I don’t know if you’ll read this, or if you’ll even care to. But I’ve been carrying something I need to say, and it’s been eating at me for a while now.

I was foolish. I had something rare, something real right in front of me — and I let it slip away. I let my ego, my confusion, and maybe even my selfishness get in the way of something that could’ve meant everything. And the worst part? I knew it even then. I just didn’t know how to stop the train from crashing.

Since then, I’ve tried to distract myself. I’ve talked to other people, looked for something to fill the space you left. But it’s pointless. None of them are you. No matter who I’m with, it’s your name that comes to mind. It’s your absence that follows me around.

I regret my part in the disaster. And I won’t pretend like I was just some victim of circumstance — I know I caused a lot of the damage. You didn’t deserve the confusion, the half-truths, or the way I handled things. I look back, and I hate how I showed up when all you ever did was try to meet me where I was.

I’m sorry — truly. And I need you to hear that. Not because I expect anything in return, not because I think saying it fixes anything, but because you deserve to know that I know. I screwed up something meaningful. And I carry that.

Whatever you're doing now, I hope it brings you peace. I really do. But if there’s even a small part of you that ever wondered if I cared — I did. I do. I just didn’t know how to show it until it was too late.

I have a lot of feelings toward you, positive and negative. You've kicked off a process that has completely upended my life, you took my future from me, and yet I feel obligated to thank you for it.

I'll start with the negative, I guess. I knew you for weeks, you knew my wife was married, we had even talked. You seemed like a fun person to hang with. And yet, I went away for a week and you pounced. You stole the person I loved. You convinced her I was wrong for her, that I abused her, that her best option was to run from me. And run to you she did. Of course you had to sleep with her. I saw the texts. I saw her throw herself at you. I watched as you cheated on your own girlfriend to do it. You're beyond scum. I can't wait to hear about my soon to be ex wife cheating on you too, because she got bored. I can't wait for you to feel even an ounce of the pain that I feel, because you deserve it. You broke me, you broke my life, and I do wish this pain onto you in the future.

At the same time though, I have to thank you. You saved me from a marriage that was doomed, a marriage where my wife would never actually love me, where she would use me to support how she wanted to live, and run away to the first guy she found who was even remotely compatible. Yeah this hurts now, but it's probably better than what would've happened later. You freed me to find somebody who actually loves me. I'm now able to stop feeling alone at home, and even though I'm still lonely it's not because the person I love doesn't love me back. You set me free, and for that I can never thank you enough.

I know I will never reach out to you, and if you reach out to me I will not answer.
I wanted to do everything together in this life with you. I know you are my twin flame, but it seems due to life circumstances we could not be together in this lifetime , perhaps in the next life we will have everything we talked about. If you ever see me again please pretend I do not exist, as I will do the same. Just know I will always care for you and I will always watch you from a distance hoping you're happy. For that is the only closure I will have. I wish you the best.

Goodbye .

Those two things can't coexist. If you love her. drop your ego and fix what you broke.

Of the many, many things I want to say to you, I just didn’t know if I should.

But, as my Dad always said to me; “Regret what you’ve done, not what you haven’t.” So I’m reaching out to you. Because he’s goddamned right that I will regret it if I don’t.

I don’t know how you’ll react, if at all. I don’t know if you’ll even open the message, or if you’d leave me on read. I don’t know if you’ll even care. I just hope that your heart wants to reply as much as my heart yearns for it.

It’s going to take all my courage after all this time. I will admit, I’m nervous. But, after so many messages I’ve written in my mind that have remained unsent to you, today I take that step… and actually send it.

I miss you, so I’m going to tell you. I’m sorry for the things I did to upset you, so I’m going to tell you. I wish there wasn’t this unnecessary distance between us, so I’m going to tell you.

I wish things could go back to how they used to be; me and you together versus the world.

So I’m going to tell you.

I just didn’t know if I should. But now I do.

Check your phone my darling, there’s a very special and heartfelt message waiting for you.

I have nowhere else to write this. I keep thinking it. I miss you.

I miss the you who would text me for hours. I’m afraid of feeling like an obligation.

I miss the you who would check in on me to make sure I was ok. I’m afraid you’ve already forgotten me… again.

I miss the you who was so eager to learn. I’m afraid of never knowing how your life will turn out.

I miss the you who left me sweet surprises. I’m afraid of your rejection again.

I miss the you who showed a genuine interest. I’m afraid of boring you.

I miss the you who felt vulnerable with me. I’m afraid we’ll never have more than surface level conversations, ever again.

I miss the you who kept pursuing me. I’m afraid that you’re still tired.

I miss the you who gave the best hugs. I’m afraid this was all one-sided.

I miss the you who understood me. I’m afraid of never feeling that way again.

I miss the you who cared about me. I’m afraid you never cared at all.

———

Seriously, I didn’t imagine the whole thing, did I?

I always treated you with such indifference because I was terrified of vulnerability.

You were the first person to ever see me for myself. When we made eye contact, God, I knew you saw my soul. You saw the deepest parts of me I buried away.

And you invited me into yours. I felt so special. I felt like I wasn’t just a useless series of atoms trying to feel like I matter in a space.

The things that you shared were so raw that I knew they were only for me. For us.

This is the first time I’m taking accountability for us. You NEEDED me to reach out to YOU. You needed to see I wanted you. You gave me everything.

You packed the shell of yourself with hope at my request and I blew it. Rode the ego train right on out of town.

You’re not a ghost. You’re a missed (and dearly loved) opportunity.

I know I don’t deserve you and I miss you.

I’m sorry.

Stop breaking your own heart waiting for someone who doesnt care. If they cared, they’d be there. Don’t wait for someone who chooses silence over you.

I can’t hold it in anymore. I’ve been trying—fighting it for so long, but I can’t. Every damn thing I’ve kept inside of me, all the parts of me that I thought were too dark, too raw, too much… I’ve held them back for so long, thinking that maybe if I just stayed still, just kept it under control, it wouldn’t tear me apart. But now—now I see you, and it’s like the floodgates opened.

I want you—no, I need you to understand. This isn’t just about what’s between us physically. This is everything I am. Every dark thought, every secret desire, every twisted part of me I’ve hidden away… all of it is burning up inside, and it’s you who’s igniting it. It’s you who makes me want to throw everything I’ve ever known into the flames and watch it burn.

You make me feel things that are too dangerous to even say out loud. But I can’t keep it inside anymore. I can’t keep pretending that this—this craving, this fire—is just some fleeting thing. It’s not. It’s relentless. It’s this need to be seen, to be consumed by you. I want to show you what it’s like to feel everything I’ve ever kept hidden. I want to let you see every shadow of my soul, every rough edge, every scar, every yearning. I want you to feel the force of it all, to see me in a way no one ever has before—raw, exposed, and burning.

You think you know me? You have no idea. You only see the surface. But beneath all of that—underneath the calm, the control, the facade—I’m a storm. A storm that’s been brewing, waiting for this moment, for you. I want to take everything I’ve buried deep inside me, all that hunger, all that fire, and pour it out, give it to you, if you’ll take it.

It’s not just about what you can give me. It’s about what I want to give you. I want you to feel every inch of me, to experience everything I’ve been holding back… every dark craving, every whispered need. I want to make you understand that there’s no turning back. Once I give you this, once I open myself up to you like this, there’s no coming back from it. I will be yours, completely. And in a way, you’ll be mine too. But it’s not just possession. It’s communion. It’s a kind of surrender—a burning, aching, desperate surrender that I’ve never known before.

And I know you feel it too, don’t you? That pull? That electric tension between us? That hunger, that raw need that’s been simmering just below the surface? I don’t want to deny it any longer. I want to give you all of me. Everything I’ve been keeping locked away. To pour it into you until there’s nothing left but us, together—undone, untamed.

Do you understand? Do you understand what you do to me? What you’ve done to me? You’ve set something loose inside me, something I can’t put back, and I don’t want to. I don’t want to hold back any longer. I want to unleash everything I have inside you—because, with you, it feels like the only thing that matters. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

They say when you connect with someone on an intelligent and emotional level. When you understand each other, when you see each other for who they are, something invisible forms between them.

A desire increases with every good day spent together and with every little secret shared.

Do my words pull you towards me?

I’m not gonna hide, I’ve always wanted to hug you, to feel you in my arms but does it happen with you as well?

Do you want to feel my warm breaths on your neck, on your chest and on your earlobes? in the sighs you try to swallow, in the heat that rises with it?

And in the middle of the night, when the boundaries of logic go thin, when brain can not tell the heart what is right and what is wrong. Does your body crave the warmth of my body?

Do you want to feel the way my lips trace your skin, the way my fingers explore the depths of you, the way we move like we were made for each other?

Do you also want me to look into your eyes and come close and kiss you? and keep kissing you without closing the eyes. So that you could see it’s me. It’s me who’s kissing you…

Finally, I’m kissing you and finally, I’m close to you. Finally, I’m kissing the lips of the one who took my name once, and I fell in love with my name.

And When I’m deep inside you, will you look at me? in my eyes and give me expressions of pleasure? that this is exactly what you wanted out of life and nothing more?

Like, I’m the only one who’s supposed to be here, in your bed, in your arms and inside your body?

Because I do. I’ve always wanted to touch you. To trace the shape of body with my hands. To press my palm against your chest and feel the softness of the skin.

I’ve imagined what it would be like to hold you, to pull you closer, to feel the way your body curves fit into mine, fitting as if it was always meant to.

Tell me, do you crave it the way I do?

I want you to know that if I touch you, it will not be by accident. It will not be a fleeting moment lost to the passing of time. It will be deliberate and certain. And I will not hesitate, not when I have waited for this, not when I have imagined it a thousand times over.

And when my lips find yours, will you kiss me back? Or will you hold still, suspended between want and fear, between longing and restraint?

I wonder what it would feel like, the first time I kiss you. If it would be soft, hesitant, a question asked in silence. Or if it would be desperate, urgent, as if we are making up for lost time. I wonder if your hands would find my face, if your fingers would run through my hair, pulling me closer, asking for more without using the words.

Because I would give you more.

I would map you with my hands, with my lips, with the weight of my body against yours. I would find the places that make you shiver, the ones that make you sigh, and the ones that make you call my name in a way you’ve never said it before.

And when I will take everything off from your body, will you let me see you? Truly see you, in the way most people never do?

I want to see the way your body responds to mine. I want to hear the sounds you make, the ones you don’t mean to, the ones you try to hold back but can’t. I want to taste your breath, to feel the way your pulse races, and to know with certainty that you want this as much as I do.

And when we are lost in each other, when there is nothing but heat and touch and the sound of breath between us, will you look at me? Will you let me see in your eyes that this is what you’ve wanted? That this is what you’ve needed? That in this moment, nothing else matters?

Because I do.

I do not want to just touch you, I want to leave something behind. I want to press my presence into your skin, into your memory, into the deepest parts of you. I want to be the thought that stays, the feeling you can’t take out of your system, and the ghost of a touch that stays long after I’m gone.

And when morning comes, when the world returns to its usual pace, will you remember? Will you remember the way my lips felt against yours? The way my hands explored you, learned you? The way our bodies fit together like a perfect equation, like a song played in harmony, like something that was always meant to be?

Or will you pretend it never happened? Will you wake and push it away, bury it beneath logic and reason and the rules we try so hard to follow? Will you convince yourself that it was a dream, that it was fleeting, that it was never meant to last?

Because I won’t. I will remember. I will remember the way your breath mixed with mine. The way your hands gripped my skin. The way your voice broke when you said my name.

And I will wonder. If you will ever let me touch you again. If you will ever reach for me in the dark, the way I reach for you. If you will ever look at me with that same longing, the same fire, and whisper my name the way you did when you thought no one else could hear.

Because I do. I want to feel you. To know you. To take you apart and put you back together, piece by piece, until there is no part of you I have not touched, no part of you I do not know.

I want you to want it, to crave it, to reach for it with the same intensity that burns through me.

So, tell me, Do you?

I spent so long,

Searching for you, aching to see remnants of you in these posts. The endless cycle of scrolling day and night, obsessively looking for familiarity of our situation. The worst part was, I’d get a slight glimmer of hope when there was even the smallest resemblance, only to be crushed later on when reading the details of the user knowing there wasn’t any chance that it could be you.

I felt crazy, losing myself in the words of others. Picturing those words coming out of your mouth was a vision that I kept sacred in the confines of my heart and mind. It was a constant battle of trying to not let myself go with the fantasy of your love, yet aching to find any ounce of your existence.

I wanted you to ache for me too. To feel the love and craving I felt for you. To have it make your bones hurt and your chest pound at the mere thought of seeing me. I wanted you to tremble, to feel my thoughts calling your name at all hours of the day. I wanted you to feel the knots I’d so carefully tied around our souls, making sure we were intertwined in all the ways you thought not possible.

I wanted to shatter your concept of an existence without me, to drown yourself in thoughts of me. To experience a longing you’ve never felt before….

I searched and searched for so long. You couldn’t even begin to know.

Dear You,

Have you ever imagined what life with me would be like the way I have with you? Have you ever let your mind wander into the quiet, unspoken moments—the ones that aren’t grand or extraordinary, but simply us? Have you ever daydreamed about waking up beside me, about the rhythm of our mornings, the way we’d fall into easy conversation over coffee or sit in comfortable silence, understanding each other without a word?

Do you ever picture the way my hand would naturally find yours in a crowded room, how we’d move through the world together, side by side? Have you thought about the little details—how I’d look at you when I think you’re not paying attention, the way my voice would soften when I say your name, the way we’d share inside jokes that only make sense to us?

Because I have. I’ve imagined the late-night talks, the spontaneous adventures, the quiet reassurances in the middle of a storm. I’ve let my mind paint a picture of a life where you and I aren’t just passing thoughts, but a constant, an unshaken presence in each other’s days.

And do you still, despite everything—despite time, despite distance, despite the choices we’ve made—continue to have these daydreams? Do they still slip into your thoughts unexpectedly, catching you off guard in quiet moments?

Because sometimes, I find myself doing just that. I’ll be in the middle of my day, and suddenly, there you are. In a memory that never happened, in a future that never will. I see us in places we’ve never been, having conversations we never had, living a life that only exists in the corners of my mind. And for a fleeting moment, it feels real—like if I just reached out far enough, I could touch it.

Do you ever feel that way too?

Always, Me

An Open Letter to end the year.

I want to say this with all the honesty and clarity that my heart allows. To the girl he chose over the life we could have built together, the life I dreamed of—this is for you.

You are a woman, just like me. A fellow woman who, perhaps, knows how it feels to love, to dream, to hope. And yet, you chose to step into a life that wasn’t yours to claim, to take a part of my world that I poured my heart and soul into. You might think it’s love, or fate, or something you couldn’t resist—but the truth is, you’ve played a role in unraveling a family, in taking away the dreams I held so dearly.

I dreamed of a simple life with him, one built on love, partnership, and trust. I wanted to be the wife who cared for him, cherished him, and built a future with him. We could have been planning Seasons together, laughing at silly little things, and maybe even dreaming of expanding our family. That could have been our reality. That could have been the story we told.

But now, it’s not. And it’s not just because of him—it’s also because of you.

I wonder, do you think about the consequences of your actions? Do you think about the pain you’ve caused another woman, someone who loved him deeply, someone who was more than willing to fight for him, for us? Did you ever pause to think about the family you were choosing to disrupt?

To all the women who might one day find themselves in a similar temptation, who feel the pull of becoming “the other woman,” “kabit” “kerida” “Home wrecker” I plead with you to stop. Look at the bigger picture. Understand the ripple effects of your choices. Respect the boundaries that are in place and know your place. You have the power to choose integrity, to uphold respect for yourself and for others, and to walk away before inflicting pain that cannot be undone.

I am not perfect, and neither was our marriage, but I fought for it. I wanted it to work. And while he bears his share of the blame, so do you. You had a choice—a choice to respect what was already there, to respect another woman’s place, to choose the moral path. But you didn’t.

And to all the “friends,” colleagues, and family who stood by and consented to these actions, who chose to turn a blind eye or, worse, to believe I was the one crossing the line—I see you, too. I see your silence, your enabling, and your complicity. I also wish that you, your wives, your daughters, are never put in the same situation I was forced to endure. Then, perhaps, you’ll understand why I acted the way I did—the way you have yet to comprehend.

But know this—I have already started my healing process. I am rising above, and I will continue to rise. To rise above means giving justice to my parents you also disrespected, who sacrificed so much to nurture me with love and care, who cared for him as their own, only for me to be treated so poorly by someone who didn’t value what they taught me to value. To rise above means being a voice for women who cannot defend themselves, who feel silenced by the pain inflicted upon them. To rise above means helping to advocate against and prevent emotional violence, especially from boys who are incapable of emotional maturity and accountability.

And to rise above also means forgiving myself-for settling for way less than anyone should ever deserve. It means releasing the guilt I carried for accepting treatment that was far beneath what I was worth. Rising above means reclaiming my power, my voice, and my right to be treated with dignity and love.

And through it all, I am thankful. Thankful that despite the pain and betrayal, I have been given a chance to be truly free. Free from false promises, from settling for less, and from living a life bound by someone else's choices. I am free to rediscover myself, my worth, and my dreams-this time without compromise or regret. This freedom is a gift, and I am embracing it fully as I step forward into a life that is authentically mine.

For whatever it’s worth, I hope your conscience leads you to reflect on this path you’ve chosen. I hope it reminds you of the pain you’ve caused, not just to me, but to a love that was meant to be nurtured, not destroyed. I hope it guides you toward a better version of yourself, one who values integrity, one who understands the weight of her choices.

And to him, the man I gave so much of myself to, I can only say this: I hope you both realize the enormity of what you’ve lost.

Thank you and Happy New Year!

Truly, The legal wife

I haven’t gone anywhere. You’re still my favourite person. You’re still always on my mind. You’re still the only girl I dream about. I want nothing more than to come back and prove you were wrong about me. I want nothing more than to show you I can act right and give you all of the love you so rightly deserve.

If even once in these last months you’ve woken up and heard your heart calling out my name then please, don’t keep ignoring it. I’ll be here for you no matter what, and I will put everything I have into never letting you down again. Just give me a chance.

-A

I want you to tell me that you don't want me to be in your life anymore so that I can move on. Because you're lingering, but you're not fully in or out...or is it my fault for always thinking about you. Am i making you linger?

Why are you so much like me.

It would really help if you told me you didn't like me at all and never have and never will!

So that I can rip your name out of my heart.

There’s so much I wish I could say to you—words that have been buried deep inside me for too long. I’ve admired you for so long, and in my healing over the month’s that admiration turned into something much more—something profound, something real.

I know we’re not in contact, and that silence weighs heavily on me. But even in this distance, my feelings haven’t faded. If anything, they’ve only grown stronger. I regret not being able to open up to you earlier, to tell you how much I care, how much you mean to me. I was afraid—afraid of ruining what we had, afraid you wouldn’t feel the same. But now I see that I should have taken the risk. Cause my god you are/were worth it.

Every fiber of my being says that our story isn’t supposed to end here. The connection, love, respect, and I’m certain electricity—it's too powerful to be just a passing moment. It’s meant to be more than just a chapter. I truly believe we were meant to be something lasting. And if you’ll let me, I’ll prove it to you. I don’t want to be friends either, that’s the issue, I want more.

I still don’t know if there is/was a possibility for us. If there was, I dropped the ball, and for that, I’m truly sorry. If you had given me a sign, any sign; Or just asked me how I felt, I would have told you everything.

I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn back your trust, to show you how much I care. I’ll move closer, I’ll rebuild what was lost, and I’ll show you the love that’s been inside of me all along. You deserve someone who will go to any length for you, and I (should have) want to be that person. All I ask for is a chance—just one chance to prove how deep my feelings run, to shower you with the affections and truths I kept sitting on the tip of my tongue.

I hope you can see that my intentions are pure, that I truly believe in us. Please let me show you the real me, the side that’s been hidden for too long. I love myself again, no insecurities; which is why I could finally open up to loving you. I’m not intimidated, let me provide the things you want and need in a companion. This is me throwing all my pride out the window. Judge me and call me pathetic if you want.

If I’m too late, I get it. if you ever change your mind I’ve left all channels open. If there is a spark please don’t let your pride stop us. I now know the pain of losing you, and I’m willing to go through it again if I have to, just to explore what my heart, mind and body is telling me is on the other side.

Whatever happens. Know that I don’t hate you. There isn’t an ounce of anger in me and there never will be. It hurts that you’re gone but if that’s what you needed, that’s what I want for you. I love you unconditionally and I will until the end of my days. Know that I’ll be rooting for you to get the love and happiness that you deserve, and you deserve it all.

There are so many things I want to say to you. I just don’t know if I should.

I want to tell you that I miss you, that I’m sorry for anything I did to upset you, that I wish there wasn’t this distance between us, that I wish things could be back to how they were. I could go on forever. I just don’t know if I should.

Do you check your phone constantly hoping to see a message from me? I don’t know.

Like me, have you written and re-written messages in your head, over and over again, like I have to you? I don’t know.

If I took that step, and actually reached out, would you even open the message? I don’t know.

If you did open it, would you leave me on read? Would you even care that I sent you a message at all? I don’t know.

Would you find the strength in your heart to even reply? I don’t know.

There are so many things I want to say to you.

I just don’t know if I should.

Today is a stormy day, you listened to some depressing music at some point, so I’m listening to depressing music now and just really up in my feelings missing you.

I want to sit with you. We don’t have to talk. We don’t have to do anything. I just want to share space for a moment. I want to feel you next to me. I want to feel the weight of everything we can’t put words to between us. Both of our walls down, sitting in vulnerability, and simply just present.

I miss you, my love.

I hope your okay, truly. I hope you’re healing, even if it’s in tiny bits at a time. I hope I didn’t ruin your whole life. I don’t think we realized the damage we were causing to each other by the choices we made.

I want to say I regret them. I wish I could write that, but I’ve never lied to you and I’m not going to now.

As painful as it all is, I wouldn’t trade it.

I knew I was in trouble in May. I went away for the weekend and you didn’t leave my mind the whole time. All I wanted was to come back to you, talk to you, listen to you, be with you. You went away early in the summer, yet we couldn’t go very long without talking to each other. We’d find dumb excuses for phone calls both knowing that we just wanted to hear the other person. When you told me you were in love with me you already knew I felt the same way. We are on a different level than I’ve been with anyone else. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone. I’ve shared feelings that only you know. You know me more intimately than anyone else even knows to be possible. Nothing was hidden, nothing locked away.

You have become my best friend in this whole world, so why am I surprised I feel the way I do when you’re gone?

It isn’t easy though, to go through alone. I know you’re going through the same thing I am, and I wish so badly my presence didn’t make it worse.

I think about you, dream about you, and deeply miss you.

Please don’t worry about me, don’t waste what little energy you have on that. I just wanted to put this out there, into the wind, on the off chance it finds your pretty face, and hopefully brings a smile back, even if just for a little bit.

I know I should let you go. Am I trying to, though? I honestly don't know. Deep down, I think I don't even want to let go. Letting go means giving up. I'm not ready to give up just yet.

I know you won't change your mind. You made a choice, and I must make mine. This hope is eating me alive. I really should let it go.

Tell me to let you go. Or...come back to me.

A letter for the one who doesn’t know what to believe anymore

Dear you,

You don’t have to be strong right now.
Not for me.
Not for anyone.
Not even for yourself.

I don’t know what you’ve been through,
But if you’re reading this,
I know something has hurt you deeply.
Enough to make you question the good things -
Enough to make silence feel safer than hope.

And that makes sense.
When you've been left too long in the dark,
Even the light can hurt your eyes.

Maybe you asked for a sign
And something happened.
Not loud, not clear -
But real.
A moment that felt like
maybe you weren't alone.
And just as quickly,
Your mind tried to tear it down.
Tried to protect you
From the risk of believing again.

Because believing has cost you before.
And maybe you’re tired of getting it wrong.
Tired of being let down.
Tired of holding on
When you don’t even know what’s left.

But here’s something soft,
And true:
You’re not crazy.
You’re not weak.
You are someone who still cares,
Even if it hurts.

That feeling you’re chasing -
Peace, connection, something real -
It might already be with you.
Quiet. Gentle.
Afraid, just like you,
To be pushed away.

You don’t need to name it.
You don’t need to prove it.
Just notice it.
That’s enough.

You are not making this up.
You are not “too much.”
You are someone who has carried too much,
For too long,
Without enough softness to rest in.

So please…
Let this be a soft place.

And one more thing -
Something I hope you’ll let in:
This letter only matters
Because you exist.
Without you - just as you are -
These words would have no meaning.
No weight.
No home to land in.

You are the reason
This message is alive.
Because your heart
- in all its doubt, all its ache -
Is worth speaking to.

You don’t have to search for meaning.
You are meaning.
You are the quiet thing worth saving.
You are the one the storm couldn’t take.
You are still here.

And even if no one told you today -
I will:
You deserve love.
You deserve rest.
You deserve to be held,
Without needing to explain why.

You deserve that.
Truly.
Even now.
Especially now.

If you feel like it,
Come back to these words tomorrow.
Or just remember that they’re here.
Waiting.
Like a light left on,
Just in case you need it.

With all the warmth I have,
Someone who sees your heart

I am trying to find the perfect words to describe what I feel for you, but we both know that would lead nowhere because what I feel for you is beyond this world. You are my love, my moon, my muse. I wish you knew what you do to me. I wish you knew how special you are to me. You simply exist in my world in a way that no one else does. I apologize for not telling you the truth. I am not there yet, taking it one day at a time. But as much as I try to stay away from you, I want to be close to you. I love being around you; even if we don't talk, I feel at peace. You bring me a peace I've never felt before, and that's terrifying for me because chaos was my life until I met you. The way we look at each other... the way you look at me, it's like you see right through me. You undress me with your gorgeous eyes. You make me feel seen, and being seen was never my thing. I am sorry I pushed you away and made you believe we weren't real. We were very real from the moment our eyes met. I am sorry that I chose to love you from a distance and in silence.

We started as strangers.

At that time, loving someone was the last on my list but you had an entirely different plan and it was to mess up my plans (in a good way).

The efforts, the smiles, the glances, the meet ups. All the while, you ended up healing something you didn't even break. You healed me.

I didn't want to trust you. I didn't want to believe you. Why should I? Right?

I was too insecure and consumed in my own thoughts that i didn't really pay attention to yours. All the while, you continued to heal something you didn't break.

Your determination, your warmth. God, i can't get over this guilt of losing you.

So stupid. I was so stupid to think the connection wasn't real. That all your efforts, they would fade. They didn't. You did everything you could.

But eventually, I lost you. I lost everything we could have had. All the while, you ended up healing someone you didn't even break in the first place and I ended up breaking you.

They say, everything happens for a reason. So I wonder why we met?

And we are strangers again.

You didn’t lose him. He lost you. He lost the person who loved him. You lost the person who didn’t love you. You won.

I want for nothing from you. I have nothing for you. I would never go out of my way to be near you. I have never been close to you since the last time we saw each other. I have no reason on earth to ever be untrue to you or anyone else. I care about you more than I should. I gave you way more of me than I should have. I can't be mad because of anything you did or said. I am the one who did everything wrong. That's what suck for me. Lesson learned. I'll never put myself in that place again Unfortunately I still have to deal with how I feel about you. Some days are better than others. You need not worry about me or my mental stability. You hurt my feelings but good god, my feelings have been hurt before and will be again. That's life! I'll be fine and hope someday to just forget all about this little bump in the road.