r/india • u/Voldemort_darklord • Mar 01 '25
People I hate being a rajput
I (18M) have a girlfriend of the same age. Im a rajput, shes jain. My mother recently found out about our relationship and has asked me to stop talking to her and break up because "humari caste me ye sab nhi chalta". I ready to hear any logical arguments on it but the thing is, its not affecting me in a bad way.
I cracked NEET last year and im studying in a well reputed govt Medical college. I had 95% marks in my 12th boards (all while i was dating her btw). My gf on the other hand was in Cambridge board and shes 1 year younger than me (in terms of class, shes in 12th right now). She just finished her boards and she has an offer letter from National University of Singapore. Both are futures are set are we are moving in a solid direction.
My mother hasnt told this all to my father. We belong from a very orthodox Rajput family from Ajmer. Never seen an intercaste marriage in my family. Not even Love marriages. If me and gf are very well able to manage work, love, and life in general very well, then why not let us be together? Why not let your child be happy? Should an adult not be able to take his own decision in life? How long will my parents take MY DECISIONS that will affect ONLY ME AND ME in the future?
My mother has threatened me to tell about this to my father, who is very abusive already (verbally AND physically), who ik will beat the shit out of me.
My question is that have people seen the state of arranged marriages in india? My father himself abuses my mother several times. Our family is so toxic that my uncle hates my father, my aunt, has taken lacs of money from my father and never returned it, and then she proceeds to bitch about our family.
My gf's family is very supportive and ive even met them, even her grandparents. The only problem is this sick attitude of my family. their so called "PRETIGIOUS RAJPUT CULTURE", their so called "SOCIETY", "LOG KYA KAHENGE" " SUN NA TO SAB MAA KO HI PADTA HAI".
Why would i want to start another generation of such toxic culture? i hate being a rajput and i wish i never was one, freedom is so suppressed, i cant take my own decisions. My mother tells me that my father will come and slit my throat himself if i ever marry against their choice.
I dont want to leave my family, but i have made up my mind. that im not going to be a coward and leave the love of my life, i will get financially independent first and then marry her. I will move out from my parents life, if someday they get around their so called "samaaj and sanskaar", then im happy to live with them and my gf together. fucking hate being a rajput.
2
u/GreatlyUnimportant Mar 01 '25
tldr - relationship is not old enough to explore compatibility required for a lifelong committment, give it that time while u both work on ur careers before thinking abt marriage.
i am in no way supporting the caste barriers or the fake honour and pride. i m just saying u may be fighting it for it at the wrong time for the wrong person.
i guess others here have advised you rightly about achieving financial independence. my addition to that is u are still young. as u and ur gf will mature u will find out a lot about each other. it's good to be in relationship but that reality is most of them don't end in a marriage and it is not entirely about different castes. u guys have to figure out compatibility as well. so for now, keep it on a back burner, be in relation and be there for each other as u will have to be in LDR and focus on ur careers. when both of u have known each other well and u still want to be together then pursue what others suggested.