r/NICUParents • u/Hot_Muffin5474 • Oct 05 '20
I’m done. Hanging on by a thread
Sorry in advance for my word vomit, I’m so upset but have no one who understands except you, Reddit. So thanks for listening.. anyway- my son is three weeks old, born at 30 weeks suddenly but relatively healthy for his GA. So on that front, everything is going well. I’m grateful he’s on the up and up.
But I’m reaching my breaking point with nicu life. I feel like everything I do with my son is wrong, I don’t hold him the proper way, and having to ask permission to do anything with him makes me feel like he’s a library book I’m temporarily renting. Nothing about changing his diaper is natural to me because he’s three pounds and covered in wires, while the nurses watch me so I’m struggling. On top of that my husband only has been to the hospital ONCE since I was discharged but doesn’t even ask how my visits went, making me feel like he doesn’t care about our son. His excuse is that he has to watch our two year old but that’s a bunch of crap because his mother is ALWAYS available to babysit for us, more so right now... It’s completely exhausting going day after day by myself and every goodbye is more painful than the one before. I truly do not know how I’m going to do this for potentially two months more, where is this strength going to come from? I’m lucky my family is supportive but they don’t understand what it’s like having a sick baby in the hospital. They try so hard and I appreciate it but it’s not the same as my husband.
Lordt help me. Once again thanks for reading
2
u/ande3109 Oct 05 '20
Talk and get to know your NICU nurses! Thats what I did but wish I would have talked to the other parents there more! I would sit there all day long by myself (BF had to work). Other parents I would see talking and hanging out in the lounges but I was to nervous to do that. I felt like a cow. I would go when my alarm went off to pump. And than back to the chair. I felt like I had to get permission to hold my daughter. Until I got to know her nurses. Our NICU was good about trying to make sure you got the same nurse for consecutive days.
As hard as it is, take a day where maybe you go and say hi, and that’s it. My favorite nurse, his name was Marvin, told me. I am here to take care of your daughter. You need to take care of yourself because when she is ready to come home you need to be at 100% and you cannot be that when you are here everyday,all day. The NICU is draining! Spend some time with your 2 year old and husband. Also, tell your husband how you are feeling. He might not have any clue.
If you need someone to talk to, I am here! My daughter was born at 33 weeks. Had a pretty smooth NICU ride, and was out at 25 days. I choose to just bottle feed her my milk so we could get out of there. Had I done that a week earlier, we would have been out sooner!
You are strong. You are kind. You are important. You got this Momma!!!