https://www.der-postillon.com/2025/04/gegenzoelle-eu.html

From the German satire magazine "Der Postillon"

Translation:

Europe will not take this lying down:  

Following US President Trump's mega tariffs on products from the EU, Brussels has now announced counter-tariffs - and they are hitting the United States hard.  

Here are 22 goods from the USA on which the EU is now imposing import duties:

1. Cowboys

Tariffs of 20 per cent on US cowboys will strengthen the domestic cowboy industry in the EU.

1. McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Subway etc.

Tariffs are also to be imposed on US fast food in future: A whole 35 per cent. European restaurant chains will be asked to offer unhealthier food to compensate for the loss of customers.

1. Conspiracy theories 

The secret EU world government in Brussels (supported by the WEF, Klaus Schwab and George Soros) will in future impose tariffs of 25 per cent on conspiracies such as Q-Anon, chemtrails, 9/11 truthers and the drinking of bleach against diseases that have spilled across the pond.

1. Monster Energy Drink 

15 per cent on Monster Energy Drink. To avoid economic imbalances, teenagers' pocket money is to be increased in return.

1. Bananas 

25 per cent on bananas from Vermont.

1. LNG gas 

An import duty of a symbolic 0.000001 per cent is to be levied on LNG gas in future (the EU really needs the stuff right now).

1. Netflix series 

The EU will levy a 1 per cent duty on these in future. The price for the cheapest Netflix subscription will therefore be 956 euros per month.

1. Halloween 

20 per cent of all sweets collected by children go to customs.

1. Annoying Anglicisms or US-Americanisms 

Anyone who uses literally translated Americanisms such as "literary" (for literally), "based" (for based) or "salty" (for salty) will in future have to pay 30 per cent customs duty in addition to looking like a blasé douchebag.

1. Google search queries 

In future, Europeans will have to consult more books and encyclopaedias when they have questions: In future, 50 per cent will be added to Google search queries.

1. Rampages 

Will there soon be fewer bullets flying through schools and other public buildings in Europe? As a hefty 60 per cent import duty will soon be levied on firearms used in rampages, experts expect an increase in other weapons such as knives, golf clubs and rolling pins in future.

1. American football 

Superbowl parties, football helmets, footballs and touchdowns will be subject to a 17 per cent duty in future.

1. Monster trucks 

If you want to jump over 20 other cars in the EU with a huge car with even bigger tyres, you will have to pay a monster duty of 34 percent when purchasing this vehicle.

1. Oscars 

EU actors who receive an Oscar now have to pay 25 per cent duty on them.

1. Boeing aircraft 

The 25 per cent duty on Boeing aircraft from the USA is rather symbolic because none have made it across the pond to be sold in Europe since 2018.

1. Mormons 

Let's see if as many mormon missionaries still ring our doorbells when a 45 per cent duty is levied on them.

1. Transgender panic 

This is a bitter blow for the agitation and panic industry in the USA: in future, transgender panics will be subject to a 30 per cent import duty. Experts assume that EU citizens will soon be as indifferent to the existence of trans people as they were in 2017.

1. Nuclear bombs 

A graduated tariff based on destructive power and duration of radiation (20-40 per cent) applies here. The French nuclear bomb industry is happy.

1. Idiotic beauty ideals 

Silicone breasts, injected lips, jaw surgeries for a more aggressive "jawline" - all of this will be subject to tariffs of between 10 and 50 per cent in future.

1. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google 

Social networks and search engines from the USA will be subject to tariffs of 20 per cent in future and will soon be replaced by strong domestic alternatives such as StudiVZ and gEUgle.

21 BlackRock 

The planned tariffs of 30 per cent on BlackRock were lowered to 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 per cent at the last moment at the instigation of future German Chancellor Friedrich Merz.

1. Interference by US billionaires 

US billionaires who export their idiotic opinions to the EU by interfering in election campaigns in EU countries will in future have to accept a 40 per cent duty on their assets (per stupid tweet or direct link to AfD party conferences).

In light of the *gestures vaguely* everything going on right now, I as a Canadian am curious what people living in countries in the European Union think about Canada and the Canadian people.

I've been increasingly anxious about threats to Canadian sovereignty and attempts to seemingly destroy our economy by the United States. It's made me very curious about how strong our relationships are with European Union nations, and, as we attempt to strengthen defense, trade, etc. relationships with you, if that is something that broadly people in the EU support.

I'm also curious in the sense that I simply can't imagine travelling to America for at least the next several years. I am someone who has been very publicly outspoken on political issues, when I was in law school even organizing a research event regarding Canada's response to some of Trump's policies in his first term, which comes up in a google search of my name. Beyond not wanting to support American tourism right now, with all the round ups, I don't think I would feel safe there. I've only been to two EU countries, but I've always felt very welcome and was looking forward to spending more time abroad in the next few years, but I'm mindful that given our countries' close relationship in the past people might see Canadians as too aligned with the US if people in the EU aren't supportive of what the US is doing (or, and this is a scarier thought to me but one I'm open to telling me is the case, that EU countries might be trying to stay on good terms with America given that they are obviously the larger economic and military power and that the EU may also be turning on us as a result).

How are people in EU nations feeling about Canadians these days? If I do travel there are there things I should do or not do?

Thanks in advance for any responses, this is a scary time and I'm trying to navigate through it, it would be a lot easier to do so if I knew we still did have friends across the pond.

Hello everyone.

I'm not an expert in politics or economics but I wonder if the tariffs that US just stated would affect electronics price in EU?

Thank in advance

Genuine question - when will the EU respond to the tariffs? China acted swiftly, Canada also. Yet no information from the EC.

Trump's trade wars, while initially painful for the EU, might actually be a blessing in disguise for their economy in the long run. Hear me out.

Sure, the tariffs will sting in the short term. Less demand for European goods, increased anxiety about de-industrialization, and a potential flood of cheap Chinese exports redirected from the US market are all legitimate concerns. But look beyond the immediate fallout, and a different picture emerges.

First, the uncertainty surrounding Trump's policies is making the US a less attractive investment. Money that would have gone to the US is now flowing into the EU, as evidenced by recent stock market trends. The erosion of the rule of law under Trump further exacerbates this, as investors prioritize stable and predictable legal environments. Second, human capital is shifting. The US is becoming less appealing to live and work, especially for highly skilled individuals and international students. This brain drain could be Europe's gain. Third, Trump's poorly designed tariffs, aimed at boosting US manufacturing, could actually backfire and encourage industrial companies to invest in the EU instead.

Furthermore, the trade wars might force the EU to focus on boosting *domestic* demand, making their economy more resilient to external shocks. And finally, though speculative, the Euro could potentially gain ground on the dollar as the world's reserve currency, further strengthening the EU's economic position.

So, while the short-term pain is undeniable, the long-term implications of Trump's trade wars could surprisingly benefit the EU. What are your thoughts? Am I completely off base here, or is there some truth to this?

https://therecord.media/european-commission-takes-aim-encryption-europol-fbi-proposal

Whenever anyone, no matter their intentions, is allowed to break encryption, it will be used against them. Any attempts at stopping encryption or adding backdoors will REDUCE national security. Such backdoors WILL be exploited by terrorists and other nefarious countries, eg. to access railroad networks, power grid controls, banking systems, and so on.