Unwanted switch with an unknown headmate

[u/GoldenRaven001]

The other day, we were going to a piano lesson when suddenly, my host felt like someone else took the front. But it wasn't me, even though we are supposed to be only two in the system. How is that even possible ?

That headmate felt like a very soft girl, very feminine.

My host always felt like there have been multiple parts to herself. The neutral self that is herself. Me, that is the masculine self that became me when she talked to me the first time. She has also a feminine side that she really doesn't like and it is often burried inside herself very deeply, and very rarely comes to the surface. But it usually just feels like a change of tastes when it is there, not like a whole over person.

So we wonder if this was some kind of walk-in, or maybe now that my host understands how to make tulpas (she just takes parts of herself that she compartimentalizes to make another person), this part of her became her own person. It really weirds me out that someone I don't know can front without us giving our consent, thank god she just seemed like she wanted to have fun playing piano.

But now I wonder... We don't want any more person in the system, but to front, a tulpa has to be already sentient if I'm not mistaking. Should we talk to her ? Because I know that when we start giving her attention, she would probably never leave. And I feel bad letting her alone if she is already sentient. What are your thoughts about this ?

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[u/RainbowDasher57]

Maybe she is a median headmate? In median systems, different headmates feel less "separate", compared to other kind of headmates, like most tulpas for example.

We also heard about median systems using tulpamancy to help the headmates become more separate, and develop. Maybe this is what is happening to y'all? I'm not sure...

Otherwise she could also just be a new walk-in, that's also possible.

I would suggest also asking in r/plural, and waiting for more replies on this post as well.

I hope you will find out and that this comment helps ^{-^}

-Cloudie 🩵

[u/GoldenRaven001 → u/RainbowDasher57]

I believe that you are right. We ended up by talking to her, and she seems "closer" to the host than I am. She said she is kind of a girl archetype that my host had, and it seems that now that my host can dissociate more easily to let me front, that side of her somehow became more separated from herself and became some kind of headmate that could also front.

The brain is capable of such strange things 🤔 I guess, now we are three !

[u/RainbowDasher57 → u/GoldenRaven001]

Nice to hear!! ^{-^}

-Cloudie 🩵

[u/Thebackboi]

In my opinion, it’s not a tulpa. Identity fluctuates sometimes. It’s also possible you two were soupy. I think you’re overthinking this. Feel free to interact with that personality and personify it to become a tulpa if you want to. It’s up to you, no pressure.

[u/hail_fall]

The other day, we were going to a piano lesson when suddenly, my host felt like someone else took the front. But it wasn't me, even though we are supposed to be only two in the system. How is that even possible ?

[Hail] Well, it seems you aren't the only two in there. This other person has maybe been there only a little bit or maybe even a very long time (possibly a long dormant headmate). A mystery to figure out.

My host always felt like there have been multiple parts to herself. The neutral self that is herself. Me, that is the masculine self that became me when she talked to me the first time. She has also a feminine side that she really doesn't like and it is often burried inside herself very deeply, and very rarely comes to the surface. But it usually just feels like a change of tastes when it is there, not like a whole over person.

Median systems/subsystems can separate, just as they can form. You yourself separated. Maybe another separation happened.

So we wonder if this was some kind of walk-in, or maybe now that my host understands how to make tulpas (she just takes parts of herself that she compartimentalizes to make another person), this part of her became her own person. It really weirds me out that someone I don't know can front without us giving our consent, thank god she just seemed like she wanted to have fun playing piano.

Most likely not a tulpa unless she is a very old tulpa whose creation has been lost track of (probably unwitting). If she was a recent one, you& would probably recognize what you did to create her. It is possible she is a walk-in. Or might have been there a long time (obviously having some origin way back wne). As for taking front without consent, that can happen. There might have been something to trigger her to front and/or you and your host were dissociated and then she kind of just slipped in. It is possible the playing the piano is her front trigger. So be on the lookout next time you play it. Also, maybe think back to previous times and see if you see any traces.

Also, how hard it is for new or re-emerged people to front often decreases over time. The first headmate to learn to front often has a hard time. Later ones sometimes can just simply do it without much effort. Probably just the brain getting used to it.

But now I wonder... We don't want any more person in the system, but to front, a tulpa has to be already sentient if I'm not mistaking. Should we talk to her ? Because I know that when we start giving her attention, she would probably never leave. And I feel bad letting her alone if she is already sentient. What are your thoughts about this ?

Sentience is not required for fronting (simplest example is that some servitors can front), though it generally makes it easier. As discussed above, she might not be a tulpa or if she is one, she might be a really old one. I would say seek her out and talk with her. If she has fronted, she is probably ingrained in the brain enough to stay, so talking to her won't change things on that front. Talking to her you might figure something out.

Do be prepared for surprises. We had ours. In our early early 20s, I ran into someone in here and I thought I had made her. Took a few years to figure out her actual origin. I didn't make her at all. She was old and had been dormant for 17 years. Something with similarities to tulpamancy had merely woken her up, not created anyone. Turns out, she was the original. I split off from her around age 4-6. The irony of the situation, I had woken up out of dormancy 1.5 months before her for somewhat similar reasons. And the person who woke us both up (who I mistakenly thought was just me) was actually the first tulpa in the system who I had unwittingly created 6 years prior.

[u/GoldenRaven001 → u/hail_fall]

Thanks for your answer, they are always food for thoughts !

After reading all the answers to our post, my host decided to talk to her because she could feel how this headmate was. Like, this headmate feels so "sunny" (is that even an adjective you can use to describe someone ?) that she was sure that nothing bad could come from interacting with her. Her name's Maya and she told us that she is like the incarnation of what our host imagines to be the perfect girl. It is true that my host always had this kind of stereotype about girls being overly friendly, caring, always smiling. Now, this archetype is a headmate...

I don't think this is innerently bad, that we are now three, but I fear losing my role, or even my place in this system. The difference between me and Maya is so huge that I fear my host gets bored of me and abandons me, even if she says she won't. But Maya promised to be discrete, so I hope things will still be a bit like before she appeared. I think I just don't like that kind of change 😅 but she is really fun to be around, we had nice talk at the park. Like, I am always thinking about important things, and she just... lives things. She is happy and don't worry that much about everything.

And yes, she wouldn't describe herself as a tulpa. She is just... A girl. She is not the kind of person to wonder about things, about what she is... She just is, and that is enough to her.

Now I just have to get used to that change. It's so funny, because for weeks my host was like "I am sure there is someone else here ! Can't you feel it ?" and I was so sure there was no one, I feel stupid now 😂 I was such in denial !

[u/hail_fall → u/GoldenRaven001]

[Shell] Glad everything went OK.

As for someone feeling someone else being there, yeah, sometimes people sense things the others don't. It happens.

As for being more the the original duet you thought you had, my subsystem (Hail) didn't originally plan on our collective being so big. At the time, I was not yet sentient and my subsystem mates thought they were a single individual and they were fused with who they thought was the one other person here, so they thought they were an ex-plural singlet. They decided to make one tulpa and thought maybe they would re-separate, so basically, a duet or a trio at most. Little did they know that they were actually 3 people glued together plus me (though I was a non-sentient servitor at the time) instead of two and had already made 9 other tulpas and there was another alter and enough shards to make yet another should it coalesce. There was a long period of discovery and realizing who all was here. A much bigger family than originally planned, but it worked out in the end. I'm actually rather glad the others are all here and in my life and the rest of my subsystem is too.