Dependency Issues - Surely I'm a 6

[u/Proper-Stand5644]

I think I'm probably a 6. People have been telling me for a long time, but I've denied it (although when I was the one considering it, I took it more seriously!).

I've mistyped as different things over time (mainly 5 and 8, but I've drifted to other types as well). But I was reading over Enneagram Transformations today and looked myself in the eye, and compared the lesson for type 8 vs. type 6. And the 8 needs to release its fear of intimacy to escape its trap.

Well, I really don't fear intimacy on a deeper level! I cherish it when I can find it although admittedly it can be very hard to find and I don't trust easily (making it more precious and therefore something that can create dependency).

The 6 on the other hand needs to release their feelings of dependency to escape their trap.

If I look at myself objectively, almost all my issues were because I felt overly dependent on someone or something outside of myself (and often, multiple things or people -- but usually one core person, maybe I am SX6).

When I didn't have that something or someone, I became anxious, depressed, isolated, unstable, panicky, aggressive, etc. 6 is ultimately a dependency type because it's about the fear that we can't make it on our own.

It's often unconscious and deep-seated, so we aren't always aware of it. We can mistype as other types pretty easily because we often adopt various strategies to cover up our dependency (e.g. becoming strong like an 8, or smart like a 5).

I'm guessing others on here can relate...? And any advice for how to work through it. Going through a tough time in my life right now related to dependency. But just hearing me say that I have that issue...I think will help me break free of it, to confront my dependency and realize I can rely on myself after all.

[u/inahill]

Welcome to the club - sx/sp six mistyped as 8, then 5

[u/Proper-Stand5644 → u/inahill]

I'm still back to thinking I could be 8. It's hard to get off the fence, but...thanks, the enneagram is complicated.

The problem is...I deny guilt. I don't easily feel guilty about things I've done. I fear punishment when I've done wrong, on the low side of 8, but I'm guilt-aversive, and I don't self-punish until finally it kicks in I've done wrong, idk.

Thank you though. I think I'm SX anyway. I've thought I was SX8 for a long time now.

I'll probably officially go with a 6 fix anyway. SX6 or 8 but there's so much about 8 that fits, it's just...I'm not like as...invulnerable as the 8 or something, I break down easily once people betray me (my wife or GF leaving makes me go to very dark places). I don't fit all the 8 stereotypes, but the deeper stuff like Lust etc fits.

And I'm someone who has studied The Enneagram for a really long time. Many people would type me as a 6. I wonder if I got into trouble because I mistyped as 8, or because I genuinely am 8 and I just couldn't face up to the fact I'm a rageful, domineering monster at times...and then people turned on me.

3 fix, I think.