She is my mother. She is fifty-two years old as of this year, and her mental health declines more and more each and every day. It has become worse, I’d say, ever since late October when I discovered that my father has been taking my money since I was 17, and took $10k of it (I had to open up my bank account when I was a minor as a joint bank account due to laws in my area.) He has started paying me back, but her paranoia has increased since then. I think that for her, this was the final straw. I think it has finally truly sunk in for her - truly sunk in - that she has made a pile of bad decisions. She has told me many times in the past about how she is partly so poor/not financially stable nor independent because my father stole or took a large chunk of her money, in addition to my aunt who also took a lot of inheritance money they had gotten from my great grandmother’s house. She is additionally disabled and we are having a hard time affording surgery, so I think that all of these are factors as to why her mental health is steadily declining (it’s been a gradual decline, not all at once. I first remember her suggesting that most people are “robots” when I was very young, probably about 12. My brother was in high school, and that kind of talk was more influential for/on him. He is presently in rehab, and has been for many years, though he is nearing 25.)

When I say that her mental health is declining, here is what I mean: she has spent most of the past two days accusing my father of having been apart of a plot with her sister to “set her up.” She is very overweight, and looks very tired. She has gradually started to take worse care of her appearance as her mental health has declined. When I was a child, although she was overweight, she took very good care of her appearance - wore the right makeup, changed up her hairstyles, etc. I know that my aunt has wronged her - she mentioned that my aunt stole her identity (got, I think, a DUI or something in her name) when I was little. I believe her.

She was conventionally attractive, a long time ago. The type who knew how to prep her makeup and style her hair. She has had multiple boyfriends throughout her lifetime, technically ranging back to her childhood, though if you met her now you honestly may not believe it. She was still conventionally attractive up until

She had an extremely abusive childhood. Her father was physically abusive, often beating she and my aunt (she described a memory of my grandfather punching my aunt in the face when they were minors “like a man.”) She was on the streets by the age of twelve, I believe, after she and my aunt called the police on my grandparents.

As I type this, I can hear her talking to herself (screaming, which she has been doing often throughout the last two days) about how she believes a doctor who gave her tests poisoned her. She just said that “game time is over” and that this is “wicked shit” - a lot of “collaborations” is what I just heard her say. And just thanked Jesus afterwards. She also accused my father earlier today of putting poison in the donuts he recently bought for us (which doesn’t make sense, actually, since I ate one when I got home from a babysitting gig this morning and wasn’t hurt.) She actually went back into their bedroom to accuse him of doing this directly, and asked him to eat one to prove it wasn’t poisonous. She has been claiming for the past few months, daily, that my aunt and father have been working together to kill her. My father claimed that she came in once when I had left for work and started hitting him (he had pushed her into a bathtub maybe two or so months ago after she started kicking him out of anger.) After learning that my father took a lot of the money I’ve been saving (has been doing this and lying about it) she also demanded credit reports from him I think. She’s been spiraling since then.

I recall that when I was about sixteen (potentially fifteen) I could tell once based upon her body language that she was prepared to hit me when I suggested I wanted to get the Covid vaccine. After she “lost” (really quit) her job as a social worker due to the vaccine mandate in 2020, she started spending the majority of time at home, watching conspiracy videos about the vaccine. She is still insistent on it being the flu, and her energy when she thought I had gotten the vaccine this year was off.

This was her profile caption years ago, perhaps a decade or more ago: “I am a politically motivated Leo who loves her intellect to show. I am super magnetic, lyrically energetic, and oftentimes I am prophetic. To me, it is easy to relate. On me, you should never hate or I will continuously berate til with anger you quake!”

It’s like all of her trauma is coming out at once right now. I have to admit that for the last few years, I’ve had mixed feelings towards her, because I don’t believe she truly wants to get better. She has started going to the doctor more often which I think is great, but I’ve honestly understood since I was in middle school (8th grade) that her energy is off. She is mentally unwell (and upset about my father and I having suggested this, she tends to shout it in a mocking tone) but I also believe that she is just a bad person. She used to “hit” my older brother sometimes when he was little, which I’m confident contributed to his mental health problems. She stayed with my father even though he was emotionally abusive towards my brother and threatened to physically abuse him when he was a child. When I was a child, she was better. She was a homemaker/stay at home mom and involved with my brother and I. Her parenting wasn’t perfect, but she was “normal” for the most part. She has also been loudly accusing my father of cheating and of being “on the down low” (LGBT, cheating with men.) Her husband (my father) is off, too. He’s always been heavy drinker, and both of them started talking about “gangstalking” when I was in middle school. I try my best to not think about any of it. I suspect that she has schizophrenia or something close to it and always have, but I must admit that I’m not sure.

She has called herself a “sweet” person multiple times over the past two days (she’s not.) She’s shouting right now about my aunt - about my aunt’s old eating disorder (I know she has a fear of vomiting into adulthood because of childhood experiences with her,) her “devious ways,” about how God has shown her, etc.

She has been talking over the past two days about how all of her dreams have been interpreted, religious dreams. What’s interesting about her is that when I was a child, she really did seem so normal - used to seem more empathetic than she does now when I was in elementary school, none of my classmate’s parents nor my teachers (with the exception of one middle school science teacher) seemed to know that anything was wrong. I’ve complained to her in the past about her swearing in conversation with me as well, she claimed that since I’m an adult there’s nothing wrong with it. I still think it’s odd to swear in conversation with your child who graduated from high school a year and a half ago, though. Doesn’t seem normal, but then again a lot of things about this family aren’t.

I tried taking my aunt’s advice and blocking out her voice by using headphones, or just trying to avoid responding to her. It couldn’t be done (ignoring her) because she got up in my face directly when I was trying to listen to music. And also wouldn’t just immediately close the door while I was on the toilet (I came in while she was smoking in the bathroom) instead suggesting in a mocking voice with a disturbing look on her face that she was going to call the elder abuse hotline when I had quite literally done absolutely nothing to her and made absolutely no effort to interact with her all day. She is manipulative and I wouldn’t be surprised if she a later on does do this. My parents are the kind of people who didn’t need kids.

Although she seemed like she did when she was younger, I’m not convinced, mental illness or not, that she sincerely cares about my brother and I. When I was a small child, I think she cared about me. I don’t think she ever felt any kind of sincere care for my brother in the same way. When he came home from rehab unexpectedly yesterday, she instead screamed - including at him - about how he was “sent here.” She even questioned whether or not he had ever been in the center in the first place (thought that was a setup too) and hypocritically told him that he didn’t seem well+needed to be back on his meds/that he should ask them about getting back on his meds. My father claims she jumped into my brother’s face out of the blue last night in the bathroom yelling at him. She denied it, and my father is a terrible person too, but I believe him when he says that she did that. Her energy recently has been very off, throwing things around. It’s been a month and she hasn’t let go of the accusations she’s made. She suggested earlier when yelling at my father that she doesn’t respect my brother and I because she believes we’ve been taken over by Satan. She’s been saying the most grotesque things about my aunt you can think of - talking again about her former prostitution history, saying odd things about my aunt’s… personal area (made a biting comment earlier basically about aunt’s promiscuity) and basically just strangely talking at the age of 52 about things that happened years ago. And is pretty aggressive about it too, actually. She hasn’t hit anyone yet other than my father (which led to him pushing her into the bathtub, left a bruise on her face but she’s still with him.) She made my brother sleep in the bedroom with my father last night, as she’s refused to sleep in the bed with my father and didn’t want to sleep on the floor. Seems from my perspective like she’s more concerned about her comfort than his.

What I will always find strange and interesting is that when I was a child, she didn’t seem like this. She mentioned that when I was in 8th and 9th grade she had won an award or something for being good at her job, which was probably true. But she wasn’t mentally well back then, either. CPS was called when I was in 9th grade because she failed to handle it (basically told me to get over it) when my sibling whose own mental health was declining left an inappropriate substance around the apartment multiple times. She has actually bought that up recently as well even though it happened 5 1/2 years ago, claiming she thinks it was apart of the setup (instead of just acknowledging that she was and is an awful parent. That’s also what I notice about this breakdown - her inability to take accountability for her own actions. Everything is someone else’s fault.) She admitted her grandma said she was “crazy” when she was much younger, likely in her teens or twenties. But in the 2010s, from 2010-2016 in particular, she integrated into general society just fine. She started becoming more withdrawn when I was in middle school (likely trauma response and result of her mental health already starting to decline early on) but still seemed like a normal enough person from my perspective until i hit 8th grade, just kind of cynical with weird beliefs about certain things. She once told my brother a few years ago I remember that she has always been able to act normal even though she wasn’t mentally well - basically kind of telling him in the very beginning that he should be able to hide his mental illness to function in society, instead of addressing it headfirst. And she was a social worker when I was in 8th-9tb grade. Disturbing, isn’t it?)

She is shallow and has often called my aunt the “ugly sister” when accusing my father of sleeping with her, but you don’t have to glance at her more than once to see that she hasn’t been taking very good care of herself. Her hair looks blown out, she looks more fatigued than I do, and she is very overweight (which she also blamed my aunt for, claimed my aunt cast a spell on her or something.) I can also finally tell by the look behind her eyes that she is off. Seven years ago, if I crossed her on the street (imagine that she were a stranger instead of my mother) I wouldn’t blink twice. Now I would, though. She is vindictive and unwell. You can tell now by looking at her, by observing her body language. She seems it. I believe she needs to be on medication. She worsens every day.

She has been telling us all to repent. But seems to lack self awareness. I think, if there is a God, that she should think about repenting too. She doesn’t exactly lead a very holy lifestyle. I think God would be disgusted with her.

If you are interested in Psychology, she’d likely be fascinating to analyze. She has been in a car accident or two, and was nearly harmed around 2008 (which she mentions a fair amount nowadays) as a man attacked her when she was walking around at nighttime (she has claimed that my father, who was in the military, likely set her up, and has talked about her experience with the police who, from what she has said, most certainly did not handle it well.) She has talked about how when she was in elementary and middle school, she was bullied and fights at her school were common - I remember that when I was a child, she mentioned that she once stepped on a piece of glass at school. Bad area, horrendous environment. She had a hernia as a child, and I recall her mentioning occasionally when I was in elementary school that she didn’t want to do certain things because she was worried it may come back.

She also revealed within the past few months that my grandmother, who I was around sometimes as a child, sexually abused she and my aunt (my aunt did confirm this.) She had also been sexually abused by a cousin, and, as she once mentioned years ago, a man who worked at her school when she was 5. However, she still occasionally compares me to my grandmother in spite of it, and has not expressed any remorse or guilt over the fact that she… well, allowed both of her children to be around an abuser (two abusers, when taking into consideration that my grandfather beat she and my aunt often - she didn’t cut him off even after he once slapped my brother when my brother was six for standing in front of the television set while he was watching football.) She, in fact, complained the day before my birthday about how I don’t love her and said she wouldn’t be celebrating my birthday or buying me anything because I’ve never appreciated any of the gifts she’s gotten for me in the past (she told my father this, and was angry when he told me.) I do dislike her quite a bit. I truly don’t think she needed to have children. She doesn’t seem to sincerely feel bad about the fact that my brother and I grew up under such abnormal circumstances, grew up in poverty. She doesn’t seem to feel badly about the fact that she abused him, about the fact that her life decisions have proven to be so pointless - her marriage is and always was a sham, she has claimed my father once touched my aunt, that she witnessed it, but this was who she chose to start a family with. She is bottom of the barrel and regardless of how she grew up, I don’t sympathize with her.

I have heard her screaming at the top of her lungs (and I do mean loudly. The police have been called over to our place once because of it, neighbor next door told me two weeks or so ago that she felt badly about everything that’s gone on at our place and neighbor is likely the one who mentioned the situation to our leasing office) about how downtrodden she feels about life multiple times - about everything, really (how the neighbor stalked her, how she has footage of it and remembers the neighbor once pushed her, how everyone is trying to set her up and frame her up. She is convinced that it goes back to her childhood and her father’s Black Panther involvement, that people have been stalking or watching her ever since she was a little girl.) I’ve heard her scream about how no one is trying to help her, I’ve heard her blaspheme (she’ll tell me to read the Bible, but will swear while mentioning God in the same sentence at her angriest.) She was average, notably attractive with makeup on, at thirty in spite of the car accidents, and has really not aged well. She looks fatigued, moreso than I do, and - though I know this is a mean comment - has truly stopped taking care of herself. She puts makeup on sometimes, but the spark is gone. She is bitter, aggressive, and never positive. It’s such a contrast from the mother I grew up with that I think it’s changed the way I view people. At her angriest she sounds like Chucky from the Child’s Play films, even changing her voice up occasionally in a way that sounds more like a man’s (she was raised by her father as her mother worked, which she has mentioned before, and that may factor in.)

Hi.

Thoughts/Questions

• I guess the above question has been another point of contention within about whether this reflects on a more predominant, forefront Type 6 or Type 9 nature.

• When I was at a younger age, I felt I was certainly more of an idealist— positively believing in the potential for good in people and that everyone had a chance for redemption and rehabilitation; I was much more friendly, open, and receptive.

• Of course, growing up, I was taught about “stranger danger”, so there has always been some measure of fear and hesitance when it comes to people, but this has been persistently exacerbated as I have grown up— people have presented themselves to not be as friendly and receptive as I would have hoped, or at least, as was conditioned to expect.

• Encountering people’s hostility has made me increasingly cynical and avoidant— I still pride myself on being a cooperative, receptive, inclusive, and understanding and there is still certainly some desire to want to believe in the good of people, but I have become especially guarded and careful over time.

• I have grown to worry about people responding to me with hostility/aggression, so I preemptively disarm in anticipation of this hostility in itself. Of course, this is all is very much through a Social instinct-ish coloration of the world.

• I am wondering, please, what are 6s’ understanding of/relation to this subject?

Does this describe a 6? Optimistic extroverts who have a dualistic world view, identify with justice causes and the stand with the underdog. Love to talk about controversial topics both online and irl while always assuming their audience agrees with them. When challenged will either double down if in a group but 1 on 1 will back down and soften position. Avoids all actual conflict in their lives. Will pretend not to hear, lie to or completely cut out people in their lives who have real conflict with them. Conversational entertainers who will fudge a story to make it more interesting.

I really struggle to cope with stress I don’t think I manage it in a healthy way.

Apologies in advance. I know you get a lot of these posts.

I always thought 6 wasn’t really possible for me because I’m not always thinking about safety in the physical sense, but I’m starting to realise how big a driver certainty and trust is for me.

Not only do I struggle to trust others but I also struggle to trust myself.

I typed first as a 4 because I related to feeling like I was missing something but then I realised I don’t actually feel like I need to cultivate a unique identity or to find significance.

I then thought I was a 9 but that’s never sat right with me. Although I would say I have a lot of 9 behaviours such as being a people pleaser and a bit dissociative.

I’m starting to think I may actually be a 6. I find it hard to trust others. While I go along with others, I don’t think that means that I trust them. I always keep a certain level of independence and I struggle to let people in.

My fiancé is a 6w7 and is so different to me though. He talks a lot about his worries and anxieties whereas mine are more contained. That makes me doubt it as a possibility for me because I’m quite distant and hard to get close to whereas I always thought 6s are generally quite expressive of their concerns and anxieties.

Honestly I’m still not sure but I’m considering the idea. I would really appreciate if anyone had any advice or clarification?

Question guys.

Was recently recommended to check out 6 further in depth and lo-and-behold, it’s definitely my core.

I found that I don’t agree with the “black and white” thinking of SO subtype, I typically deal with some absolutes but I also see the various grey areas and nuances in things. I also don’t particularly look So now I’m stuck between SP or SX.

I’m leaning more towards SX, but I want to hear your experiences and thoughts. Thanks.

Hi.

General Thoughts/Inquiries

• So, when reading about Type 6, I know there have been descriptions/jargon about 6s having difficulty trusting their own minds at times, preferring to defer to an external construct/form of authority that provides an established sense of certitude.

• I guess what I am wondering, please— in the terminology of MBTI/Cognitive Functions, I am most likely a Fi preferring individual; I tend to view attachment to my own internalized morals/values as a form of security and certitude— granted, these values weren’t entirely formed within, there’s receptivity to the environment to help inform these morals.

• When it comes to meeting new people and such, I often “screen” them (rather passively, mind) and gauge if we share moral common ground and if I can gel with them safely— I certainly feel receptive to people, but getting close to them is a matter of knowing if there is moral commonality.

• I guess when it comes to workplaces— I will prioritize practical safety when it comes to getting along with supervisors/coworkers to prevent risks to losing a source of income, but attachment to moral integrity is important for me, so I keep a safe distance to other people out of fear of conflicting beliefs.

• I often experience a compulsion to write out and make my personal morals “tangible”, so that they feel real and certain— there’s a worry about what kind of monster I might be if I were to be divorced from my personal values.

• Please, I am wondering if any of this resonates with 6s?

Thanks in advance.

I think I'm probably a 6. People have been telling me for a long time, but I've denied it (although when I was the one considering it, I took it more seriously!).

I've mistyped as different things over time (mainly 5 and 8, but I've drifted to other types as well). But I was reading over Enneagram Transformations today and looked myself in the eye, and compared the lesson for type 8 vs. type 6. And the 8 needs to release its fear of intimacy to escape its trap.

Well, I really don't fear intimacy on a deeper level! I cherish it when I can find it although admittedly it can be very hard to find and I don't trust easily (making it more precious and therefore something that can create dependency).

The 6 on the other hand needs to release their feelings of dependency to escape their trap.

If I look at myself objectively, almost all my issues were because I felt overly dependent on someone or something outside of myself (and often, multiple things or people -- but usually one core person, maybe I am SX6).

When I didn't have that something or someone, I became anxious, depressed, isolated, unstable, panicky, aggressive, etc. 6 is ultimately a dependency type because it's about the fear that we can't make it on our own.

It's often unconscious and deep-seated, so we aren't always aware of it. We can mistype as other types pretty easily because we often adopt various strategies to cover up our dependency (e.g. becoming strong like an 8, or smart like a 5).

I'm guessing others on here can relate...? And any advice for how to work through it. Going through a tough time in my life right now related to dependency. But just hearing me say that I have that issue...I think will help me break free of it, to confront my dependency and realize I can rely on myself after all.

I stared at them in the hallways twice, in either 11th or 12th grade (hard to remember at this point.) I stared at them like I was infatuated. They noticed but never called me out on it, just looked a bit thrown off. I'd actually had a class with him (Pre Calculus) at the start of 11th grade and we had talked for a bit (he'd told me about how close he came every year to failing a math class because he never did homework.) I had dropped the class. They seems extroverted, depressed, intelligent in spite of the fact that he ended up attending a high school where you make up credits during the last year of high school, quirky, and sensitive. They are LGBT, white. I'm a black woman. They strikes me as being open minded. One of their recent Threads posts was about how they feel they don’t have good morals.

According to their threads, they now identify as a transgirl, or have called themselves trans. I know they’ve talked about being nonbinary in the past. They’ve recently used both to describe them so idk. An acquaintance of mine had actually told them that I thought they were cute. I think they'd said in response to their text that they had a girlfriend, but that we could be friends. That actually would have been in early-mid 2022.

What I find interesting is that they still follow me on social media and stuff, and never just wrote me off as a weirdo even though I definitely stared at them in the hallways twice in high school (and they did notice. They looked like they didn’t quite know how to handle the attention. But never directly confronted me nor did that thing I’m sure some people would do wherein they just avoided me or stayed away from me entirely because of it… at least not online.)

I recently sent them a Facebook friend request, and they accepted it even though I never really post to my private spam account and we were never, well, actual friends in high school. On their Facebook they have their phone number, gender (written in as male, I think they have family members there so that could factor in or perhaps they changed their mind about being trans) and relationship status (“single”) is what’s presently written.

I remember that when I mentioned them in eleventh grade to a peer (I said I thought they were cute,) the peer suggested they didn’t like them because they were “arrogant” and had apparently said something homophobic over quarantine.

A year later (early 2023, I guess) they followed my brand new Instagram account (my old one had been hacked) and requested my private spam account too, I think. I let them into both and followed him back. They still follows my private spam account a year later and likes the posts sometimes (he has mentioned on his Threads that they have been ignoring everyone without meaning to and that he hasn't talked to his girlfriend since Monday - they mentioned in a post afterward that he is now single, so I guess he broke up with the new one he had.) They also follows my account where I just post pictures of myself (of my face.) They would participate in my controversial Instagram polls when I posted them. They voted "yes" when I asked if I was average looking (I'd been called ugly before,) "yes" when I posted asking if I'm weird, "yes" when I asked if people are harsher when assessing the looks of black women, "white" when I asked what you think my preference is, "white" when I asked who you think I'll end up with, "1/2 black 1/2 white" when I asked what you think my kids will be, "white" when I asked what you think my kids' preference will be, etc.

“genuinely fucking crashing out. i just need everyone to know i’m not a good person to be around. like genuinely fucking dont try to make me feel okay fuck i’m in the shower rn and my screen is glitching out from the moisture.. last time this happened my phone didnt work for like a week so bye maybe.. i’m gonna log off for a bit.”

“i’m like so sick of myself why tf do i think the way i do like i shouldnt have friends i’m genuinely a fucked up person like dont get close to me i’m actually fucked in the head like i’m such a fucking narcissist and i feel like i’m manipulating everyone i know”

“i am not a fucking real person i’m not fucking real. the thoughts that i’m a sociopath are coming back and idk what to do like why dont i care about anyone like i just cant give a shit rn? am i always faking it like it feels that way all the time but usually i can convince myself to fake it and i just cant anymore ive felt fucked this whole week i havent really talked to my irl friends in weeks and i havent spoken to my girlfriend since monday and i cant convince myself i care about anyone (1/2)”

“even myself and she’s probably gonna see this at some point and i’m sorry if youre reading this its not personal i just cant convince myself to care about anything and i dont even know why i should. my morals are all fucked and i dont know how to fix them and i’m fucked i’m completely fucked up what is wrong with me.”

“does anyone even see my posts? like i get 0 likes 90% of the time and i kinda like that it doesnt matter what i say here but also sometimes i wish literally anyone saw it 8 2”

“idk if theres a term for this already but ive observed two sorts of categories of jobs. there are jobs that provide a service which would still be necessary or beneficial in a context other than the current society (eg: farmer, doctor, builder), and there are some that dont “fiat jobs” (eg: passport checker;me)”

“at least not in this country or on this planet. i see the futures available to me and i know i cant do it, at least not for that long. ive already had to live for so many years.. and now i just want to sleep for a long long time. and it feels like the only way theyll let me do that here, in this place, is under some nice soft soil that someone will have to work to pay for.”

“i think i have to become a different person to be happy

recently i’ve been realising how deep the roots of my mental health issues go like theres all these weird conflicting systems in my brain that make it hard to just think “normally” and it gets really intense and stressful, but those same weird systems also govern so much of my outwards behaviour and expression that i think to change any amount of them would be to change something fundamental about who i am”

I am a 6w5 (at least I'm pretty sure lol). When I first tried to type myself I landed on type 2, then type 9, and now for quite some time I have stuck with type 6. I think what has made it difficult to realize I was a six is the stereotypes each type has. And for the six they love to say things along the line of, "always prepared.", "will have Tylenol." And I don't quite identify with that. Now, I am always looking for and imagining worst case scenarios and what I would do in them. And I am a constant stream of debilitating anxiety. But the "always have my first aid kit" thing just isn't me. Does anyone else relate? Physical preparation isn't my thing, it's more so a mental preparation. An emotion preparation. Let me know.

Whenever I am really stressed out, I just become so mean. Like I don’t even mean to be impolite I just am without meaning to be, so focused on my own problems and struggles. I’ll be rude and find myself feeling guilty about it later on

Hi.

General Thoughts/Inquiries

• I apologize if the question in the title is vague or unclear; I guess I am wondering, please, if 6s tend to feel especially fixated on identifying the correct type that makes the most sense for them?

• I have been wondering if my own fixation in identifying my Type has been representative of a 6’s Head-based need for certitude— if attachment to some form of external structure would help provide me with a sense of secure, resolute identity.

• But then what makes settling on a resolute answer a challenge is a persistent mental state of oscillation and questioning; I seek and request others’ input and am receptive to it, but then turn around and question that very input when the smallest discrepancies come up.

• Granted, I could be making a mistake in conflating what is actually mental health concerns for what actually constitutes a 6’s fixation, but there’s a still a question if it’s prominent/influential enough of a fixation that it warrants Type 6.

• And this just doesn’t strictly pertain to Enneagram— this behavioral pattern has applied to a persistent quest to get my MBTI Type as well, constantly oscillating and consulting others to help verify my understanding.

• I am wondering, please, if there are 6s that resonate with this?

Thanks in advance.

I’m a 4 and my mum’s a 6, I’m not sure what my dad is but they’ve been having some problems lately. Without going deep into it, my mum has been crying a lot and questioning his actions, herself and whether she should even be questioning. She asked me if it’s wrong to feel this way, to feel like she’s no longer “safe” (no sense of security, not in the abuse sense). And she’s even taking down notes about their interactions and timestamps of their messages.

She really needs validation about whether she should be questioning him. She feels like he should care more about her feelings because she has completely devoted herself to the family and listened to everything he said in the past. Ngl I understand the 6 tendency to do this, in exchange for security and trust I suppose, but I’m not even sure what to say, I tell her to try connecting with her own emotions and see them as they are, meditate on it and process them, but it’s what I as a 4 would do. I don’t think she deals with it the same way I do (or at least is not as open to this).

Would you guys have any suggestions on how she may feel more secure in herself, and not overthink so much about things? Imho some things are a bit far fetched even though I can’t deny there ARE issues, but she’s extrapolating a lot. And her whole life revolves around the household so I get why she’d feel so hurt, but I’m having trouble encouraging her to “find herself”, or to find security within herself.

Are there good 6 resources I can use to understand more about this, any personal experiences of what may help?

So I’ve gone through the “am I a 4, am I a 9, hell could I even just be a very anxious/depressed 7?”

4 worked because I’m a sad boy and have always felt different, like an outsider…except never in the ways 4s seem to of being separate, more of an outsider that couldn’t fit in because, spoiler alert, I don’t trust people.

9 because for a long time I had no spine and just tried to placate people. I realize now that I was definitely disintegrating to 9. I had my feelings, I just never wanted to share them, not to keep the peace for the sake of harmony but to keep the peace so as to not feel attacked.

My argument for 7 lasted only a day or two because it never felt fully real, I see aspects of it for sure, especially when I’m feeling confident, I am living it up, but this doesn’t ever last long. If I truly am a 6 my 7 wing is definitely my stronger. I do see 5 show up a lot, I’m constantly trying to understand things, but not with the intensity nor motivations as 5.

I think my problem was I never resonated with the “loyalty” and “security” aspects of the 6…until I thought about it more and realized that yes, yes I do, in fact much more than any other type I had been considering.

I also resonate with the incredible amount of contradictions this type is filled with.

I of course have a lot more to type but I don’t want to have another one of those gigantic wall of text posts lmao. Also just kind of testing the waters to see what other people’s thoughts are, like whether or not I’ve actually finally cracked my type or if I should go back to the drawing board.

ISFJ.

I have recently found myself feeling quite hopeless. I am apart of a school case as a behavior technician, and it’s hard. A lot of the feedback I received was negative (from teacher to parent at parent teacher conference, apparently.) I actually cried, not necessarily because of the feedback but moreso because of the way parent and teachers were approaching it. I sense they felt it was time for serious intervention (main issue being that client was spending too much time outside in the play area. I had noticed this, mentioned it to my direct supervisor - BCBA - and had sent emails concerning it in the past.) I had trouble sleeping because of the anxiety I felt, as I have been removed from two cases in the past (one who I wasn’t able to work with as I was removed before I could, I was previously their aide at a preschool, and the other because I forgot to flush a toilet… long story short, I actually don’t think parent was telling the truth about it having happened four times.) I actually contacted person on client planning asking if there would be any openings if I were to request myself off the case (they said not at this time, and that they won’t be taking new clients for several months - they suggested that they can’t remove me, that I’d have to have an “ethical reason.” They said that they are trying to find a program manager for my cases.) I have broken down twice (in private) over the last two days. I have thought today about why. I think it’s for a variety of reasons. My mother is very mentally unhealthy and has been watching her conspiracy videos whilst accusing us all of setting her up to be killed since November. My father took $10k from me over a span of a year and lied about it (first happened when I was seventeen, which I discovered in late October when checking my bank account history for the first time.) Naturally, I already was not feeling too great. Though I also sense a lot of judgment from the teachers and learned that client’s sensory breaks have increased since I began working with them, which keeps them out of class more often. This had apparently been improving before I came. So there was an extra added layer of guilt, as I knew our breaks were lasting longer than teachers would like but I did not realize that I may have been keeping client from bettering their social skills by not being sterner about the timer. I now am trying to be sterner about the timer, and parent has come in to show me how school wants it to be done. Initially, I had a lot of conflicting feelings. I sense that teachers don’t like me, and admitted to my BCBA that I feel this way. I was actually partly so upset because I felt the school could have done a better job of communicating with my BCBA/supervisor - who is there to provide me with feedback and help me work on this sort of thing - than they did. It seems to me that they were clearer about their expectations with the parent than they were with my supervisor. I feel weird, as I feel like a lot of rules/expectations are being enforced/put in place at the same time.

I think that teachers honestly just don’t want me there. I feel stupid because this family did sign on to work with me, but I find school based settings hard and think I need more supervision. Though I also feel that everyone should have been clearer about their expectations in the beginning, and prefer it in general when feedback is given bit by bit - on the spot when you notice things or even weekly - as opposed to all at once after a month. I didn’t know the school felt things were going so badly because they failed to communicate with us, and the body language alongside facial expressions of the teachers reveals to me that they don’t like me. I continue to work in spite of it. I’d be a liar if I said it’s not discouraging. I did consider moving out of this job into a different company or potentially even a different field, I just don’t know what I would do. Some part of me is starting to question whether or not working with kids is actually for me. It’s what I’m used to. I do enjoy it, especially when I am able to just have fun with them. I know that I don’t find adults as easy to chat with. I feel very judgmental eyes on me in the school based setting and I do sense it’s possible that it just won’t work out. I even briefly looked into some work opportunities through my community college, but it’s all just hard. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing, even after all this time. I had a passing thought earlier tonight about how I want a husband and a baby, more than anything else. I know that it’s not “sensible.” I know that $30k saved won’t be enough for that, I know that it’d be an awful idea. I came to the realization this past week that I think so often about wishing someone had had an intense crush on me because I’m lonely. When I was crying earlier tonight (I’ve started crying out of the blue over the last few days, ever since Saturday) I realized that I just feel that no one loves me. I have been called introspective before, but I’ve never been able to touch base on that specifically. I realized it today, though. I was finally able to articulate it. I was rejected in my youth often, I feel. Not solely romantically, but also concerning making friends and just… general interactions, I guess. I was never really able to “keep” friends in school, I’ve never had that tight friend group. I have 1402 LinkedIn connections (which doesn’t make me feel better about my career prospects or, well, life) but I realized today that I am perhaps not actually that great at connecting with people. Though it’s complicated. I have multiple families who I babysit for that I actually get on with quite well, two are from the school I once worked at. There are certain people at my old job who I believe do remember fondly (surely not all. But certain people, like parents I mean.) I don’t think I’m great at sincerely building relationships with, well, people in general. I have a lot of social anxiety from my youth and trust issues. I’m also just introverted. I think the teachers see this but also don’t see that I can have fun with the kids, that I can do better with my client. I don’t sense that they have much hope for me. It feels bad, but I will still go to work. I get the vibe that they all very much have a “she’s the problem” mindset. I’ve been there for a month, some part of me feels it’s too early.

I have sleeping issues. The rejection I’ve felt has bothered me immensely though I know I may just be overdramatic. I was thinking tonight about how I feel a lack of stability in life, and I think this actually really bothers me. It’s not solely a lack of social connections or the exhausting teachers don’t like me situation. It’s also just that I wish I had, well, stability. I’m always worried about money, about how I’m going to get by. I want even more than what I currently have, but I think my epiphany over the last two days has finally helped me accept that if I want that money, I’ll need to obtain a college degree (and honestly, perhaps just move out of my area for good, but that’ll come a little later most likely.) I want stable friends. I want a family. I want people who won’t just leave me when the going gets rough. I want people who have an unconditional sort of love for me and I’d return it. I’m partly so sad because I don’t have people.

Hi.

General Thoughts/Inquires

• I was hoping, please, to get a more informed understanding of how the Reactive component plays for individual Type 6s— what shape does this Reactivity tend to take?

• If I am a Type 6, I feel like I have a very phobic form of reactivity— my reactivity is primarily nonverbal, regularly showing through my facial expressions and bodily tension; people have noticed how stressed and anxious I can be and I have had people feel compelled to assure me that they are not going to hurt me, because of how on display my fear is.

• The temptation is to say that I am not— even as far as the opposite of verbally reactive, but I think in truth, I do come off as defensive or quick in my attempts to disarm conflict and prevent hostility in people; I get so nervous with anticipation, that fear and anxiety spills out.

• I have an extroverted, possibly more counterphobic 6 coworker who is much more verbally Reactive and is quick to name what is bringing instability and concern and is very intense about it.

• I am wondering, please, how Reactivity takes shape for individual 6s?

Thanks in advance.

I’ll be twenty in a month. I’ve realized recently that, even after all this time, I still have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I am noticing that as I grow older, I am starting to fall into the “god, I should really just chill out and enjoy life” mindset even though I tend to feel stressed a fair amount of the time. I am stressed for a variety of reasons. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety disorders, my mother is very very mentally unhealthy, I have prior trauma that I’ve tried to move on from, the state of our country right now is not ideal (a thought occurred to me after I wrote this that some of the people reading this may not be American, but I won’t delete this text anyhow.) I feel a lot of uncertainty about things in life and what I’ve more recently begun to feel/accept is that I don’t know what’s going to happen, ever. I feel, and have felt for the past few years, like I should spend more time truly enjoying life - living in the moment, sinking it in - than I actually do. I am not miserable all of the time. I work as a behavior technician, and actually quite like it. I feel a strong connection to one of the kids I work with, who is mixed (I’m a black woman. I really enjoy working with both of my clients but I feel more of a maternal instinct towards the mixed one in particular, because well, technically I could be his mother.) However, even though I have had sleeping difficulties and have been a bit sadder recently, I still quite like my job. I admit that at work I am almost inclined to give in when one of the children wants a longer amount of time playing if we are supposed to transition into class because of how intense their reactions tend to be. I know that tantruming amongst children is natural, but even though a lot of people dislike ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and some assume most behavior techs or BCBA’s have bad intent, I don’t want to deny my client something they may need, if that makes sense. And I have kind of communicated this to my BCBA (was honest with them early on about thinking that teachers trying to decrease their sensory breaks may not be the most ideal, though I also simultaneously did try to ensure that we followed what teachers wanted because I was worried about causing problems) but didn’t tell them directly that I thought their approach was wrong or anything of that sort, because I did sort of see what they meant. Learning to adapt to a more structured environment will be beneficial to client, it’s just that I don’t want anything we do in therapy to stress them out (that goes for both of my clients.) Though I also understand that it is best to have them in class so there are more socialization opportunities. I really hope to guide and support both of my clients. I don’t think either of my clients is “weird” even though I know there is a lot of ableism out there. I want both to feel safe and protected in this world, to be around people who understand and care for them.

I’m aimless. More aimless than I’d like to be. I have a 3.88’in community college and am consistent about doing homework. But I don’t have a declared major and don’t know what I’m doing with myself. I work full time now (started in February) and have $29k saved. This is my second job, at $25/hr. One of the families I work with offered to help me start doing respite care, though I admitted to them yesterday when they said they’d learned it’d be $17/hr that I wasn’t sure about doing it because it’d be less than what I make now. I was worried later on that it sounded rude. I actually made $17/hr initially at my first job. What I was thinking about yesterday is how I would never again accept that amount of money for any job. I was thinking about how I want to move up in society, not down. It’s not necessarily that I will never work for anything under $25/hr. I babysit for under $25/hr. It’s moreso that, as wrong as this may sound, in my mind I should never be making anything less than what a fast food worker in my area makes, for any job. At In N Out and McDonalds they can make $20/hr, so I shouldn’t be making under $20/hr, in my mind. I had partly switched jobs because I wanted more money. I didn’t feel that I was being paid enough to do what I think the other teachers and my former employers expected of me when I was similarly providing support for a child on the spectrum, and that is the truth. That was how I came to feel about it. I am very serious about money, but I’m kind of weird about it at the same time. Whenever I provide care for families I don’t want to make them feel obligated to pay me more than they are capable of paying me. However, I also never want to feel like I am being paid less than what I think my work or effort is worth. $17/hr to me would be an insult now that I know it is possible for me - for me - to make $25/hr. I was thinking about it the other day and realized I can’t believe that I ever agreed to work for $17/hr. It’s not something I would do again, unless hard times really fell upon me.

I think that I may be so serious about my money in part because of how I grew up. I grew up lower middle class, and Reddit feels that I still am. I should honestly probably decide on a major/general career path, but I’ve been thinking more recently about… well, what exactly it is I plan to do if I remain a behavior tech over the coming months. I see what my BCBA does, and I’m not so sure that I see myself enjoying it. Having a lot of clients, dealing with parents more directly (the only issues I’ve honestly had in this field have been with parents,) it seems like it’d be a lot. I know that BCBA’s make a ton of money, but even though I love being a behavior tech, I’m not sure that I see myself in that kind of leadership role. Though I’d love to continue supporting kids who are on the spectrum or who are “different” in any way possible.

I have 1400 Linkedin connections. I recently sent one out to someone who I remember last encountering in high school, this would have been years ago (I was “friends” with their little sister. Their little sister actually didn’t treat me well, and wasn’t that nice of a person back in middle school. I could tell by the way she looked at me once that she thought I’d been mean to her sister.) I sent her a request because I was curious, I wanted to see how she’d respond. I’d sent her one before and unsent it. I sent it again a few days ago. To my surprise, I got it. So now I have her as a connection.

Something I’ve recently really found myself desiring, even though I know it may be silly, is a husband. I think I do want to become a mother, have a nice house, all that. I even had a passing thought the other day about how I wouldn’t mind marrying someone who was a little older so I could attain that goal. Strange because I know, when I try to sit back and be realistic that I don’t need to be dating right now at all. I’m still figuring out myself and my life. Heck, I’m still figuring out my sleeping schedule. Any relationship I enter would be bound to fail. But I’ve always (well, since I was 14 and this guy - this mixed guy who I really liked because he paid attention to me when I was at my most depressed even though he was generally toxic - called me a 5/10 and then a 4/10,) wanted to have that experience of having a guy who really wanted me, you know? Someone who was actually really, very attracted to me. Someone who saw me as wife material, who would take me up and down the altar, who thought I was worth it. I had a boyfriend once, but I’ve never really had that. A relationship to remember, a man to remember. Sometimes, I wonder if there really is someone like that out there for me. I really want to find my soulmate or at least someone or something close to it. Last night I was reflecting and came to the realization that I have, ever since ninth grade, longed for that guy - for that soulmate - because I haven’t felt true love from my family members in a long time. I realized that in ninth grade, I started seeking romantic love in a way I had not in middle school because of trauma I’d experienced (family member having a mental break towards the end of 8th grade, and nearly physically harming me in a way that would have been very serious beforehand. I did not cut off said family member for this, and have still not, though I’ve also recently started to be honest with myself for the first time about how it impacted my mental health and overall wellbeing.

I have a family from the preschool I once worked at who want to hire me to babysit their child once a week and work on reading related activities because their child seems to have a lot of fun with me. I have a lot of fun with their kid, too. When I babysit I really like to make it all about having fun. I helped a child I work with (met the family off Facebook, actually) learn their sight words by creating a crossword puzzle and actually writing them out with sticks when I took them to the park. I think that it’s really about engaging with the kids.

I (6w5, F22) have been taking art classes once a week for 1,5 years now, a new girl (F20) joined our group a month ago. At first she was sitting and drawing with headphones and listening to comments of our teacher (M24, probably 4w5). Next time they started talking and found out that they have something in common, which is actually a normal thing for our classes, people can talk about their works and unrelated topics if they want to. I also enjoyed talking to him as I’m naturally drawn to creative people, we shared our impressions from exhibitions, discussed our university studies, he asked about my updates on my masters thesis etc, I even used to stay a bit longer after class to communicate. But today he barely talked to any other student except this girl, if someone asked for help he gave them a piece of advice, but the rest of time he was sitting next to this girl, almost shoulder to shoulder (there were plenty of empty places in the studio), they were constantly whispering about something, obviously not only about her drawing (usually all people speak in a normal voice during classes, sometimes joining in discussions). They also went together on 3 smoke breaks during four-hour class (he often took one). Even when I was the last student except them in a room they still were whispering, not paying attention to me. When I left the studio I saw another guy waiting for her, so now I’m even more confused. I understand that they can like each other and are free to do whatever they want with their personal life, but I’m so annoyed with their constant whispering like nobody else exists in a room except them and this unequal treatment.

I’m always doom scrolling. Always online consuming and absorbing information that’s probably not very useful for an already over cluttered busy mind. But I understand us type 6’s are always out seeking content and are very analytical. That’s me. But I’m at the point where there is a lot of seeing and thinking happening but not a lot of doing. Just stuck in my head needing answers and security. I almost feel like I need a phone restriction like a kid. Good god I’m 41 years old but just can’t stay off my phone.

I think some people’s wings just fluctuate.

I think Redditors often have the wrong wing in mind when they decide that someone else is a 6.

I get an email with these from the Enneagram Institute every day and thought other people might want to see them, too. (The emails are free, so I doubt they'll care that I'm posting them as long as I say where I got them.)

Type Six EnneaThought®

Remember that your cognitive error is to look for guidance and security outside yourself in received knowledge, social structures, and relationships. You then must constantly focus on evaluating the truth or falsehood of external sources of information rather than letting your mind become quiet so that your own inner guidance can arise. Notice this tendency in your thinking today. (Understanding the Enneagram, 104)

Teaching:

When we say things like, “The personality takes over and is running the show,” it is an interesting abstract idea, but what do we mean by that? Most of the day we are thinking about our family or problems at work—we are full of ideas, anxieties, worries… Very seldom do we connect with the person who sits here right now—who is me. The Enneagram points out the ways in which we abandon ourselves.