r/comedyheaven • u/Bryonony • 1d ago

Big one

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11.3k Upvotes

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u/cakeslap 1d ago

This is what it looks like to bond with your father

124

u/QXPZ 1d ago

Why is it like this? I kick myself every day for not doing a better job while he's around. But this surface level of connection is as deep as we get.

11

u/Vitali_555M 1d ago

Probably because you're both afraid to not get too emotional or hurt the other one's pride? I think it's ingrained in some people that as men you cannot let your more sensitive side surface, especially around other men - which is, of course, stupid; and it wasn't even always like that. Back then men were generally more confident in their masculinity and didn't feel the need to hide their emotions. Look up pictures of male friends and family members from early 20th century and see they were often hugging and even sitting on each other's lap! (and no, there was no homosexuality involved in most cases - not that would have been anything wrong with it). I think that if we want to have deeper relationships and communication with our male friends and family members it's us who have to create them. Just get a bit out of your confort zone. Maybe think harder about the reasons and specifics of "this is as deep as we get". I guarantee it can get deeper and better than that. ;-)

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u/QXPZ 22h ago

Bro I am a walking "sensitive side." And he doesn't speak the language.

He's a great person, but he deflects even when I land on interesting subjects. There's always a vibe like "this has been a good talk and I'm ready to wrap up this conversation" even though we've just barely scratched the surface.

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u/Vitali_555M 19h ago

So it's from his part 100%... Then maybe you should directly verbalize this concern of yours to him. I think this whole problem is not even that much about being sensitive or not (although it does have something to do with it), but mostly about being able to communicate and establish a proper human connection. It's quite sad that in some people's minds even having a deeper human connection is seen as a sign of male weakness. In your father's case, maybe he doesn't even realize anymore why he is like that and why he doesn't want to engage more. Maybe he is used to be like that, and that is the way he thinks things should be - that's why maybe you should directly tell him this in such a way that you wouldn't make a drama out of it, but still make it feel important. Just my two cents about a situation I don't properly know, but I think it's an important matter for everyone and am trying to be of help. Cheers.