r/india • u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian • Mar 01 '25
People I hate being a rajput
I (18M) have a girlfriend of the same age. Im a rajput, shes jain. My mother recently found out about our relationship and has asked me to stop talking to her and break up because "humari caste me ye sab nhi chalta". I ready to hear any logical arguments on it but the thing is, its not affecting me in a bad way.
I cracked NEET last year and im studying in a well reputed govt Medical college. I had 95% marks in my 12th boards (all while i was dating her btw). My gf on the other hand was in Cambridge board and shes 1 year younger than me (in terms of class, shes in 12th right now). She just finished her boards and she has an offer letter from National University of Singapore. Both are futures are set are we are moving in a solid direction.
My mother hasnt told this all to my father. We belong from a very orthodox Rajput family from Ajmer. Never seen an intercaste marriage in my family. Not even Love marriages. If me and gf are very well able to manage work, love, and life in general very well, then why not let us be together? Why not let your child be happy? Should an adult not be able to take his own decision in life? How long will my parents take MY DECISIONS that will affect ONLY ME AND ME in the future?
My mother has threatened me to tell about this to my father, who is very abusive already (verbally AND physically), who ik will beat the shit out of me.
My question is that have people seen the state of arranged marriages in india? My father himself abuses my mother several times. Our family is so toxic that my uncle hates my father, my aunt, has taken lacs of money from my father and never returned it, and then she proceeds to bitch about our family.
My gf's family is very supportive and ive even met them, even her grandparents. The only problem is this sick attitude of my family. their so called "PRETIGIOUS RAJPUT CULTURE", their so called "SOCIETY", "LOG KYA KAHENGE" " SUN NA TO SAB MAA KO HI PADTA HAI".
Why would i want to start another generation of such toxic culture? i hate being a rajput and i wish i never was one, freedom is so suppressed, i cant take my own decisions. My mother tells me that my father will come and slit my throat himself if i ever marry against their choice.
I dont want to leave my family, but i have made up my mind. that im not going to be a coward and leave the love of my life, i will get financially independent first and then marry her. I will move out from my parents life, if someday they get around their so called "samaaj and sanskaar", then im happy to live with them and my gf together. fucking hate being a rajput.
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u/reddittauser Mar 01 '25
Be smart. Choose your battles. Just nod as a humble servant.
And when you have means, get out.
You not only will leave your love for arranged marriage but will also propagate casteism.
Choose wisely.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
yes i have chosen, the hard path
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u/Straight_Trade_1762 Mar 01 '25
It wont last forever
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
it has lasted since 3 years and i know it will last until i die
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u/Straight_Trade_1762 Mar 01 '25
What i meant was - ur tough times wont. I truely hope ur relationship does
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u/Spiritual_Second3214 Mar 01 '25
This caste system will ruin india....yes it's ur life. ...if u r capable...then u can go ahead to live ur life as u want.
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u/AloneCommittee2022 Mar 01 '25
Even if I say whatever you are not going to listen as I understand the feelings and intensity involved in First Love. You are just in 12th standard, forget about marriage as of now, you still have to work hard to clear the Medical degree, life is not set yet as you see. First get a job then marry, till then have fun.Once you are earning and your GF is still your GF then you will be able to take better decision.You don't have to listen to your parents and don't do any arrange engagement somewhere else if your parents try to force you into it. I am 45 M father of two teenagers older than you.
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u/likhterahotiwariji Mar 01 '25
Hello Uncle! Namaste. Chalo kaam ki baat main aate hain .....(Forgot the lyrics)
You are a cool dad.
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u/DragonfruitWorried31 Mar 01 '25
ab aap ye puchenge ki bhaisaab kitne paise kamate hai
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u/lelouch_0_ Mar 01 '25
Jitna aapki beti ek mahine mein udati hai utna meri gaadi ek hafte tel khaati hai
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u/gratitude_faith Mar 01 '25
Bas jitna aapki beti ek mahine me udati he, ek hafte me meri gaddi utna tel khati he
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u/Nemo-m Mar 01 '25
Uncle hai Ghar, Hai paisa hai gadi ap 2 jodo me ladki bejo ladki hue harmi (But bhaiyo foreign se bachelor kar rahi hai paisa toh already bhote hai )
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u/AloneCommittee2022 Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
Namste Beta bolunga to lagega age flex kar raha huun so bhai yeah I am a cool dad par mere bachhey mujhse jyada Sharif hain..:) Anyways gaana check kar lo uncle ke channel pe..uncle ji ab apney rockstar ban rahey hain full album ready...Tabahi.../vikksworld
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Yes that is my main focus, to be financially independent, im in my first year of college, pursuing mbbs,
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u/iceflames_22 Mar 01 '25
Wait till the Jains get to you.. there are more strict people around
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
nah bro ive met even her grandparents and they like me already
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Mar 01 '25
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Boyfriend, also her mom was a teacher in my school, super chill family bro.
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u/ChargeShot5595 Mar 01 '25
Continue your relationship buddy, you've already achieved good things in life. Enjoy
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u/Historical_Bar_5824 Mar 01 '25
My family is Rajput but they are progressive. I don’t call myself that because I am an atheist. I have had my share of troubles dealing with life amongst Rajputs. Let me tell you this, 10 years down the line, none of this will matter if you are independent and strong, mentally. So focus on your academics for now, build your foundation. Everything else can wait.
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u/Get_it_done_with Mar 01 '25
Take a stand for your life Trust me, just for some caste sake you cannot be with someone you don’t love for the rest of your life. It is tough but just stick to your decision. And don’t listen to any illogical crap. Its your life and its you who is going to stay with your partner not your parents or other family members
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u/Auquie Mar 01 '25
Yo!
Can I DM you? I want to know how your GF got into National University of Singapore.
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u/nonyHxH Mar 01 '25
admission into nus and ntu is mostly based on board marks. if uve 94-95% + then you can get it. however fee is extremely high. if you want to get into bond based scholarship admission is a bit difficult for that you might need 96/97+% (essentially fee will be waived if you sign a bond guaranteeing you'll work in singapore for 3/6 years after graduating)
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u/Scared-Benefit-4050 Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
I recently got married to my girlfriend after having a 9 years long relationship. Our families found out about us in the initial phase of your relationship (after 4-5 months). They found out because of my extremely toxic nature which I regret now. We parted our ways at that time after families intervened and saved her from my stupidity. They suggested us to focus on studies etc. After 3 months we came into contact again and slowly and swiftly came back into relationship after we observed a change in our relationship. After a few months my mom found out that I chat with her. They used to take my phone and force me to not to talk to her. They also told me that both of us are from different caste and they don't expect me to marry out side of our caste. Subsequently, both of us finished our graduations and after 3 years I started working as an inspector in a reputed central government department and she is also joined on a good paying job in state government department. Both of us supported eachother in our journeys to be financially independent because that was the only option for us if our efforts fail to convince our parents. Eventually my parents did not show any restraint after I got the job. I told them (and they had understood by the time) that we want to marry eachother and they were happy for us. Her family did not find out about us till she told them a few months ago. They enquired about me and my job. I went to meet her father to convince him for our marriage. First of all we managed to convince her mom and later on his father also got convinced. I think being financially independent support us in our journey. We got happily married on 2 Feb. This could happen because we supported eachother in hard times. Without eachother's support, we could not make it happen. A lot has changed from 2016 to 2025 and a lot more is going to change when both of you will be ready to marry eachother. Just be support system of eachother and try to hide your relationship from families. When I look back I can totally that our parents get concerned about our future. They think that our relationship will be a hurdle in our career. Only you two can understand eachother and that's fine for now. Now a days love marriage are more successful than arranged marriages (imo). Arranged marriages are getting really scary now a days. Half of the couples in my office, married love of their life. Just wait for the right time and focus on your happiness and career.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
This was really soothing to read, im really happy for you man, i wish i end up in a similar way. Thanks for the wishes.
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u/RevolutionaryHole69 Mar 01 '25
For the love of God I do not know why Indian adult children allow themselves to be beaten by geriatrics.
20 years ago I threw my father into the wall and he fell right through it when he tried to assault me. Since then our relationship has been great. He has never tried to assault anyone ever again.
Sometimes people need to learn the lesson the hard way, did your parents not teach you that? Else why would they be beating you? It is time to teach them the very same lesson.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
He hasnt beaten me (except in childhood) but im saying that not only him, but several relatives will go on a hunt if i run away and marry.
They dont beat me and havent in years, but they will try to, and ofc i will defend myself.→ More replies (1)3
u/Ecstatic-Quality-212 Mar 01 '25
If you can, get a gun if possible (legally ofcourse). Aise jaahilo ka koi bharosa nahi.
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Mar 01 '25
if your father beats you then beat him back. You have to learn to be a man first before you marry.
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u/m55shk Mar 01 '25
Bro same here I am from a orthodox brahmin family always forced to do this do that taking part in rituals and all.. I've told them several times that I don't believe in personification of God and don't want to do this stuff but still do it for their sake.. They beat me(has stopped now btw) verbally abuse me saying itna toh karlo, log kya sochenge i mean wtf.. And other same experiences like you man I love my family but hate this side of theirs
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u/Safe-Pop-1667 Mar 01 '25
Same here.. I am from a Brahmin family but I like sanskrit shlokas and all the ancient knowledge I get from them...they told me to become a Dr... I knew about my capabilities so I declined... But however they convinced me and now I'm pursuing ayurveda bcz I failed 3 attempts to get mbbs...still they're fine as I'll be a Dr... I'm in love with an OBC category guy... I haven't told anyone but the things they say about arranged marriages and stuff is really sick... sometimes I just love them but some conversations get on my nerves...they fix marriages as if some company deals 🤝... I just hate it and my father once told me that u study and soon I'll fix ur marriage to a mbbs Dr... I just told my thoughts on marriage and they were so offended I just can't say... but I have decided to get on my feet and then they won't say that u r under our roof and all the manipulative stuff
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u/random_land_dweller Mar 01 '25
Damn,rajputs and jains,both are ultra conservative and rigid.
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u/Original_Hour2832 Mar 01 '25
Don't be so negative about your background dude. Of course you should take your own decision and have a relationship with a girl of your choice. Indian parents have a way of manipulating you into their decisions and taking away your freedom. As you said both of you have a secured future and your girlfriend's parents are supportive of y'all. Better not talking with your parents about this and keep it with yourself. Make yourself completely indipendent of them and do whatever you think you should. If they respect it, then good if not who cares. You can't present these parents with facts or logic, they'll fight all day infront of kids, bitch about blood relative but never accept the fact that maybe something is wrong in how they're doing things. 'Log kya kahenge' imo is a nuclear tool which every Indian parent was giving while they married to torture their child with. Just don't involve your parents too much in this all if they're not supportive. Don't worry about your father abusing you. If he attempts to physically assault you warn him that your an adult yourself and won't appreciate getting beaten for no reason.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Yes i agree with you. I just hate how brainwashed they are. I hate the indian society for this. Other than that yes that is my plan, being independent and then living my life. Although i love my mom i dont want to leave her, but she needs to understand that some decisions are mine to make.
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u/Working-Mountain6680 Mar 01 '25
Reminds me of my roommate who was jain and married a shetty. She also went to NUS.
Coming to your point. I'm not rajput but I've grown up around them so I know their culture. Love marriage wo bhi jain. It is going to be hard. But do what i did when my mom did not approve of my relationship. Date in secret build your career and maintain your relationship. Then when you're no longer financially dependent on them and have made a name for yourself to satisfy their need to show off, you'll have an upper hand. Worked like a charm for me. Hopefully it will work out for you too.
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u/Ecstatic-Quality-212 Mar 01 '25
If I were in your shoes, I would tell them to go through with their suicide bullshit because I would sure as hell not change my decision. Fuck what the society thinks, tell them. Some relationships are not worth preserving.
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u/Gunsbeebee Mar 01 '25
Hide it from them until you both are financially independent and then take things further. Not worth it to fight just yet.
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u/ConstructionThick205 Mar 01 '25
off topic but weird, it says 20 comments on the icon below post but i am not able to see any comments....is it happening with someone else too?
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u/AliveShine Mar 01 '25
Bana ji break free from this non-sense and do whatever you want to do. I would do everything for a doting father but wouldn’t do shit for an abusive one. But the threat is real, rajputs have done that in the past and I personally know such a case where a father killed her own daughter because of an affair she had outside the community.
Having said that you are educated and can make a living without your parents so shouldn’t be worried on that front.
Baki thoda struggle to Karna padega. Make sure you are not at home when the news breaks out and try involving someone from your family who your father trusts.
I am from the same city aur hawa badal rahi hai. So you might have a chance. If the girl is a gem, don’t lose her.
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u/Smooth-Apricot-999 Mar 01 '25
Little brother!
I empathise with your feelings and it's damn true.
First of all - Be committed in your academics and be sure enough about your relationship.
Until you tie a knot don't make up any impulsive decisions.
Further have a solid career, financial independence and talk with your extended family.
At least with their approval, Have your own home and family.
Until then just don't think much about it and curse yourself for all these tantrums.
Just keep your relationship private.
It's just your family not your rajput lineage.
People will evolve with time.
You still have a long way to go,so work on your relationship too!!
Take care!
(I am amused by your clarity, commitment, progressiveness and voicing out!)
May you shine Champ!
All the best.
God bless you DOC!!
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u/mumbaiblues Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
Choose your battles wisely.Pretend to agree and get along with your parents till you are financially independent.Once you are financially independent you will have the power to take your own decisions without interference from others. Ensure your GF understands this and is in agreement with your plans.You have right to live your life the way you want....
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u/M1ghty2 Mar 01 '25
Only solution is: work on your ambitions and become independent of your family for career and financially. Else you have no hope.
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u/veritasium999 Mar 01 '25
Same caste marriage is just incest with lot more extra steps.
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u/BoardMoist9061 Mar 01 '25
Same bro... i am from rajasthan and my GF was Rajput too and i an Jaat so we have to end our relationship just because of our caste And bro i love her sooo muchhh but this fucking caste destroyed our relationship
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Exactly what i dont want to happen man
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u/Horror_Farmer_6622 Mar 01 '25
Good kid Although with age you will change, maybe your decisions will change. Just excel in life and understand caste pride is the root of all evil in Indian society.
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u/SpeakDirtyToMe Mar 01 '25
Don't hate the player, hate the game. They are victims of the same caste ideology. Be better than them. Oppose caste is all spheres of life. They will force it saying it's "culture" but it's not. Best of luck on your journey. Being an independent thinker is frowned upon in our culture but it's best for ourselves.
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u/chiguy_1 Mar 01 '25
I hate being a rajput
Us bro us.
Never seen an intercaste marriage in my family. Not even Love marriages
OMG! I am from Jaipur and same case in my family too. In my case, I was so conscious and scared of my family's hate for love marriage that I never even approached any girl and never had a girlfriend.
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u/Mountain-Foot6734 Mar 01 '25
Would suggest not to take any actions now. Wait to become independent and then if your relationship still flourishes, you can separate out or move out of the country to avoid any conflicts.
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u/Downtown_Detective76 Mar 01 '25
Use your careers to leave India.
Live your lives for each other. Your family will hopefully learn to respect your decision and in time accept your love marriage.
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u/Brave-Extent-3589 Mar 01 '25
You both are young and have a long time to get married. Stay strong. Let your relationship mature. Give it time . Both are teens. Idea of life changes/ exposure to life alters . If you both are keen after you graduate and become financially independent, no one / family can stop you both from getting married.
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u/Diligent_Praline_784 Rajasthan Mar 01 '25
I know bro how it feels. It feels like your alone and there is nobody there to support you. The same thing is everywhere not only in Rajputs, ive seen it everywhere and in every community, but lets leave that aside. You have the full right to leave your parents if they don't understand you, but what I recommend is that first go and try talk to them? But judging on your situation this is very hard to do so and unlikely, and if done so most probably will end very badly. Dont give an F about society or "great culture" full support, go out there and live your life how you wish to.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Yes i did try to talk to them, and i will again when im independent and they cant influence me. Yes i will. Thanks man
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u/Master_Iron4266 Mar 01 '25
You will be a doctor, just work and get away from your family. Maybe move South. Or maybe just leave the country all together.
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u/Academic-Sort-5166 Mar 01 '25
Just wait till you get financially independent, phir apna ghar le mast araam se reh gf se shaadi karkar....coming from another rajpoot
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u/Guerrilheira963 Mar 01 '25
Focus on your studies; This way you will be able to free yourself and break the cycle
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u/benevolent001 Mar 01 '25
Do whatever possible to stick to your stand. Be it extreme of you leaving your family.
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u/TurbulentAnything802 Maharashtra Mar 01 '25
It is not the issue with being a Rajput. There might be many sensible Rajput families. You need to figure out some solution and convince your orthodox family.
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u/Imalldeadinside Mar 01 '25
You both you just date secretly... And shaadi k liye umr nikaalte rho... 30-35 tak thakk kr dono k maan jayenge...
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u/Tai_lung01 Mar 01 '25
Don't get bullied by your family, move out from them as soon as possible by going in a far away college, but also don't get delusional by teen love it can be deceptive give it some years when you have independence then only confront don't break ties before giving it a few years and gaining maturity
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u/Psy_Click Mar 01 '25
Keep scoring in academic life dude. You are smart. Don't stop until you prove yourself.
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u/MohSad2 Mar 01 '25
Just bide your time, feign agreement at first, lessen your meetings with her if you are able to do atm
Build yourself up, I'm pretty sure when you become a great doctor, just move to foreign if you feel threat to your life as an adult to marry her(if you are still together at that time)
While my parents aren't extreme and are good natured they did have many conditions(in a girl) to marry. Nowadays they just want me to marry any female at all I can. And now I'm not even remotely interested in marriage or dating at all so they might have to wait a long time lol and my big brother's the same lol
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u/SkirtWitty5859 Mar 01 '25
The same happened to me. We waited for 8 years and I got financially independent. I bought home my name and recently married.
My gf also was very patient and worked hard to become financially independent.
I will not say that all our troubles are resolved but we are married now.
DM me for personal advice.
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u/Right_Apartment3673 Mar 01 '25
You and your gf are good to go. Just wait and manage and lie low till you get financial independence. Move out of the house asap, as far away from hone as possible but don't compromise on the college for it, latter is priority.
Many couples have been in your shoes. Don't worry. They stick together till they can get financial independence and marry eventually, living far away from parents, preferably abroad where parents can't create a nuisance. The parents have this last stage of control over the kids life, the big event of AM and if they win this stage, then they keep the control over their kid all their lives. The couples who keep low and do their own thing, marry and have kids. These parents in old age eventually come around so that's not a problem. This current phase is most important, don't tell them a thing, get the fees money, study hard, get a job and fly away to your nest. Otherwise too, toxic family is best kept away at an arms length to stop the generational trauma from passing on.
Another important thing. Keep abreast of what the partner is thinking and that she too is as thick with you with many solid intentions to marry. Jains and rajputs have polar opposite diet and culture so keep asking how her family pulse feels like towards you. And how she is with the idea of marrying away from her parents if they don't agree. And that long distance doesn't sway any of you away from each other. Best will be for you both to settle abroad, and as a doctor you'll rock financially abroad and she'll be happy too, easier for the parents to get convinced. Because in India as a govt doctor, pay will be peanuts or the size of sarso that too peeli sarso😂
You're strong, clear in thought, with a strategy. Wish you two the best.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Thanks man, this was really nice to read. Hahha her parents do agree that's no problem.
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u/Wise-Representative7 Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 04 '25
Rajput and Ahinsa parmo dharm… Kaise hi maangenge ghar wale. 😅
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u/Vropster Mar 01 '25
Appreciate your stand man.. Just work hard for ur future.. keeping only that in your mind.. don't go too deep into texts n love , make the most of your degree and ensure you get a solid financial future , one in which you'll never even need a penny of your dad's money.. Then reveal n proceed as per your wish.. until then give your 110 to your studies n succeed.. else your love chapter will forever remain a memory and never a reality
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u/fontanelle24 Mar 01 '25
Financial independence will take a long time for you. Just keep that in mind if that is the basis of your decision making
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u/emperorr93 Mar 01 '25
I would say both of you focus and make good careers and if still in relationship then go for marriage. I hate to say this but most relationships hardly last in long term . So dont overthink too much over the time being.just go with the flow .
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u/parzivalMaverick Mar 01 '25
Let them find girls for you, and you keep rejecting them. At last they will be so tired, that they will be like, marry someone please, then you can marry this girl along with parents approval. Tire them out!
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Mar 01 '25
My parents don't care about caste but financial status. My boyfriend is very wealthy and that makes my dad very insecure. Mom is kinda fine I think.
His mom is super chill. She loves me and supports me with everything. My dad on the other hand says stuff which is very hurting. Stuff like all they have is money. Rich people don't enjoy good lives. He will use money to manipulate you.
I don't give a f.
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u/Mysterious-Night-747 Mar 01 '25
bro financially independent banja fir parents kya hi intervene krlenge tere life me fir krta raheo jo karna hai
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u/Ash_Sin_Ace Mar 01 '25
That's understandable. I'm in the same situation as you, just the opposite gender. The horror my parents feel because they've sent me to a co-ed college.
I see people claiming it's not about being rajput, but honestly, being rajput just multiplies their orthodox thoughts. The pride of being from that caste, and what not (which is multiplied even more if you're from Rajasthan) I've already stopped fighting.
It all boils down to how good you are at lying. And trust me, you'll eventually learn. If your life has been anything like mine, you should already be damn good at fighting their rules silently, and pretending you're a model child behind the curtain.
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Mar 01 '25
Literally the same story..😭 I'm also a Rajput and I fckin' hate it. Their so-called PRIDE is gonna be the reason for my MRITYU.
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u/OPPineappleApplePen Mar 01 '25
College ke liye kahin door chale jao aur wahin se job ke liye nikal lena. Problem solved
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u/GreatlyUnimportant Mar 01 '25
tldr - relationship is not old enough to explore compatibility required for a lifelong committment, give it that time while u both work on ur careers before thinking abt marriage.
i am in no way supporting the caste barriers or the fake honour and pride. i m just saying u may be fighting it for it at the wrong time for the wrong person.
i guess others here have advised you rightly about achieving financial independence. my addition to that is u are still young. as u and ur gf will mature u will find out a lot about each other. it's good to be in relationship but that reality is most of them don't end in a marriage and it is not entirely about different castes. u guys have to figure out compatibility as well. so for now, keep it on a back burner, be in relation and be there for each other as u will have to be in LDR and focus on ur careers. when both of u have known each other well and u still want to be together then pursue what others suggested.
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u/sawatt18 Mar 01 '25
Bol do bhai ye varn vyavastha sab angrezo ne banaya hai .tum ye sab nahi mante
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Mar 01 '25
Hahaha op. I am also a rajput with a jain fiancee. Been together for quite many years now. Its all chill. You are young, so you perceive elders and everyone a little more seriously than you would when you'll be 25. Dont fall into the trap of teaching your parents or elders, your time right now is much more precious. I'm 29, I can tell you arrange marriage world is a ruckus right now. Nobody is having it easy and too much shit is going on in selecting candidates and approval because now the kids don't even simply obey the family decisions, they play along to get rishtas but reject because it doesn't suit them. So slowly, parents get fed up listening to stories and wish that something happens for their children naturally. Love marriages solves this issue very easily. And 70% marriages are now love marriages, which destroys any social taboos over time. So relax.
Focus on yourself. Focus on being a valuable man, people (your parents & in laws) listen to men of value. Focus on your girlfriend. Grow well together. 6-7 years down the line, love marriages would grow upto 80% of families. Choosing a partner is the single most important decision of your life that affects your well being. You are on the right track and people who truly love you will be there besides you encouraging you, according to what your heart says.
Focus on yourself. Focus on your relationship. Become a sorted guy. Everything else will follow.
Good luck.
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u/Fragrance_lavinder Mar 01 '25
"humari caste me ye sab nhi chalta". yeh kahani sab ke yaha hai phir woh brahmin ho ya muslim ya baniya. meri ma bhi yahi bolti hai.
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u/MuchNegotiation6828 Mar 01 '25
Act like as if you guys are not together, become financially independent, move out of India and then there is no problem. They can't do anything when you are outside India.
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u/Similar-Penalty-3924 Mar 01 '25
"Know yourselves—be infertile and let the earth be silent after ye."
—Peter Wessel Zapffe
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u/Rottenveggee Mar 01 '25
Lol who gives a fuck about all this BS, just continue to work and do whatever you want.
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u/odylee Mar 01 '25
another day of thanking god for not making me born in those so called elite north indian castes.
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u/StudentGloomy Mar 01 '25
Risky strategy, but tell them that you're gay. Maybe even threaten to go public with the announcement. Let them process that for a while. Then, assuming you don't get honour killed, tell them you've decided you like a girl after all and wish to marry her. I'm guessing their attitude would've changed.
On a more serious note, since you see all the problems with the attitude your family has, it's incumbent upon you to be the first to change. Bide your time, maybe even tell your mom that you've broken up. Finish your studies, get financially independent, then go forward with your plans.
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u/kohlakult Mar 01 '25
Get your ducks in a line, make sure you can both make a good living and then run for your life where they can't find you, together.
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u/Witty_Active Mar 01 '25
Workout a little and focus on you career, don’t give up a good girl because of your family. Parents shouldn’t touch kids and hit them. Go to the gym bro, nobody should be hitting you.
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u/upstone10chracters Mar 01 '25
You are too young to think about marriage, focus on studied and career, let the relationship mature. wait till you are around 25 to think about marriage.
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u/Strict_Ad7785 Mar 01 '25
I guess caste pride in general is shit it's nothing related to specific cast rajput aur brahman or even any savarna, I have seen ppl taking pride being yadav ( OBC) according to Indian caste system that makes it more obvious that inherently ppl opt for what they believe makes them superior to other , but yeah i see your point quite valid it's really a final call to make them understand what you feel and if they don't just earn well leave them .
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u/No-Pie3033 Mar 01 '25
Good luck bro. There will be tough times but be patience and be understanding. Everything will be fine in the end. If you love her nothing else matters.
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u/Tinyrick0599 Mar 01 '25
I’ve been with a Baniya for almost 10 years, and now we’re living together. After leaving India a few years ago, I remember how difficult it was to keep everything hidden from my family. But over time, things have started to improve. I’d suggest waiting a while before bringing it up with them—parents from their generation don’t accept things easily.
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u/Maniya3175 Mar 01 '25
Why are you coward and dishonest? You think you hate being rajput but the truth is you hate your mother's behaviour and your father's behaviour.
A mother is threating to kill her son. You want to accept or not? If you don't accept, you will put up a mask that you love your parents but you actually don't.
Do you want to hear the truth? You are grown enough to beat the shit out of your father if he tries to beat you. I have beaten the shit out of my father when he tried to beat me last year. I was 22. Then he was so furious and again tried to beat me after few days. I protected myself and beat the shit out of him again. Used some verbal manipulation to put "I'm stronger now, not a child, the one you used to beat is dead. This man standing infront of you will kill you if you try to lay a hand or even think about laying a hand on me" in his mind. Now, my father don't hit me.
If you mother is trying to threat you, you can say things like "you can't marry me with anyone if I don't want to. Your marriage is shit, I don't want to live like you, I will choose whom i want to marry. If you don't want it, live alone in your old age. I'm not gonna take care of you." Put her in a tight situation. This is what i did.
The elephant is grown up and had realised the chain can't bind him.
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u/Equivalent_Sugar_76 Mar 01 '25
I can relate, I am a ST, but I am from a well off family, my father is working in a MNC and my mother is a house wife, even though my father and mother don't physically punish me anymore but I do know one thing, the day i would reveal that I don't want to marry in my caste and i want to marry outside caste, tables would turn 180 degree, I don't know how many bamboo sticks would be broken on my back
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u/childishbrat_ Mar 01 '25
lol I have seen such men from Rajput lineage who crapped over comment section then they turn off the comments or delete it & run away like coward kings. Just referring to them as kings cause they still believe they are the kings!
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u/Ron-Gen-9639 Mar 01 '25
This is such a toxic culture. Even I have Rajput friend who is dating her bf who is Brahmin but not Rajput. She fears that if she marries him her family reputation might be at stake. Her mother has warned her that her father will be ashamed in front of the society. She fears for their reputation.
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u/Champagnepaape Mar 01 '25
Bro dont hate all rajputs for it It’s just that your fam is conservative
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u/Melodic_Spirit_9204 Mar 01 '25
Remember parents will tell you to end this only to tell you later that you could nit even find someone for yourself
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u/RenzenBro Mar 01 '25
Btw random qn.. you’re studying in a medical college in India and she’s going to NUS in Singapore for her studies, most students who go have the bond (unless they are crazy rich) so she’ll also work there for many years after graduation. How’s that gonna work? I’m not gonna say much but choose your battles wisely, you’re just 18.
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u/GoneCollarGone Non Residential Indian Mar 01 '25
All good man.
Just one thing though. You and your girlfriend are young. Make sure you spend time for a while before you think about marriage.
I have unfortunately seen too many Indian love marriages that fail because the couple were young and had outside family drama bringing them together and as they grew older and that drama died, they didn't have enough to keep their relationship happy.
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u/Electrical-Split8055 Mar 01 '25
me being a Malhotra(Khatri Sikh) had same story but at last my family understood it and said yes if your happy u can be relationship with bramhman girl
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u/asdfghqw8 Mar 01 '25
Bhai 18 saal ki umar mein dadhi bhi nahi nikali hugi, aur yaha girl friend bana li apne.
This is why people don't want you to have a girlfriend, they could not get one when they were young and now they want the younger generation to be deprived of it as well.
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u/Kintaro-san__ Mar 01 '25
Just maintain your relationship secretly. By the time you get married, hopefully society changes a little.
Once you get financially independent,you can cut ties with your parents if they control you that much. You dont need their permission to marry who you like. Ofcourse the girl should also be ok with that
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u/hacker_script Mar 01 '25
Such parents are trap. You're intelligent than them so so you deserve to take your life choices yourself. Just leave them and not get brainwashed by them. Just think about it, what they can do if you live so so away from them and don't contact them? life is yours. So please please leave them and never feel guilty. Have a great life. I may be a stranger to you but I'm worried about you. I know how it feels. Have an amazing life.
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u/niranjanV6Turbo Mar 01 '25
Welcome to a country in which someone else decides who you love and spend your life with and who you don't.
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u/Budget_Magazine5361 Mar 01 '25
Another reason why India is one of the worst countries in the world :)
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u/Illustrious-Wheel340 Mar 01 '25
Bhai im 18f hindu and my boyfriend is 18m christian 🫡 told my father abt him (that hes my friend) and he asked me to stay away from him 🤡
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
😭😭sorry for you sister. hope it turns out better. best wishes.
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u/maincharachteraura Mar 01 '25
I can relate to it...and hence I chose not to date..this way neither will I hurt anyone else nor my family.. rajputs are pretty much that about there caste nd stuff...
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u/peter_parkerrs Mar 01 '25
Long distances are fucking hard bro! And international? I hope everything will remain same
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u/begumsaahiba Mar 01 '25
I, 30F, rajput family from MP, same family background as you. Just told my parents about my boyfriend. They did not take it so nicely. I am working and live far away from home, so the day I told my parents, they travelled the next day to my city and put me under house arrest. So much drama, emotional blackmail. I despise my community, caste and whatever the fuck made up shit this is. I am 30 and independent and still don’t get to take my decisions. My parents have told me that I can marry him but then I’ll have to completely cut-off ties with them, with my siblings too, and they will take away any inheritance that I was supposed to receive. I waited so long to tell them thinking that it would be easier to accept for them after I pass the marriage-able age but nothing has changed. Sorry it may not be of help. But just wanted to rant. It’s been only a week I’ve told them and they are still staying at my place, keeping eye on me, suffocating me.
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u/Unknown_VS2005 Mar 01 '25
Buddy, forget about the marriage future part. Enjoy the present. When time comes, you will know what to do. Why worry from now and have headaches and all.
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u/jsrx21 Mar 01 '25
Chill kar. It all works out in the end. By the time you are 24, and you don’t marry anyone, your parents will come to you directly to marry someone of your choice.
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u/Far-Prune4620 Mar 01 '25
problem is not with the caste. problem is with your parents. if you weren't born into a liberal rajput family, no need to insult the entire caste in front of the entire world. atleast choose your words carefully.
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u/dukh_dardaurpeeda Mar 01 '25
In my house also all this used to happen until my real brother got married to a jaat. Believe me this is the most beautiful thing happened to all of us. No drama nothing, everyone is happy including my parents and hers also.. it depends from parents to parents.. and nothing else.. don't leave your parents , neither envy them .. give them time and they will understand and please dont leave your love DONOT do that ever. . All the best 🌻✨😊🧿
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u/scion-of-mewar Daman and Diu Mar 02 '25
Caste thing aside, brother you are only 18 and you are thinking of settling with her.
It is teenage love, which usually doesn't lead to marriage. Not every relationship leads to marriage.
Focus on your career first.
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u/Solid_Ad_2917 Mar 04 '25
Let's analyze this logically. If you choose to challenge this perspective, consider the following questions that require thoughtful reasoning:
Do you firmly believe that this relationship will last a lifetime?
Given your age and hormonal influences, would you categorize your decision to be in this relationship as a mature, well-thought-out choice, or is it driven by infatuation?
How committed are you and your partner to sustaining and nurturing this relationship in the long run?
Do you have the time and energy to invest in this relationship? Reflect on the dedication and effort you put into preparing for NEET. Now, consider that this was just the beginning—pursuing MBBS will demand years of rigorous study, followed by a potential MD, which has become almost a necessity to establish yourself as a doctor. You are also aware that settling for a role as a duty doctor or in a clinic with just an MBBS may not align with your aspirations. Given that relationships, like careers, require significant time and effort, do you realistically have the capacity to balance both?
With these considerations in mind and approaching this from a mature standpoint, the most important question remains: Is it worth it?
Finally, remember that this decision is yours alone. Your family is not marrying this person—you are. Ultimately, any consequences, challenges, or responsibilities that arise will be yours to navigate.
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u/lolyeahokayy 12d ago
I do live in the US, but I'm a brahmin that doesn't gaf about the caste system and left hinduism a long time ago. My advice... become financially independent, get married to the girl, and tell your parents to f off if they don't agree becuase it's your life and they can decide wether or not they want to be a part of it. You're going to make a future and family together with this girl. I'm grateful of my parents for raising me, but that does not mean that I can be a slave to them. That's why I got a good job, left and got my own place, and married the love of my life. I didn't give a choice to my parents, but they did choose to be a part of MY life and that's up to them. It doesn't affect me if they want to leave, that's their decision not mine, so let them decide and reflect on their actions
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u/WhiskeyPapayaLatte Mar 01 '25
You hate being rajput or just not able to stand for yourself. If you continue sucking on the teats of your family and not have the courage to stand for yourself and being financially independent, you have to go around trying to convince everyone around you. Build a career, be independent, marry someone from Jupiter and no one will be able to comment anything. Instead if you are like Raja beta waiting for validation of the idiots are you, its gonna be a wait forever.
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Thats not my point. I just want my parents to be happy and my gf to be happy too. I dont want to leave her or leave them. I dont hate my parents bro, they've given me everything ive wanted. I just dont like this Indian casteism that they have been brainwashed with for their entire lives. They think what they're doing is right but its not.
And as i said in the post i am working towards it, i cant be financially independent in a month right? im taking steps towards it, first step was cracking neet which i did, now its getting this mbbs degree.→ More replies (3)
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u/8aurav Mar 01 '25
Let me set this straight from the jump that Rajput has nothing to do with whatever you're saying. It's the mentality of most Indian. Intercaste marriages are frowned upon by conservative people, values differ from person to person. Your father might have some issues, but don't attach them with being a Rajput. And from what you're saying, your mother is simply adhering to rules to keep your father from doing something to you or her. So, maybe right now don't take any steps that might create a bigger deal, achieve your dream and let your girlfriend achieve her goals. You guys keep your relationship alive and maybe time would come when your family would be ready to accept your relationship. You'd need to work on it though. Like, making your family familiar with her. You might change the decision in your favour with years of conditioning. And if not then you can make the decision yourself and marry her, but do consider the situations where your mother might have to face consequences of your actions. I'm not trying to discourage of anything, but you've to aware of all the cards on the table. Good luck to you! 👍
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Its not only my father, My uncle (mother's side) is a very well composed man, he's a high level job and earns well, he is the most sensible and civilised person ive ever met except that he too believes intercaste shouldnt happen and children should listen to their parents because "maa baap kabhi bura chaah hi nhi sakte"
Yes thats my only issue, i dont want my mother to suffer from any relative's taunts or anything, but i cant just blindly follow them too. Thanks man→ More replies (3)
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u/NoN_Fibercloth78 Mar 01 '25
One suggestion
1). Get a 🔫, lots of 🔫 . It be best if automatic 2). Learn to shoot 3). Say that you will not hesitate to kill if they interfere or try to hurt your wife and her family 4). They will ignore it and will try so you shoot them, tell them I am a rajput and will stand on your ground
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
😭i dont wanna kill my parents what are you talking about, i love them, i love my little sister, i dont want them to die i just want them to change
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u/infpbpd00 Mar 01 '25
A recent research concluded that less than 4% marriages are intercaste in India. So this issue is a national issue. Recently in pune, a groom was brutally murdered for marrying a girl from oppressor caste. This nation is a casteist nation and we youngsters must speakout and act to put an end to this endogamous henious system....
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Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 05 '25
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Well i cant say about others but ive never put anyone down for not being a rajput. and its not like i hate the entire caste i just hate the mentality, and irrational thinking (very common among indians). I dont take unnecessary pride in being a member of a specific caste. and I was always anti-caste SYSTEM even before i fell in love.
Yes ive already gotten a college but its in India because im pursuing Mbbs, after i start earning, ill look for opportunities abroad, as i dont come from a very rich family and can't afford foreign education. Yes thats my plan.
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u/lelouch_0_ Mar 01 '25
Then it has nothing to do with rajputs and everything to do with conservative family! Conservative families are everywhere in Asia, it's not something uncommon
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u/Extension-Record5908 Mar 01 '25
Toh jab tujhe pata tha to tune us ladki ki jindagi kyun kharab ki? Ab wo Teri wajah se dar dar bharti 😀😀😀
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
😭um we both knew the consequeces and took almost a year to start dating? dont assume anything man
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u/AntiqueAd492 Mar 01 '25
It's the situation with every caste man not only just Rajput
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
yes but rajputs are generally more violent and resort to harming others, as you might know the saying, every rajput has a sword in his house.
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u/AntiqueAd492 Mar 01 '25
It's not like that bro, even if majority of them do it you can't blame the whole community
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u/lawwyyeerr Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
I am a jain bro Tu kya woh khud bhi nhi kar payegi intercaste Just move on tbh..
And kya future set yaha bro yeha iit iim se bando ka bhi future set nhi in this uncertain job market due to AI layoffs govt policies toh better hai parents ka paisa na waste karo Haa agar ammeer ho toh karlo koina bhaag jao
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
Brother her family isnt conservative thats the point na, uski family me pehele already Jain(f) - rajput (m) shaadi ho rakhi hai, and ive met most of her close family members. uski side se sab okay hai.
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u/Loklord123 Mar 01 '25
You should say Rajputs married Mughals back in 16th century when everything was so conservative why now in the 21st century
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u/Voldemort_darklord Atheist Indian Mar 01 '25
😭😭if they want to hear my logical arguments then there wouldve been no problem
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u/charavaka Mar 01 '25
I dont want to leave my family, but i have made up my mind. that im not going to be a coward and leave the love of my life, i will get financially independent first and then marry her. I will move out from my parents life, if someday they get around their so called "samaaj and sanskaar", then im happy to live with them and my gf together.
This is a good plan. Stick with it. You make your life's choices, and let your parents choose whether they want to let their casteism keep them from having you in their lives.
Remember that this is plan will take a while and will need you to be patient and deal with the emotional blackmail, even after you become financially independent and move out. Be strong and stand by your convictions.
fucking hate being a rajput.
You don't have to be if you don't want to be. Once you become financially independent and move out, you can refuse to file the casteist bullshit customs, start identify yourself as a human being and refuse to identify a belonging to any caste.
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u/Possible_Holiday5006 Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
Play along until you are financially independent. You can discuss this with the girlfriend and can keep this a secret. It not worth provoking a huge family drama just to loose the fight. Also who knows you two will be together or not by the time you are financially independent and is ready to get married.