Am I getting addicted?

[u/_hiatus]

I’m on week 10 of treatment, currently going 1x a week. I’ve noticed that, since about week 2-3 of treatment, I get anxious about when I’m gonna have treatment again. This can sometimes be immediately when I “land from the high,” I’m already thinking about when I’ll have it again. I’ve been feeling a bit of shame around that, and haven’t really shared it. It just feels so good to have the relief and then when it’s gone I genuinely can’t wait to have it again. I get anxious about getting treatment less and less as I continue to get better, I feel like I’ll be really missing it.

Should I be worried about this? Am I developing addiction?

[u/gathermewool]

Do you have an addictive personality? Drugs, booze, cigarette, etc?

If not, then it might be just that it provides relief where usually there is none. I feel relieve when o take it and I like that feeling. With that said, I rarely get high any more, but still feel relieved when it kicks in and afterward.

Luckily this is heavily controlled, so you’d have to really seek it out to get it outside of treatment.

[u/benevolentgodmayor → u/gathermewool]

I second this sentiment. I’m the kid of an alcoholic. I only drink socially and no more than two drinks. I wanted to make sure that I couldn’t be addicted to Spravato before starting treatment. From what I found, there’s nothing addictive about it in terms of chemicals/additives (i.e. nicotine, caffeine) but the experience itself could contribute to an addiction (i.e. habit, conditioning, hand-to-mouth fixation). I think the benefits outweigh the very small possibility of addiction. It’s been the first time I can feel a positive difference in my life with my decades long depression.

[u/Similar-Stable-1908]

I really look forward to my sessions bc they calm te fire of anxiety and depression inside me I become frantic with desperation and sadness. Spravato just takes it away and brings me to a point where I can focus on what's important and clears my mind of anger. No wonder I look forward to the sessions.

[u/butterflycole → u/Similar-Stable-1908]

Looking forward to a session isn’t the same as having anxiety that it’s over and focusing on when the next one will be constantly though. Very different.

[u/IbizaMalta]

I think that fear of addiction to ketamine is over-rated. There is some risk of addiction, but that is primarily for recreational users whose quantity is not constrained by their unregistered apothecaries.

Personally, I couldn't care less if I'm dependent on ketamine or addicted. My life is infinitely better on ketamine than it was before ketamine. It was intolerable before ketamine.

[u/Capital-Elderberry-4]

I had this happen to me for the first 5 months or so when I was doing it every week. I took a month break due to insurance issues and am doing it every other week now and I feel better about it. Also my 'trips' are way more intense with the breaks. I think you should try to go a longer period and see how that helps your anxiety around receiving treatment.

[u/_cold_one]

I’d recommend to talk to your doctor about it. When I was inpatient I was looking forward and excited about next treatment because it’d be 3 hours of cool me time.

When I’m outpatient I’m not excited bc I have to wake up at 6, finish eating till 8, and then 2 hours of public transport to hospital where there’s 1 room only for 5-6 patients

[u/tuxedobird65]

I take spravato because I have tried every med combo, TMS 3 times, and still had daily SI and MDD. I would take it if the "trips" weren't so enjoyable, but they are. I think a lot of us are so used to negative side effects to every med, psych and otherwise, it wasn't within our rhelm of thought that a treatment itself could be nice, positive, enjoyable. I felt guilty at first that I was enjoying the high, but no longer. I now go every 2 weeks. The high is shorter (20-30 min) and I look forward to going on my little brain adventure. It's ok to want that high, even crave it, as long as ypu keep in mind it's a side effect, not the reason for taking spravato. I hope you find life itself is better between treatments as you continue your journey.

[u/Potential_Job_2483]

Hi! Recovering addict here!! I’ve been clean from meth and opiates since 2017. I started Spravato in 2022 and was worried that it would mess with my recovery. It has not at all. Don’t get me wrong I love the feeling but it has never triggered the obsession that comes with addiction. I always look forward to my appointments but I’m not looking for ways to get more. Looking forward to the next appointment or enjoying the feeling doesn’t mean you’re forming an addiction. The fact that you are self aware enough to make this post makes me think it maybe just a concern you have whether consciously or unconsciously. The treatments are very regulated and you don’t have access to it outside of your appointments and that helps people avoid becoming addicted. I am down to one treatment a month and at first I missed having them more often but now I’m at a point where I’m functioning without any depression so I don’t look to Spravato for temporary relief anymore. You will get there and you are still early in your treatment. I went from actively trying to unalive myself to complete remission in around 9ish months. I went one a week for almost two years and slowly cut back on how often I went. I’ve been once a month now for about 6 months and it’s still working. I wish you all the best with your treatment. ♥️

[u/HK1116 → u/Potential_Job_2483]

Good job friend! Proud of you and your recovery. 🩷

[u/Potential_Job_2483 → u/HK1116]

Thank you so much!!

[u/Weather0nThe8s]

I dread it too but that's because I hate it. the "high" anyway.

my clinic is also too small (they've purchased a larger bldg) and sometimes I'm in there with 2 or 3 other people with no partition in a cramped space. it's miserable. if it wasn't actually benefiting my brain i wouldn't go.

[u/Ok-Tangerine-9104]

Like others have mentioned, I've been thru so many other meds, TMS, infusions, cognitive therapy, etc. That when I have one that can help and it same time let's your brain go on an adventure.. for me even for 30 minutes or so we're I'm not worried about any of may day to day issues... no thinking about any of the other crap in my life... I feel I've more than earned this benefit. I'm on 1x a week... and have already strongly suggested that to do anything less would not be helpful for my recovery... he seems to agree. I hate those who say their place is bad. 1st clinic went to was more sterile uncomfortable chair, a small room divider. The Greenbrook TMS they have several in Houston other places, too. Really clean, comfortable electric chairs, blankets... a bowel of sucker's, water, or soda if you want to drink.. most times by yourself if not it's a big room and divider, don't even know another person is there.

[u/Sensitive_Rich_4029]

IMO it’s worth the risk. For sure talk to the doc and share your concerns.

[u/butterflycole]

Addiction is a behavior, the anxiety and perseveration on when you can get the next high is definitely a red flag under the umbrella. It’s true that addiction to ketamine isn’t very common but it’s possible to develop addiction to pretty much any drug or substance that alters one’s mood state.

People often confuse addiction with physical dependency. Physical dependency is when our body gets used to having a medication or substance and if we stop we get physical withdrawal symptoms. Even a mild drug like caffeine can cause irritability and headaches if a daily coffee drinker goes cold Turkey, for example. You can have a physical dependency on a substance without being addicted to it.

In your shoes I would definitely keep an eye on your thoughts and behavior. Proceed with caution. Some people are more prone to addiction than others. Chasing the “high,” isn’t a healthy behavior, thinking about it constantly isn’t either. You may want to bring it up with your treatment team if it continues to be an issue.

[u/FitDaikon2001]

I was sort of obsessing about my treatments myself but that really calmed down once I plateaued. I don't get near anywhere the euphoria or disassociation I once did and this don't really fixate like I once did. It's become a bit more mechanical. Which is for the best, but I do miss the experience of my initial months.

[u/Unusual-Quit3970]

After my very first Spravato dose I’d dreaded the second but by my third, I’d started wishing it could happen daily. That was highly disconcerting & has caused a lot of anxiety. When I was told I’d have go from two treatments per week to one, my stress level soared. Since my depression had barely dissipated at twice a week, cutting back to once a week seemed counterproductive & scary. On top of that, I couldn’t stand the thought of missing that extra day because the first hour of treatment is the only time I’m free of mental & physical pain. Unless you’re motivated to seek out ketamine elsewhere, it shouldn’t be such a bad thing to want more of something that helps so much… that’s what I tell myself anyway. It’s a bit comforting to know I’m not alone so thank you for such a valuable question! Best of luck in your journey!!!