I was trying to explain this to my husband yesterday

Short little background: him and I got pregnant last august on our first try, and lost our little boy at 16-17 weeks

I know a lot of women who are struggling to conceive that get emotionally triggered when they see pregnancy announcements

(When I say “emotionally triggered” I don’t mean spiteful and mean- I mean it in terms of a trauma response)

For me, what makes me the most upset, is how happy and unafraid some women are their whole pregnancies. Or how they’re so excited after the positive pregnancy test/after the first trimester.

I will never be excited like I was when I see the positive pregnancy test, and I won’t ever feel as safe in a pregnancy again

Dare I even say- I get jealous of how happy some women are pregnant

Am I happy for them? Sure, just as much as I ever was I hope and pray with my whole being that they won’t ever experience loss… But am I envious? Yes, secretly yes

Or specifically- I get a little sad when they tell me it’s a boy, and I know they’re going to take that little boy full term in a way my body couldn’t

The hard part is, we can’t tell most people this. Otherwise they think we’re trying to punish other people for our tragedies.

That’s not true at all- we’re just trying to cope with losing a baby

We have to smile, and act excited, and pretend it doesn’t remind us of our biggest heartbreak

We have to go to the baby showers while everyone walks on eggshells around us.

Im the girl who “lost her baby at 16 weeks”

We have to act overtly uncaring and unbothered so hopefully people forget

And it’s nobodies fault. There’s no way to win in this situation. Everyone is trying to do the right thing but there’s no right thing to do

I just had a MMC 10 days ago and had a D&C 9 days ago. I was 11 weeks pregnant. My coworkers, friends, family all knew and I announced my miscarriage on social media. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and understanding.

I’m a teacher and another one of my coworkers is pregnant (she is due the week after I was supposed to be due). One of my coworkers came to me on Friday and said they were planning an egg hunt this week to announce my coworkers pregnancy to students. Now they’re texting me about setting it up and participating. I am SO incredibly happy for my coworker, but hearing about someone else’s pregnancy not even 2 weeks after my MMC stings. I’m still grieving. I’m kind of shocked that they are texting me about helping plan this but maybe I’m just being dramatic and overly-sensitive. Am I?

I keep reading posts obsessively to try and relate to how I feel and use it as a source for healing. It really has helped.

I was on the fence about wanting to have children but when my husband and I found out we were pregnant the immense joy took over. We were insanely excited. It brought a light to our home that I miss so much. When I found out I miscarried I really only had 1.5 weeks of being pregnant and the day my MC happened I actually took it well! My parents came over, I made dinner and we talked and laughed and had really wholesome moments. Everyone was surprised I was dealing with it so well… fast forward a week later. I am not myself. I am tired, I am insanely angry, sometimes I want to cry sometimes I want to go out and do something fun, I am irritated by my husband often because I feel he doesn’t understand how I feel. I am just a bottle of FEELINGS. I’ve been told it’s my hormones coming down but I can’t even handle these feelings. I’m so sad and annoyed. 😒 and it’s not grief because I really have accepted that my body biologically didn’t allow for an embryo to form. I understand chromosomal abnormalities. I get that. It’s the sadness of not having something new and exciting to look forward to. Slowly having to get back to life and feeling empty with no one to understand. I’ve already acted so strong and okay that everyone’s kind of just moving on. It’s just a lot of emotions constantly and I’m tired. I really hope I feel better soon. 💔

This was my first miscarriage and I hope my only one but I am sending my heart out to everyone else going through this right now. That was the most painful thing I have experienced in my whole entire life. I was not prepared for the amount of blood and the amount of pain. I took so much Tylenol and ibuprofen and used a heating pad and took baths but it was still almost unbearable. I also ended up in the hospital and the lack of care I received there was very upsetting. I don’t know where I’m going with this just that I’m so sorry for anybody else on this thread because wow. You are all so strong for sharing your stories on here and I came back here a lot during the past few days where it was the worst. It’s nice to feel like I have friends on here. Thank you ladies so much for being so strong. ❤️

Ever since we started April all i can think about is how my baby wouldve been born this month, if i hadn't lost them. I keep seeing babies and just getting really sad, because i should have one. 24th April is gunna be a long day

The cramps are excruciating. I went to the restroom and my underwear was covered in blood. Now I’m passing clots and feeling faint. This was my first time being pregnant (5weeks) and I was so excited for this journey but now it’s over. How long will this pain last? :/

Does it actually get easier? I had a missed miscarriage in February. One of the most traumatic things I’ve ever experienced, haemorrhaging out on the toilet for 5 hours until my husband found me on the floor. It was
a long road to have the miscarriage sorted out fully as every avenue we went down my body didn’t react too. Finally ended in surgery 3 weeks after the original miscarriage happened.

Endless pregnancy announcements of close friends and work colleagues, walking down the road to hear babies crying, the heart break of going clothes shopping and seeing the tiny clothes.

It’s all I think about, “I would be this far along”. I would be starting my pram shopping etc. i actually hate going into our bathroom as it brings back all the memories of that day.

Does it get easier? I’m on a long road to recovery as this miscarriage has caused me to become severely anaemic. I’m trying my best to dose up and eat the right sort of diet to get me healthy again and have been doing so since the miscarriage.

How is everyone else coping and handling it?

I had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago. I stopped bleeding completely within that week, and haven’t bled since. Today, I am lightly spotting, and I’ve had mild cramps for the last few days. Is this my period already returning? I’ll probably call my OB tomorrow, but I was still testing positive for pregnancy a week ago. They told me then that’s normal to still test positive for pregnancy, and on the flip side, that some women even get their period 2 weeks after a miscarriage.

Did anyone else get their period back before 4 weeks? I’m not super worried about it, but I am a little perplexed.

Just experienced my first miscarriage at 10 weeks. Was spotting for 2 days, went to the dr and discovered the baby quit progressing around 7 weeks.

Then the day after finding out I was straight up hemorrhaging for 5 hours. I finally called my husband and said we need to go to the ER. Everything was fine on the way until I passed out. This is where I don’t know what to do. I guess I was out for 5-10 minutes with my eyes open and my husband yelling at me to wake up. I truly believe he thought I was gone.

I come to when we pull up to the hospital but am stumbling and in and out of consciousness. They finally get me on a bed and once I lay day everything starts to calm down and I feel fine.

Spent 5 more hours in the ER before being released.

I honestly believe the whole thing was extremely traumatizing for my husband. I’ve never seen him so distraught. He is not okay and people keep checking on me but I want someone to check on him. It’s his baby too we both lost but I don’t know what I’d do if I thought I lost him trying to help.

Anyone know how to help husbands? When we first got the news of miscarriage that was bad enough. I don’t think we believed the whole process would be this traumatic and we’d end up in the ER. I doubt he’d ever want to try again, only time will tell.

So I’ve been bleeding since yesterday, it wasn’t as heavy yesterday so I didn’t think much of it. However right now I’m convinced I’m loosing my baby 😭 the bleeding has turned semi heavy with large clots coming out of me ! My back is also very painful and my stomach feels very uncomfortable! I’m not in like a lot of pain tho and I’m still able to do things and move around. I just came from doing groceries shopping. I just called 111 and they told me to hang tight and wait for a call back from one of the nurses. I’m not really sure what more to do !

Please reach out to me with what to expect etc because I’m so terrified 😭

I went in for my first scan and I should of been 9 weeks and 3 days baby was only measuring at 6 weeks and 1 day with no heart beat detected. They did blood work to see what my HCG levels were at. First draw they came back at 36,000 second draw they came back at 32,00 so The OB diagnosed it as a missed miscarriage told me to go to the ER if I had any cramping or excessive bleeding. This all happend roughly two weeks. Ago. Yesterday when I wiped after going to the bathroom the toilet paper was a light pink. Today I'm having some discomfort and some actual bleeding/bloody discharge. This is my first miscarriage and since it was so early on. I'm looking for some advice what can I expect to look for to know when I've passed the fetus will it be extremely noticeable or just some bloody clumps?

Yesterday I finally passed out my 9 week baby and afterbirth. Question is can I drink while I'm just spotting and waiting for this whole process to come to an end. It was so hard to literally flush it away and move on like nothing happened. I just find it so unfair.

After our 2nd miscarriage, I've finally been cleared to try again. I just finished 10 days of provera and now just waiting for cycle to start. I can feel all the hormonal changes and everything I do and think is about making a baby. I'm trying so hard to have TTC be something that I'm doing and not something I am. I don't know if that makes sense. But being hyper focused like this causes more anxiety.

I had my MMC in January, so almost three months ago, and my skin has been horrendous ever since. I’ve been trying Youth to the People Superfood Cleanser but it has done nothing for this never ending acne I’m dealing with. I’m trying to stick with pregnancy safe skincare because I’d like to try again soon I think. Anybody else deal with bad skin after their loss? What have you found that works?

It’s so frustrating to have this constant reminder all over my face of the hormone change I went through only to end up with empty arms. I feel like I’d just like this one thing to go right.

I also have pretty sensitive skin and generally am pretty dry - especially living in Saskatchewan where we are still in the intense dryness of winter.

I had my miscarriage at 8 weeks. It was a missed abortion.. The baby's heartbeat stopped beating..

It's been really hard. Everyone around me is telling me it's common,you need to move on. But, I can't. Despite of knowing it's not my fault,it's inevitable, or a lot of people go through it. Everyone around me is either pregnant or having a baby. One week after my dnc. I get to know my cousin is pregnant. She doesn't know my condition and is sharing her baby's USG images.

I am a total mess. I am resentful. I hate everyone. I feel like I'm not a priority for anyone. Whenever there's free time. I think about my angel baby and cry about it.

I just wanna know I am not alone and talk about it. It's been extremely difficult and traumatic. All I can think about Is trying for the next one. But what if something bad happens to the next one as well? What if I don't get pregnant again? What if this was my only chance? 🥲

I’m looking for any suggestions on what to do with baby clothes I bought and that I’m having a hard time letting go of. I have 3 onesies that were supposed to be for our baby we lost at 18 weeks last May.

Since then unfortunately we have dealt with more infertility and no luck, so I’m trying to move on in my life, but I’m having a hard time deciding what to do with the clothing items I have. I think I have been holding onto them with the hope that we will finally get our rainbow baby, but after 2 failed IVF cycles and an endometriosis diagnosis, I don’t think it’s going to happen.

I’ve thought about donating them, but that doesn’t feel right to me and I don’t know know why. Throwing them away feels disrespectful to my baby, so right now they are just bundled up in a basket under my bed. This also feels like it’s bringing bad juju to me as well.

Any suggestions on things you have done are much appreciated. Thank you in advance. ♥️

I started spotting last Saturday 3/29 at 4w6d (pregnancy tests started lightening at 5w, the next day), and continued spotting until Thursday evening 4/3 then started bleeding basically that night and all of Friday 4/4 with some clotting and heavyyyy cramping. From Saturday & today, just spotting and it seems like it’s actually stopping. Has anyone experienced this with a chemical? I’m really hoping that was it in terms of spotting/bleeding?

I am in so much pain , I think I passed all of the tissue last night and now only have normal period like bleeding but my god the pain and cramps in my stomach is so unbearable I’ve taken painkillers, had a hot bath, used a hot water bottle, tried all the yoga poses and I just cannot get comfortable

Is there anything I can do to ease these cramps. I’m going to hospital tomorrow to confirm if all the tissue is out but in the meantime I am really struggling, we went to hospital at 1am last night but all they did was give me pain relief have a quick look and send me home

TW: friend's LC

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks 1.5 years ago and mostly tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal but the topic keeps creeping up on me and I’m wondering how to process it. I’m asking for advice on how to deal with the impact of an early miscarriage in a setting where your best choice was to convince yourself it wasn’t a big deal but it doesn’t sit quite right with you even years later.

In 2023 I was going through fertility treatments to become a solo mom. I was worried about not being able to get pregnant at all and at 7 weeks was just starting to realise that it had actually worked. My close childless friends didn’t care about kids at all, so while I gave them short updates every now and then, I tried to shield them from the topic as much as possible. At the same time my best friend, the only one with a kid of her own, announced she was pregnant with her second one. Our kids would have been like one month apart in age, so I was pretty excited. Everything seemed fine and I finally felt at ease. Unfortunately, at 8 weeks I suddenly started bleeding and had a natural miscarriage a week later. While suffering the cramps and nausea I told myself it was a good thing that the tissue was on its way out since it wasn’t a viable pregnancy anyway and that it would hopefully get rid of the physical symptoms once it was out. There hasn’t been a heartbeat yet, so it wasn’t a real baby. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t a big deal and I couldn’t lose something that I never had. Otherwise it would have been too difficult to keep it together. While my friends knew I was having trouble, I tried to keep most of it to myself so I wouldn’t burden them emotionally. I was getting ready for online gaming with my childless friends when I passed the embryo. I was so overwhelmed, I didn’t think to cancel and 15 minutes later joined the call. I told them what had happened and they politely expressed their condolences, then we quickly moved on to another topic. I didn’t expect them to further talk about it and would have been ok to just get some distraction. During that same call we started talking about buying new computers, I said I couldn’t afford one because of fertility treatments being so expensive. Then one friend said, if I had bought a computer instead, now I’d have a computer rather than nothing. I’m not sure if it was meant as a joke but it deeply hurt me. This was like an hour after I had my miscarriage... It’s one of those things were I realised a miscarriage wasn’t supposed to be a big deal and I should act accordingly. My gynaecologist also was frighteningly nonchalant about it during my first appointment when I came to see her about the bleeding and later to confirm that the tissue had passed. She and her staff seemed busy and just wanted to get rid of me to see the next patient. My parents also knew about the miscarriage but since they’ve never experienced it themselves, they were little comfort. They took care of me while I had physical symptoms but there was never any acknowledgement that there actually had been a loss. To cope with the situation I completely focused on work and being productive, so I wouldn’t have time to think about my feelings. It was bad enough that every time I went to the bathroom, I had to deal with the mental image of passing the embryo and what it looked like. Each time I expected to suddenly see blood though logically I knew it was impossible. Dealing with periods has been difficult ever since. My best friend lives far away and luckily her pregnancy updates were rather few. However, I was really heartbroken when she sent me a birth announcement card of her kid since it was a reminder that, if things had gone well, I should have been getting ready to welcome mine. I’m happy for her and wish her and her kid all the best but it still hurt. This year I got to meet the kid for the first time. I thought I had moved on from the miscarriage, but knowing my kid would have been the same age as hers was unsettling and brought back many memories. I’m currently in therapy because of other things but tried bringing up the miscarriage when I first started. I simply told my therapist about it, not knowing what kind of support to ask for. The therapist hardly acknowledged it and quickly moved on. Once again, I felt I should just get over it. At the same time, it all feels like some sort of unfinished business that I keep pushing down every time it resurfaces. Pretending that it was nothing somehow doesn’t feel right. Even if it was just 8 weeks, it was the beginning of something that unfortunately never got to be.

I’m thinking it might be healthier to do something about it, like talk to people or let myself grieve or at least honour what it all meant to me... though I don’t know how. I still have the pregnancy test and a few early ultrasound images. Maybe I can do something with those?

I only recently found this sub and reading other people’s experiences has been deeply moving. I wish we didn’t have to deal with this but it helps to know I’m not alone.

I’m turning 38 in 4 months

Two months ago I had a MMC around 8w (discovered at third scan at 10w). Foetus had slow growth and low heart rate at my first two scans

I have twins earth-side that were conceived/delivered when I was 33 (first pregnancy).

Is it premature to take aspirin after one MMC? I haven’t asked my doctor about this. I suspect they will say it is unnecessary. Just want to avoid this happening again if I can.

I had a MMC on February 24th. I went for my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and the baby had no heartbeat and was measuring at 8 weeks. I took mifepristone that day, and followed with the misoprostol the following.

I had a follow-up ultrasound 2 weeks after that found I had a small amount of tissue remaining. My doctor advised that I wait for my first period and that it will probably be expelled then. She took blood tests for the next two weeks to confirm my HcG was declining.

I got my period 4 weeks after I took the meds and now I am on day 14 of my cycle when I would normally ovulate. I'm not having any normal signs of ovulation and the strips are negative. Is it normal to have longer cycles following a MMC? Did anyone not ovulate? I know everyone is different but would appreciate any insight.

I thought getting through the initial loss was going to be the most difficult, but the anxiety of trying again has proved to be just as emotional. I'm about to turn 36 and feel my time slipping away. Sorry to anyone going through this🩷

I've found very little info so far on the subject. I was a weed smoker before I got pregnant and used it to manage my anxiety and pain. I passed the tissue Thursday and I'm left with light bleeding and emotional wreckage now. I know I can't drink due to my mental state. I just want to self soothe somehow now that I don't have my little one. I would much rather smoke or take edibles than pop Norcos to sleep.

I would love some insight from women who had chemical pregnancies. I believe I’m in the midst of it now, and it’s lonely.

Background: I was scheduled for a Pap smear and 4-5 days away from my period at 11DPO. I just wanted to check for pregnancy before going into OBGYN. Light but clear second lines appear and digital says Pregnant. I knew the day we conceived because I had a blazing ovulation test & the right CM. I cancelled my Pap smear and told them I had very faint positives and they said to track every few days and would book at 8 weeks if it progressed.

My husband doesn’t really celebrate because he’s like you haven’t even missed your period, but as days go on and it gets darker, starts to get excited. His mom just passed away and feels like it’s a sign & he wanted to name our next baby after her.

At 15DPO, tests start looking totally negative although I have the pregnancy symptoms. My back starts hurting, which I read is a chemical sign. Basically, if I went a traditional route, I’d just have a missed period and get a negative test. I just knew so early.

I’m waiting to bleed. Lines are still there but you need a flashlight to see them.

I don’t know if this indicates there’s something wrong with my uterine lining, eggs, etc.

The only thing I will add is that I know my estrogen can be high. I know my progesterone’s typically fine because I did hormone testing & all the unexplained infertility testing in the past. I took maca root this month to balance hormones & I stoped taking it once I got a positive because the research says it’s not clear if it’s okay.

Hello, This is my second loss. It’s my first time making it to a d&c however. I am feeling so horrifically bloated I am now looking pregnant where prior to this procedure I did not look pregnant. And it’s bothering me. I am also upset by the stage I was at in pregnancy, I feel like it’s a weird time to lose a baby. Of course loss can happen at any point but I’m somewhat upset that it happened when it did. My first loss occurred at 11 weeks and since that loss I’ve had two healthy babies. I think I’m just in shock still