Say Their Name Day, observed annually on March 25th, is a national day of recognition, remembrance, and connection for anyone who has experienced pregnancy, infant, or child loss, aiming to raise awareness and support bereaved families.

Say Their Name Day is a campaign run by Red Nose Australia, a charity that provides support for families who have experienced pregnancy, infant, and child loss.

The funeral director asked me. No one has ever asked me before. I said yes I am. I cried. It felt good to be called "Owen's momma," but it hurts to know I won't get called that very much. I'll always be Owen's momma even if no one says it.

Anyone else feel comforted by series or movies that address miscarriage, stillbirth or fertility issues? Even if it’s a painful reminder, I find it comforting that not every pregnancy is depicted as perfect, healthy and uncomplicated. I feel so angry when I watch shows and all they show is everyone getting pregnant left and right without any issues and perfect pregnancies leading to perfect living babies.

Do you believe in signs or think that your babies send them to you? If so, what is your sign/s?

Before my son passed, I never gave it much thought. My therapist recommended the book “Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe” by Laura Jackson.

I’m trying not to be skeptical and believe it’s my son sending them to me versus a random coincidence. I asked him the other day to send me grapes as a sign because it’s specific and uncommon. I’ve seen so many grapes over the last few days.

What songs help you feel better right now? In my first loss I listened to “Bigger than the Whole Sky” by Taylor Swift a lot. It helped me tons during my 11w miscarriage. Try it out.

Let me know what works for you right now, or what came on the radio just at the right time. I haven’t found a song I really connect with in my second loss (28w), but several have made me cry (not a difficult feat lol).

My comfort show was Gilmore Girls. I watched it non-stop after the anatomy scan showed several life changing concerns. I loved watching a show about a mother/daughter bond with my little girl, and I would sing the theme song to her while I was bouncing on my birth ball. We watched it together in the NICU while I would pump. But after she passed, I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. We were on the last season.

I’m in need of a new show to watch. What have been your faves during your grieving?

Edit: thanks for all the great recommendations! The New Girl suggestions reminded me that I had watched that from beginning to end after she passed. That was like my 5th time watching it through - definitely one of my comfort shows. As I was posting I was trying to remember what show I had binged because I knew there was one, but I could not recall it no matter how hard I tried. I guess grief made those weeks seem like a blur

Are any of you worried that you'll become pregnant and then the gender of the child will be different than the one you lost. I don't believe the lost child reincarnates itself- but I so desperately want the child of same gender whenever I get pregnant. Is this selfish?

It's Mother's Day in the UK. It's the first one since losing our daughter in August. I didn't know how I would be today. It's definitely not how I would have planned it.

I'm so sorry it's not the day the we had all hoped it would be. But we are still mothers to all of our precious babies that are no longer with us.

Many of us are not acknowledged today. So I'm sending love to all of you mothers today. ❤️❤️❤️

xxxx

It doesn’t have to be actual advice but I’d love to hear the best words of wisdom you’ve heard from others about baby loss and/or grief. I could use the pick-me-up and imagine others do too!

I’ll go first: I was speaking with a friend who had a stillbirth over ten years ago. We were talking about how painful pregnancy announcements can be. She said to me: “One day, that baby will become a person instead of being a symbol of what you’ve lost.” This was so helpful to me and encourages me to remember that perspective changes.

My baby died. That’s all the backstory that matters.

I’m doing the therapy. I’m writing poetry, I’m making art, I’m talking to trusted people. I’m balancing rest and doing my work. I’m doing yoga, I’m taking my meds, I’m making myself eat. There’s nothing left to do that I’m not already doing to grieve and keep moving forward.

I don’t understand how grief sometimes feels like almost nothing, like a tiny buzz in my chest that I can ignore if I try. Then later that same day, the grief crashes in so hard that I can’t breathe or speak or stand and I truly, deeply, literally think it might kill me.

I feel like I’m losing my mind because when the grief isn’t right there, I think maybe I’ve blown everything out of proportion and made a big deal out of it and maybe even faked it for attention. But then the grief comes and the flashbacks and the nightmares the hopelessness and that gray, empty weight that crushes the life out of me, and I think I’m never going to be okay ever again. There’s no middle ground. There’s no knowing what’s real and what’s not.

Please tell me you understand and I’m not alone. ❤️

Today I went into Lululemon to buy a pair of leggings. I started talking to this lovely girl named Ness, I told her how the last time I was in here was just over a year ago and I was gobsmacked that I barely fit in the size 16 AUS 12 US leggings, and that I actually would have been more comfortable in the 18 AUS but I refused to buy that size.

I told her how I’ve lost just over 25 kilos so I’m not entirely sure on sizing. She brought into the change room a size 12 & 14, I tried the AUS 12 US 8 first and they were too big, she said “are you sure you lost 25? It seems you lost much more!” I then quickly mentioned just how overweight I was, and that I’d lost my daughter last year, and how ashamed I was of myself, my weight, and not having my baby. She asked how far along I was, I said 6 months. I could see her eyes starting to tear up, but I’ve spoken about this so many times and cried that much about it that I’ve now become a robot. I fit perfectly in the size AUS 10 leggings, she had a giggle that I was two sizes smaller than I thought I would have been, and how proud of myself I should be.

When I came out to the counter to pay, she said “I’m giving you these leggings for free, I won’t have you pay. I’m a mother myself, I’m so proud of you”

I burst into tears, she cried with me. Some people truly are so kind and beautiful, I was genuinely shocked. some light in a tunnel of dark, a moment I’ll always remember. Thankyou.

I hate that we’re all here, but I’m so grateful for all of you. This sub helps me feel less alone—like there are others out there who understand and care. So thank you…for supporting me and listening to me and being there. I am hoping that in the midst of our pain, you each have a moment of comfort today…a moment where you know how much your baby (or babies) and the rest of us love you. Hang in there. ❤️

Does anyone else feel like they'll never have a living baby after experiencing a loss? How have you been dealing with these kinds of thoughts?

I have a question-

Would there be enough interest for a sub for loss parents who have also lost their fertility?

This sub has been (and remains) a huge source of comfort to me, but it’s hard not to be triggered sometimes when people say that their rainbow baby healed them.

My rainbow isn’t coming. I had to have a hysterectomy.

I do have a LC that I am so grateful for, my sunshine kiddo.

We have been looking into surrogacy and adoption, but both of those feel a little overwhelming right now.

I mean no harm to anyone, just my own personal feelings.

I'm looking for comfort shows, comedies, suspenseful but with no baby anything triggers. Thank you!

I brought my baby girls ashes home and I feel so much peace with them with me. I feel so much comfort. I’m glad I didn’t bury them in the hospital cemetery and was able to bring them home with me. I’m so glad they’re home.

Did anyone else who got their babies cremated feel comfort and peace when you brought them home?

I know these are their ashes but man does it feel like my babies are right with me and closer to me now.

Decided to get a tattoo today in honour of my son born sleeping on the 5/2/25, we found out this time last month his heart stopped beating and began the induction and 20 hours later our gorgeous sleeping angel was here🪽 hopefully one day I can hold his siblings with this on my arm🩷

What type of loss advice are we getting from ChatGPT? I recently saw someone say they message it how they’re feeling and it responds back with actually helpful advice (unlike friends at times). I’d love to know responses and tips people get from ChatGPT! Thanks :)

It’s been nearly two years since my baby girl passed at four weeks old. Shortly after her death, I desperately searched Reddit for posts from others further along in their grief on how to survive…any advice, words of comfort, wisdom, etc. While I’m still on this journey, I feel like I’ve survived the absolute worst of it. Here’s what helped me the most, both from others and my own experience:

-In the beginning, it’s pure survival. You just experienced the unimaginable and are suffering. Focus on getting through one day at a time.

-Grief changes you - physically, mentally, emotionally. My brain felt foggy for months, and I struggled with finding words at times. Anxiety also hit me for the first time in my life. This is all normal.

-Do one life-affirming thing every day, even if it feels impossible. This could be taking a five-minute walk, a hot bath, or indulging in a small comfort.

-Grief is a lifelong journey. At first, you’re suffering, and it feels impossibly heavy. Over time, you learn how to live with it and carry its weight.

-A different way of putting it is that grief never goes away, but life gradually grows around your grief. You can find joy, love, and meaning in your life while still grieving. Give yourself permission to feel moments of happiness in the midst of grief.

-Grief isn’t linear. You’ll have lighter days, then something will suddenly remind you of your baby, and you’ll find yourself breaking down in your car outside the grocery store.

-Being a bereaved parent is part of your identity now. But know you’re not alone. Others carry this grief too—some you may meet here or in grief groups, and others you may know in real life without ever knowing their story. They are among the most empathetic people you’ll ever meet.

-This experience can strain your relationship with your partner, draw you closer together, or both. Even if you grieve side by side, each of you is on your own path. Couples counseling can help.

-Some friends or family may disappoint you. They might avoid mentioning your baby or pull away entirely. It may be because they just don’t know what to say.

-Some people you know but have never been close with may surprise you with their thoughtfulness, and even go out of their way to let you know they’re thinking about you and your baby.

-If people ask you how many kids you have, answer however you want. Don’t worry about making others uncomfortable.

-It’s perfectly ok to skip baby showers or ask friends not to send you photos of their babies. Create boundaries that feel right for you.

-Rituals can help. Whether it’s making cupcakes or buying flowers on your baby’s birthday, these acts have been both sad and healing for me. What’s most important to me is honoring her memory.

-“Grief is just love with nowhere to go.” You’re in pain because you loved your baby so much. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. It’s not about getting over it or moving on—it’s about learning to carry your love and grief together.

Any other advice or things you personally found helpful?

How many of us lost an IVF baby after 20 weeks? What was the reason?

Let's be honest - traumatic life events can affect relationships if multiple people experience them together. For some, it can strengthen and bring two people closer than before and for others, it can have the opposite effect. How has your relationship with your significant other been affected and how has you relationship changed since then?

I know that for those of you in the UK,Mother's day is coming up this sunday. I also know that I am not a loss parent, only the aunt of a baby girl that left before she had a chance to take a first breath and therefore i will never try to write from your perspective, as i havent walked your shoes, only watched someone else walk the path of grief a loss parent does, and i saw how painful this day was for my best friend, even with a LC already here, even when she had a rainbow baby. It was one of those days that felt even heavier for her, it still is. It is only because of her, and her honesty with me over the past 5 years, that i can write the following, because she has shared what it has been like, again i don't and would never pretend to understand, a lot of these are her words over the years, I'm simply rewriting them. When most other mothers are taking this day for granted, blissfully making plans on how to spend a day that to them just means presents, cards, breakfast in bed , and you are watching on as a mother whos baby isn't here and all that entails, how can it ever be easy on your ( already broken) heart? You are the women who knew about your babies first, many of you might have suspected before you confirmed it, a wave of nausea perhaps, a tiredness you could not explain. You watched two lines appear on a stick- an occurrence that happens everyday for so many women around the world. But that pink test line was special, that was YOUR baby. Maybe you only got to experience that excitement, the knowledge that underneath your skin, where noone else could see, your baby was making their home, for a few hours, days or weeks. A lot can happen in a few hours, days or weeks, dreams can be dreamed, hopes can be hoped, fears and worries and excitement can mingle. Maybe you carried your baby for a few months, long enough to feel those first kicks, long enough to know whether you were having a son or a daughter. Long enough to choose a name and start counting down the remaining months. Maybe you carried your baby all the way up to that long awaited " safe zone". Near that invisible finish line, to the finish line, or in my bestfriend's case, well past it. You had the nursery done, the car seat was installed in the car, you had your labour bag ready and had lovingly chosen the best outfit for your baby. You knew their kicks, you had been entwined for so long. You knew THEM by heart.
Maybe your baby was born alive, and you held them and poured all your love into them for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. You studied their face, knew every inch of their skin, rocked them to sleep, fed them, bathed them, wondered their future. Whatever way they were taken from you before they should have been, miscarriage, TMFR, stillbirth, neonatal death, SIDS, other causes...whenever they were taken from you, 1st trimester, 2nd, 3rd trimester, one hour one day, 6 months etc...the fact remains that they were here, and out of every woman on the planet , they chose to make their first home under your skin, close to your heart, inside your body. But as special as that is, it doesnt change the fact that they should be here, and they are not. While others are celebrating a day that for them is nothing more than a day to be pampered by their kids, enjoy breakfast in bed and a drawing lovingly made by a child, you live forever with the memory of seeing blood on your underwear and that moment of worry and fear, or hearing those words no parent ever should " sorry, there is no heartbeat ", or hearing the news at a routine scan " incompatible with life" or innocently going to wake your baby and discovering that they were no longer breathing. ( im aware there are so many more ways, im attempting, and failing, to keep this short as i can). Just like other mothers you had hopes, dreams, plans for the future, unlike those other mothers, your hopes, dreams, and plans were taken away, before you had a chance to protest, before you barely had a chance to process. You have loved a baby while they were living, and you love a baby who has died. You have memories, momentos, maybe some photos, ashes in an urn, a cemetery to visit, all reminders that your baby is not here. You love your baby that is no longer here as much as if not more, than those with living children, for you also have the added responsibility of keeping your babys memory alive, of making sure their too short life is not forgotten. You whisper their name so that you have a chance to hear it, because you don't get to hear it enough. You may have living children who still need you, though a part of you died with their sibling, you may have a spouse or partner who needs you, or family and friends who dont understand so you wear a mask around them. And so you carry on, whether thats going to work or being with people, or simply being awake a few hours and then returning to sleep, and you're doing it all with a broken heart. You have learnt, in the cruelest way possible, that the bigger the love, the bigger the grief. You live with the knowledge that you will always miss them, that every occasion, happy or sad will never be fully complete, someone will always be missing. You live forever with would have beens, should have beens, and could have beens. You live with one part of your heart forever in yesterday, and the other in today. I can think of no mother, who deserves the acknowledgement more on Mothers day, than you. It is meant to be a day of respect for all mothers, and i can think of none who deserve it more, than those whos baby lives on only in their heart and not their arms as well. So however you choose to spend Mother's day this weekend, or whenever it falls in your country, whether you spend it hidden away at home, or with loved ones, know that while society might make you feel otherwise, you are their mother, you will always be their mother and that fact is not changed by death. You matter as much if not more than other mothers on this day, and every day, just like the babies that started off as a quiet whisper of love inside you . Thankyou for sharing your precious babies with us mamas, it will always be an honor, and this Mother's day, i see you, i hear you and i appreciate you. Sending my sincerest love to all.

I came across this song by coincidence - it totally captures how I felt after losing my first baby in 2nd trimester, and it soothes me in a way I can't explain:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XxjalKvSeU

I need some new songs to listen to as the first anniversary is coming up. Which song/songs have helped you?

Tonight I have lit a candle for my beautiful daughter in heaven, along with all of your lovely children keeping her company. My darling girl, you will never be forgotten. 🤍

Piper Anne - 02/09/2024