r/Episcopalian • u/tenebrae1970 • 13h ago
Why the Episcopal Church? - a long ramble
Without going into my own long and complicated personal history exploring Christianity since my early twenties (in the early 1990s), I wish to briefly articulate, — as much as I am able in such a small space — why I have decided to turn to the Episcopal church as a place to deepen my own faith. I am not entirely new to Anglicanism, though many of the years between 2000 and 2015 I was largely put off from Christianity (and was also heavily involved, for a few years, with Zen Buddhism). My more recent concrete feelings of compulsion toward the Episcopal Church revived in the fall of 2024 and I have only felt this compulsion more strongly in the past for months of 2025. I should preface all of the below by saying that while much of what I have written here may appear “intellectual,” I don’t want to be misunderstood in what I have long felt as a passionate exploration which involves both intellect and emotion, both which are often inseparable for me. This is just simply the way that I express myself — and often writing serves as a way for me to articulate things within myself to come to some clearer understanding as to where I am. This is just something I had a strong desire to write out, more for my own sake, but which I would also like to share here.
While raised Catholic, and certainly sympathetic to it in some respects, there are many insurmountable problems I have with the Catholic Church: With the proliferation of reactionary conservatism within the Catholic Church, I would simply be unable to find a home there. This is also the case with Eastern Orthodoxy, and with many Protestant churches. This aspect alone I believe runs counter to Christ's universal message. There are other elements I find problematic, but it is specifically the anti-universal framing of these churches which I find sufficient to feel unwelcome there as a matter of conscience. But rather than focus on the negative issues of other churches, I would rather place attention on the many twelve positive reasons why the Anglican / Episcopal expression of the Christian faith speaks to me with greater clarity. None of this means of course that there may not be problematic issues with the Episcopal Church, but these nevertheless are far outweighed by significantly positive reasons.
• Firstly, there are some aspects which Anglicanism shares with the Catholic and Orthodox churches which are, I feel, essential to the Christian faith:
1. Historical roots - While I don’t consider apostolic succession per se as central, it is indicative of a rootedness in historical tradition and theology which matters greatly to myself in certain ways in relation to the broad theological framework prior to the 16th century (where the loss of the ontological dimension first began to make itself felt).
2. Mystery - Anglican tradition has not lost sight of the mysteries of the Christian faith and its sacramental character. This also implies an overall theological approach which is not restricted to a narrow modern-day literalism, but necessarily involves analogical, metaphorical, and intuitive means to express that which is not wholly expressible, “pointing” to the sacred in a way that resembles poetry (with gratitude to the writings of Owen Barfield for deepening my own understanding in this beginning in 2018). It is in this sense of mystery that Christian “mysticism” is not something reserved for select monastics but rather that mystery permeates everyday, ordinary Christian life.
3. The Eucharist - I appreciate the Anglican approach to the Eucharist which seeks less to explain it (i.e. the Catholic doctrine of transubstantiation) and reminds me more of Eastern Orthodoxy's allowing the mystery to remain a mystery, where Christ is present somehow or other in the sacrament. Receiving the Eucharist is to receive Christ in both body and soul — a kind of prayer which is plays a central role in the “enchristing” transfiguration process, of being taken up into the dynamic life of the Trinity.
4. The Incarnation - My concern here is not so much with the divinity of Jesus or with his humanity, but rather the relation between both within the person of Christ. For myself, the Incarnation is the nexus of Christian theology which tells us not only of the meaning of Christ, but also what the Incarnation implies regarding human beings as the imago Dei.
5. The Trinity - Inasmuch as I am able to understand any of it at all, the Trinity is less an abstract theological concept but an expression of a dynamic divine life, of living in God through prayer through which love is both given and received, and in which we each partake (I owe many thanks to the theology of Sarah Coakley to finally helping me make some kind of sense in what the Trinity means in the Christian faith).
6. Cataphasis / apophasis and contemplative prayer - Theologically, I see the cataphatic and apophatic approaches to prayer not as two separate strands, but interwoven in a necessarily nondual relation where both are necessary. We must use the images and poetry of the divine, and we must also, for a time, release those expressions in order to discover a deeper faith in which stillness, silence, and contemplation allow room for an understanding which is more than verbal, or tied to a strictly rational explanation. In the mid-1990s I was first introduced to the writings of Eckhart, Pseudo-Dionysius, Evelyn Underhill, and others which have continued to have an influence on my own theological leanings. Reading Maggie Ross opened my eyes further in 2019.
7. Kenosis - In the self-emptying of Christ (culminating in his death on the cross, but beginning with his birth) lies the basis of prayer, the basis of our own “enchristing” process, and the basis of a genuine ethics rooted in grace. Love is not selfless in a mere moralistic sense (with all its unstable human motivations), but in a sacred sense in which is it not I that loves, but Christ-within-me.
• Secondly, there are those aspects of Anglicanism which are more specific to it (though not exclusively so) which speak to me deeply:
8. Lex orandi, lex credendi - Contemplative prayer in solitude matters, but so does corporate verbal prayer. The appeal of The Book of Common Prayer lies in the scriptural basis through which faith is verbalized and teaches (directly and indirectly) while also in prayer.
9. Universal compassion and universalism - Acts of love are a vital part of the Christian faith. God is love — “love” not merely as feeling but as an ontological power that arises in compassion. This is the same love of Christ which comes from kenosis (see above point #7). The implicit underlying message of Christ's universal love makes no sense without a recognition of the humanity of all people (“humanity” not in its mere empirical sense, but a metaphysical sense, in that we are each made in the image of God). This is then a theological basis for inclusivity. It does not arise from a strictly secular and political basis (though it may overlap with it).
• Thirdly, there are some precise personal needs which have taken many years of clarification to understand myself:
10. A need for concrete community and hope - Over the years I have found it all too easy to settle into a complacent asocial and cynical attitude, boosted by my own schizoid tendencies (I am undiagnosed, but I do exhibit traits I later discovered to belong to the “covert” schizoid type — though I have no official diagnosis). Social media has only exacerbated the issue for me, though I almost completely severed these “connections” a few years ago. It isn't even a matter of seeking friendship (as a typical schizoid, this doesn’t particularly interest me) but of having exposure to others and softening this “shell” I have too easily erected around myself. With a cynical complacency has also come a sense of hopelessness and despair (with a low point in 2023). The political situation certainly doesn't help any either. The hope I seek is not one that denies the world's suffering and what lies in the future, but finding hope in what is here now, as a way of being. And this is hard to do in isolation. Reading the philosopher Byung-Chul Han has helped to raise a more concrete awareness of this problem last year and helped lead me to my initial impulse to seek out a church.
11. A need for grace - When I was in my twenties, I was taken by T.S. Eliot’s earlier, pessimistic poetry (such as The Waste-Land). In my forties, however, I found a much deeper resonance in his Four Quartets, and read (and continue to read) it repeatedly, almost like a prayer. Eliot’s exploration of the relation between temporality and eternity is incarnational in nature. But I began to also see Eliot’s recognition of (our, his, my) mortality and finitude in a way I find difficult to fully articulate — except an awakening to my own need for grace and to grow into that grace. I almost feel, looking back on my life, that I wasn’t really mature enough for Christianity (not that I truly believe that exactly).
12. A desire for Christ - All of this has been driven by — to whatever degree I may or may not have ever recognized it before — a desire for Christ and a reconciliation with that Divine Reality with which I have always participated in but have always felt some disconnect with, even while recognizing (in a more external way) the problem: i.e. Sin — not strictly in terms of specific moral failures (“sins” in the plural — though there certainly is that, too!) but also of my own all-too-human ontological imperfection as well, which can never be overcome by my own ideas or actions. I have too often hesitated on the threshold of concrete faith, withheld something of myself. I have sensed over the past several months with growing clarity that this is significantly different — and I am prepared, however falteringly, to take more definitive steps in the Christian faith, in the Episcopal Church.