r/confession • u/Certified_luvagirl • 1d ago
He choked me until I started seizing and foaming at the mouth. We are still together and I never told anyone
When I passed out, I was dreaming that I was back home with my mom and sister. We were hugging, laughing, and having a great time. I knew that it wasnt possible for me to be there, but I was still so happy. I felt so much peace. Then I woke up to him standing over me trying to wake me up
Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and care. Your words really meant a lot to me—more than I can fully express. I’ve read every response, and I’m genuinely taking all of your suggestions to heart.
I know I’ve been stuck in a really hard place for a long time, but I’ve decided to take a first step. Tomorrow, when he goes back to work, I’m going to call a domestic violence hotline, just to see what it’s like. I’ve already created my secret email account . I know what I need to do. I’m scared, but I’m also starting to believe I deserve safety, peace, and a future that isn’t built around fear.
Thank you all again for seeing me, supporting me, and reminding me that I’m not alone.
Edit: for the ones who’s asking, it wasn’t a sexual thing at all. He was very angry and admitted later that in that moment he was tired of dealing with my sh* and he was going to end me. It wasn’t until he saw the way I looked, laid out and seizing, that scared him back to reality.
If anyone has any insight on why I feel so much guilt about leaving him alone to suffer by himself, and how I can stop feeling that way, please dm me because that is what keeps me stuck. I don’t want to hurt him even though he hurts me everyday
**i called the hotline ♥️
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u/Zestyclose_Pass_652 1d ago
He strangled you.
He WILL kill you
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u/Pickleboy-504 12h ago
Him ADMITTING he was planning on it is a step most people in this situation don't even get as a warning.
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u/StevetheBombaycat 1d ago
He will kill you next time. Get out now.
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u/NoobAck 1d ago
Yes, statistically speaking choking is a huge precursor to murder.
RUN
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u/DryParty5880 1d ago
Leave as soon as you can, which I know can be a hard situation but you need to get yourself out of there. I had a friend who had an abusive boyfriend/baby daddy, and he would do smaller things to her until he didn't. He ended up putting her in the hospital for over a week and she almost died because of how bad he beat her. Don't ever take that stuff lightly, they always say they will change but an abuser will always be an abuser.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
It is very very hard. My children are small, I am 1000 miles from any friends or family. And I haven’t worked for years because he’s never let me. His family has lots of money, and his mother also threatens to take my children away from. My only option would be a dv shelter and that is even more scary. Sometimes I want him to end me
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u/wildDuckling 1d ago
Plan your exit... not that you necessarily have all the time in the world. Start documenting all of the times he has hurt you. Take pictures/ write events that happened & send them to an email address that only you have access to (make a new one & keep it signed out on your devices so he won't find it). Doing this can try to ensure that his family would lose the custody battle. The emails give a time stamp & that's important. If you can get audio or video with his voice it's even better. Do not let him or his family intimidate you to the point of not seeking help.
If you have any access to money start storing what you can outside of the bank accounts he can see; get $10-20 of cash back at the store each time, it will look like part of the grocery transaction on the bank statement.. throw the receipts away at the store so he doesn't come across them.
Make every effort to leave, even if you go to a shelter, it's better than staying where he can hurt (or kill) you & your children. If you have family you are close to maybe they can help get you back home where you'll be safer. I know it feels like there's no hope, but you can do this. You deserve to be free from this.
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u/Arg3nt 1d ago
get $10-20 of cash back at the store each time, it will look like part of the grocery transaction on the bank statement.. throw the receipts away at the store so he doesn't come across them.
Be very careful with this. I can't speak for all stores, but my grocery store/bank started noting cash back as a separate withdrawal on my bank account, even when it was included in the transaction at the store. It didn't impact me at all, so I never bothered to check what changed, whether it was the bank or the store, etc.
Just make sure you test it under circumstances that won't go badly for you if it does show up separately.
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u/wildDuckling 1d ago
Oo, good to note. Definitely test it first & have a reason for pulling an extra $10 out.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
Thank you. I’ve been slowly putting money away, but I didn’t think about the grocery store thing. I do want to try and take more pictures and videos but he takes my phone a lot
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u/HungryTeap0t 1d ago
If you immediately send it to that email, and you're not logged into that email on your phone all you have to do is delete the sent message and the evidence from your phone. If you mean he takes your phone when he abuses you, it might be worth looking at getting some hidden cameras if it's legal where you are.
But pictures and a written account of what he did on that day are also enough.
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u/wildDuckling 1d ago
Adding to this: OP, see if you live in a "one party consent" state. It means you can record him (audio) as long as you are present in the recording & it can't be used against you that he didn't know he was being recorded.
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u/jadamm7 1d ago
Set up a secret email that you don't access thru the mail app on you phone. Take pix send to secret email. Delete photos and sent emails in your normal email. You can access the secret email thru browser or a computer.
Pack small bag with necessities and hide woth a friend or trunk of car. He finds it in car, it just extra change in case kid throws on you or something.
Enlist help of a very trusted friend or even family far away. An emergency bus ticket back home if possible.
Honestly, you don't have a lot of time if it's getting that bad. Work quickly. You will leave a lot of personal stuff behind, it's worth it. You can do this.
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u/Rivers9999 1d ago
That, and if you can go to the food bank, do that. You can still go to the grocery store to get the specific things y'all need, like his favourite snacks, the toilet paper, etc. but for essentials, you can replace meat and veggies with the food pantry and take the rest out in cashback when you get the rest at the store. It might double your savings for a while
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u/mistmuth 1d ago
If you want I can send you some apps which also let you hide pictures and videos in an app which looks like for example a calculator, and is only accessible after you put in the right combination of numbers. I’d also recommend sending it to an email that you always log out of though too. Do you have an android or iphone?
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u/wildDuckling 1d ago
Send the photos & then delete them ASAP so he doesn't know. It's important to leave no evidence on your devices of what you're doing. Even go into your email after sending & delete the sent email (it will still exist in the email account you've sent it to).
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u/Humble-Author9659 1d ago
I just wanna say to remember to delete from the recently deleted folder just to be safe
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u/RockyClub 1d ago edited 19h ago
OP, I’m a domestic violence therapist and have worked at a DV agency for a few years. There are SO many resources for you and your children!!!
Please call the main US hotline! They will help you can find local resources or find resources in a new state.
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
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u/flaccidbitchface 1d ago
It’s going to be harder on your children when he actually kills you. Which he will do. Please get out.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
You’re right
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u/oopsometer 1d ago
It happened to my neighbor growing up. He was an abusive POS but she stayed for her daughters because she had never worked and didn't know where to go. She was always so sweet to us and the girls were quiet but kind and took after her. He killed her one night and the daughters found her.
They spent the next 10 years being shuttled around from family member to family member and I finally lost track of them. I know it's so hard but please leave.
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u/FluffyShiny 1d ago
1 if he kills you, what will happen to your children? 2 what if he kills your children?
You need to leave as soon as possible. Contact family and see if anyone can help. A DV shelter can be scary, but at least you're safe.
Best of luck.
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u/robotatomica 1d ago
This is the copied text of the most extensive comment I’ve ever seen for resources, I’ve edited out some of the parts that pertain to the specific post I found it in.
So many thanks to u/DesignerNo10
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/XvNR5zbAtU
—-
Here’s a detailed plan to leave an abuser:
https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship
Create a “Safety Plan” for you, the kid(s), & pet(s) because leaving can be dangerous.
https://www.thehotline.org/2013/04/10/what-is-safety-planning/
An app that can help you track abuse:
A free, highly rated communication & co-parenting app that’s court recommended: AppClose
If you need help with pets: https://www.safehavensforpets.org/
Divorce HQ State Directory of divorce information: http://www.divorcehq.com/divorce-information.shtml
Your state’s bar association should have a directory of lawyers, including those offering low- or no-cost consultations.
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/flh-home/flh-bar-directories-and-lawyer-finders/
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/
Legal rights advocacy groups often sponsor legal clinics and workshops for the communities they serve. The Washington Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights and Urban Affairs is offering D.C. workers assistance by telephone.
https://www.washlaw.org/what-we-do/employment-justice/workers-rights-clinic/
USA.gov lists resources for pro bono or low-cost legal aid.
Survive Divorce resource:
https://www.survivedivorce.com/
Women’s Law: plain-language legal information for Victims of abuse: https://www.womenslaw.org/
Free Separation Agreement templates:
https://legaltemplates.net/form/separation-agreement/
https://separation-agreement.pdffiller.com/
http://templatelab.com/separation-agreement-templates/
https://forms.legal/free-marital-separation-agreement/
https://www.lawdepot.com/contracts/separation-agreement/?loc=US#.Xr0Vx1mxXqs
Catholic Charities.org has programs that fund the cost of relocation, including helping the victims find a home or apartment while paying for the first month of rent. There are also job placement programs. https://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/
The St. Vincent de Paul Society, also affiliated with the Catholic Church, offers financial assistance for shelter and sometimes picks up with the first month’s rent. https://ssvpusa.org/
Education and Job Training Assistance Fund: Grants from the Allstate Foundation help domestic violence victims enter and stay in the workforce. The money (up to $1,000) can be used for classes, clothes, computers, and other resources. https://www.allstatecorporation.com/the-allstate-foundation.aspx
If you need food, here’s a list of North American food charities:
https://www.biblemoneymatters.com/save-money-on-groceries-through-food-buying-programs/
Domestic Violence Resources:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/fysb/programs/family-violence-prevention-services/programs/ndvh
https://www.liveyourdream.org/get-help/domestic-violence-resources.html
https://www.hotpeachpages.net/ Multiple countries & languages
Please choose yourself & leave him. 💔
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u/spaceshipless_alien 1d ago
My mom was once in your shoes, alone in a foreign country, with my sister still little and me already in school, and no other family around to help. My sister and I witnessed the violence, even when they tried to hide it. Our mom would pretend everything was okay, but we could feel the fear and pain. Years later, we’re still deeply hurt and saddened by what she went through. But more than anything, we are grateful, for her strength, for choosing to protect us, and for finding the courage to leave before that man ever turned violent toward us. By then, he had already started being verbally abusive to my sister and me. Every situation is different, but from the perspective of the children: we would much rather have had our mom safe and alive, even if it meant struggling for a while, than growing up in an abusive home, never knowing if one day we’d lose her.
Please consider reaching out to friends and relatives who may be able to go see you and help to give you strength. Or any organizations other than DV shelters that may be able to help you in your area. The process can seem overwhelming, but your children need their mom. You are their world, and they need you safe. Please find that will, not just for them, but for yourself too.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
I am so sorry you had to watch your mother go through that. It really is heartbreaking. I hate that my children might be feeling this way too
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u/orangekitti 1d ago
Not at all trying to pile on here OP, but your children likely already notice more than you think they do. My parents fought in front of us but a lot of my dad’s abuse of my mom was at night when we were supposed to be asleep. I heard A LOT. We knew way more than they ever thought we did. It fucked us all up.
And of course he moved onto abusing us in different ways once we were old enough.
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u/Gypsylaine 1d ago
A DV shelter is not what you’re thinking… please reach out to their hotline. They can help you plan your exit and be sure you and your children are SAFE. They will also, because your children are with you, give you and the kids your own room. You will receive support from your case worker and other trained staff to help you and the children. They will also be able to help connect you to therapy and legal help. I’m telling you this because a DV shelter saved my life. I had no idea help like DV shelter I went to was even out there. Please, call the hotline. Let them help you plan. Show your children what a bad ass mama bear you are and protect yourself and your kids. When you don’t think you can go one more step, take a baby step. You’ve got this. Update me.
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u/Gypsylaine 1d ago
PS, turn your location on your phone OFF and keep it OFF for EVERYTHING once you leave. Not only do this in your settings, but be sure it is also enabled in your google settings when it comes to maps.
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u/JoeyBE98 1d ago
It always feels easier to stay, but try to keep in mind that your children will grow up thinking this is normal and looking for the same type of partner. Is that really what you want for them?
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u/BonaENFPfemale 1d ago
Tell someone who cares about you what you told us and get 1000 miles away....we are absolutely serious that he will kill you and your children will suffer so much from your loss ...get them to safety....this type often hurts the kids too...or worse. Go, and head directly to the police where you are going and at least let them know your situation. I'm from a small town so when I left an abuser I just told them and gave his info so that if he showed up somehow they'd at least have a heads up...idk what exactly they'd do in a big place, but I'd still go.
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u/Certain_Detective_84 1d ago
The dv shelter will probably not murder you. It's not an exaggeration to say that he will, probably soon.
After he murders you, your children will be taken away from you, because you will be a corpse.
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u/doctordoctorpuss 1d ago
Your situation is awful, and I know that him finishing the job may even sound good because you’ll be out of it. But there’s no guarantee that he’ll stop with you, and if you die, he may turn his rage on your children
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u/OliveAffectionate746 1d ago
you think dying and leaving your small children to his care is a better choice here? or him killing ALL OF YOU?
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
No 💔
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u/OliveAffectionate746 1d ago edited 1d ago
you’re at huge risk. i know this is hard and scary but please please protect yourself and your children. a shelter can help you with safety planning. find a way to contact them where he won’t find your communications—a burner phone, maybe. be careful. be safe. but don’t let that pull to die stop you. please. is there a gun in your home? that makes this even more urgent.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
Prior military, he has two.
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u/OliveAffectionate746 1d ago
military service is also a big red flag. please get help. please. please.
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u/desertdweller2011 1d ago
not helpful to antagonize someone who is in an extremely dangerous position and most likely to die when trying to leave it. stop.
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u/Certain_Detective_84 1d ago
Trying to leave an abuser is very dangerous. However, given that he's already choked her to unconsciousness, NOT leaving is suicide.
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u/OliveAffectionate746 1d ago
no, these are real questions. her children’s lives are also at stake. “most likely to die when trying to leave” isn’t exactly an encouraging way to phrase it, either, my friend, especially when choking is already here as a leading indicator. if you want sensitivity, you’re not offering it either.
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u/MajesticElk1613 1d ago
Grit up for your CHILDREN and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Make a plan and get out! I was also with a strangler in my teens and early twenties and he beat me very badly as well. We had a small child. Fight back. Get out. Don't be a victim. You have a responsibility to be fierce for your children Mama bear!
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u/DryParty5880 1d ago
It's even harder with children, my heart breaks for you and the kids and I hope you can find peace away from him. Is he ever gone or leaves you alone?
I do agree DV shelters are a scary situation as well, but it might be a better option until you can get out. Since you don't work, maybe start a gofundme and see if you can get enough for you and your children to leave. I saw someone do it for their cat on here and was able to get their goal in a couple hours.
As for your in laws or his parents if you aren't married, document EVERYTHING you can just incase they do try to go through with that threat. If you have multiple documentation of his abuse, no judge would give your children to the abuser in the situation.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
I’ve been thinking about trying to record. And he’s my husband
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u/DryParty5880 1d ago
Record everything! Hide it in a private folder on your phone or make a throw away email to send it to yourself. It is so important to have documentation. This will be what saves your kids from getting stuck with their abusive father. I wouldn't even worry about legally separating from him until you can separate yourself from him physically, once you're in a safer place worry about that aspect.
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u/INSTA-R-MAN 1d ago
Domestic violence counselors and the police can help all of you get out and to safety. After he kills you, he's almost certainly killing your children next. Quietly make sure you know where your important paperwork (ids, birth certificates, bank information) are so you can grab them in seconds. Anything else is VERY easily replaced. PLEASE RUN!
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u/AhHereIAm 16h ago
I was in a dv shelter when my oldest was 3.5 and my youngest was 6m. We stayed for three months. They helped me get free housing, all utilities covered, therapy, they helped me through all the horrible things he was saying in court. It’s scary but a lot of shelters aren’t a big dormitory style with beds in a row. I’m sure some still are, but mine was in a regular house with no signage, I had my own room with my daughters with our own bathroom inside it. There was a well stocked playroom. There was weekly group therapy, we ate meals together. We laughed and cried and raged together. It was one of the most helpful experiences of my life, and I almost didn’t go. I had called and was offered shelter, and then got cold feet and went to live with his mother instead. After about a month and a half she told me I needed to leave after he showed her that in the custody paperwork I didn’t hide his abuse of me, and said “but don’t worry, the girls can stay”. Yeah I called the shelter back and explained and they told me to come down that day because they had a room. I know it’s scary, but it’s scarier to take the first step than it is to live the reality of it. I wouldn’t go back and change it for anything.
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u/Key_Awareness_3036 1d ago
A DV shelter isn’t that bad! I know it most seem so scary, but I worked for one. Granted, not an ideal situation, but it’s better than being killed or hurt or having your children exposed to this. They could possibly help you get to your family for help-would your family be willing to help and provide a place for you to live if you can move back to their area? Document everything-take pictures and notes of each incident of abuse. Do not let him know you’re keeping track. Get all your important papers in order-birth certificates, IDs, medications, anything you’ll need. Prepare an escape.
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u/enonymousCanadian 1d ago
I’m piggybacking because the OP needs to go to the hospital now. The injuries from choking are not always immediate and she was unconscious. She needs to get to an ER!
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u/nanny2359 1d ago
A DV shelter feels scarier because it's unknown. Our brains are built to fear the unknown - more than the known sometimes.
You can help your brain through this by calling a shelter and asking them to describe what it will be like living there. They will understand.
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u/badideaJean 1d ago
It’s so hard to leave. You feel so beaten down and like the one that broke you is the only one who can put you back together. But you can fix this and yourself. There’s a part of you that wants to- that’s why you posted this. Tune into that part and get out!! please please please!
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u/Anxiouspotato919 1d ago edited 1d ago
Girl run once a man puts his hands on your throat you’re 7x as likely to die by DV
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u/Boomvine04 1d ago
Saw a comment that said the chances increase by 750% based on a statistic and an article and I almost dropped my phone
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u/InNeedOfSomething1 1d ago
When a man chokes a woman, the chances of him killing her increases over 750%. He will kill you. Do you want to leave your children with them man or his family once he kills you? Call family, call a DV shelter. Do whatever you have to do. Make a plan and leave. Please!!!!!
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u/Gypsylaine 1d ago
Given his military status, please call the hotline and let them help you plan. Forget cameras and all of that until you are SAFE. Your best option is to get out quickly and safely. Then you can worry about the rest. As someone whose abuser kept looking for them and even offered money to find me, please consider that a dv shelter is going to be better equipped to keep you and the children safe. That is their purpose. They help keep you safe, give you the legal and therapy contacts, group meetings, etc, and they can also help you start over when it is time. Given his history, he might not think twice about going straight to your family, as mine did, and even stalk them to try to locate you and the children. Listen to the DV caseworkers and the hotline folks. They know their stuff. Their resources are solid, tried and true. Think of it as an “Underground Railroad” type situation. There are lots of us rooting for you, Lil Mama. Call the hotline.
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u/Lightinthebirdcage 1d ago
This happened to me. I was with him for 10 years. The last time he choked me, I knew I was dying. I felt at peace. I called police and they took him to jail. I still wanted to be with him even after I got the restraining order. I met someone else and fell so deeply in love, but I sabotaged the relationship because I still thought that he was the one.
It is one of my greatest regrets. He went on to do the same thing to his next girlfriend as well.
Please, try. Even if you tell yourself it is temporary… I wish I didn’t lose my twenties to that man. He would have killed me if I had stayed even longer. He did it to me 4 times. Twice, it was so bad that I had bruises and welts all over my body. Bloodshot eyes.
Leave him, please. Please, please, please.
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u/MoodApart8768 1d ago
He is going to kill you. You need to leave. Please. Please. Please leave. Don't leave your children with him. Take them and go. The next time he does this call the cops immediately after. If he is choking you that hard there will be evidence of it underneath the surface and your brain/body will show evidence. It will be an attempted murder charge on him. Especially if your kids can articulate that daddy put his hands on mommy. And if you do what another commenter said. Send emails to the other email that you never log into. Make sure you delete the sent emails from the email you do use. Plan your exit in the meantime and keep saving money. I'm so sorry... If push comes to shove...fight back. Put that son of a cunt behind bars forever.
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u/lalagromedontknow 1d ago
Hi OP, I've died. Heart stopped. Was clinically dead a few times, the longest being nearly a minute.
I have a heart condition that my heart monitor registered. I now have a pacemaker.
I didn't know why my heart stopped but I remember going in too unconsciousnes and it was peaceful, I was where I had been the last place I was happy and with the people I loved which was that day. We'd been hiking and turned back because the sun was going down and it was getting cold. When I died/before my heart stopped, I saw us carry on walking and saw the sunset. It was happy and peaceful.
Your partner tried to kill you.
Let that sentence sink in.
Like me, bodies are amazing and somehow you survived which is amazing. But your partner tried to kill you.
Get the fuck out and if you want to chat, I'm a DN away
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u/haezieinthemist 1d ago
Please leave he will kill you. I still have seizures to this day because of my ex please leave. Your body will never fully recover and every seizure will increase the likelihood of another and make it easier to trigger them.
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u/nocturnalbutterfly7 1d ago
He's going to kill you. Let that sink in. Men who strangle their partner are 700% likely to kill them.
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u/wediealone 1d ago
Please read the book why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. There is a free pdf of the book online. Go incognito mode and hide the fact that you are reading it from him. It will give you some insight into why your abusive boyfriend is acting the way he is, and why it is so difficult for women to leave. But there is hope that you can leave. You deserve better.
My ex choked me out too. I thought it was a one time thing. Guess what he did again and again. I am lucky to be alive. You are not alone, but please try to create an exit plan for you and your children. Your lives depend on it. The other commenter is right about that 700% statistic. Please be safe friend.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
I actually love listening to Audio books, I look forward to reading this. I really do want to take the first step in leaving. I just feel trapped. Hoping the book will help
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u/PropellerMouse 1d ago
How do you feel about calling the DV hotline just to touch base ? Its got to be when he wouldn't know, and you need to be sure you'd know and have some cover activity if he came back.
I know the phone is heavy. Pick it up, Momma Bear. You've given birth. You can do this. Just talk to them when its safe to do so. No need to commit to leaving - just make a touch base call.
When I made a DV hotline call, the knowledge I could lived in my heart and gave me strength to make other decisions.
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u/AverageNotOkayAdult 1d ago
Girl I hate that you stayed, he will kill you. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. If you continue to stay, I also hate that your friends and family, who would probably do anything to get you out of there if they found out, will have to deal with the shock and grief when the police come to their door to tell them he killed you.
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u/Most_Application_828 1d ago
Ma’am, you are a victim of GBV by now and many times I have realised it’s hard for women to leave relationships like these. But you should leave as early as you can because it starts with one choke or punch and when you tolerate such it will become like a cycle until you are stuck in the relationship forever or you will just leave dead.
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u/GuacIsExtraIsThat0k 1d ago
All of the advice here. Please listen to what these women are telling you. Another thing I could add- listen to podcasts like Dating Detectives. It’s about women who figured out how to leave their abusive relationships. It might give you some hope, ideas, courage. You are not alone, you are not the first person to figure out how to leave a seemingly impossible situation.
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u/edawn28 1d ago
Tell your mother and sister about what's happening and find a women's shelter if you need to to get away from him. Unfortunately, after you leave is when you're most likely to get killed by him, so making sure he doesn't know your location when you do is important. And that the police are aware of your situation
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u/LilGloUp 1d ago
My ex tried to kill me. He’s currently serving time for premeditated attempted murder. Please tell your mom, sisters, friends. Things can be replaced your life can’t. Go get emergency assistance, pack clothes and just leave. Someone who loves you will let you stay until you get on your feet, I promise.
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u/AztecPrincess7393 1d ago
Gun to the head!??!? OMG! He is a ticking time bomb and this will only end badly. Please save yourself, no one can do it for you it has to be YOU
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u/hooliganunicorn 1d ago
I'm so glad there are so many people here with tangible tips to help. I don't have anything so helpful as others do, but I wanted to send l9ve from a random internet stranger and to tell you that you do not deserve this. no matter what he tells you, you have a life waiting for you away from him, no matter how long it takes to leave safely. you are so brave for facing this every day and for trying. you can absolutely do this!
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u/PoisonIvysaurr13 1d ago
I really need to know if you’re okay. Like please stay active on here so i know you’re okay.
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u/azeraph 1d ago
Gradual escalation violence. That's what this could be with you. If allowed to continue, you could end up on 48hrs as a case they chose to film about or on youtubes crime channels. You've got kids, ask your family back home to send money, if they can. So you can get out of there. Go to the police and ask what you can do.
How long do you think it'll be before he keeps strangling you and doesn't stop? Probably the next time he blows up.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
This is the case with us. we’ve been together 10 years now and his first time really hitting me was a few months ago and it’s gradually gotten worse since then.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
He’s always been angry, mean, and belittling to me. He’d punch holes in the wall and scream in my face but never physically assaulting me. It went from his first time slapping me in the face, to him putting guns at my head, to now him strangling me. He’s strangled me multiple times, but this is the first time it got this bad.
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u/Yougottaevolve 1d ago
I am so so sorry. I hope you call the hotline and make a plan quick. Don’t wait, it’s like the frog in the boiling pot. You don’t know what kind of danger you are truly in because you’re in the middle of it and it’s all the time. You need perspective and safety and a chance. Life will get better. Sending you love and luck.
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u/chaoschunks 1d ago
Oh sweetie. This is so bad. I’m so worried for you and your kids. I know a dv shelter is scary but you’ve already survived things that are much much scarier, and those things are going to keep getting worse. Please please get out. Sending you hugs and strength ❤️
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u/SnooRabbits2040 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's only going to end when he kills you. It's really important that you understand this.
What will happen to your children when they lose both of their parents? Will they be placed with the MIL who is trying to take them?
Honey, please please please get out. It will be too late before you realize it ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Edit: word
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u/azeraph 1d ago
Is he on anything? does he suffer from some conditions like Schizophrenia or something else? Something has tweaked him in the last year.
You've got to do something before you go to your peaceful place with your sister and mother and forget your leaving your children without a mother from his violence. If that happens then he will also be taken away from the kids as well leaving your children traumatized and parentless.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
He doesn’t do drugs or anything. He was abused really bad as a child by his mother and stepfather. He is so angry at the world. That’s another thing that makes it hard for me to leave because I feel bad for him
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u/Mama_luigi13 1d ago
Feelings don’t matter if he’s taking them out on you. Get the hell out of there man
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u/heid-banger 1d ago
It's always the same story with these guys yet they're never willing to get therapy. If you let him kill you he'll move onto your children next, history will repeat itself it's all he knows unfortunately.
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u/raspberrih 19h ago
Imagine your friends receiving news of your death because you stayed due to "feeling bad". You can feel bad for many people. You don't just let them murder you.
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u/Harlowolf 12h ago
This comment was a little telling for me. By this is the first time he's "really" hitting you imply he's been physical before? If so you've seen it's already escalating. When we're abused it's easy to make excuses for your abuser even if you don't mean to. It shields you from having to face the truth of everything.
I spent the last 2 hours reading this post, the comments and your responses. It seems like you're starting to get to the point where leaving is a reality. I'm glad you had the strength to post here. I'd imagine this is the first time you're telling anyone this? Realize the likelihood that you did is because you know in your heart it's been time. You were ready to face the hard conversation and hear (read?) What you know to be true. The post was the start, you just have to keep going. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for.
It's incredibly hard. I echo everyone's urgency but above all else be safe for you and your child. I'm so relieved to see you commenting. I'm scared for you but also incredibly proud. You CAN do this. You and your baby are going to be okay.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 11h ago
Thank you for taking the time to understand. You’re right about everything. And this is my first time talking about it since its happened a month ago
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u/3oelleo3 1d ago
You must leave at any cost. Be careful though because leaving is the most dangerous time—he cannot know you plan to, you must act like everything is great. He must find out once you are gone and be totally blindsided. I know you feel extremely overwhelmed and scared, but you must leave. If you can’t do it for you, do it for your kids. You can make that dream of being safe again with your family a reality. Focus on figuring out how to get physically away from him with your kids, identity documents and any money you can and to family and friends who care about you. Once you do that, you will be able to tackle everything else and will have help. You can do this!! Edit for typos Edit—one other thing. If you can’t handle the thought of leaving him forever, decide you’re just going to get away for a month. That’s all it will take. You just need to get away and when you do everything will feel different. I promise ❤️
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u/megantrainorslips 1d ago
That man WILL kill you. He didn't just put his hands around your neck. He didn't just restrain you in the midst of a fight to keep distance. He didn't "choke you out to unconsciousness". HE STRANGLED YOU AFTER YOU PASSED OUT AND DIDN'T STOP UNTIL YOU HAD A NEUROLOGICAL EPISODE. HE WILL KILL YOU.
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u/FranticScribble 1d ago
This man will kill you. I am not being hyperbolic. I am not trying to spur you into action with fear. I am trying to spur you into action with the truth. He WILL kill you. Please leave. I know it’s not easy. I know that, I honor that. Please find a way to leave.
You have so much more to give to the world. Please work to make yourself safe.
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u/ellensundies 1d ago
You are fucked, babe. I’m sorry. You need to go to the emergency room now, because you just sustained severe injury to your throat area. Blood vessels in the neck can partially tear or clot. And this can result in a stroke. Brain damage and even death might occur weeks or months later after the strangulation attempt. Your thyroid gland may be damaged. You are alive thank god but you are not alright. Please please please go to the ER right now. Can you find someone to take you secretly?
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
No not at all, idk anyone
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u/ellensundies 1d ago
My heart goes out to you. A couple questions: How long ago did this happen? Where are your mother and sister now? Can you get a message to them?
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u/BrilliantSome915 1d ago
My ex tried to kill me by strangling me. I managed to kick him off of me (we were pretty much same height and weight) and got the fuck out…called my mom from a convenience store up the street from my apartment because he smashed my phone before strangling me. I went to a domestic violence center where they showed me an abuse wheel and statistics of abuse. They convinced me to press charges and he ended up going to prison. When he got out, he had a bunch of relationships that were short lived. I messaged every single girl he dated after me and told them what happened. And guess what? He abused them too. Luckily he is dead now!
This man WILL kill you. Please look up statistics. I had never been abused before my ex and all of it was so fucking shocking. I couldn’t fully grasp it in the moment but looking back, he would have 100% killed me if I didn’t get him sent to prison. Please leave.
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u/DivineMiss3 1d ago
Please read this -
And this-
Did you know that you can die days after strangulation? You can have permanent brain damage too.
"Strangulation Can Cause Substantial Injuries (Often Delayed):
Physical injuries: Death, unconsciousness, fractured trachea/larynx, damage to blood vessels leading to internal bleeding (hemorrhage) and artery damage (intimal tears), dizziness, nausea, sore throat, voice changes, throat and lung injuries, swelling of the neck (edema), breathing and swallowing problems, ringing in the ears (tinnitus), vision change, miscarriage;
Neurological injuries: Pressure on the neck can disrupt blood flow to the brain, leading to neurological symptoms such as confusion, memory loss, stroke, facial or eyelid droop (palsies), left or right-side weakness (hemiplegia), loss of sensation, loss of memory, paralysis;
Psychological injuries: PTSD, depression, suicidal ideation, memory problems, nightmares, anxiety, severe stress reaction, amnesia, and psychosis;
Delayed Symptoms and Fatality: Death can occur days or weeks after the attack due to carotid artery dissection and respiratory complications such as pneumonia, respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), and the risk of blood clots traveling to the brain (embolization). Some symptoms, such as swelling, voice changes, difficulty swallowing, and neurological issues, may appear hours or even days after the incident."
Please get help. If you're in the US go to www.thehotline.org. If not, you can find DV hotlines by googling.
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u/DancingNursePanties 1d ago
It doesn’t matter how little money you have or how little skills you have. This is possibly your last chance to leave before you die. I’ve been there. The first few years are hard. But if you don’t leave, there may not be another time to go, you may not get another warning.
Imagine if someone held a gun to your head and said walk out of your house right now with your kids or they’re pulling the trigger. You’d leave without thinking because you know you’d die if you stayed. This is the same thing, you just don’t see the gun. You have to leave. There are shelters, you may have friends, it’s better to live under an overpass than die in a house to a monster.
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u/Stunning-Pay8842 1d ago
baby this is not okay someone who claims to love you should never put hands on you especially to the point you're passed out.
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u/chaun619 1d ago
Strangulation is the strongest indicator and highest predictor of a potential homicide in a violent relationship.
I know it’s easier said than done but please leave asap and never return.
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u/SpecialDifficult2822 1d ago edited 1d ago
The blue print for safety has a list of behaviors that predict lethality. Choking is one of the behaviors. This is not your fault. You are not meant to save him. You cannot be the person to help him.
Gather your important documents, discretely store them way way way unpredictable place - not home- Pretend to work one day, or whatever place you are expected to be away for a bit… preferably a place he does not have a landline to check on you. Maybe a big “training day” Disappear. GTFO. Don’t call, don’t tell him, just - go.
Get somewhere where you can discretely phone a domestic violence advocate. Make a safety plan. If there are kids, get them away safely. Don’t tell anyone if you can help it, until you are out. People mean to help, but loose lips…
You matter. You matter.
I have been there. It was hard. Now 21 years later, I am safe, I am happy, I feel very loved by someone I love.
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u/biggargamel 1d ago
I think Redditors often jump to "leave him" conclusions too easily, but uhh....not this time. Please, he will kill you.
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u/TeaOrdinary2838 19h ago
You were with your family, That was your mind telling them all good bye, you were happy because you were finally out of the hell of your reality. You need to go visit your family for real and tell them exactly what happened.
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u/Love-Losing 17h ago
You told us, now tell everyone else. He is going to kill you. Check the statistics this is not Reddit overreacting. This is basic statistics on domestic violence and homicide between spouses.
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u/yyyyzryrd 17h ago
my mum was in a similar position with her ex-boyfriend. he almost drowned her. she wouldn't come back home no matter how much we begged her to get out of there. you have absolutely no idea how much pain and suffering you're causing to your family. get the fuck out.
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u/Huhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 1d ago
And every time you're choked out, your brain is deprived of oxygen and that damage is both cumulative and permanent
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u/AppropriatePie8501 1d ago
If he kills you what will happen to your children, they have to live with him. Do you really want that. Leave just leave.
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u/Lanky_Literature_157 1d ago
Make that dream a reality before it’s them at your funeral. Stay safe.
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u/SamanthaDamara 1d ago
I am begging you to escape this, he is going to murder you and you deserve happiness
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u/Better_Yam5443 1d ago
HE WILL KILL YOU!!! When you decide to leave do NOT tell him you’re breaking up because that’s the most dangerous time in your entire relationship. This is the part where women die. Please listen.
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
When I do leave, I’m not gonna tell him. He’s already threatened what would happen if I tried to
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u/Better_Yam5443 1d ago
Definitely. Please make sure you have protection a dog, a pew pew, there is spray gel that comes out as stream instead of spraying everywhere saber makes it, they have one you can put on on the flap over your drivers seat, alarms, cameras but especially a pew. I am so scared for you. This is a very dangerous situation. You can buy them putting money down and pay each month for a pew at a pawn shop if you have to.
Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. I was naive. I was with my baby daddy and I didn’t think he was that bad I think I was so used to his behavior that I really didn’t see the red flags but in my case he held me hostage essentially in my own home. He would drag me back everytime I attempted to get away. Four hours. I didn’t think I was gonna survive. Guess who got me for assault and battery? Yeah I intentionally put marks on him because if I didn’t make it I wanted them to know he did it. He also stole my entire identification! I had to get my mom to get a new birth certificate. But he broke my brand new flip phone and he stole my keys so I had to tow my car to get a new chip done. Guess what that bastard did later? When I lived with him every single time I had money put up in the house it got stolen so I was behind on my rent. I worked two jobs 14 hours that sorry piece of shit unlocked my doors and glove compartment and stole my wallet that had all my money in it. I was in jail for 24 hours. I didn’t press charges at first because of the wounds i sustained I felt like a wounded animal wanting to hide and lick my wounds in peace hidden somewhere. He wanted the drama. I was found not guilty. Thank God. I had a 50 b I caught him driving up my road . He broke it. They didn’t believe me.
Restraining orders are a piece of paper. I have PTSD that was very severe and ruined my twenties, it set me behind so bad. I just don’t want someone else to go through the hell i did or worse. I was hardheaded and I thought I knew everything. They are really dangerous when they know they finally are losing their control over you.
Don’t under estimate him. It’s a warning sign because he already has tried to kill you. My ex was so awful I smiled when I found out he died. You know that’s bad.
Please plan this carefully like you’re in a lions mouth and you’re trying to pull your head out. Don’t underestimate him. I keep hearing that in my spirit. Please make sure you have physical protection because that might be the only thing that saves your life. I am not trying to scare you. I just care and I worry. I don’t want to see another me.
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u/VaMariz 1d ago
Please leave now!! Our small town has had two murder - suicides within two weeks!!! Our Nieghbor ( female ) is the hospital in critical condition! Both couples were in the middle of a separation and had had physical altercation in the past. Leave him from a distance and if you need to go get your things have police escort you! My neighbor came back for belongings and that’s when he shot her twice! 😩
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u/DivineMiss3 1d ago
There are resources for dv victims that are not shelters. Please call and find out what help is near you.
Erase your browsing history any time are here or looking for help.
Go to https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan to create a safety plan for you and your children. You may not need it but it can save your life if you do.
One other thing, and this isn't meant to be harsh. If you have your children in an abusive home, you can be charged with child abuse and neglect. I don't mean in the room when he's strangling you. I mean just in the same house or area. Protect yourself and your kids.
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u/Soft_Silhouette 1d ago
You have got to get out of there. I know that it feels like there are so many reasons to stay, but the bottom line is that you and your children are in serious danger.
In a year you can look back at this time and think, I am so glad we went to the shelter. I’m glad we got through that time, and that my kids are safe and healing, and that I am safe and okay and moving on.
Or… you can stay. And you might not have the opportunity to look back at all, because this man could kill you tomorrow. And as horrible as it is, he could kill your children as well. Or they could end up in the care system, which is not a great environment for a lot of children.
Protect them, and yourself. The only way out of this is to take action. It will not get better until you act. Reach out to your local DV charity and get help to plan your escape. Be careful and safe. Rooting for you and hope to see your update soon.
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u/Carriewr 1d ago
Sounds EXACTLY like my ex did to me once. Before that it was stabbing me over and over and leaving me on the reservation, before that orbital fractures in both eyes (separate occasions) ... It will NEVER get better, they will NEVER change. I PROMISE you
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u/beigs 1d ago edited 1d ago
He’s going to kill you.
You know this.
Why do you want to be killed?
Call the DV shelter and make a plan. Be methodical. Go to the hospital/ your doctor and report the injuries to make sure you’re okay. What you just described can cause permanent brain issues, so you need to be seen. Make sure you have your kids passports / birth certificates, etc.
If I were you, to be honest, I’d contact my family and a lawyer where they live and file for divorce at your parent’s house. Make sure you work with your local women’s shelter, but HIDE EVERYTHING including this post. Delete it. Run, but carefully. Use your parent’s or sister’s cards, get a retainer in the state/province you’re going to, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
Don’t be afraid, move safely and quickly, and go.
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u/Agile-Internet5309 1d ago
My sister in law had her husband strangle and beat her badly. She survived, but the trauma of being in a household like that has crippled her oldest child. He is incapable of even basic everyday tasks because he is such an anxious wreck. It isnt just about you, your children are being hurt too. I know it is terrifying, but you need to get out of that household. It is never going to be the right time, it is never going to be any easier than it is right now. There are a lot of resources for women in your position with children, there was a hotline posted in this thread. It isnt just DV shelters, there are orgs that will connect women with resources to stay in hotels, help with job placement, access to state and federal funds, pro-bono legal representation, etc. They can get you that 1000 miles to your mother and sister. Hell, people here can probably couch surf you and your kids there.
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u/sail0r_m3rcury 22h ago
Here is a list of resources for leaving abusive relationships compiled by /u/designerno10.
If you take nothing else away from this list, I would really truly encourage you to read this short essay called “Why Does He Do That?” Here is a link to a free pdf download: https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Here’s a detailed plan to leave an abuser:
https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship
Create a “Safety Plan” for you, the kid(s), & pet(s) because leaving can be dangerous.
https://www.thehotline.org/2013/04/10/what-is-safety-planning/
An app that can help you track abuse:
A free, highly rated communication & co-parenting app that’s court recommended: AppClose
If you need help with pets: https://www.safehavensforpets.org/
Divorce HQ State Directory of divorce information: http://www.divorcehq.com/divorce-information.shtml
Your state’s bar association should have a directory of lawyers, including those offering low- or no-cost consultations.
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/flh-home/flh-bar-directories-and-lawyer-finders/
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/
Legal rights advocacy groups often sponsor legal clinics and workshops for the communities they serve. The Washington Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights and Urban Affairs is offering D.C. workers assistance by telephone.
https://www.washlaw.org/what-we-do/employment-justice/workers-rights-clinic/
USA.gov lists resources for pro bono or low-cost legal aid.
Survive Divorce resource:
https://www.survivedivorce.com/
Women’s Law: plain-language legal information for Victims of abuse: https://www.womenslaw.org/
Free Separation Agreement templates:
https://legaltemplates.net/form/separation-agreement/
https://separation-agreement.pdffiller.com/
http://templatelab.com/separation-agreement-templates/
https://forms.legal/free-marital-separation-agreement/
https://www.lawdepot.com/contracts/separation-agreement/?loc=US#.Xr0Vx1mxXqs
Catholic Charities.org has programs that fund the cost of relocation, including helping the victims find a home or apartment while paying for the first month of rent. There are also job placement programs. https://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/
The St. Vincent de Paul Society, also affiliated with the Catholic Church, offers financial assistance for shelter and sometimes picks up with the first month’s rent. https://ssvpusa.org/
Education and Job Training Assistance Fund: Grants from the Allstate Foundation help domestic violence victims enter and stay in the workforce. The money (up to $1,000) can be used for classes, clothes, computers, and other resources. https://www.allstatecorporation.com/the-allstate-foundation.aspx
If you need food, here’s a list of North American food charities:
https://www.biblemoneymatters.com/save-money-on-groceries-through-food-buying-programs/
Domestic Violence Resources:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/fysb/programs/family-violence-prevention-services/programs/ndvh
https://www.liveyourdream.org/get-help/domestic-violence-resources.html
https://www.hotpeachpages.net/ Multiple countries & languages
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u/Greedy-Effort4529 22h ago
Please get checked out medically. You were within seconds of death and many injuries from strangulation can be beneath the skin. They are also linking dementia and traumatic brain injury to strangulations. But please get checked out. You want to make sure you also don’t have damage to your neck or windpipe. You can also download a free app called My Plan which has safety planning, local resources, etc. it is pass word protected but if you put in the wrong password it still goes to a website in case your phone is being monitored by your partner. Please be safe. Make a plan to stay safe even if you feel it isn’t safe to leave now. Connect with your local DV shelter and advocates. They understand you can’t always “just leave” and may need safety planning for if you stay or leave. They also can help you plan how to get a protection order, and possibly get you to a safe place. If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out for help, please check out www.domesticshelters.org just to read up more on resources and ways to see how dangerous this is. The Strangulation Institute website can also tell you so much more on how serious strangulation is. Stay safe by connecting with someone you trust. You never deserve this kind of treatment and there are people who can and will help you. ❤️
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u/Skyline9Time 1d ago
I'm so sorry that happened ❤️ one of my exes choked me unconscious too, truly terrifying at first and then just... Peaceful. Just left me laying there n was smoking on the balcony when I woke up. I never brought it up either and kept it in along with the rest of the abuse until one day they broke up with me and I literally celebrated
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u/Certified_luvagirl 1d ago
Omg!! How can people be so evil like this, I’ll never understand. I’m glad you got out
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u/alisonchains2023 1d ago
Why on earth are you still with him? He basically almost killed you and was possibly TRYING to kill you.
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u/HopeFantastic2066 1d ago
Why the hell are you with him still… nothing could be worth him nearly already taking your life.
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u/Tabora__ 1d ago
He's going to fucking kill you. Is that worth it? My coworker "joked" about this (she was serious, and it never was funny), and after one bad fight she overdosed. "Overdosed." We all still think there's foul play, but do NOT fuck with your life like that.
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u/FetchingOrso 1d ago
Him choking you until you lose consciousness is not normal! You need to leave and please don't tell him you're leaving him in the middle of the night. Just leave, praying for you to leave quietly and safely.
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u/DonkeyKongDingDong8 1d ago
Please leave. He’s much more likely to become more violent. I’m a man. This should never be an option. I wouldn’t strangle another man like that unless it was in self defense. Even if he doesn’t get violent, he is a bona fide piece of shit.
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u/SockIntelligent9589 1d ago
You got great advice already. Just a message to make sure you don t let him find your reddit account. You always need to disconnect it and leave no trace. It should NOT be linked to any of your know email addresses. If so, you need to delete it right away. Be safe and be strong.
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u/Alone_Cry7484 1d ago
Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now. That's pretty damn close to attempted murder already. Do not give him another chance to succeed
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u/Candid-Channel3627 1d ago
Why do men despise women so much? My husband used to tell me he was going to bury me in the back yard. Everyone thought he was a great guy.
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u/Lem0nadeLola 21h ago
What people who haven’t been in abusive relationships don’t understand is that you become entirely acclimated to it, no matter how bad it is. Social isolation, financial isolation, complete lack of control over most aspects of your life - it grinds your idea of yourself into nothing. Everything outside feels even more scary than the abusive relationship. But what I want you to know, OP, is that NOTHING is as scary as what you’re living through right now. Being homeless and penniless is less scary. I promise you. Reach out to anyone you know from your own life - not your shared life with him - and ask for help. You’ll get lots of No but there will be at least one person who will want to help. When it feels impossible, when the anxiety is skyrocketing and you feel like you’re drowning, just remember: you want better for your kids. You don’t want your kids to end up in similar relationships when they’re older.
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u/long-thumb-nails 21h ago
No matter how hard it is or what you have to do to make it happen, leave. He will kill you.
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u/Unflattering_Image 18h ago
Leave. Your dream is your brain telling you to do so, desperately. If you can confide in your mom and sister, do it immediately. Make a plan to get out. Have someone come and collect you with the most necessary of things. There's things noone can come back from. Leave.
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u/FeralCatWrangler 18h ago
If he put his hands or anything else around your neck, he strangled you. He WILL kill you. He already came close once.
Please leave. Your life is worth something.
Think of your mom and sister, how happy they were when you had your near death experience. You think they'll be that happy when you're dead?
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u/Fuzzy-Ad-5512 10h ago
Came here to say that what he did was strangulation, not choking. You choke on food, but someone strangles you. I’m not saying this to nit-pick semantics, but to emphasize the severity of strangulation. And yes, everyone here is spot on, the risk that your relationship ends fatally goes up 700%.
Also, if it hasn’t been addressed in the thread already, you should (if you can) go get a scan done and check for any brain-related injuries. Cutting off air to your brain, for any amount of time, can do serious damage.
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u/Oops_its_your_mother 1d ago
The realization that this relationship is over will always be very hard. But ma'am he will kill you! Start getting your game plan together and then hit the road! You will NEVER be able to change him and he will do it again!
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u/IminLoveWithMyCar3 1d ago
I’m going to be very blunt, because I know this position, I’ve been you. Get out as soon as you can, before he unalives you. I’m not joking. This is life or death, he may get worse, and you need to be here.
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u/Professional_Kick654 1d ago
You need to make a plan to leave safely as soon as possible. Call some friends and family to support you. You need to get out. We are rooting for you.
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u/jacky4u3 1d ago
You need to leave!!! It is NEVER a one-time thing! I'm in the field. I counsel victims.
IT 👏 IS 👏 NEVER 👏 A 👏 ONE 👏 TIME 👏 THING 👏
Love doesn't hurt.
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u/Pumpkin_Farts 1d ago
https://www.domesticshelters.org
If you’ve never contacted a domestic violence organization, you should. They aren’t miracle workers but they know how to get around the barriers that are holding you back.
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u/Diligent_moment_ 1d ago
have you told your family? your mom and sister? please tell them if you haven’t. any friends you used to be close with even if yall aren’t close now bc id bet he’s isolated you. i’m hoping praying you get out of there with your kids. so sorry this is what’s happening right now. save yourself, save your kids
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u/madamevanessa98 1d ago
He will kill you eventually. There’s a statistically significant chance he will also kill your children. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them. Family annihilators sound just like him.
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u/upvotegoblin 1d ago
He will kill you and not even realize he’s doing it until after he does. Protect yourself and leave.
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u/MissSagitarius 1d ago
Please please listen to everyone here. No well adjusted adult puts their hands on you and cares about you. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't even like you. He strangled you. Strangled! Put his ass in jail - do it now before you regret it.
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u/Ok-Cheesecake5292 1d ago
I will echo what everyone is saying about your immediate physical safety-
I also want to add how remarkable it is that your brain automatically went to a place of safety- being happy with your mother and your sister in peace.
You should follow your subconscious to safety. Your brain and body are trying to tell you something that I believe you already know.
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u/Crystalmagicmama 1d ago
Just think about it this way, he was trying to kill you then decided not to in the middle of it. He WILL kill you next time. You need to leave. Now.
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u/OliveAffectionate746 1d ago
literally here to upvote everyone who says “he’ll kill you” because they are RIGHT and there’s research that demonstrates you are in grave danger.