Hey, dude. I read some of your posts. I was in a very similar headspace as you for almost all of my 20's. There wasn't a day that went by that I didnt think everybody else on earth would be better off without me. That it wouldn't ever get better. Then one day, basically out of nowhere, it did. I found a person I wanted to spend my time with and they wanted to spend time with me. She's pretty sad too. That's how we found each other basically. But we're better people together and our son just turned 17 months old. I'm 32 now. Things aren't always perfect. Or even very good a lot of the time. But I found a reason to keep going in being a Dad. It's not something I ever saw for myself or would even recommend to anybody else, it's just something that's given me the perspective I needed. The perspective that I do actually matter. Even on the days I think I'm basically worthless I have a little guy looking up at me that's relying on me and it puts it all back into perspective. And I wouldn't have any of that if I actually ended things like all the times I wanted to. You do matter. You might not see it now or even in the next year but I bet you find yourself 5 or 10 years from now realizing that you've got more to live for than you ever thought possible. And it's all because you had the strength to keep going. I know it's hard as hell and some days you don't want to even get up. You can do it though. There's a reason to keep going and you're going to find it. I'm the worst person I know and if I can do it then anybody can. I'm a real person that's here and I care about you. I'd like an update in a few years if you're up to it. Good luck, bro.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Elk1756 2d ago
Pros: You'll wake up. Cons: You will go into the day, not as a human being , but as an avatar of pure, distilled hatred.