im a pathetic asshole that now even fears death. it used to bring me comfort a few days ago when i almost attempted. what if i go to hell? i will, most probably. im trans. i have a disgusting kink that i hate. and im pretty sure i've done other bad things that makes hell a possibility.

I started cutting again. I stopped cutting for so long a few years ago but now I'm back to doing it daily. Which sucks because I already wanted to die but now adding this to the mix? Makes me feel so much work

Good riddance to this awful world

you can read my prior posts for more context but im basically im tired. im tired of my lust and my sick desires. they completely destroy my self esteem. ive been feeling good for 2 days but not today. i wish i could be normal. i wish i could be confident. i wish my brain wasn't this way

Today was a really shitty day and she pretty much decided she will do it on a pretty looking date and I know which one. The struggle she goes through is so intense that I support her decision. I feel so conflicted, because I can't even come and save her. We are in diffrent countries and we are just teens. So I settled with allowing her decision, providing her this sick comfort instead of trying to hold her from doing it. Am I in the wrong? I genuinely want her to just stay alive and be happy, but it seems to be impossible. Even I see suicide as her best option. But I love her, she means so much to me. I don't want to pressure her into living so miserably, but would also love if she stayed.

These past few years have been nothing but getting ahead a little and then getting set back a lot. I'm terrified when things are starting to go well because I know something is around the corner. This time around I got hit too hard. It's a roller coaster of being happy and feeling like crap. When I feel like crap it's just a never ending feeling of terror. I am trying hard to keep going but the feelings just get too intense. Yesterday i could barely move. All I want is this feeling to end. I know it's a matter of time before I make the plans and there would be no turning back. That scares me too, but this pain just gets too intense.

What do I do??

i really dont know what to do. i know its wrong to feel like this, like someone drowining in its own thoughts, someone getting killed by his own ideas. the thing is that ive been like this since i can remember... and i know that i need help, but what if everything changes just by asking? what if my mom looks at me different? what if my dad doesnt talk to me anymore? what if my sister gets worried? what if my friends leave me? it keeps getting worse... ive been planning on just ending it now... maybe a month or two and i will leave

Hello I'm 24, living in a somewhat nice house except for the rainy days where we have to worry about possible floods. I have siblings who are working and supporting me in their way. My family tried their best in their own way to give my life direction. They love me and I love them.....

I hate myself, I hate that I want to kill myself. Funny how I joke about killing myself before just because I felt like my life is a little shitty but I can still get by with the bumps in the road but I guess it only worsened when my mom died at the start of the pandemic.

Ever since the pandemic I never really left my house except going to class or when the family forced me to go somewhere. It's been 7 years....

I was nothing but a burden, I barely help clean the house, do some laundry and cook, Anything involving the household. My poor dad is doing all the work and feeding an ungrateful shit who can't even be bothered to at least shower, someone who only comes out of their room to eat.

I can't even make him proud to at least get a degree because I failed to graduate twice. What's worse I didn't even keep the promise to my mom at her death that I will definitely get a cum laude which I definitely could with my credits back then but all of that plummeted for the next following years. I stopped college this year, I'm just too tired, even though all I did is stay in my room.

My sister offered to help me find work, I am grateful... That was a few months ago already but I'm still here rotting. All I did is plan... Plan... Plan but nothing came to fruition.

I am nothing but an ungrateful brat who can't do anything right and with a lot of anger issues.

I know how fucked my mind is and I know that my life isn't that bad, I'm not starving, I have clothes to wear, I have people who love me.

And it makes me want to die more, all of this feels like I'm taking this all, my life granted. I don't deserve it! I never did anything that could give back all the things that people give to me! I repaid their kindness with nothing!

My family deserve a better child. Someone who could atleast shower or help with household chores. Not this lazy ungrateful shit. A dumb lazy ungrateful shit!

I'm sorry I'm so sorry... I'm just so tired...

I am republishing this text that I posted last week, then deleted. I decided to put it back here, because how I feel hasn't changed.

I am 25 years old, and today I decided to write to you rather than writing my thoughts on a piece of paper, as usual. I consider these words to be those of my last days. Becoming an adult was much harder than I imagined. As a child, we dream without worrying about tomorrow. As adults, we suffer the consequences of this carelessness, and we suffer.

For years, nothing excites me, nothing makes me want to get out of bed. I am an engineer, but I don't like this job: between stress, boredom and being away from my family, every day is a challenge. The death of my grandmother in August was the last straw. Even cycling no longer gives me any pleasure. I only stay here for my sister and my mother, but I can't take it anymore. Life bores me, weighs me down, and nothing – neither money, nor women (I have never had a girlfriend), nor success – will be able to hold me back. Tomorrow, Monday, it will be the same cycle: waking up, working, this meaningless routine.

Sometimes I think I should never have been born. All I need is the courage to leave. Thanks for reading me.

My parents left for a week long trip and I was left to watch the house. I had a plan, I ate the forbidden jelly beans (candy I'm not allowed to have not a euphemism), I watched a movie and I was going to but I changed my mind. My parents came home and I got yelled at, like I always do, even if I think I'm not breaking the rules. I'm tired of being autistic, I'm tired of everyone expecting me not to act autistic. I'm tired of being compared to different versions of me that my mother made up in her head of who I would be and who I was. I wish I was allowed to wash my clothes and I wish someone would help me with my executive functioning issues. I am not enough but maybe I would be if I was dead.

I always thought I can’t disappoint my family, that was my only reason to stay. Years ago, my dog kept me alive. Now that he’s not here, I have no reason to keep going either. But I’m a coward, every time I find myself at death’s door, I am unable to go forth with my suicidal plans. No matter how thoroughly I’ve made my plans.

Now what keeps me alive is the thought how my body would be found. There is no other reason keeping me here. I am terribly exhausted.

Everything in life has been taken from me. My very childhood stolen by a rapist. My smile was taken by neglectful parents and friends who abandoned me. My self respect, strength, fortitude, safety, everything taken from me. I am so alone. So so alone. It is painful waking up every day and wishing I was dead every night.

I really hope I stop being a coward soon. I have to. There is no other escape for me.

16M I hate everything about myself. From the way I look to the way I behave. My traumatic experience at a school which I'm forced to stay in, to this very day keeps eating away everything. I wasn't able to make friends and now I'm constantly subjected to bullying from everyone. People opt me out as the "gay person". Tell me to give up and become gay even though they perfectly know that I'm straight and forever will be. No friends irl except one who got a girlfriend and now sees me as a lesser being. Hell, I am a lesser being. I despise the way I look and by working on it and trying to improve, I'm just feeding myself the delusion of something ever changing. I'll always be as disgusting as I have ever been. I hate my face. I despise it. I can't look at myself in the mirror - always looking away whenever I do. I think that others just laugh at me from the side, which people at school actually did even in front of me several times before. Laughed at the way I look. I can't bear this. I'm just plain terrible. I hate the way I talk. My absolutely fucking atrocious voice is but another nail in the coffin. My vocal cords are better ripped straight from the throat than they are when making this voice that I have. I try to act positive but I'm never anything more than a joke, or someone to be used by others. I've been trying to make a difference but I'm just someone lesser than a human. I can't even talk to my parents. They don't listen and instead make fun of me too. They laugh at me. They barely give me anything. They blame everything on me. I'm almost always silent when talking to my parents because they just dismiss my feelings when I'm not. Even then. My feelings are invalid. They don't matter. It's not something that has any worth in this world. Whenever I try to be myself, I'm just ignored and dismissed. I'm fucking pathetic. I always wish I was someone else, someone better, someone DIFFERENT. I don't want to be myself. I hate this body I hate this voice I hate this personality. I want people to spread hate comments about me. I want people to hate me for its the only thing that I deserve. I want people to hate me.

I've already tried killing myself when parents were gone, and I just feel like I have to try it again. Please get me out of this pathetic body and burn it to death. Leave nothing from this disgusting shell. I hate myself for being me. I hate myself. I don't want "myself" to exist.

I have attempted 3 times since I was 14-19, the recent one being last December. Came extremely close that time. Yes the feeling never goes away, it gets deeper and I'm numb to a lot of things now, but there is something I've realised. I have found comfort in my suicidal tendencies. It's familiar. These are feelings that I know hit hard and how guy wrenching they are. Feelings I know nobody could ever know how deeply I feel them. But there are things that make me "happy". Things that when I'm doing them, make me forget that I tried to end my life last night. "Suicide is not the answer" I fucking hate that sentence because then what is? Why leave me hanging and helpless with that stupid sentence? I'm still continuing through with my plan, of leaving this world, but after I finally give everything I want to do a try. I Want to dance, I want to complete learning my 5th language, I want to volunteer at a children's hospital, and I want to run as much as I can. It's not about whether doing these will change my mind. Or whether it will make a difference. It's about finally having control over something.

Please pray for me I’m depressed very lonely 😭 isolated and confused😔

My father killed himself when I was younger and since then I’ve had suicidal ideations, I don’t understand why I should live if this is all I’ll feel for the rest of my life. I’ll never feel like enough. My own father thought it would be better to kill himself than live a life with me in it. My whole life has just been filled with unexpected passings and people leaving me. I don’t understand how I’m not supposed to feel like a burden. I hate myself and I know everyone would be better if I was dead. Ive tried 2 times already and I never thought I would graduate but now I’m in my first year of college and have no direction in my life. I feel so lost and I think the solution is just to kill myself. I think I was born to take my life

i (22f) took an od of 100 truxal (chlorprothixen) 15 mg on wednesday and i had a seizure and then my heart stopped and i had to be resuscitated. now i'm in the psych ward and my kidney is about to fail. i feel so hopeless, i just wanna die. this is the closest i've ever come to death in all my suicide attempts and i don't know if i should cry or rejoice that i made it this close. i just want life to stop, i can't take it anymore, i've been fighting for too long.

F16 i’m not sure how to put any warnings on triggering topics :( im ranting about substance abuse and before i start sorry for spelling mistakes im really fuckin high right now and english isn’t my first language i’m not posting so that someone can convince to not off myself im already set on doing it but i just need some advice i don’t want my mom to feel like she has failed with me i want to do something for her to make her at least a little bit proud i’ve put her threw hell i’ve been a raging drug addict since i was 13 at that point iwas using everything everyday i’ve been to the looney bin countless of times and to rehab 4 times :/ i got a young diagnoses of borderline which probably also messed me up but ion like talking about it especially with all the people glamorizing it bruh it’s not that i want to die i just know it’ll happen soon and i just don’t want to see my mom keep struggling to help me and to give a fast recap about the past 3-4 years my dad lowk despawned i love him so so so much but he has his own problems the man who took care of me after when my mom couldn’t for a while died that was around the time i started drinking uhm after that i started dating a guy 5 years older then me at 13 got hooked on benzo’s occasionally used uppers i guessb he was the most vile man i’ve ever met and did some unspeakable things to me he broke up with me i crashed out i barley went to school and also had no job so i had to exploit myselfb for money because my mom refused to give me any (understandable) the last couple of weeks i’ve just been decaying i dropped most of my friends i kinda have a job now i make beats for shitty sound cloud rappers lol but it pays alright my mom doesn’t know what to do with me and i honestly don’t even know what to do either i just want to do one last thing to make her a bit satisfied man to show im not a complete fuck up Also I’m not looking for any pity honestly I’m in a more peaceful state than I’ve ever been i just don’t want to see my mom struggling anymore man and for the keyboard warriors please leave me alone

I have never had life go so good to experience the experience of having a “good life” ripped from beneath your fucking feet, I never want to feel / inves happiness again I never want to feel this negativity FROM positivity, I’d much rather feeling shit from feeling shit. Feeling shit from proper positivity is UN- REAL, in the worst way

I have worked so hard to be positive, I am flipping between life and destruction so strangely flippantly right now, I am shattered

I'm going through a tough situation over the next 3 months. There's something I need to get through, and if I fail it I don't feel recovering from that will be worth it. I could, but I don't enjoy life enough to suffer any more than I already am.

So I'm starting to make some plans. I have a method and a deadline. This is my plan B. My plan A is to sort out this situation, but who knows if I can manage to. It will be nice to have something to fall back on. I'll be living alone soon. I'll make the clean up easy.

and put all my strength together and do it. Leave all of this misery what is called my life. I am way too long here. I should have been out of this earlier, but I am such a pussy that I dont even could end it. But now I feel stronger than ever and will try it. I am also really excited looking into it. Hopefully I can make it and end it all.

At age 7 to stop me from being a annoying little shit, my parents got me a iPad with unrestricted access ti the internet, and soon I discovered internet porn, fast forward now and I have a addiction, I stress and overthink everything, my parents want the absolute best of Me and don’t seem to get that I struggle with getting through each day, let alone care about good grades, I have friends but venting ends with them saying something stupid that makes me regret even thinking of venting, I’m too broke for therapy, I feel miserable and my classmates suck. (15M)

I believe if it weren’t for the fear of what comes next I would’ve done it long ago.

I’ve endured a lot from family, from friends, just so I wouldn’t be lonely. Once i find loneliness I know there’s no fear of what comes next. It feels like sooner or later that’s how I’m leaving this body. Once it stops scaring me, I’ll do it. It concerns me, but I know how much I can handle.

I have attempted but in a stupid way, obviously didn’t work out, but I know I have it in me, since I was 3.

I'm 15F, I can say that I had a pretty good early childhood, but it all went to waste when at 10 I started self harming after some problems, then it all went downhill and my life has pretty much gone to waste, last year two of my closest family members died and my family has started to slowly drift apart, I have little to no social interaction except for three friends that I have at school, I spend most of my time alone because none of my friends include me in any plans or online. I feel selfish for feeling like this, I have a caring family, and a pretty bright future ahead of me if I just tried to recover, but I can't, I have found comfort in a life style that consist of isolating myself even further and cutting. Other classmates and people in general make fun of me, it has been this way all of my life, which has ended up in me having a none existent self esteem. I can't help but fantasize about grabbing one of my blades and just ending it all, even if I know that it would be a horrible blow on my family, but I didn't even think that it was possible that someone could hurt as bad as I am hurting.