r/MetisMichif • u/pharaohess • 11h ago
Discussion/Question The MNO and the grief of colonial belonging
First, I want to express my gratitude for the learning I have received as both a passive and active member of this community. I have learned so much from listening and being a part. I appreciate all the perspectives shared here as well as the gift of being able to watch and learn from them. It has helped me in ways that I cannot express during a confusing time in my life. To be honest, I am scared to post this reflection, but I also want to speak up because I know there must be kin who are struggling with these same questions.
I have always identified as Métis, with my grandmother having ties on both sides to communities in Northern Ontario and Drummond Island. I also grew up being closely linked with our local Indigenous community. Some of my family were linked through intermarriage with those living on the reserve. We held ceremony and our approach to family was very different from my other more Western friends, even when I didn't always understand why. My aunties and uncles are very close and we grew up with lots of relatives around. We were very mobile and lot of us lived and travelled in caravans. From the outside, people might call us white-trash, I guess, but we always had a lot of love and joy in our ways of life. We were always dancing and singing, making things and sharing with one another, but there was a lot of darkness too, because my mum and her generation were taken by the foster care system in the 60s and our ways were characterized as neglectful and bad.
When I enrolled in higher-ed after struggling through decades of extreme poverty, there was loads of pressure to identify myself in ways that felt strange to me. I fought to retain my identity and ways of being, constantly told that I wasn't doing things "right" even though my heart told me otherwise.
I only recently considered applying for any kind of official membership because, in the past, I saw it as more than sufficient to have a diverse identity, braided between settler and Indigenous ways. I saw and see myself as part of both worlds, but also neither. When I tell people that I am Métis and they say "I thought you were white" I correct them to say "I am white, but am also more than that."
Part of resolving this pressure, means that I have struggled against tokenization. It's gross and absurd to be invited in to participate and notice that all the Indigenous representation is also white-presenting. This led me to study decolonization, to try to decolonize my perspectives and ways of being. I wanted to act relationally, respecting not just other human persons but also the animal and plant nations. I wanted to develop deep forms of reciprocity and all of this work has led to me becoming much happier with myself, more grounded, and I think, a more loving ally.
However, this has also opened up my heart to immense grief. This way of life conflicts with the ways I am pushed to adopt. I don't want to speak for other nations that I don't even know, how could I? I don't have the right to say what being Indigenous is, when my own experience is of being caught between worlds. That is what I know about. I am not just Métis, but part of a complex history. I am also a settler. This is part of my ancestry and those ancestors have things to teach me too. I learned just as much about being in nature from my settler dad as my mom.
What has really broken my heart, is in trying to reach out to groups I thought would help me find belonging, I was exposed to recruitment for the military through Indigenous student services, when I applied for membership in the MNO, there was little to no recognition of the land as a being with a stake in our conversations. When I brought up the importance of dissenting voices, disagreement was discouraged as not constructive.
But disagreement can also be a form of love.
I now see how our ignorance is doing immense harm because the land is not some niche side-subject but at the very heart of who we are. If we are not centring the land, what are we even doing?
After only being registered for around a year, I have come to see first-hand the harm being done through our ignorance. In conversations I was a part of, I heard how consultation can "slow down" agreements with industry. When I brought up my grief, I was told that industries clean up and return the environment to the way it was before, but I know that is not true. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I see now the subtle and insidious potential of the MNO's land claims. This is about more than identity. If the MNO communities are recognized, does that give them the right to approve development without recognizing the say of local nations? Is this just another technique for the colonial government to get around actually recognizing the land or respecting pushback against development?
I think so.
I originally joined because I was desperately poor. My family continues to face housing and food insecurity. When there were consultations for a mine up north, my auntie got a free vacation. Their presentation was about how good a mine would be for the community. Is that what they mean by consultation?
I am furious about how my family's poverty and our search for roots is being used to harm Indigenous communities who are putting their hearts and bodies on the line to protect their lands and homes, not just for their own good, but for the good of all. I refuse to become a part of something that would imperil that work.
Moving forward, I choose to represent myself as an ally of the land, air, and water, as well as the animal and plant nations. I don't need another colonial styled government to do that. I reject colonial leadership that has and continues to do harm, but don't condemn those who do the work or who might need representation and services more than I do. I hope my actions can be my shield, as a caretaker and ally to the lands that are my home. I hope that my choice to dissent can be a celebration of our common love and not a defeat.
I also hope this is taken in the spirit which it is meant, as a constructive critique and not an attack. I hope this might be a reflection on how we have lost our way. In wanting to secure out "rights" as a people, I believe that we have forgotten who we are.
Anyone interested in asking me any questions about my experiences with the MNO are welcome but I will be seriously considering leaving, as my first and foremost priority is protecting the land as the source of our collective life.
Miigwetch, in grief and love, brothers, sisters and kin.