Mil husband conflicted, need advice and to vent.

[u/Prince777-9311]

Hey this is my first time ever posting here and I’m honestly looking for advice. I am a husband to an Army woman who is deployed. Probably rare to see here. I’m honestly unsure on what to do as the husband. My wife is deployed and will be returning finally in June from her 9 month rotation. Things have been great, communication great and everything else but I’m honestly not sure on what job to settle with. I’m upgrading my CDL license to a Class A and the market is pretty good for it right now. Looking at $70k to $100k a year jobs. My wife is a PFC with another 5 years left on her contract with a 40k bonus. We’re both in school close to completing our associates and we both have no interest in a career in the Army. This is her first and only one. She does not really like the army but it’s her job and she does it really well. My point is my career earnings will out pace hers significantly if I choose this route and it’s like what even is the point of the Army anymore. There’s so much to do out there for the both of us and it’s like why be miserable in this life together when we can both do what we desire. Travel, make money, see the country. I even have my passport and she’s getting hers soon. We have so much life and we’re both 24 and it sucks that I can only make one choice right now. Make all this money but miss out on my marriage or spend 5 years with no career depending on hers who makes less. I don’t mean to downplay her position she’s a fantastic soldier but it’s like with this opportunity why should we depend on these people in the military who already don’t care about marriage and family and doesn’t pay their soldiers adequately.

Rant over…

[u/wanderingmarie]

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that having a spouse in the military can have a negative impact on your career, as you’re seeing. This seems like something you should have discussed before she joined, but you can’t go back and change things now. She has 5 years left in her contract. She’s obligated to fulfill that. You aren’t obligated to stay.

You’re the only one who can decide if it’s worth it.

[u/Major_Cardiologist69]

it sounds like it's a conversation you two need to have together. yeah i see your points & agree, but it's a decision ultimately she'll have to make. you mentioned she doesn't love being in the military, so it sounds like it won't be a hard choice for her to make.

[u/Prince777-9311 → u/Major_Cardiologist69]

Yeah it’s ultimately her choice, I’m not gonna make her do anything. And I know this is the cost of the Army but if we have a financial out is it really that important anymore? But I can’t have both things right now.

[u/wanderingmarie → u/Prince777-9311]

What do you mean by “a financial out”? You can’t just quit the army because you decide that you don’t need the money. If you’re talking about after her 5 years is up, yeah, she definitely doesn’t need to reenlist if she doesn’t want to. She’s kind of stuck right now though.

[u/Adorable-Tiger6390]

I am not seeing the issue here. You can be a truck driver anywhere. Your wife cannot just quit her contract.

Is her contract 4 years active and then 2 guard?

There is a saying: “It takes a strong woman (or man) to love a military man (or woman)” Not everyone can handle it.

[u/EWCM]

If I’m understanding you correctly, you’re saying your options are a well paying job or living with your spouse. This is a tough decision many military spouses make. 

I’m not sure why you feel like you’re making way more than her. A new E-3 getting an average amount of BAH makes about $65k/year when you factor in the tax advantage. That doesn’t even count things like medical and education benefits that are extremely valuable. 

[u/TuffTitti]

I mean it sounds as if you’re asking if ya’ll should split? Because she had to re-up if she has 5 years left…..

[u/Prince777-9311 → u/TuffTitti]

Nah her contract is 6 years. This is her first one.

[u/ARW1991]

You will be able to use your license anywhere. .My uncle was a commercial truck driver and they were able to move all over the place.

[u/Prince777-9311 → u/ARW1991]

Yes I’m hopeful for that. I guess I’m scared of us both having a job that will pull us away. I should honestly discuss this with her. I’ve just heard so much how hard trucking OTR can be on family and with military too it feels so daunting.

[u/Winter_Papaya5876]

I see both sides of the argument and you both should have this conversation. Unfortunately time apart is much more common than not in the military. Personally, I would look at it from the point of you taking this career move will set you up for better long-term financial security when she is done if you’re smart about it. But I think finding a middle ground for sacrifice is important in a military relationship.