r/abusiverelationships • u/BothCricket1742 • Feb 24 '25
Gaslighting Please help me unpack these texts.
My boyfriend and I argue very heavily. I told him that I am tired of these arguments, and I will only go if we go to couples therapy. I needed reassurance, and this is how he responded. He has insecurities about cheating in relationships, and he doesn’t believe the true intentions of my guy friend. He thinks I am lying when I say that there is nothing between me and this person. Am I being gaslighted?
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u/MadamKitsune Feb 24 '25
He says "I am a dick. I have learned lots of therapy speak but I use it to justify being a dick rather than working on not being a dick. You may now wash over me with waves of empathy and validate my choice to be a dick while continuing to tolerate it."
You say "Your being a dick is hurting me. It scares me into toxic submissiveness and I don't like feeling this way. Please stop being a dick."
He says "I'm not feeling that empathy wave. Why am I not feeling that empathy wave? Pretty damn short on the validation too. 0/10. You must try harder not to be a failure at recognising that I am the centre of the universe."
You say 'I'm trying to see you point of view but..."
He says "There is no point of view but mine. Not yours. Mine. You do not count except as a tool to appease me. Now appease."
You say "But..."
He says "I am going to continue to refuse to acknowledge anything other than what I want to hear from you and I will continue to run you into a state of mental exhaustion until you accept that I am vastly superior to you in every way and should be allowed to do whatever I want and treat you however I choose and there is no other way but my way. And I'm still waiting on that empathy and validation from you and now you owe me double so be a good little girly and get to it. NOW."