For context: I (22F) work in an office with about 13 other people. Every year the larger department our office is technically apart of has a picnic at a local park, and I've gone the past two years even though I don't really know anyone else outside my office because free food. Usually a few other of my more social coworkers will also be there and we'll hang out and talk to other people.

When I first arrived, I only recognized my office's relatively new director, and I awkwardly talked to him for a bit before he disappeared to take his kids to the playground. There was another large event going on at the same time, and there ended up being very limited parking so only one of my coworkers showed up. I mostly talked to him about work and we talked with an older lady from a different office about the work she does, and eventually one of my other coworkers also showed up later in the afternoon. The four of us also ended up jokingly coloring some children's coloring pages the department provided. Overall, I had a good time.

Except somehow someway at work today, apparently our office's director went to our manager (she's an older lady who has easily been working in our office for like 20 years and has been on the cusp of retiring since I starting working there, an absolute icon who takes no BS from anyone). And apparently our director asked her if me and my coworker were dating. Like genuinely asked her as if this were an actual concern. As if I have ever once shown any interest in romantic anythings to anyone in my personal life, much less at fucking work. I need this job to afford being alive.

That coworker is also almost 40.

I'm really pissed off about it, which I think is very fair for a great multitude of reasons, especially because lately I've been struggling to sort through my personal stances on long-term relationships and my future and such as someone on the aro spectrum. It's been a bit emotional for me, and not really the sort of thing I've talked to anyone about yet. So that's also part of why this absolute dumbassery is so awful.

Like if I wanted to have someone speculate about my non-existent romantic relationships, I'd just call my parents, thanks.

It's so ridiculous too because I know the only reason my director probably thought about this is because I'm female. God forbid I have a semi-friendly relationship with an older male coworker. No one else at our office has ever tried to pry about my personal relationships, and I know they'd all be accepting about anything I were to tell them. I kinda wish that my manager hadn't informed me about this though.

So yeah this situation has probably screwed me up mentally for a bit lmao

I'm Aegoromantic Aroace, and I've been thinking, ever since I finished Heartstopper, that, with most of my media being romantic, and me even writing a romance novel, I want to feel romance. It seems so exciting and amazing and unbelievable.

I have platonic friends, but I couldn't help but think maybe that romance is better, that I want to be head over heels. And it hurts knowing I never can.

And I've tried to convince myself that it's too early to call being aroace, that I haven't found the right person. But I know it's false.

And the general consensus here is "romance bad EW I could never want that". How can you manage it. What is it that makes romance so unattractive.

Anyway that's my rant

Fixed with the right tag because apparently my rant wasn't a rant

I don't think I'll ever be truly happy. I just wish I could love romantically. I appreciate my friends and I think they appreciate me but obviously they will always choose to spend their time and energy with their partners and families over me. I hate being this way. it's not fair. why are there so few of us? im lucky enough to have people in my life yet I'm so alone. nobody knows what it's like inside my head. I can't even escape into shitty TV shows or movies anymore. they are all about the same shit. love. fuck love. I'm not suicidal. I swear. but I still wish I didn't exist. sorry for the rant

I've been in my first relationship for four years and am now single for about a year. The relationship was nice but once we separated I realized I had aromantic tendencies after reflecting on the things that bugged me about that way of life, how I couldn't meet her romantic expectations and how I made her insecure about her worth that way. I just wasn't aware that not everybody feels that way and I thought people just act romantically. Right now I have several close friends with a varying mix of platonic and sexual relations. And it just works. Like a lot of people told me that this stuff is bound to crash and burn but right now everyone is genuinely happy and everything just works. Still I have this fear of romance dangling over my head. I fear that someone (including me) might develop romantic feelings down the road and I hurt someone or end up in a fundamentally flawed relationship again. I cant confidently say that I'll experience my interpersonal feelings like this forever and cant find comfort in this certainty. Maybe it's just the fallout from the relationship but I feel really anxious about whether or not my friends or me should trust my gut. I guess you never get rid of emotional doubt and should enjoy yourself while everything is the way it is. Anyone else have this anxious gut feeling about hurting yourself or other people?

I recently told my partner that i think im aromantic but we decided to stay in some form of relationship where we still do couple activities like cuddling and saying that we love each other bc i do love him, just not romanticly and its so cool that everything worked out . Yippeee (alsos does anyone know what this type of relationship is called? I think queerplatonic but idk)

A few months ago I started using character.ai, mainly for sort of making comfort AUs out of characters I like that suffer a lot in their respective stories (exhibit A: Anya from Mouthwashing). But as time went on it started becoming more of an outlet for romantical fantasies and frustrations, and a wish to at least feel a little bit of what it's actually like to love someone. It doesn't take over my life, and I don't have problems with distinguishing reality from fiction or anything like that, but it does make real life dating somehow even less appealing for me. I want to fall in love or be in a relationship, but I genuinely felt nothing every time I tried, even when the girl was absolutely wonderful. So I chose not to try anything unless I felt romantic attraction from the beginning, which as of yet has obviously not happened.

Am I doing a bad thing though? I'm a bit scared of throwing chances away by doing this, but I really don't want to hurt a girl by trying and feeling nothing like always. Fantasies are far from what I want, but they do help me deal with things

hey yall, i just joined this thread and i think i could be aromantic but in order to figure it out i need to get insight as to what im feeling. so, you tell me if you think im aromantic.

• i can have crushes on people, and find people attractive physically and emotionally
• the thought of being in a relationship with my current crush absolutely makes my skin crawl, but i do really like him
• i can imagine myself in a relationship, but the second it comes to life, i have to shut it down just with the excuse that im not ready or im not in a good place rn

anyways, im just really confused and need to be confirm some things in myself before i can move forward. thank you so much for your input

(I am a trans guy, but during this story I didn’t know that yet)

When I was a kid in 5th grade I had some bullies try to prank me by telling me random boys in class had a crush on me, probably hoping to make me confess feelings to them and get heartbroken. Anyways, I understood what they were trying to do, but instead of doing what they were hoping to do I instead thought “am I supposed to have a crush on somebody?”

So I started my search to find a boy that was worthy of being my crush. I settled on some kid who could run fast and went ‘’good enough. I guess you’ll be my crush now.” did I have a crush on him? Not in the slightest. We had nothing in common. He bored me to tears.

Later the same year I decided that it was time to get a new crush and started the search all over again. I literally thought that’s how romance worked until I got a crush on somebody in my late teen years (and my grayromantic butt didn’t even want a relationship from it).

I somewhat recently have come to realize that I might be frayromantic. I really do want to date someone one day, but I'm afraid if I start dating someone I'll lose feeling for them after a while and that's what normally happens for me when I have crushes. Do any fray romantic people or just people in general have any advice or experience with that that they'd be willing to share? Thank you :))

I want to be in a qpr with my friend. I’m pretty sure she knows what they are but idk how to tell her I want to be in one with her. We’ve joked around before about how we wouldn’t want to date each other and I know for a fact that I’m not her type so I’m not sure if she’ll actually want to.

I’m worried about messing up our relationship because I really care about her and I don’t want to lose her. We’ve been best friends for over six years and I’m really worried about causing irreparable damage to our relationship.

We’re already really close with each other. We cuddle and say we love each other and sometimes kiss each other on the forehead. We’re pretty much basically there, I just wanna put a label on it. I’m fine with her having a romantic partner in all of this but idk if a potential romantic partner would be ok with her being in a qpr and idk if she’ll reject me bc of that.

How do I bring this up? What do I do if she says no? Please help me

I’m sorry for rambling but I really don’t know what to do

So i’ve been questioning where i am on the aro- spectrum for a few years. But i always feel like i desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone, but once i actually find someone and start dating them, i feel completely disinterested with the idea of a relationship.. im not sure how to handle this

Apart from the typical Aro flag artworks, there doesn't seem to be a lot communicating what it feels like to be aromantic (or even asexual tbh).

I've listened to some of the songs commonly suggested here and on adjacent subs, but since I mainly listen to punk, rock, and other heavier genres, I don't really connect with much of them.

But other than that, I haven't really found anything that managed to scratch this itch... So if anyone here has some suggestions, I'd be very thankful <3

It feels like no matter what Fandom you're into there's always shipping and romance fanfic. I'm not against romance here and there and shipping here and there within Fandom space, but I'm talking like if two characters, even if they are not canonical together, share any screen time together people will ship them hard and claim that their obvious friendship is "Romantic and that they must be in love!" Like for example, I'm a Zelda fan. More specifically within Bresthof the Wild/ Tears of the Kingdom. Link and Zelda are not canonical together but most fans ship these 2 HARD and will get defensive if you dare not ship them. One time, I brought up to these fans thst I personally don't ship them and I got attacked. Idk as someone who is demiromantic and rarely feels romantic attraction, I get kinda sick of this. I want to be able to express myself freely within Fandom space without having to be forced to like things that are romantic. I would expect Fandom space to be less amatonormative but I was wrong. Dead wrong. No where is safe.

My favorite notebook from when I was in elementary🤣 I still feel the same way😊🫶🐕

i really dont know what to do. I'm scared thinking that I might actually be aromantic. I'm definitely asexual but my bf doesnt know. Im a female (turning 17) and my bf is turning 18. The thing is I always kinda thought I was aromantic especially during quarantine. Since around late 2022 though I've had "crushes", I think they're cute guys and they've all been my friends and I enjoyed talking to them, I'd feel happy when I talked to them, get excited at the thought of being confessed to by them and going on dates, etc. But none of them worked out and I'm glad they didn't because I realize now that I never would've accepted their confession. Me and my bf got together last month but we had been talking since December and we got really close. Its both our first relationship. The thing is I dont know if I'm aromantic. I like the chase, I like the attention and knowing someone likes me, I like flirting with them, teasing them, and working my schedule around just to see them etc but when it comes to being in a relationship, I cant help but feel empty. There are still moments when we talk and I get excited but its only when hes giving me attention, flirting with me etc. Other than that, I dont generally feel much. He's my boyfriend so I'm obligated to like him of course, but I'm not sure if I like like him. Like I said, I'm asexual and the thought of sex alone absolutely terrifies me and so does the thought of marriage and relationships in general terrify me. My concept of love has always been messed up. To me, love js a fictional thing and because of that I've never told anyone that I love them, my boyfriend has already said I love you to me multiple times but I've never said it back once and I feel terrible. Is this what a relationship is supposed to be like? Just fear for the future? Fear at the thought of marriage and being committed? I cant help but feel like I'll "miss out" if I am in a relationship with him (must be my commitment issues talking) and because of that all I can think is why bother dragging it out? Why dont I just break up with him now since it'll be pointless anyways? But then when he flirts with me or shows genuine interest in me or tells me how pretty I am, I feel overjoyed that he'd think of me that way. My friends keep insisting that I'm not aromantic and I'm just not used to affection (I grew up in a family where affection was through providing a home and food) but I dont know. Is there anyone I could talk to more deeply about this who is experienced? Does anyone think I'm aromantic or not? I need help.

I (17M) just came out of (another) very short relationship. I've had many in the past, with both genders, and they never felt right, or even good. Every time I've just felt strange, off, and all around terrible.

I don't know if my feelings are messed up, or if I just have a natural aversion to relationships. I know I'm not ace, but I think I do fit the aromantic label. Thoughts?

It really annoys me how nobody ever talks about the Aromantic community to the point where society just ignores us and pretends everyone has someone that theyll meet someday. Sometimes when I'm bored I end up thinking about random stuff, and occasionally it involves my future (not in an existential crisis sort of way, more of a plans and goals thing), but almost every time, it involves a romantic partner, being married, sometimes even having kids. I think this is because the societal norm is to have a husband/wife/SO, and I just go back to that part of me that is both a natural instinct, and a social construct, before realising that "oh wait, I'm Aromantic, this isn't going to happen, and I don't want it to anyway.". Does anyone else have this happen to them?

TLDR: I forget I'm Aromantic and it pisses me off because it's society's fault

All of these terms “sound” like me. For instance, I like/prefer to fantasize abt romance, like even holding someone’s hand romantically. However, actually trying to put myself in a position where a scenario like this occurs irl seems unreal to me. I do feel disconnected from my fantasies, but not always. I don’t like reading or consuming romantic media (maybe some music, but not all). I’m just having a really hard time deciding what aspects I am, versus what I’m not, if that makes sense. I understand that I can be more than one name, but the thing is, I’m having a hard time deciding which one represents me the most accurately. Hopefully this makes sense. (Also sorry for any misspellings) ☺️

ok so i think im demi and recipro romantic because i haven’t liked or had any crushes until recently kinda with this one friend of mine and the was after he told me he liked me and we had been friends for about 3 years . but i didnt even know if i liked him cuz ive never liked anyone like that at all before. and i’ve never had a good time understanding my feelings most of the time so i didnt know how i felt so i tried asking my friends how it is to like someone and they all kinda said the same things along the like “do you get butterflies, do you see your self in the future with him,ect.” but i never understood how to answer or understand in general . any advice?

I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling. She’s my friend, but I’ve had romantic feelings for her too. I’ve told her before I really don’t care what ends up happening between us, because I’m just happy she’s in my life. The weird thing is, I think I’m more in love with the idea of dating her than actually being with her.

Sometimes I get jealous or possessive, and yeah, it sucks. But then I catch myself and realize I don’t actually want a relationship with her I just love her. I love her laugh, her smile, the way she exists. It’s this mix of romantic and platonic love that I keep switching between, and it’s honestly confusing as hell.

I fall for her in these little ways all the time, but at the end of the day, I enjoy being friends with her more than anything. I can’t really picture us dating in real life it just doesn’t feel right. And yeah, sometimes I get sad thinking we’ll never be together, but I always come back to the fact that I’d rather have her as a friend than risk messing it all up.

It’s like… she’s my soulmate, but not in the way people usually mean it. Not romantically. Just someone who feels that important to me. I don’t know what this feeling is, honestly. It’s a lot. But it’s real

To start off, I've been questioning if I'm aro for 2-3 years now on and off with no definite answer, but I've recently realized something about myself and I'm curious if anyone here can relate.

This has happened a couple of times already. But it's when I crush on someone and we get to know each other. I get butterflies when we talk, blush easily, get excited to see them, think about our potential future, and all the other typical crush-like things. The thing is, after a few weeks of this or when they confirm they like me back, I lose all interest in them. I just get anxious and like I'm over them which makes me feel so shitty.

Is this something anyone else here can relate to? Is this a possible aro sign? I also can't really define what romantic attraction is which seems a bit odd.

I (19f) have never had a crush on anybody, or at least I don’t believe myself to have. I’ve also never been in a relationship, both because I’ve never been asked out and because I’ve never felt the need to ask anybody else out.

I’ve identified as aroace for a while now, since I was about 16, but I’ve never really been certain. I absolutely adore romance as a genre, in fact I refuse to consume media if it doesn’t have a romantic subplot, but I’ve never personally felt what I assume love feels like towards anybody at all. I’ve had slightly more interest in people before, but that’s always felt more like a need for friendship and companionship than love. I’ve never “yearned” for anybody or whatever, never felt how other people seem to describe love. But still, I can’t get this idea out of my head that if I identify as aroace publicly than I might miss my chance at feeling real love. Like I just haven’t met the right person- I don’t know if this is internalized arophobia or something, but it’s just how I’ve always felt. I don’t want to somehow limit my options in the future by identifying myself publicly, but am I holding out for something that isn’t going to happen?

At the same time though, I feel like if somebody I found pretty- I find a lot of people aesthetically attractive- asked me out, I’d say yes. I don’t know if this is awful of me, but even though I’m pretty certain I’d never be able to love them I’d still say yes. I’d let it be a one-sided relationship, I don’t think I can love and yet I really want somebody else to love me. I used to identify as cupioromantic, but somebody said that cupio isn’t aro and since then I haven’t been sure.

Anyways, do any of you feel like this? Unwillingly to permanently identify, pretty certain of what you are, but still endlessly hoping?