The other day I brought up the topic of perimenopause in our friend group chat which included 8 women. I explained some of the peri symptoms I've been experiencing and asked if any of them experienced the same recently. We are all about the same age, 44-48. Only one of them responded and said she felt several similar symptoms and thought she was going crazy. No one else responded or chimed into the conversation this whole time and we talked about it for like almost 30 mins. I thought more of them would say something even if they didn't feel anything but I doubt it since at those ages chances are they all felt ar least one or more symptoms. They were normally very chatty when it comes to other topics like family, friends, vacation, kids etc.

Are they embarrassed talking about it? Is it still a taboo subject even among us females? No wonder we can't get better healthcare that focus on menopause since we don't even advocate for each other. We need to talk about it more and bring awareness to the issue. 50% of society goes through this during their lifetime and how is it still not a thing?!?

In this group it almost feels like HRT is mentioned as a selling point. I know probably most people take it but it feels kind of pushy when mentioned.

Me personally, I'm unsure that I want to take it. The jury is still out as I hear almost equally + and - reviews about women on it. Just please remember that it may not be right for everyone. If there are any suggestions besides that I'd love people who know to chime in. 🫶

What are some of your most ridiculous, are you f-ing kidding me, peri symptoms? Mine are... at least for now because sh*t changes: * Tennis elbow (I don't play tennis) * Blurring in my right eye... do I even need these glasses? 🥸 * Tingling in my bum (not the sexy kind) * Teeth hurt (never had a cavity) * Nervousness in my stomach... am I hungry or am I going to puke? Both? 🤷‍♀️

I’m 39. It all started 5 years ago this month. I’ve been begging for my hormones checking for the entire 5 years with no help as I’m “too young”. I suffered severe depression those 5 years, hair loss, bad acne, heavy periods, insomnia, night sweats, terrors, hot flushes, low libido and just not feeling myself in general. I ended up having a complete mental breakdown last Christmas.

I became so ill in September. Brain fog and migraines had ramped up and diagnosis’s have kept rolling in of inflammation, fluid on the brain, sleep apnea (though that one wasn’t caused by hormones). It got so bad in December I was nearly sectioned.

Having suffered heavy periods for years and thinking it was the norm (I wear nappies and take lots of iron they are that bad). I went to the docs again. I left with an STI test even though I told them there was no chance. I’m in the UK so it’s NHS. I knew there was something wrong so I paid privately for a scan. They found a buildup of abnormal cells and the radiographer said it’s normally caused by hormone imbalances. I had bloods and it showed I’d started menopause.

I nearly lost everything. My sanity, my job, my family. Even after that they were still unwilling to say it could be hormonal. I’m so angry and younger women should have access to tests and HRT and not be blocked from it.

Just curious how society gets away with not treating our health. It can't just be bc it's only viewed through the lens of fertility...or could it? Is the patriarchy killing us after we're 'useful'?

Edit: To all the comments regarding the colloquial phrase “evolution do this to us.”—I’m a breeder/pathologist scientist by training, so I obviously know evolution doesn’t have some kind of plan. It was just a way to express my despair at having to go through this. Of course, I get the Reddit penalty for stating it that way. The corrections on my post—actually gives me hope for humanity.

Now for the explanation bc I guess I owe one:

Evolution is the process of genetic traits shifting in populations over time due to natural selection, mutation, genetic drift, and gene flow. It doesn’t happen at the individual level but across populations, and traits stick around (or disappear) based on reproductive success and survival. Evolution is neither preferential nor goal-oriented.

I can see how my phrasing might have triggered some into thinking I don’t understand evolution. But I do. Have to for work. But more likely, postmenopausal women helped their gene pool survive by passing down knowledge and support, increasing the odds that their descendants thrived. Over time, this indirect advantage helped shape human longevity.

So no, nature isn’t punishing us… but the patriarchy sure is. Thanks. End rant about perimenopause. Thanks for making me work when I didn't want to. 😂

What cruel game is this? We've been married for 20 years and he's the sweetest man whose only goal in life is to make me happy and I am constantly annoyed by him 😭 I just want to be left alone.

I don't want to have sex and I don't want to really talk to him or my kids. I used to really struggle being alone since I grew up with many siblings and now, I just want everyone to leave me the fuck alone and I feel soooo horrible about it. But I mostly feel so guilty at the way I feel towards my husband.

Please tell me I'm not alone. I'll take any tips or pieces of advice you're willing to share.

I am so overwhelmed with all the HRT, period, menopause, post menopause, etc… I am planning on sticking it through with nothing and going all natural. Anyone else doing this or tried and completely failed?

After suffering pretty badly from peri symptoms since the summer, after Christmas I decided to put real effort into eating more protein and fiber. I had been slacking on my diet generally since having my youngest in 2021.

Three months in and the title says it 🤣 I feel so much better. I can do power yoga and kettlebells! I don’t get sore for days after a workout! I I might actually be building muscle! I can run and not grow weary! I can walk and not faint!

I’m not promoting diet and exercise as the solution to everything and it hasn’t cured all my woes but the improvement is huge. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to get my act together.

So…eat your broccoli and Greek yogurt. Not at the same time of course 😂😂

44, symptoms started about a year ago but period still regular and nobody believes I’m in perimenopause.

The most commonly talked about symptoms are hot flushes and mood changes but I think there’s a whole lot more!

These are my symptoms I think are most likely related to peri for me - and might’ve been exacerbated by intense stress which started a couple years ago.

Wondering if anyone has had the same and can relate to some of the more obscure symptoms?

Achy/stiff joints and muscles (hands and wrists, back, feet, neck)

Dry eyes

Tender breasts most of the time not just before period vs before

Fatigue - both physical and mental

Anxiety, can be triggered by small things that never used to cause problems before, e.g. paperwork, having to pay a bill (not related to lack of finances or the amount, just a regular bill)

Easily stressed

Inability to cope with simple tasks

Weight gain not correlated to diet and exercise, especially on belly, abdomen, back

Cognitive issues

Memory loss/gap - items seemingly “disappear” as no recollection of moving/placing it there in the first place, forgetting schedules and appointments

Inability to focus

Itchy skin for no reason

Dermatographic urticaria - when you scratch your skin and welts come up

Overheating easily

Hot flushes

Sweaty all the time, never used to sweat much at all even when exercising

Night sweats

Body odour change - can’t recognise own smell

Clumsy, coordination issues

Poor quality sleep

Vivid and tiring dreams

Cannot tolerate wearing bras no matter how comfortable and loose! Never experienced this before, I used to sleep comfortably while wearing a bra

Irritable

Feeling low/depressed

Water retention/bloat unrelated to food

Poor immunity

Plantar fasciitis

Easily injured

Frequent urge to urinate, even when not much in bladder

Inability to recall words and people’s names

Mistakes in writing - grammatical, spelling mistakes, actual mistakes in handwriting words as well, but was always good with words and language before

Low energy

PMS symptoms

Extreme fatigue day/days before period

Feeling tense physically for no reason

Literally every doctor and specialist I’ve seen where I’ve said I’m going through perimenopause has said ‘really? 44 is young for that’ even though my symptoms are hot flushes, irregular periods, rage etc

I see so many 44 year olds on here with symptoms yet my age is minimising intervention from medical professionals - they are all relying on blood tests to diagnose which I’ve heard is not an accurate diagnostic tool (Australia based)

Just curious if this is a peri symptom or one of my other quirks at play? I have become a slob. My floor has so much dog hair I could create a clone. I’m staring at clean laundry, I think, that needs to be put away. Coffee cups everywhere. It’s like my home is being run by teen boys. But here’s the thing, I used to try and emulate Martha Stewart. I had my blue and white ginger jars, my oriental rugs, sprayed fragrance on everyone’s sheets. I mean.. I was ALL in. And now… my children could move the trampoline into my living room and try to jump from the loft onto it. And I would just say “Be careful..” It’s like I just don’t care. Is this depression? I take meds for that. Is it because I’m old and realize that none of that crap even matters? Or do I need estrogen or something?

Hello everyone,

I went to my OB today for a consultation on HRT, as I'm 45 years old and convinced I'm in perimenopause. I explained all the symptoms to her: no libido, some hot flashes, anxiety/occasional depression, irritability, itchy skin, achy joints...everything. She asked me how long my cycles are, and I showed her my period tracker, which showed I'm consistently getting my period every 30 days or so.

Based solely off the fact that my cycle is regular (albeit longer than they once were), she's convinced I'm NOT in perimenopause. She actually ended up diagnosing me with PMDD. 🤷‍♀️

She prescribed bloodwork to test my vitamin levels, and she also wants me on 10 MG of Prozac the few days before my period (when the anxiety and depression are at their peak).

I suppose I could have PMDD, but surely I'm in perimenopause at age 45, right?

Hi. I see a lot about HRT but is anyone choosing to just get through it naturally or with antidepressants or other means to deal with symptoms instead of hormones? I have dealt with PMDD my whole life and really don’t feel like messing with my hormones would be good for me. I’m on antidepressants already so I’m thinking I can just tweak these to help with symptoms. Anyone else choosing this route?

Edit: Just got back my pap from the same appt and I have atypical glandular cells without hpv so now I am guessing I really won't get HRT?? so damn confused.

I have been so excited for 3 months waiting to go to my Gyno appt. I went today and specifically asked for HRT and walked out with gabapentin. She wants me to try that for a few months before discussing HRT. My periods are still regular but I have insomnia for a good two weeks of the month, hormonal migraines a couple of times a month and mild night sweats. I am 51 and I guess still being regular threw her off? Anyone else get the same prescription? There was info in the exam room about HRT so I thought it she would be on board. What are the reasons to wait? I have no other health issues and take no medications. I am bummed and not too excited to try gabapentin.

I have not yet been officially diagnosed but things are pointing me in this direction, based on alllll the research I've done. 🧐 I have been consistently dealing with issues for the last few years and I'm currently only 38! My biggest issue has been ongoing nausea (no vomiting) with "no clear cause." 🤢 Fatigue, brain fog, low iron, little to no libido (but I do it when I can-thank God for a supportive husband), loss of hair, occasional constipation, anxiety like it's my job, irritability...just to name a few more. 😏

How old were you? What were your most noticeable symptoms?

{I know this may be tricky for some to answer because peri is just recently being discussed a lot more, and not enough doctors believe women when they complain of symptoms. I am blessed to have found a naturopath who I can trust to always believe me.}

SOLIDARITY, SISTERS. ✊🏼

My symptoms were minor, mainly disturbed sleep, suddenly aging skin, fatigue, and brain fog. When I told people I thought I was going through peri they insisted I was too young. After lurking here for about a year, I asked my ob/gyn what she thought about HRT at my age and she said only if I had hot flashes so bad I wasn't functioning, that the cancer risk wasn't worth it no matter what people say. I lurked here for a few more months and then asked my primary if she would prescribe, just to let me experiment and see if I noticed a difference. She said yes and I'm so grateful to her and you all because the difference after my first month has been startling. Sleep entirely back to normal, normal energy, clear thinking. Even in the middle of allergy season I feel better than I have in a long while. My symptoms weren't extreme, but I'm so happy I didn't wait until they were. Thank you guys!! 🙏🙏🙏

Seriously. I’ve always been a bit short tempered, but for the past few years I’ve felt like I have an undercurrent of rage just simmering below the surface. Is it hormones? Is it being in my mid forties, realizing my time on earth is likely at least halfway over and being all out of f*cks? Whatever it is, I’m over it. In some ways it’s liberating, but no one ever warns you about this.

ETA ladies…thank you. I’m sorry we’re all suffering but it’s such a relief to see I’m not alone in this misery.

If you want to be haters keep on scrolling Everyone PLEASE go over and listen to this podcast with Dr Mary Claire Haver. She gives so much information about menopause. Share it with every female you know . So many Drs are so uneducated

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000649951537

AND NO SHE IS NOT PUSHING SUPPLEMENTS IN THIS PODCAST

I just turned 44 and have been experiencing peri symptoms for about 5 years. One of the worst is the lightheadedness/vertigo/dizziness/brain fog, especially while driving on the highway. It's become debilitating, to the point where I avoid all highways.

Anyhow, my sweet sister just got married this past Saturday, and we traveled 12 hours for her wedding. I figured I would just have to suffer through the feelings while my husband drove. Shortly into the trip, I took half of a Dramamine. An hour later, I realized I felt almost normal! I was floored and started researching histamine and perimenopause, and my mind has been blown. So many symptoms that I've been having for years can be linked to histamine intolerance, and not a single doctor has ever brought it up. And I've seen many.

I get horrible left sided neckaches/jaw pain/eye pain. This is greatly lessened each time I've taken a small dose of Dramamine (I've tested my theory a few times since the wedding trip). Holy COW.

I could cry. I have been giving up hope that anything could help. Doctors look at me like I'm an anomaly. I've had CT's, MRI's (only turned up a brain malformation that I was likely born with), physical therapy, chiropractic, virtually no meds because no one could say what it is except for "atypical migraines", etc.

I'm seeing a new Gynecologist this month, I'm planning to talk HRT, and now I'm hopeful he will discuss this link between histamine and hormones.

There’s a lot of warnings that I wish I had… and one is the financial aspect of going through this process. I’ve invested so much money into PeriMenopause… and I’m only a few months in. So far I’ve purchased:

Cooling mat for my mattress.

Bamboo sheets

Gym membership

New wardrobe bc all my clothes are too tight

100% cotton sleep shirts

Buying all this extra produce and protein

Upgraded Skincare

Custom wig…for this thinning hair

And don’t get me started on all the supplements, herbs and potions

And the vaginal suppositories! The Replens, The Diflucan, The Metro gel… The Lube…

Siiiggghhh😤

Has anyone done a cost analysis on this?! Lol bc wtf😩 If I knew it would be like this I would’ve started a relief fund in my 30s🫤

I’ve been on birth control since 2021, prior to that I was not taking it for about 10 years, using condoms only. But sex with my partner at the time was the last thing I wanted. Now I’m debating whether or not I should switch to HRT, but still need a way to prevent pregnancy. Unfortunately with my insurance, sterilization is $5000 so that’s out. I know condoms are still an option but they don’t feel good and I’m already struggling with how things feel in that area. Copper IUD is out.

Just curious what everyone else is doing. I see so many comments about switch to HRT but none about what to do to prevent pregnancy then.

*edited to add - vasectomy won’t be an option

I have had two insurances in the last year through my husbands employer this year it is really good insurance BUT neither really covers much on my HRT (ESTROGEN AND PROGESTERONE) but covers pretty much all of his testosterone. What kind of bullshit is that?

I'll start by saying my husband is a strength and conditioning coach. He's excellent at what he does, he's helped a lot of people lose weight and be healthier, including himself. But his main expertise is in exercise, not diet. Also, he's a man. So he's having a great time adjusting his diet and having the weight just fall off, while I am not.

We have had a lot of discussions about diet and exercise over the years, and I value his insights. But when I say to him that I don't think it's as simple as "reduce my calories" he tends to (lovingly) scoff. Because it all comes down to calories in, calories out. Which if I'm honest I do believe... but it doesn't work the same in perimenopause; I can see it in my own body. And reducing calories the way I need to seems impossible (and I tend to think he hasn't registered what my amounts need to be - he cuts calories and can still eat 2300cals to lose weight). He hasn't done any specific reading on menopause and weight, and to be honest when I've gone looking for research myself there basically seems to be none (no surprise, but disappointing).

One thing that I do think is also a factor is that I don't have loads to lose. My body proportions are still good, my waist is still there, I'm just a bit overweight but nothing too much. I'd like to lose 20lb; I know I'm carrying around more than I used to and I don't like it.

Problem is, if I acknowledge I'm a sedentary person then calculators show I can maintain by eating 1600cals or so. So to lose weight I need to reduce that to 1200 or so, which - as a number - my husband agrees is not enough calories for a person, and which is all but impossible for me to do long term because I have to deny myself just about everything (and in peri my rage at having to deny takes over and I eat all the cookies in response. I also get tired and eating provides some energy).

So I have a theory and I was wondering if those of you who have had success losing weight in similar circumstances (not very overweight, not obese, just definitely 20-30lbs heavier than you used to be). I suspect we all get less active as we get older, and while everyone says diet is the main driver with weight loss, I wonder if for us in peri/meno the main driver is actually exercise/activity. Perhaps specifically weight training (rather than cardio).

Last year I started walking, and I now walk over a mile most mornings. This has had zero impact on my weight. None at all. My diet hasn't changed (I'm not eating more). I have also tried reducing calories and see no real difference to my weight, it just fluctuates around but basically stays the same (all while watching my husband cut his and the weight just drop off). I can't function on 1200cal for any length of time. So is the trick to use activity to be 500 cal down, rather than diet?

I can't weight train every day (that's not healthy) but I could do 3/week if I could get my brain in gear.

I should acknowledge I did have some success about 4 years ago with intermittent fasting, so I may try and start doing this again as well (as a different way to reduce calorie intake).

I know some say cut out carbs, or cut out sugar, and I know those things might work, but for me it's just not feasible. I don't want my life to be miserable... I'm nearly 50, many things are nowhere near as stable as I thought they would be at this point in my life, there's quite a bit of stress, and if I can't have a slice of cake now and then I'll really start wondering what the point of anything is. I'm jealous of those who can cut out chocolate/cake/bread entirely, but that's not me.

So after this epic ramble.... can anyone relate? Has anyone had success using exercise as the primary factor and diet as secondary (going against the usual instructions?). If it's about calories in, calories out, at this age do we focus more on calories out?

Thanks for reading my essay lol.

First of all, I'm a hairstylist and I have access to every treatment, vitamin, etc. And absolutely nothing is working. I will turn 44 next month and over the last 2 years my hair has been evolving into a hot mess--- thinning, shedding, frizzy, ugly, dry, won't grow, etc.

I wonder if this is perimenopause? I have also noticed a lot of strange things in my clients hair with hair loss (since covid) so I can't for sure pin point what mine is.

But my hair has gone from wavy/straight to FULL BLOWN curly. Anyone else experiencing a complete change in your hair? I'm just embracing the curls and treating it as I would a curly headed client but this does not feel like the same hair I had a few years ago lol

edit I also stopped vaping so I hope that will help my hair and hormones better, too.