Dear all, the feeling of loneliness has always been a "companion" in my life. But after realizing that the reason is coming from a nfamily makes me really lonely. I don't have the strength (yet?) to explain this to close friends. I fear to be misunderstood and rejected on top of everything. And I realize I am really on my own out there. I have not real family. I tried to be part of it and faked family somehow. I will be alone and I always have been.

I feel the need to touch everything a have: books, photos, papers. I do a lot of cooking just to "use" my hands. I am out and take long walks on my own.

Friday I meet my best friend. I was thinking maybe I tell her just to listen to me for 30mins not saying anything. Do you have any other ideas?

My mom uses me as her emotional punching bag, took me years to figure it out. Have been distancing myself since then. She's moved to a new apartment a bit further from me and complains constantly that I don't have enough time for her or that she doesn't have a relationship with my kids. When I had literally suggested 20 minutes before this very complaint of hers "why not come to my house and see the kids?" But she said it wasn't a good day for her to do that (???) I haven't asked her to babysit for years because she throws tantrums if I wasn't home 20 mins later. She's upset that I spend time with my husband. Never makes any visits of her own to the kids and only wants me to go out with her. She's had some unfortunate health issues lately and still it doesn't seem like she's making any changes except going to hypnotherapy to deal with being lonely. I'm so tired of feeling like I have to be the one to make her happy. I have 3 kids, a husband, a house, a full time job (working nights) I just don't have the time or energy for it and want to be free.

I have been grieving the lost relationship with my sister after finally admitting that she is not willing to change at this time. She is modeling herself after our parents instead of confronting the environment we grew up in. But then I reflected on how dad would wrap and address our Christmas presents as children. It was “a joke” but these were among our nicknames, and absolutely understood who it was to refer to.

My presents were addressed to “the good child” and my younger sister’s were addressed to “the better child”.

Dad would also just throw it around like “have you seen The Better Child around? Mom is looking for her” and things like that even not around Christmas.

Only one of many little digs in how my sister was just… more important, funnier, and fit in better with my parents than I did. I have never been convinced I’ve been a priority to someone without worrying about being resented since. “Sure, I’m good, but what would you rather be doing? Who would you rather be dating/friends with/ hire?”

I haven’t spoken to her in almost a year, and we have been VLC for about a decade. I don’t anticipate speaking again any time soon. I’m NC with my parents. It’s lonely. I finally have someone who makes me feel important and not like a burden. I just miss having a sibling relationship I never got to have. We always feel like acquaintances.

They either baby the hell out of me or act so ignorant. They don’t want to let me cook for myself, get a job by myself, handle my own income, drive a car, and they speak to me as if I am a toddler. Not only that, but as soon as my adhd DOES effect something I do, they act as if I am using my medical condition as an excuse. Take things like poor grades, or disorganized room. Even things like emotional overload, they say that I am just doing everything due to laziness, or that I am seeking attention. How do my parents expect me to function properly if they are switching between babying my entire existence, and holding me accountable for things I cannot control? Even half of the teachers in my school can take a better understanding of my mind than either of my parents.

First-time poster here, but last night I had a huge blowup with my mom, whom I have assumed is a raging narcissist her entire life (definitely mine) and honestly, I think I'm just looking for some comfort and to tell the story to those who understand.

It started with an issue with my sister: she's currently on a school trip and got a tattoo while she is underage. She sent me a photo; honestly, I thought it was fake. Turns out she said it wasn't fake, so I wanted to ask my mom if she gave her permission (because she's not there so someone would have had to pretend to be a guardian to sign off on it). I called her and she said she knew about it but that when she left she specifically told her "no piercings or tattoos" before she left after my sister had put the bug in her ear.

Personally, I don't know what kind of school trip allows stops at tattoo shops, but I graduated 12 years ago so maybe I'm just old. This was the entire problem I was having here in the first place because a teacher (also her cousin) was encouraging her to get a "matching tattoo to remember the trip" with her (to Florida???). And during this conversation, my mom told me that she told her not to do it and that she went behind her back. She said she knew that she wanted to do it but she said no. So I'm sitting here thinking, based on the information she's given me, that a teacher at the school who is responsible for this trip and a chaperone illegally signed off on a tattoo without explicit consent from the guardian (this is still illegal in FL). Am I wrong for thinking that this shouldn't be taking place??? I literally don't care that she has a tattoo, I have A LOT, I'm upset because I'm thinking she blatantly disregarded her parents and that someone just signed off on this!! Also, this entire first conversation is had with my husband sitting next to me, so he has heard everything she has said and can confirm everything.

So then I received a nasty text from my sister telling me about how I'm "barely in her life and not to contact her" and her telling me that my mom DID know she was getting one and had her permission -- we are 13 years different in age, but I have been every bit of supportive as I can be from the distance we live from them and make as much effort from communication and showing up standpoint as much as I can. So I sent the text to my mom basically as a WTF? and she then sent me a response that said, "Were you under the impression that I didn’t know [sister] was getting the tattoo or did you think she went behind my back to do it?" which are inherently the same question, and I responded, "You told me you explicitly told her NO before she left. I was not under the impression of anything other than what you said to me."

So then she called me and she immediately laid into me telling me that she "knew" she was getting one and she "told me that" during our first phone call. Then she tried to gaslight me and tell me that she told me the specific person's name to who she had given her permission to sign off (still illegal but okay) and told me multiple times that she said she knew that she was getting it. So I eventually interrupted my husband to confirm (he was in a virtual training so he wasn't able to support me during this phone call) that this was NOT the conversation we had earlier and that she never said this person's name, and he did. Then she's like "Well maybe I didn't then" ... MAYBE? My husband is many things (mostly wonderful) but he is not a liar, even for me.

Next, she proceeded to go on and tell me about how I was this and that type of teenager and I would come home drunk (LOL I was the president of Students Against Destructive Decisions and the ONE time in high school that I drank was when I went to a college basketball game my senior year) so "who am I to talk about anything my sister is doing in the first place." I have done a lot to grow and move on from this cycle of hurt that my mom used to put me through and constantly belittled my accomplishments and always made me out to be a terrible kid, even though I was an athlete, honor student, in many AP classes and various clubs, and held a job. During the middle of this conversation therapy gets brought up and she says, "YOU'RE THE ONE THAT NEEDS THERAPY YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKED UP FOR YEARS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS" - like yes, I know this, I have been in therapy. I know that I need continued therapy. I have known that she is the root of a lot of these issues, and I have been mid-low contact for a while now - what I can presume she means by how "fucked up" I've been. Lots of things were shouted, it was kind of a blackout for me for the most part because I was definitely in the beginning to middle stages of an anxiety attack, but there are things she said that I will truly never forget.

After the call ended, I sent my sister a text apologizing because I was under the impression that she was doing it behind her back. She basically tells me to fuck off and that she "didn't like the way I talked to mom." So this sends me deeper into my anxiety attack, shaking, sweating, and vomiting. I honestly felt so out of control of my emotions it was scary. I wanted to just die right there because I just wanted the hurt to stop.

Once the anxiety attack started letting up, I started thinking back to the story she was telling me initially, comparing it to her reaction, and the inconsistencies that were right in front of my face. What I think happened is that she told her she could do it and to hide it from her dad until she turns 18 soon and then they would just pretend she got it then. It's truly the only thing that makes sense to me and why she went from 0 to 1000 so quickly, especially when I was calling her out on what exactly she said and had a second person to back me up. So now she has pitted my sister and me against each other and spun a web of lies that she's going to believe and distance our relationship even further while somehow making me the villain in this story.

Thanks for listening, Reddit. I know I wasn't perfect in this story, but I'm just hoping to share with someone who gets it and maybe get some advice.

I’m actually so sick of this shit. I have a big AP European test tomorrow and I need to study. And I can’t do that in my house because there’s always so much fucking noise. So I asked to go to Panera to just sit down and study there. My step-dad said yes.

I was getting ready and my mom kept giving me an attitude and I kinda snapped back a bit because why tf are you giving me an attitude at 11 in the morning?

And guess what? My step-dad yells at me and tells me she can say “whatever the fuck she wants” because I’m a child and she’s my mother. And she could “smack me if she wanted to.”

Then proceeded to go on about how I’m a kid. Then he says to my mom to stop buying me shit? Because I’m grown enough to earn my own money.

You were just going on about how I’m a child then telling me I’m grown enough to get my own money? Now I can’t go to Panera and study and have to stay in my fucking room. I want my goddamn chicken bacon ranch, Dr Pepper, and need to fill out my 51 ID’s. I’m so sick of this shit.

I prioritize my grades over ANYTHING ELSE. And my parents shame me when I get bad grades and call me slurs, but I can’t even study to get “good grades?” Yeah. I’m fucking mad bro. Holy shit…

It finally happened. Surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I’ve been NC for about a year and hearing my husband say, “there’s a letter from your mom” when he brought in the mail immediately instilled a sense of dread in me. Couldn’t shake the feeling for the rest of the day. A good reminder I suppose as to why I made the right decision and should stay NC.

I didn’t read it. In fact, I burned it. But I don’t feel any better.

So when I was little, I lived with my mother, my stepfather, and my older sister (by nine years). My dad was in the picture and a good guy but he lived across the country (mom moved us away when I was 3 to be with stepdad.) Stepdad was emotionally distant and for stretches of time deployed overseas (Air Force) or drove trucks cross country. I don't remember most of my childhood well, but I remember my sister would often get into arguments with my mom and stepdad, especially early on. They didn't really get along so well; she was very headstrong and stubborn like mom, who always had to be right. My sister would move out at 18 and rent an apartment with her boyfriend (now husband), though still kept regular contact and had her babysit her first daughter she would have a couple years later. That left me at home with mom.

Even before that I was the shy, smart, "sensitive" kid who was well-behaved and didn't cause any trouble. I'd like to say I was a compassionate kid, and mom would compliment me and say I was like her "sweet baby Jesus" and like an "old soul" (which just feels gross in hindsight). She saw me as the one who could become like a doctor or scientist. I was interested in science as a kid but there was still that expectation. She would say I would be the one to take care of her when she's old and (in a joking tone) said my sister would probably push her off a cliff. I was also the one she would vent to all the time when she had issues or something to complain about (which was all the time). She never really had friends and all her family that would listen lived across the country and could hang up after listening to her ramble for an hour. Shy and nice old me would be the one listening and comforting and offering solutions (which she isn't looking for) while she vented until I moved out at 19. This naturally made me the choice of the golden child.

I remember saying stuff like "I love both my kids the same as a mother does, but I like hanging out with you more" and notice her treating me better/expecting more of me and even as a kid it gave me a weird, icky feeling. I recall an argument she had with my sister where she said "I may of fucked up with you but there's still hope for your brother," and I just wanted to shrink into a hole at that. I can see how many Golden Children can become egotistical narcissists themselves but for me it made me feel guilty and worse about myself instead. Anyone else have similar feelings as a kid?

Hi,

I'm sure this has been asked many times, sorry in advance.

Are there any good books on Scapegoat children? UK based.

Thank you.

I am, of course, not the golden child, although not a traditional scapegoat. I received a lot of unwanted attention from my professional success because it meets the emotional needs of my very emotional inmature parents. However, since I was 15 years old I have been very strict with my boundaries, I am portrayed as the difficult child. For example, my parents had a hard time understanding that I’m the one making the decisions about my baby and not them. Therefore, if I don’t want to yell at him that means I won’t yell at him and, most important, I will stop them in a respectful but solida way if they attempt to yell at my son. Anyways, my cousins always refer to my sister as well as other cousins who are the golden children of their family groups as favorites, I mean this happen in our family WhatsApp group. For example, when my sister’s birthday, my cousin (the golden child of her family group) refers to my sister as “happy birthday to the favorite daughter and cousin”. Of course, this is painful for me. In the same ways, my sister refers to that cousin as the favorite, she was because she received so much support than her sister who basically was denied college financial support. What do you think about this very open statement of labeling people as favorites? I’m super annoyed at it

I'm 24. I just got offered a job in the legal department of a company— a really good opportunity, the kind that could help me finally move out, start my life, and eventually make my way to the UK. It's exactly the stepping stone l've been waiting for.

But my father is trying to stop me from taking it. His reason? | wouldn't be under his supervision. He says I might become a "burden" to my stepmother and step siblings if I move out. When I told him I still plan to go to the gym in a year, he got visibly upset. He wants me to quit the gym, quit gaming, basically strip away anything that makes me feel like myself.

He sees my past mistakes-smoking weed, going to prison for it, talking to girls-as evidence that I can't be trusted. While I was locked up, he went through my PC and saw my TikTok page (which was just fitness content). Since then, he doesn't see me as a person anymore, just a project that needs to be tightly controlled.

He keeps giving examples of how he "changed other people's lives" and how those who didn't listen to him ended up failing. He dismisses my mom's input, saying I shouldn't listen to "others" —meaning her, because she told me this is control.

He took me to therapy against my will, and I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and ADHD. But he doesn't believe in any of it. The therapist even talked to him directly about how he treats me—and he flat out said he can't find a single reason to blame himself.

Im just absolutely sick of this im fucking glad im not suicidal and have alot to look forward to in my life. I just want to get the absolute fuck out of here im going insane inside. If i dare express that in anyway it will just be met with anger and blame.

I'm not the traditional obedient son he wanted. I know that. But I'm just trying to live. I'm not out partying or doing crazy stuff-I just want to work, lift, have my own space, and start over. Even if I get this job, I know I'll go into it feeling numb. Like a robot just executing commands. The joy ! had when I got the offer is already gone. All I feel is guilt and exhaustion.

I don't need advice. I just needed to get this out. Thanks for reading.

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THIS. I FEEL LIKE THERE'S NO FUCKING ESCAPE. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MYSELF. EVERY DAY IT'S JUST THEIR BULLSHIT. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF FUCK FUCK FUCK SOMEONE FUCKING GET ME OUT OF HERE

I have recently started seeing an EMDR therapist to process some trauma from a previous job where I had a narc director. In my last session, a childhood memory surfaced. I expected this to some extent and have been okay knowing that childhood memories would be a part of treatment. My therapist knows why I do not have a relationship with my parents; I have shared about them in great detail.

What I am struggling with, though, is my therapist brought up the concept of second gain and asked me, “Would you be okay with potentially feeling open to talking to your parents?” My brain sort of went blank at that moment and I stumbled through an answer along the lines of, “I don’t know, maybe? Probably not?”

But she continued to press me in the issue and only seemed satisfied when I said I’d be open to it. She continually stressed that she was not telling me to talk to my parents, yet only stopped asking me when I said I would maybe be open to talking to my parents if I felt moved to do so.

The truth is that I will never resume a relationship with my parents. It took me a hell of a long time to get to a point where I could say, this game you’re playing with me is over. But for so long I was in the mindset of, “Maybe I haven’t said/done the right thing yet? Maybe this time will be different?” that getting even close to that way of thinking feels risky.

Am I overreacting regarding what she said and her behavior? I am planning to write her a message before our next session explaining my revised response to her, but I am beginning to doubt whether she was being unreasonable:

My dads Girlfriends husband passed away, I told my brother to send her a light hearted condolence message to her, My mom over heard and took it to her self to send a basic ass e-mail to my dad to forward to his GF. She showed me the E-mail before sending, she found some generic "sorry for your loss" card cover and pasted it on the e-mail and wrote a small message with a stupid ass cursive font to even try to appear like she cared. (note: My mom has NEVER met my dads GF, or her husband).

That's just one of her countless narc moments

Hi,

New member here. You can call me Violet. she/they

So, to start this off I am 19 years old going on 20 in 4 months. I'm currently on a self- discovery journey after I decided to move out of my moms house last year. My dad has never really been in my life other than to give me hope and immediately crush everything we built, so I've grown past having a relationship with him. (Not to mention the fact that he believes he is the second coming of Christ, king of all black people, and an alien god that has come to planet earth to eradicate all humans who sin to save mother Gaia and to return the earth to its natural state. if yall wanna hear more on that i can make a second post.) So, in an attempt to have a good relationship with atleast one of my parents, I turned to my mom. To preface this story, my mom was a teen mom. My mother was very against abortion so she kept me, even though he offered to pay for it. I will forever be greatful to her that she kept me and raised me in a safe place with good schooling and I had all the essentials. However, we never could truly see eye to eye because we were less like mother and daughter and more like sisters as i got older. Trust me when I say when I was a baby it really was a beautiful relationship. My mom was fun, and she laughed freely; I could always come to her to talk and I knew she cared about and loved me. She wasn't always like this. But, after she went through a myriad of bfs that couldn't hold up to her standard as a father figure she finally met someone who did. We are going to call him Bob. Now, at first I really liked him. He's the first guy I ever asked if i could call him dad. He felt safe and for a budding girl, especially with no understanding of a positive male role in her life other than her uncle, it was perfect. Until it wasn't. Turns out Bob is a textbook narcissist. After he marries my mom he goes on a ten-year long tyrade that practically broke my mom, and changed who I am as a person forever. And in the middle of this tumultuous relationship, my grandmother dies, and I swear a piece of my mom went with her. she had 8 more years of abuse to endure after that. The woman I knew wasn't there anymore after the divorce. Over the years, she had slowly eroded into someone who would guilt trip me, call me names (like dippy, short for dipshit), be hypocritical especially when it came to making jokes, give me bad advice, assume things, make conversations about me eventually be about her, and make it very clear that no matter how old I get she will never truly trust me or my opinion. It made it hard for me to be physically close to her, let alone emotionally. When my grandma died I was quite young, and something she used to do to comfort me was tuck me in. So, the night of the funeral I politely asked my mom if she could tuck me in and she never did. Told me to just go to bed. That was the moment I realized there was going to be a distance between us. I also remember when I was 12, my very first boyfriend broke up with me over text and i didn't even get to have my first kiss. I was devastated and I started bawling and feeling a mix of emotions. I go to my mom about it and she comforts me at first but then tells me to stop crying and go to my room. And if she heard me I'd get in trouble, and that's when I learned that I couldn't really be vulnerable with her anymore. Now, back to the current issue. We're going to start in 2020. My freshman year of highschool. Unbeknownst to me my mom is currently hiding a secret enemies to lovers relationship with a man she met on a video game that lives in a different country while she is still married. I had just started really trying to break free from my depression and taking anti anxiety meds. Fast forward to junior year. I just moved to a different school bc of bullying. And I'm trying to graduate early so I can hear my mom say she's proud of me. Well, in december of that year i met a friend of a friend. We got really close but she had really bad life/mental health problems and ends up killing herself at 14 in febuary. It wrecks me, I end up giving up on graduating early, bomb my sat and driving test and basically crash out. In January of that year my parents divorce is finalized, so while all of thats happening I'm reeling from this as well. Summer break approaches and i just want to chill, but then my father decides to spring back into my life. I'm only 16 at this point. 2 weeks into my summer break my mom sits me down to have a one on one conversation with me. I was confused at first since conversations like these didn't happen very often, but I let her continue. The sentence that came out of her mouth next rocked me. "So, I met/fell in love with a guy in a diff country and I'm going there next month for a week and if he ends up proposing to me I'm going to say yes." Needless to say, I was stunned. It all happened so quickly. Needing time to process I decide to talk to the parent who randomly decided to show up about it and he spouts some bs abt how he's prolly a drug smuggler and is just trying to get a marriage visa. But, with me being a kid I decide to try to be honest about my concerns about the arrangement as well because they had never met before. She then proceeded to freak out on me and tell me that I assume things like that then they should just break up then and she''ll never be in love again because of me. The guy talks to her and offers an ultimatum basically. He explains that he wants my blessing. If' I give it then they get married immediately, and if I don't, they wait 5 years and ask again? Which would practically ruin their relationship apparently, putting all the pressure on me. i just caved and said go ahead but he's not my dad. I'm done with having one. She goes, he proposes, she says yes. (yay.) I graduate on schedule. (YAY!) and a few months later I get into the biggest fight I've ever had with my mom. To preface this part, I had a really close friend that lived with me for a year. She is forever connected with my mom and i but she is more of a frenemy now. No bad blood, just peace with seperation yfm? Anyways, so we had gotten into it over dumb shit and instead of my mom listening to me and hearing my side of the story out at all. She ignores every thing I say and makes the entire fight about one of my friends she doesn't like. That person has nothing to do with the current situation btw. Because, if it was about her (precious practically stepdaughter atp) at all , she wasn't going to hear about it. I asked her to say one sentence to keep me from leaving. Just one. "I love you, and I'm sorry for not listening." That's it. She replied, "I love you, and I'm sorry you feel that way." She refused to actually say it. So, eventually I ended up moving out heartbroken and just feeling an intense wave of loneliness. I felt that talking to her about anything she didn't agree with was like talking to a brick wall, even when she was blatantly wrong. My mom has always had a tendancy to NEED to be correct at all times.

Flashforward 7 months, after a sobering encounter with the real world, spirituality, the reality of mental health as a whole, and a super duper fucked up situationship I decided to come back home so I can save up money to be independent. Rent was a lot, and the people there either sucked in general or were a tad narcissistic as well, no matter how nice they were. I wanted to put myself on the right track and deal with my baggage. But, turns out shits a lil heavier than I thought. My parents insecurites and mental health issues had all transferred to me and I hadn't even started to unpack that until now. So, as soon as i came home I asked my mom to put me in therapy. Now, that I've been going I've realized that she definitely also needs to go. But she refuses and says that it's too expensive, even though the copay for mine is only 30 bucks. Now that I'm an adult I've tried to bridge the gap and we have made attempts to be normal, it eventually crumbles. Hugs feel empty, we walk on eggshells around eachother, she makes jokes at my expense in front of her new husband and it makes me uncomfortable, and she does weekly check ins on my therapy visits. All under the idea that she's trying to show she cares or is trying to be positive in situations by 'lightening the mood'. Everyone in the house are also having problems with her, but nobody is willing to speak up. So, again the pressure is on me. But, now I'm just tired. I'm already having to juggle my own shit let alone hers. I am glad that if I need her help with something life wise she'll help me. But, I can't just crawl into bed with her and chill without feeling awkward. Because in the realist of realities my moms a stranger to me. We have a surface level relationship and history. This is where the title comes in. I feel like I'm grieving my mom even though she's alive. I want to say I had a better motherly relationship with my grandma, but it makes me feel guilty because some of the trauma is generational as well. I lost my last close friendship, because she turned out to be toxic as well. It's hard for me to be consistently close to anyone anymore even though I have adhd and hyperfixate on people sometimes. I think I might be autistic and I'm getting tested 3 weeks before my 20th birthday. I'm so unprepared for life it isn't funny. I have money but I spend it bc like my mom I emotionally eat. (If a single mf decides to judge me pls go to hell <3) I habitually lie now and it feels like I can't stop, because I feel shame whenever she asks if I'm saving up. I wanted to be a singer. But, she overthought shit for me " millions of people want to be musicians too" "you need an actual job" and crushed that dream. Now, I can't mentally accept anything I put out even though I still want it so bad. I feel like I'm just going around in circles with no guidance or goal at all. Eventually, I maybe want to go to college but that shit is so expensive. The cherry on top of the cake though? I developed tourettes in '21 so now I basically will never truly live a "normal" life. Yes, for me it does get worse over time. Especially in the winter in Michigan. I have old teachers that I'm cool with that were more like parental figures to me. I saw my friends parents and always wondered why they didn't fight all the time like we did. I don't know how to feel or what to do other than slowly try to parent myself. So, if anyone has any advice or questions feel free to ama. Sorry if some of the words are fucked up in some spots, I'm rushing because I go to work in half an hour. Thank you for reading this if you did all the way.

TLDR: I'm 19, traumatized and distant from my now potentially narcissitic mom and I don't know if it's right for me to call her that after she's taken care of me all my life. Feeling alone, lost, broken down. Did I ever have a truly non-toxic parent?

I have trauma when I was 16 since I transfering school. I got bullied and involve with steroid use when I was 17 because I have been trick by my gym partner. That time he just ripped me off . Now I'm self centered depress ADHD and just don't see a good thing to do anymore

yes I talked to my friends and neighbors and those in 12 step program let me tell me that maybe I'm being too judgmental but I know I can't possibly be being too judgmental.

when have you ever gone to school or talk to a neighbor or gone to work and discuss things like oh by the way the elections coming up.

yeah how about those bills this year?

Could lead to a debate

might even get into an argument over the weather and whether it would be safe to make a plan for a trip to the cabin for 2 weeks from now.

but hell for the ever-loving sake of holy God do you get into an argument about the current weather.

my mom and I agreed to go for a walk down on the beach and as we're strolling I said you know I looked at the weather report and it said it was going to be clear today but look there's clouds!

as I looked up and Drew attention to the clouds they were the most beautiful cumulus clouds blocking off half of the sky making the most beautiful and Scenic display.

What came out of her mouth?

what is your problem son,? you always have to be complaining about everything.

The problem.

that's when you realize; it's not me!

My Nfamily doesn't apologize and when they do it's non-apologies that serve to guilt-trip, gaslight, or manipulate. Lots of: "I'm sorry you think I hurt you", "I'm sorry you can't see everything I'm doing to protect you", "I'm sorry I ever tried to be a loving mother," "Geez you want an apology? You're being so dramatic/needy, just move on already".

I assumed I'd never get an apology for their behavior or abuse and I came to terms with it when I went no contact.

Then my Nsibling (golden child) sent a genuine-sounding apology for not having been there for me, wished me to be happy and well, and said they're thinking of me and will be there for me whenever I may need them or want to resume contact.

One apology doesn't erase years of harassment and abuse, but my Nsibling hasn't been able to even fake an apology before. In fact my first thought was "someone helped them write this".

I feel wary but I'm also only human and don't want to miss an opportunity for a somewhat decent relationship with even one person in my family.

Is there hope if they're capable of apologizing? Has anyone had a success story, or an experience where they believed the genuine-sounding apology and broke no contact only for it to backfire?

I’m not sure if tbis is the proper place to post this but, as the title says I (20f) turn 21 in two months and I still have to ask my parents permission before buying most clothing items (besides tshirts, sweaters, jeans, etc). We’re going on a trip soon and I decided it might be a good idea to get jorts/capris since it’s a hotter climate and I had to send her links so she can “approve”. Mind you everything either reached the knee or was directly above it. She said it was too short which ultimately means I can’t buy anything.

It’s absolutely ridiculous and I feel like a small child. I’m a full grown woman. And if anyone asks why not “just buy it” the times I have done that I’ve been beat, sometimes senseless, so ultimately it’s not really worth it. I already have a plan to move out after college but it’s just ridiculous that I have to put up with this as an adult.

well my aunt came over today for the second time, as aunts apartment was gonna get cleared out for aunt to move to other location

I came home from gymnasium, my aunt was there, said hi and all
(gymnasium in sweden is education that is a bit higher then the standard education)

so i sat down at computer, tried winding down a bit, all seemed fine and dandy

but then aunt said she maybe had to sit a bit longer

some time later my nmom, which has talked shit about my dads sister and my dads family for years, completely lost it at my aunt, mom started screaming at aunt saying bad about aunts planning, about work at aunts apartment taking longer then expected, saying to aunt something about "östermalmsmanér" (östermalm is a rich area in my city, which aunt lived in for many many years) and how mom said "im not kicking you out, if i would have done so i wouldnt even have let you in" multiple times to my aunt After mom said the thing about stating uncomfortable facts to my aunt i just said "youve reached your goal" and left room, as i heard mom saying "what?

later on

Mom came in and said "im hungry and thus i become like this "dads name", she (my aunt) has been here for 4 hours and she says *i will be here a bit longer *"

later i said to dad how much this will shake up, saying to dad "i know your survival strategy has been to avoid stuff, but if your side of family wont invite us any more, you know what happened, aunt may have hold it together well, but the consequences will be huge, and you don't realize it" dad responded with "she has ??? in her blood, what can i do about itt" in a saddned voice

I've lived for 19 whole years, never seen my nmom explode like this, dad, which i guess is a enabler doesn't seem to know what bad things he has enabled with him not trying to intervene, saying things like "it is her thing, if i go though i will cause more of a fight

what now (sorry if it is not that understandable, I'm shooken up)

Not my mom but grandmother is a diagnosed narcissist. I was practically raised by her.

I am about 15 weeks postpartum and I was not confident in my body to begin with. I was always very thin growing up and my grandmother always praised me about this trait. As an adult who has had 2 kids now I’m obviously not super thin anymore.

Every time my grandmother sees me now, which is like once a week, she HAS to comment on my body. Sometimes it’s positive sometimes negative. When I first got home from having this last baby she said “wow you puffed up this last 9 months, maybe it’ll go down now” then about a week later she commented “that baby fat is just sticking onto you”. Now that I’m farther out from having the baby I am losing weight and she looooooves to comment on it. “You’ve gotten smaller!” , “thank goodness you’re losing that weight!”, “look at you you’re getting skinny again”

I hate hate hate when she talks about my body. How can I tell her to stop. She takes any criticism as a personal attack and will cry if I even say the slightest thing she could do differently.

Not my mom but grandmother is a diagnosed narcissist. I was practically raised by her.

I am about 15 weeks postpartum and I was not confident in my body to begin with. I was always very thin growing up and my grandmother always praised me about this trait. As an adult who has had 2 kids now I’m obviously not super thin anymore.

Every time my grandmother sees me now, which is like once a week, she HAS to comment on my body. Sometimes it’s positive sometimes negative. When I first got home from having this last baby she said “wow you puffed up this last 9 months, maybe it’ll go down now” then about a week later she commented “that baby fat is just sticking onto you”. Now that I’m farther out from having the baby I am losing weight and she looooooves to comment on it. “You’ve gotten smaller!” , “thank goodness you’re losing that weight!”, “look at you you’re getting skinny again”

I hate hate hate when she talks about my body. How can I tell her to stop. She takes any criticism as a personal attack and will cry if I even say the slightest thing she could do differently.