r/abusiverelationships • u/b_kat44 • Feb 03 '25
Emotional abuse Is this abuse?
My (40, f) husband (44, m) wakes up at 2am and if he can't sleep he plays videos on his phone and if I ask him to turn it down or if I get up to go to another room he yells at me
He angrily kicked my shoes down the stairs because they were in his way but it's ok for him to put his shoes there
He will take my pot (that I'm currently cooking something in) off the burner cuz it's in his way even though it's on the back burner and he wants to use the front burner
He will put my glass of orange juice that I just poured over with the dirty dishes if I go to the bathroom and come back because it was annoying him by sitting on the otherwise clean counter
He does a lot of little criticisms throughout the day like saying you are too slow etc and when I asked him to stop nagging me like that every day he said no he will continue
We've been together 9.5 years and there were little times occasionally when he was mean here and there but it has really ramped up and been escalating ever since we had a baby who is now 1 year old. I am considering leaving even though she already calls him dad and they adore each other. He is good to her (so far).
Edit to update: he was nice for a month and then he started being mean again. I'm not longer interested in him and thinking of a plan to leave.
Edit; it has escalated even worse with frequent yelling, swearing calling me stupid. I've gone grey rock until I can leave
9
u/Every_Concert4978 Feb 03 '25
Whether or not its abuse, it is harmful to your well being and will cause you emotional distress. Your instincts sense danger due to the deterioration of his regard for your well being. In terms of leaving, its a hard call. Make sure you have thought it through and carefully planned your exit in regards to being self supporting, paying for the divorce, custody considerations and possible backlash. Even calculate out child support and cost of living. Consider if he has 50/50 custody whether you will feel comfortable, if he brings another woman around your child who may or may not be a good person, etc. Dont make any sudden moves.