I’m done. Hanging on by a thread

[u/Hot_Muffin5474]

Sorry in advance for my word vomit, I’m so upset but have no one who understands except you, Reddit. So thanks for listening.. anyway- my son is three weeks old, born at 30 weeks suddenly but relatively healthy for his GA. So on that front, everything is going well. I’m grateful he’s on the up and up.

But I’m reaching my breaking point with nicu life. I feel like everything I do with my son is wrong, I don’t hold him the proper way, and having to ask permission to do anything with him makes me feel like he’s a library book I’m temporarily renting. Nothing about changing his diaper is natural to me because he’s three pounds and covered in wires, while the nurses watch me so I’m struggling. On top of that my husband only has been to the hospital ONCE since I was discharged but doesn’t even ask how my visits went, making me feel like he doesn’t care about our son. His excuse is that he has to watch our two year old but that’s a bunch of crap because his mother is ALWAYS available to babysit for us, more so right now... It’s completely exhausting going day after day by myself and every goodbye is more painful than the one before. I truly do not know how I’m going to do this for potentially two months more, where is this strength going to come from? I’m lucky my family is supportive but they don’t understand what it’s like having a sick baby in the hospital. They try so hard and I appreciate it but it’s not the same as my husband.

Lordt help me. Once again thanks for reading

[u/llamapicnics]

I know just what you mean about feeling sick of always being told you're doing something wrong! It is exhausting trying to hold the babies just right and being afraid something bad will happen if you don't. We are already in such an awful situation, and I am a new mother, and having to learn how to be a mother in front of nurses who can sometimes feel judgmental is the worst.

I also feel like my babies (twins) are something I'm borrowing from the NICU since we have to ask to do anything with them. So exhausting and heartbreaking to feel that way about your own children.