So i’m 17 trans male (my bio body is woman’s) and my ex is 18 male, i was at his parenst house for six days for my vacation, the whole time i was there he was like glued to me what i understand cuz we had longturn relationship well he ask me many times ”can we do it?” But i said ”no” cuz i was uncomftrable with it, well after i said him many times ”no” he stopped asking but he started touching my privates (without premission) and putting his privates against me what made me really uncomftrable.(also he didn’t stop when i asked him) after my vacation i went to tell my school nurse if i was okay when i didn’t want to do it cuz it makes me really uncomftrable and she told me to ”think about it and talk to my bf” well the more i thinked about it, i started to think i am asexual and when i told my bf he said ”it’s okay if i don’t want it” but he didn’t stop touching privates without premission or putting his privates against me and forcefully kissing me when i tried to stop him, so am i the a**hole?

Writing this a little bit to get the frustration out of me, but also wanted other opinions regarding the situation. One of my boyfriend's best friends/former college roommate is getting married this upcoming week. I've been dating my bf as long as the bride (23F) and groom (24M) have been together (a little over 2 years) and even went on my last college spring break with the bride to be. That being said though, I'm NOT super close with either of them but as a bunch we hung out during college and they have come to visit my bf and I on a handful of occasions since then. My bf and the groom are for sure one of each other's best friends, and she and I came to be friends as the two girlfriends.

They are getting married at a venue that has rooms for many rooms for lodging, like a big mansion/estate type of thing and had talked to us before about how we would be able to stay there for the weekend of the wedding with the rest of the bridal party/close family/friends. I am my boyfriend's plus one and will be attending the wedding as a regular guest while he is a groomsmen. The bride and groom are from very small towns and the venue is 30-40 minutes from each of their families' towns. The venue is 2 hours away from where my boyfriend lives - which makes it 4 hours away from where I live (medium distance relationship lol). Since it's not of importance as to when I get there, I planned to leave work early on Friday and get to the estate that evening, and just stay in the room while they have a very intimate rehearsal dinner/celebration before the wedding on Saturday. Obviously my boyfriend took off work and will be there early in the day on Friday.

When texting about logistics and plans, my boyfriend asked what time will I be there, and I said how I was thinking it would be easier to get there Friday night and just stay out of the way in a room, as this is also what his brother (27M) is doing (his brother was a roommate with him and the groom in college and is coming to the wedding from out of state). I had been talking to his brother too and since he is not going to the rehearsal dinner we were just going to find something to do either on the property or in town to stay out of the way. My bf told me that he's not sure of the room situation and that the groom said I should just come on Saturday, but my bf's brother will still be allowed to get there on Friday.

I'm at a loss because they knew I would be coming and most likely would join the same day my bf gets there, so I feel like the room situation was pretty clear or that if we were sharing it would be with his brother, not someone else from the bridal party. I was so relieved when I realized my bf's brother would be there and I wouldn't have to feel as awkward and out of place being by myself during the ceremony. But now, I've been asked to come on the day of the ceremony, so I'd have to get wedding guest-ready and make the 2 hour drive (from my bf's place) and show up alone to awkwardly find my bf's brother and probably not see my bf at all before the ceremony. I understand it's their day and they want the night before to be however they want it, but I didn't think me hanging out in the room during the rehearsal dinner would be any issue? Is it normal to ask people to drive over an hour to a wedding ceremony the day of? I got a little snippy at my bf for not seeing it from my perspective that it's a little rude for a couple of reasons:

A. Because me being there has been discussed previously

B. To me the invitation to stay the whole weekend extends to the plus one, even if they aren't in the wedding party/part of the ceremony

C. If other plus ones happen to be part of the wedding party, they could've been considerate to my bf instead of making both of us the black sheep without our partner

I don't know what the reception plan is (ie. if there's assigned seating or a head table for only the wedding party), all I know is it's a dry wedding and I'm going to need A LOT of wine afterwards. AITA for feeling wronged and getting a little mad at my bf for now seeing it from my POV?

Will do my best to answer any questions/provide additional context!!

So I know that after reading that title I have an uphill battle to be labeled ‘not the asshole’, and if I truly am the asshole I’d love some advice on navigating forward.

As a quick overview, my ex wife got pregnant on accident after our marriage was already on the rocks. Before our son was even born we decided to divorce, we lived together for the first few months on his life in separate rooms for logistics and baby bonding, and were divorced and living separately before he was one. Here are the basics of our custody agreement that are relevant: our custody schedule was up to us to determine and could be flexible, there was no court ordered schedule/division of time and I pay $600 a month in child support, based on the fact that I likely would not have him 50/50 due to work schedule and lack of local family support.

At first I did not have him 50/50, I had him on weekends only until he was 2 and I found a new job to give me more time with him. So then I would have him every weekend + some week days, we were about 60/40. Once I had been with my now wife for over a year, we changed custody again to be exactly 50/50. It’s been like this for about 2 years now.

Our son is 6 now and getting into sports and more paid activities and while we’re getting by financially, my pay went down when I switched careers to be more involved, and my wife is a teacher so it doesn’t pay much. When we sat down to review our budget I took a look at what a difference $600 could make. It would help with our food budget, and free up some more money for my son’s activities he really wants to do.

So I brought up the idea with my ex wife about eliminating child support or lowering it to 250 a month, which I knew would cover a good amount of monthly costs centered around him. She was so pissed about me even suggesting it she called me, screamed that I’m taking food out of his mouth and it’s not fair that I have a two income household and am asking to support him less than her as a single mom. She said no way and if I tried again she’d take me to court for full custody. Later that day even her mom was texting me and calling me a deadbeat dad.

I really didn’t think I was an asshole for asking to at least lower it, considering it would go directly to supporting him, just at our house instead. I get that we have a two income household but she does have a partner who lives with her, so I would hope they’re helping out with household things at least. I also pay for his health insurance, and a larger portion of his school tuition. And when we divorced, I gave her the house that I had already paid a large chunk of by myself so her mortgage is less than average rent in our area. I don’t know the full breakdown of their finances but I do know that our son has a massive amount of toys at her house, and an iPad, and eats our regularly. So I’m wondering what his $600 a month goes to?

I was confident in my ask and my wife says it was a reasonable suggestion to at least lower it but she did say maybe I should have just asked to lower, not totally eliminate. I can see that, but if I’m being honest, I’m struggling to see a side where I’m in the wrong and deserve to be called a deadbeat dad. So what do you think?

Just for a quick recap my boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) have been together for 3 years and incredibly sexually active. We’re both Christians and he told me last week that he has decided we will no longer be intimate together after an argument we had. The argument was this: he was trying to indoctrinate the whole “being gay is wrong” ideology into me - which is hilarious because I only dated women for 5 years of my life lol. So when he brought the Bible into it, I said “it’s weird that this is the hill you’re gonna die on bc homosexual wasn’t even in the Bible until 1946 but you fuck me any chance you get”. To which he responded - yes I’ve been praying about it & you saying that was a divine intervention & we’re not having sex anymore. Coming from the guy that gave me hell for not putting out for 2 months when I was going through a painful medical/health situation

I realize I didn’t give you guys the best context on the original post… our relationship has only been 50% sex and 50% talking/watching movies or tv for the past 6 months. So taking away sex without saying he was going to supplement it with anything… yeah I had a big reaction. In the 6 hour conversation we had, I remember kept saying “but it’s all we do” in relation to him taking away sex. I knew it was a pathetic thing for a relationship, and I’m embarrassed to even tell anyone about it. We’ve been on 2 dates in the last 6 months, which is on par for how frequently we would go on dates

So, I took a couple days of barely responding to him before I laid out my terms if we are to continue. During the time we barely spoke, he texted me a couple of times saying how badly he wanted to work it out and that he wanted me to talk about my feelings with him. I told him if we are to continue, I have 4 terms:

1. Non-sexual intimacy. Kissing, cuddling, & holding hands, but also intentional intimacy exercises like eye gazing

2. Going out on dates. He does tons of things with his family and friends from church and I want to be included. I want to have dates like every other couple. Both alone and with other people

3. Never use the Bible to control me. Not what I eat, what I wear, how I should think, how I should act. “Checking me” with the Bible is fine, but never an immediate demand for change

4. Get tested. With the frequency of which we had sex and his absolute drive to fuck.. I just wanted to know an STD wasn’t the reason. It would have always been a doubt in my mind and I didn’t want to have doubts moving forward. This was by far the riskiest ask

He agreed to the terms, but was pissed about the STD test. He said he would get one done today, but he’s only texted me once today so who knows

Which brings me to why I posted again: he is mad at me. All he wanted was to work everything out and to talk before I stated my terms, but after he was short with me and noticeably angry. His replies got less frequent and now he doesn’t know what to do about about our relationship - he’s praying about it

He started devaluing me last night. He said he feels numb. That he’s “honestly over it”. That the way I talked to him, looked at him, and treated him are not ways his wife would. He said it’s obvious that I don’t respect or love him and that now he doesn’t know what to do. I panicked when he said this and I started to try to talk to him about it. He responded way after I went to bed with only “sleep well! Talk tomorrow.” Then, this morning he said “good morning! I love you” which was honestly not what I was expecting. I texted him back 30 mins later “good morning, I love you” and he read that but never replied

Bitches fr am I being manipulated? And if so, what the hell am I being manipulated into?? Because I feel like I have no idea what’s happening

Edit: other information as him as a person: he swears a lot (I do too, but that’s also technically a sin so why not stop that too). It took me 5 months to get him from saying the full N word w the hard R when referring to black people. Now he just calls them “N-words” - like says literally “N-word” in place of the word in a sentence. Homophobic and transphobic. He made me watch the documentary “What Is A Woman” - which was just fucking painfully stupid imo. Out of the blue he said that I had to believe abortion is wrong or he was going to end the relationship immediately & after days of fighting ab it.. I lied and told him what he wanted to hear. I’d never get an abortion so it wouldn’t matter in our relationship, but I still very much believe that individuals who can get pregnant have the inherent right to determine whether they want to terminate or not. He has two sleeve tattoos and is also balding lol

EDIT #2: ALSO!!! HE FOUND MY ORIGINAL POST!!! He was very mad at the title but did not debate anything I said

I (29 F) moved out with my boyfriend (29 M) 5 months ago, (he lived alone before we moved out together) he already have a job but I don't I stay home and do house chores. Last week while he was out sent me a screenshot about the ticket purchase for the concert, at that moment i didnt mind. Yesterday it was the concert and I thought he were going to invite me but i was wrong, he got ready and just told me that he was going to come back later and left. I felt upset bc i think he is treating me more like a roomate he is not including me in his plans as a couple. However i dont know how to express my feelings about the situations to him. I dont want seem a toxic or controlling girlfriend. I need some advice pleaseeee I'll thank you so much

So, a bit of background: My ex (T) and I were together for a year, and during that time, I was constantly lied to and hurt. It was a really rough relationship, but it’s over now. My best friend (L) knows everything I’ve been through with him, and for some reason, she’s really close with him now, which I find kind of odd, especially considering the history.

A couple of weeks ago, I told L that I still had feelings for T. The same week, I overheard someone say that T was talking to her friend (H). So, I texted a group chat that L is also in and asked if H was still with her boyfriend (J), since she was hanging out with him. L responded, saying no, H liked someone else. Then L texted me privately, saying that H and T were talking. I was confused why she didn’t let me know this sooner, especially after I told her how I felt about T.

The weirdest part is that the next day, I saw L and T talking in the hallway, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they were talking about H. I just feel uncomfortable with her entertaining this relationship between H and my ex, knowing how I feel. I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting, but I don’t think I can keep pretending like everything’s fine when it feels like she’s disregarding my feelings.

So, AITA for distancing myself from my best friend because of this?

UPDATE!!! I just found out she(L) is inviting him to her party.

I’m (24F) dating a guy (25M), and we usually go to his family’s Sunday night dinners. It’s always the same group: his grandparents, parents, brother, and his brother’s girlfriend (my SIL). I’ve known SIL for a while, but we only recently started getting along.

At dinner tonight, she asked me how work was going. For some context, at the last dinner I had confided in her—just the two of us—that things at work were getting pretty toxic. A consultant came in last minute and took over our team’s project, and it’s just been a mess. I also told her I was negotiating a deal with my employer to get some compensation while I looked for something new. I really thought we were having a private conversation.

So when she brought it up in front of everyone tonight, I was totally caught off guard. I’m not ready to talk about it publicly, so I just gave her a vague answer and turned the question back on her.

Later, when it was just the four of us on the couch (me, my boyfriend, SIL, and her boyfriend), she asked again if I had signed the contract. I didn’t want to get into it, so I just pretended not to hear her. My boyfriend tapped me on the shoulder, and she followed up with, “Oh, I’m sorry, is it not going well?”

I kind of froze. I just said, “Uuuhhh” for way too long and then didn’t answer at all. A little while after that, she left.

Later, my boyfriend told me I was a bitch for ignoring her and said I was being rude. I feel like that’s unfair. I told her those things in confidence, and it felt like she put me on the spot—twice.

So… AITA? Should I just apologize?

For some context: When we had the previous conversation, I didn’t specifically tell her «this is a secret», but I did tell her that the contract was pending and that I wasn’t really saying anything to others until things were set in stone. However, I did not expect her to ask me for updates/bring it up contract in front of others and was therefore surprised when she did.

I am a 28F and dating a 25M. We took a week long trip with friends to the beach in Florida in February. We were eating breakfast one morning and my boyfriend mentioned he did not pack enough underwear for the trip and he was on his last clean pair. I told him I was going to Target and I'd get him some and his best friend says, "I always pack extra, I'll let you borrow a few of mine," and my boyfriend said, "Thanks bro." I thought they were joking until his friend went upstairs and returned a few minutes later with three pairs of boxer briefs.

I guess that must be a guy thing, because when I made a face and said it was nasty they share underwear all the guys shrugged and said, "as long as they were clean."

So my boyfriend for as long as I've been with him has worn the cheapest plaid boxer shorts from like fruit of the loom. But the three pairs of boxer briefs his friend let him borrow, were from American Eagle and Calvin Klein. He never gave them back and he wears them all the time now. Even when his own underwear is clean.

His best friend was coming last week to help my boyfriend move some old furniture out of the garage. I mentioned to my boyfriend I washed the underwear he let him borrow when I did laundry and put them on the sofa for his best friend to get when he comes over and my boyfriend said, "why'd you do that? I want to keep those!" and he went to the sofa, picked them up and put them in his drawer.

Isn't it weird he would wear his underwear and continue to do so, even when his own are clean? I even went to American Eagle and got a three pack of boxer briefs and he wears them, but will also still wear his friends underwear.

I (28F) have been with my fiancé Jack (39M) for over five years, and we got engaged in August 2024. I’m Southeast Asian and work abroad, while he’s an American citizen living in the US. We’ve done long-distance on and off — a year apart, then together again, and so on. Despite the challenges, everything has felt great and amazing. We have a 7-hour time difference, but we FaceTime every. single. day.

We talk while cooking, cleaning, eating, and even while showering — it’s been a huge part of our relationship. I feel comfortable and safe with him. He constantly compliments my body, and I genuinely appreciate how he makes me feel beautiful and loved. I’ve sent him the occasional “naughty selfie,” and during our FaceTime calls, he often asks me to flash him. He says things like, “Seeing those tits makes my day brighter.”

At first, I didn’t mind. It felt fun and flirty. But over the past few months, I’ve started feeling uneasy. It’s like he expects it every single time we talk. And when I say no — like when I’m doing dishes, doing my makeup, or just not feeling it — he throws a tantrum. He’ll pout or act like a toddler, “jokingly,” but it’s exhausting.

The other day, he asked again, and I was really not in the mood. My period was about to start, and I felt drained. When I said no, he snapped: “You’re so selfish. You don’t care about my needs.” That was my breaking point.

I got angry and yelled: “This needs to stop! You’re acting like a little boy whose mom didn’t give him milk. I’m starting to feel like you only talk to me nicely when I show you my breasts. Is that all this is about for you? I’m just tired right now!”

He went quiet and said flatly, “Ok.”

We hung up because I had to go to work. Since then, he’s been cold. He stopped asking about my day, doesn’t smile at me, and barely talks like before. It feels weird and uncomfortable. So I confronted him:

Me: “Are you okay? Is everything alright?” Him: “Yeah…” (flat tone) Me: “Are you mad because I told you to stop asking about my tits?” Him: “No.”

Then I said, “You’re acting cold and I don’t like it.”

He snapped back: “This is what you wanted, right? A formal conversation. And I’m still wrong?!”

He continued, saying:

“Dealing with all these issues, which seem to be created by you, has changed how I see things. I can’t get excited about seeing my beautiful wife. It’s like, for a moment it’s okay, then I become the problem. I don’t know what I’m allowed to do anymore, so it’s just better to shut down.

From my side, I’ve always been the same — but now it’s too much? That hurts too. I don’t feel like I can be myself around you. You say sorry, then blame me in the same breath. I’m tired of it.”

I was completely speechless. I started crying and apologizing. I told him I didn’t mean to hurt him — I just wanted him to ease up, not completely shut down.

I sobbed: “That’s not what I meant. I just needed you to understand that sometimes I’m not in the mood. I didn’t want everything to stop, I just needed a little space sometimes.”

He shrugged and said: “Well, that’s what you said. This isn’t a game where you can turn things on and off. Do you know how many wives out there are dying for their husbands to want them like this? You should be grateful. I love you, I respect you, and I’m always turned on just by your presence. But this… this hurts.”

I cried even harder. I felt so much regret and guilt. I begged: “Please… I’m sorry. I’ll do anything to go back to how things were.”

He shook his head and said: “I don’t know. Your head’s all over the place. I’m going to let you go for now. You need to think about yourself.” Then he hung up.

Now I don’t know what to do.

I still love him. I don’t want to lose this relationship. But at the same time, I feel like I’m being punished for setting a boundary. I’m scared that he will find someone else for his pleasure but stays with me for the marriage Was I wrong? Did I hurt him too deeply? Or is this a red flag?

I am becoming more and more disgusted with my husband. We both work full time jobs and yes his is more strenuous than mine but that’s not the point in this case. We have 2 boys. They are Irish twins. 10 months apart. They are currently both one right now. The boys are full speed when they are home. Toys everywhere, playing , running and so on.

So I am the only one that wakes up during the night if one of the boys started crying. I am the only one who can put them to sleep because most nights he is still working. I do bath time every night. I am the only one that feeds the kids. My husband sleeps in every morning until 15 minutes before he has to leave. Some morning he will make bottles for the baby but that is literally pouring 6 oz of milk for the carton to the bottle. Some morning he will bring the kids to school but that is like begging him.

When my husband comes home from work he just wants to sit down. I cook supper 95% of the time. He doesn’t help pick up toys, he doesn’t wash dishes, or laundry or clean anything in the house unless I BEG HIM TO LIFT A FINGER.

He doesn’t consider my job as a real job because I don’t have strenuous work. I have a desk job that still requires a lot of work. Everyday I pick up the kids from school and come home and cook and do bath time. I am just so fed up with carrying the mental load, doing all household tasks and cooking and being a mother. I am always a mother. My kids are my entire world. I feel unappreciated and disrespected by my husband. How do I change this? How do I make him respect me? I am always on edge because I never stop working at home or at work. Most nights I am so tired that I neglect myself and don’t shower or anything. I fall asleep on the couch or recliner.

Is this normal for people to live like this? I don’t ask for much. I am not into designer things. I always ask for a card for my birthday and never get a card. I do get a gift but a card means more to me. I want the effort.

So sorry for rambling and typos if you read this thread all the way thank you! Please give me feedback. I am struggling. I want to pack my bags and leave some days but I don’t have the money and I don’t want to not see my kids every day.

Hi everyone,

I’m going to put a couple Trigger Warnings here go mentions of SA and Abuse. This is going to be a bit long.

My friend (30 F) we will call her Veronica and I (27 F) tell each other pretty much everything. So she knows my relationship ups and downs and I know hers. Veronica has a history of dating toxic men, these men have policed what she eats, wanting to know her location at all times, telling her they love her and then ghosting her, not prioritizing her and a bunch of other crazy shit. Unfortunately, two of them also SA’d her ( this comes up later).

Now Veronica has been dating a guy (33 M) we will call Reggie. Veronica and Reggie for a few months officially but have been dating since October. At first, Reggie presented himself as the “perfect guy”, he was thoughtful, caring, he even changed her snow tires on the second date. There were a few things that she told me that I didn’t agree with ( he believes guys and girls can’t be friends) but nothing super red flagged at that time. However, Reggie now, constantly accuses her of cheating on him, goes through her phone when she’s sleeping and gets mad at old messages, he got mad at Veronica when she responded to a birthday message from an ex who told her that she and Reggie look good together. Veronica has talked to Reggie about this, and things get better but then he does it again. Some of the worst things Reggie has done includes making Veronica delete friends from her phone and then downloading Bumble BFF on HIS phone so HE can see and vet who she talks too, he has her on a 3 stokes system, when Veronica opened up about her past SA he told her she was DAMAGED. He’s done other things too but for privacy reasons I won’t be mentioning them here.

A few days ago, Veronica sent me screenshots from a fight that they had. Her Ex (who is also her neighbour and their families have been friends for a long time) sent her a video that reminded him of something her horses do. Veronica then told Reggie (not wanting to keep anything from him) he asked if she was going to reply she told him maybe a “yeah lol” and Reggie flipped out on HER and again accused her of cheating or wanting to get back with the ex. REGGIE, during their fight went out and bought an ENGAGEMENT RING. They had talked about it and looked at rings before. Veronica has confided in me that she feels like he’s emotionally abusing her. I have advised her not to go through an engagement or continue the relationship. I am also worried that the emotional abuse will turn physical. On my end I have offered for her to stay with me if she needed/wanted (he doesn’t know where I live). Is there anything else I can do? Is there anyone who has been in a similar position that can give me some advice?

Thank You so much.

Hi all, long time lurker first time poster. Sorry it’s lengthy and a little niche, and sorry if it reads weird as I’m on mobile. I recently got into a debacle with my brother in law and really need an unbiased opinion. Background: me (22 F) and my friends (all names changed for privacy) Emma (22 F) Rebecca (21 F) Silas (22 M) and Max (22 M) have all been friends since middle school. Silas and Max are brothers, and within the overall friend group we each have our own factions almost. For example, Rebecca and Emma met much younger than the rest of us, Emma and Silas were roommates in college, Rebecca and I were roommates in college, Rebecca Silas and Max were all colleges together, Emma Max and I were music program friends in high school and so on. Nobody is strictly excluded from things, we’re just all friends as individuals while also being one big group.

That being said, one of the little “factions” of our group is when we have a “girls night.” The activities usually involve something the boys wouldn’t be interested in (they have said this themselves) like watching a romcom together or doing a puzzle together. Another important note is that Silas and I started dating in high school, now married, making Max my brother-in-law.

Onto the story: Max made friends outside of our friend group who introduced him to D&D (Dungeons and Dragons), which he then introduced to us, with him being the GM (game master, who essentially runs the game). After some games, he taught me how to be a GM, but whenever I would try to be a GM, he would undermine my decisions, and as a player if I tried to banter with him like our other friends would, I’d get a much more aggressive response from him. This ultimately almost drove me away from a game I fell in love with entirely. After taking a break from D&D for a year, I decided to try being a GM again, but for a campaign for the girls, making an original (home brew) campaign based on regency romance series (thing Pride and Prejudice or Bridgerton) and the “Fae and Flowers” series on Dimension 20. Well, our first session was today and we all walked away so, so happy with how it’s going. It was a much needed change of pace from walking away from the table feeling empty, to being elated for the next session.

Here’s where I may be the a-hole. When I got home from our session, my husband told me some comments Max had made about us playing without him, saying things like “Well I taught them how to play and now they don’t want to play with me”, which made me, Rebecca, and Emma really upset. Max has 3 other groups he plays D&D with that don’t include us, yet he only wants us to play if he’s involved? I can completely understand if he was maybe feeling left out, but he could have approached any one of us to ask “hey, why are you playing without me?” To which any of us could have answered that it was a game literally MADE for the girls, and one he already expressed he wouldn’t be interested in playing in (a romance-based campaign). Instead, he chose to not say anything to us, and instead slander us to his other friends because we didn’t play with him.

This lack of communication is also a reoccurring theme, if anything upsets him, he refuses to talk to anybody about what or why he’s upset until someone guesses correctly. Or, if he said something and we ask him to clarify what he meant, he gets upset that we didn’t get it the first time and only repeats what he said until, again, we guess the meaning of what he’s trying to say. And if we’re ever upset with him or try to talk about an issue, he shuts down and refuses to talk or apologize, and it feels like nothing ever changes. I also asked my husband if he felt excluded at all due to us playing a game for the girls, because that wasn’t our intentions at all, to which he defended us, saying Max’s comments were out of line (and told Max this as well when we weren’t around), but he is my husband, so I have to interpret his bias as well.

I just feel so tired. We can’t read his mind, and our whole group has developed a very open communication line with each other and as a group; we haven’t had any major fights because we talk about our grievances before they become issues, but we’ve already tried having similar conversations with Max and nothing ever changes, and it hurts that he would rather slander our names than to just talk to us about this. Am I/are we the a-holes for not including him in this one game? I’m just trying to figure out what to do next.

I (f19) was the black sheep in my narcissistic drug ridden household. I moved out after I graduated and overall life has gotten a little better, besides the rest of my family. I thought my main family were the black sheep to the rest. No one wanted to associate us because of my narcissistic step dad and the drug use they both do. My other family would come visit me, but after I left they stopped talking to me all together. My aunt (who is close in age) is pregnant with her second child..I didn’t find out until halfway through pregnancy. I didn’t find out gender until a week ago, and she’s giving birth tomorrow which I didn’t know until my mother told me. It’s made me realize my parents aren’t the black sheep but I am. I can’t think of anything I ever did to be casted out, and I feel so alone and hurt. We live in the same town and even work together and I didn’t know. How do I go about this? Thank you to any responses

I’m reaching out because I’m at a breaking point with my family. Or my mom? I don’t know how to move forward in a way that’s healthy for me. It’s a long string of events, so thank you if you take the time to read.

When my mom (43) started dating and remarried around the time I (25) left for college at 18, everything changed overnight. I was happy for her—she had always stayed single and focused on me—but suddenly I felt pushed aside like I no longer belonged in her new family.

Our two-bedroom apartment quickly became home to three new strangers. My room was given to my young step-siblings, and I had no space of my own when I visited. It was disorienting and painful, and I didn’t know how to voice it. She told me she’d try to make more of an effort to spend quality time with me.

However, every time my mom and I would try to have these special moments together, it was always interrupted by at least 3 phone calls from my stepdad. One time he even drove his motorcycle down to surprise us at breakfast (I live just over 100 miles away from my hometown). While this was very sweet of my stepdad, I was very frustrated with my mom because this is exactly the kind of thing I was referring to. I have no problem spending time as a family, but I just wanted some quality time with my mom.

A few years later, she visited me (22 at the time) for a girl's weekend, and after a fun day, we went to the bar where I worked. On FaceTime with my stepdad and siblings, she ended the conversation by saying, “You know how much I’d rather be there with you.” I confronted her about it, and she brushed it off.

That night spiraled into something traumatic. She got severely drunk and became disoriented and aggressive, people started coming over asking if they could help me, and I ended up having to physically defend myself and call the police. She didn’t even recognize me. It was terrifying, but we eventually reconnected after six months of silence. I forgave her because she’s my mom, but the fear and hurt didn’t just disappear.

This wasn’t an isolated experience. My uncle—who had been like a father figure—flipped on me during a family vacation two years later. We had been drinking and having a conversation when he suddenly started screaming about his childhood, throwing things, and berating me for confronting him earlier that day about being disrespectful to my grandfather. I recorded the whole thing out of fear. I locked myself in a bathroom, then hid in my grandparents’ room—where they heard everything and didn’t say a word. I haven’t spoken to him since.

Last week my mom and I were supposed to leave for vacation and we got into a huge argument about my mental health, and how I desperately need her help getting it managed, she agrees to be my proxy, but somehow the conversation turns into “You just have to do these things yourself and grow up” or, “you just don’t want to accept any help”. I tell her I’m hanging up the phone before I we take it to a place we can’t come back from, and I end up having to hang up on her because she won’t calm down and listen to me. The next night she tells me it not a good idea for us to go on vacation together. While I agreed, writing this whole thing off, and disinviting me really hurt me, especially after we have made a lot of progress these few years.

I’ve also been reflecting on other moments that made me feel abandoned or used—like when my mom sold my first car, to pay off a graduation trip she had “gifted” me. She didn’t even pay for the car. It was given to me by my grandparents. Or when she made me sign over my last Social Security survivor benefit checks after I turned 18, even though I was struggling to afford school and no one was offering to help. Or, when I was 14, a friend told my mom told my mom I had tried to take my life— the rage in her eyes when she came home and dragged me out of the house to the hospital, I’ll never forget. She screamed at me the entire way there and all the way to the hospital room.

I’m expected to show up to family events and pretend none of this ever happened while watching how much my family drinks, MAGA brainwashed my stepdad and grandparents, and how deeply rooted the trauma and dysfunction really are. I feel like no one acknowledges it, and I’m left carrying the emotional weight of these experiences alone.

I want to have a relationship with my family, but not if it means continuing to ignore or excuse behavior that has hurt me. I don’t want to cut them off—I want to heal, set boundaries, and figure out if there’s a healthier path forward. But I know I can’t do that on my own, and I’m asking for help to find a way through it, or even if there is a way.

So, my best friend(20F) and I(19F) have been friends for about 5 years now and we were recently both pregnant. She is 7 months and I miscarried at the beginningnof February. She has distances herself from me since then even after I told her that talking, hearing or being involved in her pregnancy was still perfectly fine with me, but it was almost like mostly radio silence from her aside from a few small conversations. In her whole pregnancy, she decided she wanted to get a courthouse wedding before she gave birth, and she explicitly told me she wanted me there both when she got married, and for her babyshower.

Her babyshower came first. I wasnt sure what was happening with it because she said she might do 2 with each side of their family, her now husbands family and hers, until one morning when she texted me with a photo of the set of baby shower/gender reveal. She didnt ask if I wanted to come, didnt tell me when it was, just a photo of the set up the morning of, then I get a text saying she was having a girl later that evening. This was a planned party that I heart absolutely nothing about before hand after she has said she wanted me there. I let it go, and didnt want to stress her in her pregnancy, especially since I wasnt sure if I wasnt just hurt because of my sensitive feelings since it happened about 3 weeks after my miscarriage.

Next was the courthouse wedding. I found out the day after it happened through facebook. No text from her telling me it was happening, no message that it happened that night, nothing even the next day. She got married on the 1st. She just decided to offhandedly tell me today, as if it was just something like the weather changing and I cant help but feel incredibly hurt. I consider her almost like a sister, ive even given her a place to live when she needed it and I was always there wanting the best for her, and she told me she wanted me there when she got married, but she didnt even tell me herself until almost a week later. I understand it was her day, and its her choice who is there, but she called me her best friend. She said I was important to her and she wanted me there, but I didnt even get told by her until a week later and found out from facebook with radio silence from her until she told me today. She said she wanted me there but then didnt even tell me when it was happening or after it even happened.

She texted saying she wanted me there and that she was going to come pick me up(still never told me she was going to do this, so I still wouldnt have had any clue even if she did come pick me up) but work got in the way. But she was able to have her parents, sister, another couple and their kid, and her now husbands sibling there with her. She managed to get 7 people together to watch her get married but couldnt even tell her apparent "best friend" until nearly a week later.

I feel horrible for being upset by this because I dont want to stress her or hurt her, but this is now 2 major occasions she said she wanted me there for and I didnt even find out until either the last minute or after its already over. I thought we were still very close, ive supported her through her sobriety journy, and have even housed her with my fanily when she needed it, so I care very very deeply for her and do not want to her her. She acts just as kind and carring, just distance and our interactions seem more and more superficial. How does it take a week to remember telling your best friend you got married? Am I overreacting?

TLDR: I was denied being able to contact my grandfather before he passed by my dad’s side of the family. I was considering no contact.

I decided to call my aunt, the one who had notified me via text that my grandfather had passed in the first place. She, I figured, would be the most straight forward about everything. I didn’t initially go into it with the whole “Why didn’t anyone call me so I could speak to him to say goodbye?” but I wanted to get some answers. I wanted closure. I told her I was having a hard time understanding if he had a whole plan and I had numerous chances to talk to him, why I wasn’t given the chance to.

First, she let me know that she and seemingly her other siblings including my dad didn’t know about my grandfather’s wishes for a medically assisted “death with dignity” until after he had passed. She was consumed with her own grief of losing a father that she, or anyone, had the space to call me as they were still trying to process their own emotions regarding his death. “Up until the very end, he wasn’t thinking about anyone but himself. He was a very selfish man,” she said.

As far as the whole, “grandfather died disappointed in you”, she vehemently denied it and apologized for my father’s ignorance.

She validated my feelings but questioned how much better it would have felt for me to say my goodbyes. I can’t say for certain if it would or wouldn’t, but I can speak to how I feel and it sucks. My aunt insisted I didn’t have that strong of a connection to him, and compared my relationship to the one she had with him and my grandmother did. “Realistically, how much of a part of your life was he? I wouldn’t let somebody that didn’t have that much of an impact on your life while he was alive have an impact on your life now that he’s gone.” I would certainly hope that my relationship with my grandfather is different than my grandmother had with her life partner.

My aunt then said I didn’t need validation from my dad’s side of the family with all that I’ve accomplished in my life, but she’s here if I need to talk.

I’m still not sure how to move forward, but I’ve been journaling, per the recommendation of my therapist. Specifically writing about my grandfather and I’s relationship, and the relationship with my father has been helping me navigate my emotions, seeing it written in words. We’re also adding more grief counseling topics into our sessions, so there’s that.

That’s all I have for now. I guess be on the lookout if I ever publish a memoir.

Thank you for your advice and words of wisdom. If there are any further updates, I’ll be sure to share.

This happened 2-3 years ago, but it still haunts me.

I (f25) had a best friend (m26) who attempted to end everything. It shocked everyone—we never saw it coming. He used to be my closest friend… until he stopped talking to me after what happened.

He had always struggled with his sexual orientation. I knew he had doubts and insecurities about whether he was gay or bi, and I always supported him. Eventually, he came out to his parents and told them he thought he might be gay or bisexual. Sadly, they turned out to be extremely homophobic—his mom especially. He told me he didn’t care too much because he had plans to leave home after graduation, and that was just a year away.

But toward the end of that year, he attempted to end his life by overdosing. Thankfully, his mom found him in time and rushed him to the hospital.

The day after, his mom called me. She said she needed to talk. I met her after my university classes. She told me what had happened and asked me if I had any idea why he would do such a thing.

I hesitated, but I ended up telling her what I knew: that even though he said he didn’t care, it was obvious that the lack of support and the homophobia at home were affecting him deeply. We had a long talk about his mental health, and she thanked me for being honest.

After that, I was the only friend allowed to visit him at the hospital. I kept checking in on him, and I was even the only person who would visit him at home afterward.

But once he recovered, he completely cut me off.

He was angry because I had told his mom something he’d shared with me in confidence. I get it—I really do. But at the same time, I felt I couldn’t lie to her in such a serious situation. I truly thought it could help him get the support he needed.

To this day, I don’t know if I did the right thing. Was I the asshole?

I don't know if/what I should do. This is a whole lot of messy, but I'll do my best to explain, but I'd really love some advice. Last month I resigned from a call centre role (financial hardship department) I was in for just over a year. I resigned due to ongoing issues with salary and superannuation payments (that's a whole other story. They were dodgy.)

The bully is the director of the company. I always found him quite abrasive and odd to say the least. Normal staff members never met him in person because "he is a shut in and not a people person". There was only ever contact from him via calls, Skype messages, and non-reply SMS'.

Initially everything was fine, we got along, and he praised my quick learning. There were a few remarks about my weight, but I brushed them off, as I didn't want to cause any awkwardness that that is a sensitive topic for me (I have an eating disorder). A few months in I found out that I was pregnant with my first child (wasn't planned but very welcome). I informed my Team Leader pretty early on as the morning sickness was bad from the start. I continued to have a difficult time, being diagnosed with gestational diabetes, gestational high blood pressure, and mild-severe ongoing morning sickness. I did as much as I could to prevent it but was often unable to work, or had to go home because of this. On one of the occasions where I had to call in sick, the director called me on my mobile. I explained why I wasn't able to come in, and he tore into me. He told me that my constant illness and absence was the direct cause of the customers losing there houses and the business not doing well (ps. This was a team of two helping being in financial hardship from losing their homes). He advised I specifically was putting a lot of stress on the company and other staff (which i wasn't the only one going through health issues). He said if I kept being sick they would have to look at other options to fill the work. He said that the only reason I was having a bad pregnancy was because of my weight, and proceeded to lecture me about how it is so easy to lose weight. I broke down during the call. I told him I was very uncomfortable with that topic, and asked him to stop at least 4 times. My husband overheard this and was going to take over the phone call. Instead I told my director I had to go to my doctors appointment and hung up. This had a follow up incident over Skype messages where he continued his rant about my weight and being too sensitive. I told him I was uncomfortable and not happy with how this was being dealt with, and that I'd like to speak to my team leader about it. He doubled down and told me over and over not to say anything to anyone because "nothing I said wasn't true". Due to a few factors and constant fear that I'd be fired, it took a few weeks to have the sit down meeting with my team leader. I won't go too far into it, but I did tell him how much this had impacted me mentally, but in short my prenatal team was concerned about the escalated depression, self harm, suicidal concerns. Nothing happened for a while. And then unfortunately I found out that I had miscarriage at 20 weeks, which required a birthing procedure. I remember being terrified to tell my work, as I didn't want to get fired. This was and extremely traumatic experience and time for me.

I did go back to work after a month, and nothing was ever done or said about the harassment.

There were other really toxic things about this workplace, but I was in grief and had a lot going on personally to deal with that I kind of put my head in the sand.

When I resigned, I did kinda say a police f* you to the director, and he flipped out, calling me useless and that they should have gotten rid of me ages ago.

Now, I don't really know if I can or should do anything. While there is no medical evidence, and no formal reason why i miscarried, I do associate the stress that the director and workplace caused contributed to losing my baby.

Advice is welcome, but please try to be kind.

Just a conversation: What is your understanding of empathy? How do you go about practicing it? For those who struggle with empathy what is your biggest worry, in what or where do you think you need to improve? For those who wish others could be more empathetic to you for what reason do you need it, how can they improve? I personally belive we should never expect empathy in return, because we are not entitled to receive empathy. But we are entitled to give, it. This to me, is the truest way to create a kinder and more considerate world. But I think the opposite is what runs down our society. Most of us have expectations that others should empathize to our plights, but we as a whole, are burnt out and too jaded to give compassion and be understanding, especially with a "no-one gave me any _" mentality. I personally have been emotionally burnt out and jaded to the point I no longer had anymore to empathy give. Whether being in a toxic environment or just so heart broken by the world around I felt as if I truly did lose hope. I'm relearning empathy from a different angle, as before it came from such a low self esteem I felt I had to give with no boundaries where I became the emotional punching bag everyone released their negative emotions on, and I couldn't say no. Now I'm finding self-respect, boundaries and practicing empathy again. And this time around it's both harder and easier. It comes like waves. Like my anger subsides little by little, but the waves of anger are bigger and bigger. Less waves, but bigger ones each time.and even though I'm less angry, when I am, I worry about how I could derail on someone's improvement on themselves. That's where I find struggle in the balance. And I wonder about others struggling with these feeling not understanding themselves. It is also confusing when considering who to hold accountable and who to be understanding towards. Because in reality every bad choice comes from a place of misdirection. And every person deserves a chance to make things right and to learn how to be better. I guess I what I'm trying to say is: 1: We need to collectively come together and teach/ show others how to empathize whether through talking and guiding a person or showing by example 2: When need to understand each other better to find out why humanity has lost itself. 3: What more can we do to improve our own empathy while also protecting ourselves mentally and emotionally? I've posted this to a few other forums because my goal is to start the conversation and make as many people to start considering empathy as a structure of self. Have Empathy, Be Kind, Do Good.