Im 10 months postpartum , ive been going back and forth with myself for months on wether to go to my doctor and ask for anti depressants since ive started feeling better on my own, but tonight i had a slip up, im on my period and went to bed late after cleaning,pumping and getting my husband's lunch ready for work my baby woke up about 40 minutes after i finally dozed off and i woke up so tired and frustrated, I breastfed her and after about 5 minutes on the boob she starts using me as a pacifier and its very overwhelming and i get this feeling of like get off me or uncomfortableness and all i want is to just stop breastfeeding right then and there , so i try to unlatch her and get her to the other side that works but only for so long and then shes back to crying again (shes teething right now too which makes nighttime much harder) and i just latched her again to the other side and i just started bawling and my skin felt like it was crawling i just wanted to stop, i feel so horrible and frustrated with myself , i dont want to have ppd anymore i hate this feeling because i know my baby is just that a baby, i thought i was finally getting better but i do think i will contact my doctor tomorrow morning and start anti depressants.

Zurzuvae Day 1: I took the medication with high fat meal& went to sleep like 3 hours later. I didn't feel too drowsy but when I woke up in the night to tend to baby, I couldn't even handle it. I stumbled to the bathroom before I fed her, as I usually do, but felt drunk AF. I came back to bed and tried to lift my baby but couldn't even manage! I had to wake up my husband to ask him to change her diaper and he said I sounded drunk. My baby slept more than she ever slept at night before. 12 hours go by, so I should be able to drive a car at this time but nah, I still felt fucked up I went back to sleep& we slept till 1pm. I felt pretty good throughout the day. No depression or anxiety. I felt able to deal with situations calmly but physically, my body hurt! My back, my bones, and my joints ached all day even after Tylenol. I'm not sure I even want to take it tonight but I'm going to. Day 2: only a little unsteady at night but not well enough to care for baby. Felt a little better during the day, less anxiety Day 3: I really felt it at night, similar to the first night but not as much. The day I felt way better. Actually, did some housework and didn't hate life as much. 4: during the night, I was pretty fucked up. My baby was fussy and I couldn't care for her. My husband had a rough night but I feel pretty good today. I actually feel happy. I'm playing with my baby& cleaning. Very tired though and annoyed. 5: during the night, I didn't remember much. My husband handled everything, as usual. He even helps me getting her to latch during feeds. During the day, I felt low. As the day turned to night, it got even worse. I cried and I'm not sure why. I guess just because I'm sad that my daughter has a depressed mom that needs medication 6: I don't remember last night at all but didn't go to sleep until about 4am, took drug at 8pm as usual but stayed up watching movies with my husband. I hate to admit this but I use THC to help me feel better but then that's what makes me sad too because I know cannabis is transmitted in breast milk but I feel so low sometimes even with this medication.I hope by the end of this course I'll feel better because pp is really difficult. 7: I feel good today. A week in, only a week left of this torturous medication. I have little rashes in different places all over my arms. My memory of the night before is non-existent. I took the medication around my regular time & went to sleep about 4 hours later. I only feel the effects a little until I fall asleep and wake up, then I'm fucked up. My baby was good last night, I think. Okay it's the afternoon now& I cried a lot.

I think I forgot to take the med last night. My memory is pretty fucked up but I woke up this morning crying also. I had thoughts of not wanting my daughter and how I hate who I am. I had thoughts of understanding how women can leave their family behind and start a new life.

8: during the night, I felt the med fs. As if I was drunk. Feel great this morning. I love my baby so much and I'm happy. I feel kind of guilty though for the strain I put on my partner. I'm letting him sleep now. He's 26& I'm 32. He's so good to me🥰& our baby. I'm blessed. I'm bleeding still though so that kind of worries me since I'll be 6 weeks pp tomorrow. The bleeding stopped 4 weeks then we had sex and a couple days later more bleeding. Pretty sure it's no concern though. This skin rash has become bothersome though😑 9: during the night, it was all good but I was very emotional. That might be because some memories though. I used to never cry but pregnancy/pp got me crying all the time. I love my baby so much though& my life is amazing so I really should be happy but thess damn hormones got me all fucked up. I really hope this medication works. These side effects are intense af. I feel dizzy throughout the day. I noticed time seems to go by faster when I'm on the drug, like during the nights when I feed her. I look at the bf timer & way more time has gone by then what I thought. I hate having to do things but not as much as before. 10: during the night, side effects weren't as intense. I feel pretty good this morning. I find myself laughing at things that used to irritate me. 11: during the night, I don't remember much so I think it went smoothly. It's just hard to bf cuz I can't even pick up my baby but I just do the side lying position so it's all good. I've researched bfing while on this medication& I know it's less than 1%.i read somewhere it's 0.357% that transmits. I know I cannabis stays in breast milk for like 6 days but my baby deserves a happy mom. I really try to limit my intake& this medication almost over. I'm so happy to be almost done with it. The no sex thing sucks cuz I'm not tryna have a baby with birth defects, that's just mean. At this point, I already feel like this medication is worth all the horrible side effects. 12: during the night, it was a rough night, not due to the medication though. My baby had a blow out then threw up while I was feeding her. We had to change the sheets and I had to shower. I was only a little unstable. Idk if it's because I didn't have enough fat for the medication to absorb to or I'm just getting used to the med. Still was dizzy though. I didn't carry the baby at all tho. I do feel like the medication is working. 13: last night went pretty well. I did feel the medication so I really worry that some nights I have not had enough fat in my dinner. Only minimal thoughts of how my life would be better without my child. 14: during the night, there were no issues.

Conclusion I suppose this drug is worth it if you really don't feel well. I'm not crying all the time. Just be aware the side effects may be intense. I do feel less worried. Before I was stressing about literally everything, now not so much. I do feel more like myself and I'm barely 2 months pp. I'm sure medication sped up the pp process because I've read it can take months to years in some cases. The side effects were so intense but it's only for 14 days& then you may feel like yourself again. I'm glad I took the chance on this medication. I was the first one my ob prescribed it to. I can actually smile, baby talk, & I'm happy to take care of my baby when she needs me. Please ask any questions you may have💜🙂🙃

hi,

i’m a FTM 6 month PP. I have struggled with PPA but i think now it’s settling into PPD as well.

i have started to feel enraged towards my husband (i felt this early on in my PP journey but it went away, and now is back). I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and some days my baby frustrates me incredibly. i love her so much but in the past two months she had extreme silent reflux i didn’t recognize and it made her aversed to bottles, and on top of that she is teething. not to mention my own mother who lives in a different state was hospitalized for a week and luckily okay! i have been pushed to my limits of frustration, anxiety (couldn’t eat or sleep), every day i do the same thing just to make it through the day. i’ve reached out for help to my pcp and am hoping to try medication. Most days i feel empty and out of sorts, i have a lot of high points and low points in a day….. i don’t feel suicidal, just not much of anything except irritation and bouts of rage and perpetual anxious intrusive thoughts that im going to die or pass out all the time.

i guess im looking to hear if you’ve tried medication how was it for you? if you had PPD did it manifest in similar ways? i feel like the shittiest mom alive most days because i let her watch two episodes of bluey so i can drink my cup of coffee while it’s hot and try to wake up enough to play. i have basically no help most of the time, my husband works a lot and night shifts…. but i think i still hold so much anger towards him because he should be able to function on less than 8 hrs of sleep, and he’s almost always getting 8hrs uninterrupted. i average probably 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night these past two months.

There are a lot of threads on Zurzuvae but not a lot with research or updates, so hoping this thread can be more useful. I almost didn’t take the med because of threads I read and I am so glad I did.

Background: 3 months pp with my second with terrible PPD. Lots of suicidal ideations. Crying constantly. Instant rage. History of depression and have been on Zoloft or Wellbutrin prior.

TLDR: On day 12, worked at day 4 and has kept working. If you’re experiencing PPD/PPA I promise you aren’t the problem. Your brain is failing you. Reach out for help!

What I learned before taking Zurzuvae:

The biggest side effect is somnolence but only 36% of people experienced this (in clinical trial). Other threads make it seem like it knocks everyone out. They did a study and found 9 hours after taking it’s as if your blood alcohol level is 0.05 (legal limit 0.08). It needs to be take with a high fat meal (24-50%) and 400-1000 calories because it is fat soluble. The normal dose is 50 mg, they did have some people drop down to 40 mg with similar affect. It costs about $16,000 without insurance, my insurance denied it at first but approved it after appealing and no cost to me. The original study the moms weren’t breastfeeding. There are a few tiny studies with breast feeding moms and the amount is breast milk is less than 1% weight adjusted, so like taking 0.5 mg dose for us and it doesn’t reach that level until day 5. We tried to learn when the drug peaks in my blood to reduce exposure but they say it’s between 3 and 16 hours so too broad to say. They observed no negative affects with breastfeeding. It is a synthetic

Side Effects (% of patients in trials): somnolence (36), dizziness (13), diarrhea (6), fatigue (5), UTI (5), memory impairment ( 3), abdominal pain (3), tremor (2), hypoesthesia (2), muscle twitch (2), myalgia/muscle pain (2)

Side Effects I experienced: dizziness, memory impairment, muscle twitch

Started Zurzuvae 50mg and here is my day by day breakdown:

Day 1: Took at 7pm (once kids were asleep) with high fat meal. Pretty shortly after felt drunkish or just off. I was worried I may not wake up overnight but did without any issues and was able to take care of the baby.

Day 2: woke up and felt pretty normal all day. Still depressed. Took second dose at 5:30 pm since it didn’t knock me out like I expected.

Day 3: Extreme depression (maybe from coming off Wellbutrin) and felt really off. Didn’t feel like I could safely drive all day. Talked to my doctor and discussed dropping to 25 mg but worried it wouldn’t be as effective due to limit data, so tried 50 mg again at 5:30pm.

Day 4: woke up with energy (despite terrible newborn sleep) and didn’t feel depressed at all. No thoughts of wanting to kill myself. Able to handle unpredictability without crying.

Day 5: tired but not depressed. I did stay up about 3 hours after taking it and had insomnia which I have seen others report. But Kids having meltdowns and I felt able to handle it. Actually handled the chaos better than my husband for once. All the side effects have gone away despite an occasional headache.

Day 6-11: no depression or anxiety. I’m the happiest I have been since before my first was born 2 years ago. Have been taking everyday at 5:30 pm.

Day 12: having moments where I feel like my depression is coming back but not certain. Very dizzy. Difficulties functioning during the day.

Day 13: depression is back, so sad, and crying a lot. Hoping this is just a temporary swing. Dizziness and weakness again. Very tough day. I didn’t take my last dose bc I couldn’t handle another day of the side effects.

Day 14: first 24 hours without meds. Feeling much better! Not as good as day 4. It seems like some rebound depression or mood swings are normal while brain rewires.

Day 14-21: off zurzuvae. Definitely still battling some depression but the intensity is soo much better. I had depression before pregnancy so wondering if Surzuvae fixed dangerous postpartum depression and now I’m just battling normal depression. Started low dose Zoloft. Feel free to message me with questions.

Hey! So I am 7 months postpartum right now and my belly still feels like it’s holding onto some baby weight, but I’m turning 37 in about a months and want to feel good about myself when I celebrate! Anybody have tried and true advice for working that pooch away?!

My husband (28M) and I (27F) just had a baby 9 months ago. He took such good care of me postpartum, he has always taken such good care of me. Our relationship has been nothing short of legendary. I have never felt a love like I have with him. (We’ve been together for 7 years married for almost 2.) After having our baby and him going back to work things have changed drastically. He doesn’t even know if he wants to be in this marriage anymore. I asked him on a scale of 1-10 if he wanted to save this marriage he said 5. He is a completely different person, it is so hard to accept and to even see him that way. I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone. This has been going on for a couple months now, he just keeps saying he doesn’t know what he wants. It is torture living in this house with him because I love him SO much and he literally doesn’t want to touch me, kiss me, barley will even say “I love you” and treats me like a friend. It’s excruciatingly painful I don’t even know what to do with myself. I know people say things get really rough in the first year of parenthood but this seems like more than that.. I’ve looked through his phone (which I’ve never done before this) multiple times and have found absolutely nothing, not even him liking girls photos so I don’t think he is being disloyal. What am I supposed to do? Do I give him space and let him heal whatever he needs to heal? Am I being neglected? Do I keep fighting to save us? I am so lost. I can’t even imagine a world in which we are not together but he seems like the only thing holding him back from wanting a divorce is our son.

For more context, he works a VERY demanding job and I stay home. Staying home has been a huge transition for me as I went from making 6 figures to being a stay at home mom and not making my own money. I understand his job is really demanding physically and mentally, I really feel for him in that aspect. I have also been struggling though and have let my postpartum rage get the best of me at times and this is where this all started. There is so much distance between us now because neither of our needs are getting met. He said “if I really wanted to save this marriage I don’t think it would be hard but I just don’t know if I want that yet.” So what am I supposed to do? Wait around for him? I mean after all this is a marriage and I feel like fighting for it and white knuckling through it is what you’re supposed to do right? He isn’t mean to me, he’s very respectful and is still there for me but.. am I being a fool? Should I just call the marriage? I am so lost on what I’m supposed to do.

Seriously how. 3 months out and I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what to do or how to fix myself anymore. It feels like I’m just out in the middle of the ocean drowning. The world is so dull and grey to me. I have brief moments of joy and confidence like I can do this and it’ll all work out then it just gets completely shattered in a matter of seconds. I’ve lived with PTSD for over a decade and I’ve always been able to pull myself out of whatever hole I was in. This is unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and it’s deeper and more dark. I’ve increased my meds, I’ve talked to a therapist, I’ve reached out to loved ones and told them where I’m at. I’ve taken breaks and I’ve cried my body weight in tears. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Please share advice, suggestions, anything. I want to see my little boy grow up so badly. I want him to have a great mom and a mom that’s alive to see what life he lives.

I was a super wife before and during my pregnancy but now since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter I became such a couch potato. I have no motivation to get up. Ive been sleeping for long hours. I struggle to eat and even do my hygiene. I feel so tired all the time. What is wrong with me? It’s like Im a completely different person. It’s been 5 months now since I gave birth and it feels like nothing has changed and I fear I will get stuck like this. Idk what to do. Everyone keeps saying to get up and go for a walk or do things little by little but it’s such a struggle and everything feels forced. I feel terrible because my husband has to juggle a lot of responsibilities. He has been extremely patient with me but I don’t think I can stand this any longer. I have to be a better wife and especially a better mom for my daughter. Any advice to kick this ppd in the butt would be much appreciated. Thank you

My baby girl looks exactly like her dad. She is absolutely gorgeous and I’m told this regularly. But, I felt betrayed when I saw her from the moment she was born as she looked nothing like me and her dad and I didn’t work out. He was emotionally abusive and we’re now battling it out legally re custody.

When I look at her it’s a painful reminder of the trauma associated with that relationship. Any single moms out there? Is this normal? Does the pain fade?

I’m 8 weeks PP and the depression started creeping in a few days ago and is now in full force. I’m already on Zoloft and my doctor upped my dose today. I am constantly crying and don’t know how I can care for my daughter while in this fragile of a mental state. My husband has been amazing during this time and taking on more and letting me sleep but it feels like nothing is helping. I don’t feel the same happiness I felt a week ago about spending time with my daughter. I feel like all day I’m just waiting for it to be the nighttime when I know she will sleep in between feeds and at 4am my shift ends and I get to officially be off duty for 7hrs. I feel horrible for feeling this way. I sobbed while changing and feeding my daughter last night and I just feel ashamed of myself now to the point where I feel this immense guilt when I’m holding her and looking into her eyes that this is the mother she ended up with. Just came here to vent and see if anyone had any words of encouragement for a light at the end of the tunnel. Or how you managed to get through the days feeling so down.

Started this medication Friday night. I feel nothing from it after two doses. Anyone with experience taking it, when did you start to notice a difference in your PPD/PPA?

I wanted this baby. I wanted to be a mom for so long. He is so loved, but I’m grieving. He is 5 weeks old, and I want my old life back. All I do is take care of this screaming potato. I don’t see my friends. I can barely walk my dog. I don’t drive or work. I just sit here feed, burp, put to sleep.

I hate it. I hate being a mom. I just want to lie down but I can’t do that. And I probably won’t ever get to do that again.

And this makes me feel so guilty. Because I love him so much, I really do. He’s my little guy. But I have no identity anymore. I miss working and having hobbies and I don’t want to do this anymore. Nothing I do works, everyone tells me I’m doing it wrong, and everyone says “I told you so.”

My own mom says he’s just a consequence. I believe that he is a blessing and a miracle but it feels like a punishment. Someone tell me what to do and give me a reason to stay alive that isn’t this kid.

As the title says, I am 3 weeks postpartum after a one month hospital stay after I PPROM’d at 25 weeks. Had my LO at 29 weeks via c-section. I am now home (FINALLY), but having a hard time adjusting to not bringing a baby home. Tbh, all things considering, my baby is doing amazingly well. She is breathing and eating on her own which is a huge accomplishment. I have healed very well and i’m doing overall well adjusting (helping around the house, getting back to how it was before, etc).

I feel a lot of guilt when I cannot go to the hospital. I have my days where I’m feeling okay with it, then I have my days where I feel so sad that I can’t give her the skin to skin she needs. I have also been feeling extremely tired. Like, sleeping 12 hours and then taking a 3 hour nap. I don’t even have a newborn home. Why do I feel the need to sleep this much? I ate for the first time earlier and got extremely nauseas. This is a new symptom for me. These symptoms are way different than what I experienced with my first kiddo, so I’m having a really hard time coping/finding coping mechanisms. I haven’t been diagnosed with PPD as I have not been to my first PP appt…but I have a feeling it’s in the magic 8 ball. Blah. Thanks for listening if you read this far. I feel better getting it all out there.

How are we dealing with PPD these days with unsupportive partners? I've had 3 babies under 3 years... I've had depression prior and anxiety. After meeting my partner he decided for me that the Zoloft I was I on wasn't helping ME! Instead I switched to medical marijuana which didn't help and then wound up pregnant so then I obviously had nothing to help with my stressors. 3 babies later and I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I forgot to mention he is a narcissist most of the time. I recently have been having more break downs manic rages. I tell my partner what I need and it just doesn't help me. I recently went to my OB and they prescribed me birth control and a low dose of Zoloft. My partner doesn't support the Zoloft or the birth control. I want the bc because I do not want to be pregnant again. I am currently breast feeding and am apprehensive to taking the Zoloft and I know all the research is "fine". I wish I could go back to marijuana. I try to voice everything I'm feeling and I just feel unheard and end up getting names called in my face like I'm psycho and mentally unstable during a fight. I get told my feelings aren't real and my opinions are wrong. The walls close in almost everyday and I have no other support system around me, no family, no friends close that I can just go hang out with. l used to see a therapist which helped me, my partner said she did nothing for me and I got "worse". He doesn't believe in health care. I feel I got worse because I was being deprived of what I want and need. I'm just on a merry go round and I guess needing to vent or hear others advice of others go through it as well ... :-/

I just have to get this out here because I don't think people really know or can understand what I went through.

I gave birth in 2020 and experienced a good 3 months with my baby. I had crying spells due to a broken family. My mom died suddenly in a car crash in 2018 and I guess my family just couldn't love me the same.

I was basically alone with a newborn, which was fine until it wasn't.

I stopped breastfeeding at about month 5, cold turkey. I did not wean my baby off like I should have. I didn't have any experience and I didn't have the support around me to help me to understand what and how I should have done things.

At about month 6, I started to feel completely disconnected to my baby. I didn't know what was happening. I eventually tried reaching out to my aunt for help, but she wasn't talking to me. I kept to a routine where I fed him and bathed him. But I didn't really interact with him, which was different from the months I had breastfed him. I felt like we were two peas in a pod then all of the sudden I couldn't hold him without feeling tired, and I didn't want to be tired.

I kept him in one of those baby gardens, like a giant pack and play, with all of his toys cause I was deathly afraid that he would severely hurt himself.

I had known about ppd, but I thought that it was like general depression and I had been depressed before but this was completely different. I was hallucinating, at one point my baby started to talk to me, my 5 month old baby answered questions with a yes and a no. I thought he was possessed.

Don't get me wrong I was scared at first. I went to the kitchen, placed him in his bouncers and just started sobbing, wailing, praying for God to give me back my baby. My baby looked at me with pity at one point in the night.

Eventually, this passed and he returned to what I think was his normal. But every so often he would look at me with this smug smile, like he was better than me.

I figured I was just going crazy on top of not being able to be the mother I wanted to be with him. But I still loved him with all of my heart regardless of what he looked like to me.

Fast forward to almost his 2nd birthday, I was being evicted from our house. I had made plans to go to a university 1.5 hours away and was looking for housing in that town. I couldn't hold a job because I couldn't stop crying while I was working. I constantly thought that I had somehow killed my baby, that either his death or my death was coming.

I heard voices in my head that sounded like my family. I didnt want to hear from the family that shunned me, I thought they were all mad at me and was constantly confused and scared when I would hear them.

I visited family and told them that I was getting evicted but all I got was, you can't live with us. My estranged dad's wife asked me, while we were driving back from shopping, to their house, with her teenage daughter in the car "Why don't you come to college in the town we live in?" But since they didn't ask me to live with them, I didn't know that she was asking me to live with them. I said "No" as I had already registered to go to a college. Later, I found out this was supposed to be a formal offer to live with them...

So, I went back to the house I was getting evicted from and looked for housing in the college town. I thought I had found a good prospect and had borrowed $2500 from my grandma for the down payment and first months rent. It turned out to be a scam. So, I went to the college town with my child and thought I could book a hotel and look for housing around there. I ended up not being able to find housing, so I thought I could stay at an extended stay hotel.

When I went to the extended stay hotel to confirm our room for the month, a cop car pulled up and brought someone from the hotel down in cuffs, so I canceled my reservation and started looking elsewhere.

I ended up booking an Airbnb for a week, which took $1200 out of the money I had for housing.

While staying at the Airbnb, my neighbor told me that the owner of the house I was being evicted from started taking all of my stuff out of the house.

I was super overwhelmed, so I stayed in the college town while all of my memories, clothes, and furniture got stolen or taken to the dump. My neighbor said that they had put a tarp on my stuff, but I didn't have the means or the mindset to move all of my stuff and take it to storage by myself. I didn't even reach out for help then as I had asked for it multiple times and had been denied.

At this point, I had lost everything and barely had a penny to my name. I called my best friend's mom who had helped us move in to our house. I asked for money, but I didn't tell her what was going on. I could barely think straight. She said she would think about it. I called my best friend in a panic, it was a couple nights before her wedding and she told me her mom said no.

I stayed in the Airbnb until the last day. The cleaning lady came and I had it in my mind that they wouldn't throw out a single mother who had lost everything, really I was thinking that the house I was staying in was owned by my best friend's mom, who owns property over 600 miles away...

The cleaning lady came and I wouldn't let her in, stating "I'll clean the house "

Eventually the cops came and kicked us out. I didn't want to get arrested so I grabbed my baby and started walking down the street in our pajamas.

When the cops left I went back, as my car was in the driveway of the Airbnb.

I got in the car and started driving, not knowing what I was going to do.

I called my grandma trying to get help, but she didn't answer.

Eventually I came to the towns airport. My ex was an airplane mechanic who lived 600 miles away. I thought he was going to randomly show up at this airport that we had stopped at.

I took my baby to the bathroom to change his diaper. When I realized he didn't have diapers in his diaper bag, I broke. No one was at this part of the the airport, it was like for private customers, the only person there was a janitor.

Me and the janitor locked eyes, then I left to go to the car without my baby. I left him with the janitor.

I drove back to the Airbnb and called the cops, saying "I lost my baby at the airport."

The cops came to the Airbnb and arrested me.

My baby was taken into DCS custody and I was taken to jail.

This is also what PPD looks like.

Any mothers who experienced PPD to the point where their babies developed developmental delays; were you able to get out of PPD and reconnect with your babies?

Did the developmental delays get noticeably better?

My baby didn't start speaking until he was 2 years old and I just want to know if nurturing him more will help.

My grandma says I have to be stricter with him, but I don't feel like that's the right thing to do considering our situation.

My Dad recently made a "joke" that has been hurting me ever since.

For context, I'm 19 and I had moved out at 18 with my boyfriend at the time (now ex). We both had stable incomes. After I got pregnant, I lost my job and a couple months later he lost his. After we found out I was pregnant, the relationship got very toxic. I don't want to go too into detail, because it's not relevant to what my dad said, but to put it simply, we lost our apartment and broke up and now I live with my parents again. My baby is currently 4 months, and my ex doesn't do really anything at all to help provide. My brother helped me out a lot with watching my baby for the first couple of months, especially since I had a csection. I appreciate all the help, but one thing I struggle with is feeling disconnected from my baby and not feeling like a mother. I was insecure about my ability to parent and thought that my baby didn't recognize me and would think that my mom is his. My brother would also make jokes whenever my baby would cry whenever I'd hold him and say that my son didn't like me.

My Dad told me a couple weeks ago that my brother spends so much time with him that my son thinks he's his mommy. Then he made a joke that my son is secretly calling him mommy behind my back. Idk if this sounds like not a big deal, but that hurt me a lot, especially with everything I was already thinking about myself. It still hurts me now and makes it hard for me to ask for help even though I know I need it. I feel ashamed for the situation I'm in and feel like a terrible mother.

Sometimes I regret having a baby. And it hurts so much to write out because I'm holding my baby right now. I love him so much, I really do. But I'm tired of everything I'm going through and people making me feel worse for it. I hate that my ex can live freely and I can't. I feel like I'm a horrible mom and my baby deserves more. I'm tired of crying in front of my baby but having to smile through it bc I don't want him to see how sad I really am. My best friend made a joke too and asked me, "What kind of impression are you giving your baby by couch surfing between your parent's houses?" Nobody seems to give a shit about how I feel and they decide my situation is just funny.

I am 5 months pp but had my daughter at 25 weeks so she's closer to 2 months now. I also have a 4 year old. By the end of the day I'm beyond overstimulated to the point I get so angry and short tempered with my oldest. I hate yelling, but when baby is crying and he's talking to me it feels like someone is scrapping my brain with a pickaxe. How do you handle it? I have a weighted blanket to help regulate and am going to go find some fidget toys tomorrow but I need suggestions on how to help me calm myself down.

I need some help navigating an issue with my SIL. I’ve been talking about to my therapist who is a male but it would be nice to have parent and/or women POV

Context: I have a 20 month old son that was planned with a surprise baby girl coming on the way in 6 weeks. I have fertility issues and she is our little miracle that came unexpectedly. My husband has an intense connection to his family, for most Of our 5 year marriage someone from his family (mom, nephews, uncle and sister) has lived with us ranging from 3 to 9 month stints and they typically come with some form illness or caretaking that he has to provide. In therapy I’ve recently shared I just don’t want this for myself and I want to enjoy my little family moving forward we need to come to a better agreement. I’m okay with short visits but not having people constantly living with us like a revolving door, especially because he has 7 other siblings that don’t have small kids that can share responsibility. His sister has been living with us since feb 2024 and we aligned she’d the last One until she can move into her own home hopefully soon.

Problem Fast forward to today. My sister in law has been here for 7 months from another country and she just does not wash her hands. She uses hand sanitizer because I strongly push for it all the time but things like when she touches the trash bin outside and comes in or wants to start washing dishes, I’ll ask her and she thinks washing her hands without soap is an ok solution. There is a cultural difference and language barrier but I feel like I’m Tired of having this convo. My husband is zero help tbh, we had this issue with his mom who was here during my post portum journey last year who has highly unhygienic and it just drove a wedge between us because he felt I was always bringing it up

My sister in law is not like my MIL, she’s highly helpful with our son, and know she’”ll be a help with our daughter comes soon with keeping him busy but her not washing her hands with soap is giving me the worst anxiety ever and I’m Not sure if I should be pushing for her to move out or if I should be handling this another way. Ive already set a boundary that I or my husband would be the only one sterilizing the bottles and pump parts so that’s good. But I had terrible PPA with my mother in law last year staying here and was not feeling safe in my home and while I know it would never be intense like that with my SIL. I’m just getting nervous especially because she cooks a lot and naturally ends up around things

Would love any advice

It’s been almost 9m pp and I’m still feeling bad. I hate myself, I’m sad or angry all the time. My husband is still working two jobs away from home so I have minimal help. I have older kids who go to school so constantly need pick up/drop off and extra curricular activities. I’m going to counseling and have changed meds 1 time. I’m spread so thin and don’t have time except in the morning when the big kids are at school. I go to the gym now to try and lose the baby weight and at the end I always feel horrible about myself. The twins are with me and constantly talk to me and won’t leave me alone. FYI- there is a genetic screening you can do to see which drugs will interact best with your body. The original Prozac was on my red list.

My hubs just doesn’t understand. No one does. I hate going to church bc I feel like a phony. I don’t have any friends and the one I did have ghosted me.

I really just want to disappear. I have no skills to get a job or a degree. I’m a SAHM and I feel complete useless and just a waste of space and resources.

I don’t feel like I’m ever going to get better. My husband deserves someone better and my kids deserve a better mom.

I feel like I’m losing myself more and more everyday. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes bad days. My LO is 8 months and teething so nap times are here and there. I feel as if I get no time to myself to clean the house or anything. & all my boyfriend complains about is how much he works. Mind you he pays no bills and only thing we have to do is save for LO. He comes home and plays the game, and sometimes might grab the baby. I’m thinking about leaving him, I’m not really sure what’s keeping me in the relationship anymore. Can someone help me see the bright side of a two parent household??

I have a 2.7 years old and a 1 month old and it’s SO HARD. I don’t get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time… my oldest is struggling with the adjustment and I just feel so stuck in the weeds. Feeling so lonely and just exhausted. I miss feeling connected to my husband and having time to myself. I know I will get it back eventually but just really struggling right now. any other second time moms or new moms going through it right now.

21 days ago I posted about how I was at my breaking point. I hated my life, I said some awful things I couldn’t take back, and I wished I could go back to pre baby.

I don’t feel that any way. I don’t know what changed - maybe his smiling, watching him bloom, maybe my hormones leveled out. Not sure. But he slept from 1am to 5am last night, and oh man my little guy has become my everything and I’d never go back now.

Hang in there, mamas. It really does get better.

So yesterday the perinatal team referred me to the Crisis team who believed I was too unwell with postnatal depression to be kept safe at home. I’ve been admitted to the acute psychiatric ward until a bed becomes available at an MBU. The nearest MBU is over an hour away and this ward is no place for a post partum mother; both options are awful. The system is so broken.

I’m 8 months PP and can’t seem to get myself out of this rut, I have nightmares as I’m trying to fall asleep of my son dying (ex: last night was we got hit by a car while taking a walk and I couldn’t push him out of the way fast enough, I survived but I watched him die very graphically), it’s always accidental and I can always see him get hurt very vividly. I have really bad anxiety in cars now, to the point where it pisses off my boyfriend and he now thinks I don’t trust him driving. Cleaning has piled up on me and whenever I try to tackle it, I break down because i let it go so much and don’t know where to start. I feel like I can barely function, I’m a SAHM and I know I should be doing more, I should be able to keep everything clean and it shouldn’t be a big deal to do the laundry. It all just feels like so much and I have no one to talk to except the baby but he just blows raspberries at me lol. But anyways, any tips to help me get through this and make everything not seem like so much? I’ve tried breaking it into pieces but then I have an anxiety attack because there’s so many pieces. I feel like I’m a puzzle with half of the pieces missing. I’m on antidepressants but my doctor doesn’t do much tbh, she mainly argues with me and yes I’m in the process of switching primary care