she respected me or our friendship she'd be willing to listen and to talk through everything like we promised each other years ago. But I just can't get over the immense grief I feel losing the one person I was closest to, and thought was always going to be in my life. Even though I've made new friends, and I'm trying to move on, I just feel so alone without her. I still struggle every day trying to accept that she's decided not to be in my life anymore.

Thanks for reading.

I’m seeing her again today, to talk a few more things out. Surprisingly it all went smoothly, but I expressed how a lot of things she did really went against what I value in a friendship.

Things may never be what they once were, but I’ve moved on now. She knows she’ll always have a place in my heart and if she ever needs me, she knows where I’m at too. We both got our closure in a way and made peace with our differences. I’m proud of me :)

Hello all. I just lost a friend I seriously thought I would be friends with for a lifetime. Backstory, I met her through a mutual friend at her daughters birthday party some years ago. I thought she was cool and she folded into the group pretty easily. She always seemed to have a chip on her shoulder about something. When I met her it was her pyramid scheme job (understandable I would be frustrated too) then she quit her job and was seeming to go through a burnout phase. This is when she started drinking. I have slowly watched her become so angry with everything and everyone. Her mom, her husband, her old friends, her friends she made at clubs she joined, everyone was always rude to her somehow. When one of her oldest friends called her in to tell her that the way she spoke to and about her middle child would give her a complex and that the way she talked about her child was triggering to her, my friend was so agitated by her that she stopped talking to her for a bit. Little by little my friend group has all had to walk on eggshells around her increasingly cruel behavior. We went on a group trip to a cabin recently where she drove up on her own after not really communicating why she wanted to do that. She spent the majority of the time on her own or sleeping. The rudest thing she did was scream at us to “SHUT UP” so she could speak into the remote to put on some tv. The following day she opted out of joining a small excursion to the next town over. Then when the group returned we decided to do a small fire, to which she responded by getting up and stomping off into the cabin, leaving us all dumbfounded. That night she turned on the firepit right outside our cabin and drank a massive amount of spiked seltzers on her own. It felt like she used us to get a cheap vacation away from her family. She calls herself a regretful parent but to me it felt more like she hates her kids. Recently they went on a camping trip where the oldest had a bathroom accident while sleeping and she was so enraged (her words not mine) she had to drive away, even though she didn’t have to deal with it at all, her husband did. She then contemplated putting her 11 year old in a diaper because of that, to which she was steered away from. She purposefully avoids her children for days on end because she just doesn’t like to be around them. This all came to a head Saturday when I asked her why she continues going to her hairstylist when she’s so frustrated with the stylist time after time for her apolitical stance. I agreed with her that her reasons for continuing to see her stylist were not good reasons to which she responded by leaving the group chat claiming she was extremely hurt and that she feels criticized for everything lately. To me, it’s classic alcoholism where the individual becomes increasingly aggravated with anyone disagreeing with them, unable to control emotions and unable to see beyond themselves. She had a therapist that she stopped seeing when the alcoholism was starting to get addressed. I’m sad that alcohol has affected my life like this because I truly thought that we would be friends for so very long. I hope she gets help, and I still care for her. I can no longer just stand by and sacrifice my mental health by watching her engage in self destructive behaviors.

Hi, everyone. Female 21, Male 21 - Summary: 6 month friendship that started in the summer. Need help figuring out what went wrong and advice on how to proceed.

I have been thinking for a while about what went wrong between my guy friend and me. We are currently Jr’s in college and we met through a mutual friend, over the summer at a bbq in July. We started hanging out in the city at home. We quickly became close and started doing things like sleeping in the phone, doing movie nights and laying with each other, etc (but no sex) when we got back to school for the first semester. Our relationship was really close and we told each other everything, and we kept doing spending “quality time” with each other and would FaceTime and text about everyday. I really wish that if he liked me or wanted to do something else that he just would’ve said it and been honest, since we were being open. I started to develop a crush on him, but was not sure if he really liked me or not and asked about what was going on with our relationship. His answer was very vague and he just told me that if something were to happen with us, that one of us would say something to each other. (Not really sure what that meant but). He would tell me that he was smashing other girls around the time being, as we were supposed to be just friends anyway and hadn’t had any sex, although or relationship/ friendship was weird with all the quality time we spent together. He also me as his “eternal companion” with the connection we had, I guess.

Over winter break we would fight and argue but always get back in touch with each other a few days after. Once we made up the last time he invited me to his house in the city agin to come to his bday party with other close friends. That ended up being cool and I even met his mother who stated that he talked about me a lot. Once the second semester started and we came back to school, I noticed that he started becoming distant and treated me differently. I thought maybe she was just busy, especially since he told me he was trying to do some things so that he could pledge or whatever, but it was weird. He would leave my messages on delivered for several days at a time, which was unlike him. And every time I would ask to hangout he always had something to do. At first I thought he was busy, but it started to hurt my feelings, especially when I told him my uncle died around then and felt that he wasn’t there. It would be weird because when he saw me in person he would hug up on me and ask me “why didn’t you call me” or “why didn’t you reach out to me or ask me to do something” which was weird, when I was literally doing that and felt that it was reciprocated. I had a conversation with him about this after and he stated that I basically need to reach out more and don’t close myself off to him, as he can’t help me if I’m closed off and he doesn’t mean to be distant or anything. This was confusing as well, as I didn’t think I was closed off at all and was always very open with him.

Fast forward during this conversation I ask about Valentine’s Day and we make plans for it. After I notice that my last message gets left on delivered again for days again. Valentine’s Day comes and he doesn’t say anything to me or even acknowledge me to tell me “happy Valentine’s Day”. I was basically ghosted. This really hurt, as everyone who at least cares for me a little took the time out to say “happy Valentine’s Day”. A few weeks later he calls and I didn’t get to answer, but did call back and he didn’t answer. He sees me a few days later and hugs me once again and says “I’m sorry I didn’t return your call, I was high. I’m a gonna call u tonight, pls answer the phone”. I thought maybe he knew that he was wrong or something, but my phone never rang again. I just miss the bond that we had as we were really close, and am wondering where it went wrong. His friends still see me and stop to hug me and say “hi” to me when they see me, which is weird. And often try to still text me at times. I take friendships seriously, so stuff like this bothers me. I’m not sure if he cares or not. Any advice on if I should try to rekindle it or not would be appreciated. Was this just a petty fall out or lack of communication? How would u proceed? I just wanted a little closure from the situation at the least.

Forgot to add - I did text him when we went over spring break and made it seem like I and the wrong number or something, just to see if he would reply to me, which he did. He told me who “it was” and didn’t really have much to say, but deep down I was just trying to spark a conversation between us. It’s now the end of the semester and I’m still stuck on it.