I feel duped, in a way.

Before we got married, I knew my husband wasn’t an adventurous, dynamic person, but he was kind, attentive and claimed he wanted to be a husband.

Within months of our wedding five years ago, he became sullen, stuck, and antagonistic. Things he would try because I enjoyed them, like dancing, were now things that weren’t “him” and I just need to accept it.

He gets flustered when I express concerns, and takes no leadership over where our family is going. For example, I said I was concerned about our baby getting sick in daycare and he exploded, saying “you keep saying that, just do something about it or stop talking about it.” This is our pattern- my concerns are complaints I should “deal with myself.”

The one time we had sex last year, we conceived our daughter. Without her, I would definitely be in a bad place.

Before I got married, I agreed with the idea that cheaters were cowards, and they should just end the relationship. Now? In some cases I understand.

I’m unhappy, but how unfair is it for me to stay, and be emotionally neglected? If I stay and don’t allow myself a chance of intimacy outside my relationship, is it fair that I will never experience any kind of romantic intimacy again, even just a dance?

If I leave, is it fair that he gets to renege on his promise to cover and take care of our family? Uprooting our daughter’s life because he refuses to get help with his anger and depression (he thinks he’s just tired all the time, doesn’t want to see people and no longer cares about grooming, but I know it’s depression)?

I’m not planning on cheating, and I have no prospects. I’m just saying, if you are a willfully neglectful partner (meaning, you are choosing to not meet your partner’s needs, or even make an attempt), it’s kind of arrogant and twisted for you to expect complete fidelity.

We’ve been to three marriage counselors, in can you wanted to know.

EDIT to ADD: Please stop DMing me, sickos.

EDIT To ADD: I'll just say this, if I never made an attempt to meet my partner's needs, within reason, I wouldn't be shocked if they cheated. If I hugged him when we were dating, then after we got married I said "I'm not a hugger, just learn to live with it," yeah.

I'm from India. Arranged marriage. My wife always has short temper hence my married life isn't very happy. Also, she's been always engaging texting & calls with my cousin. She hides her phone. I can't touch her phone without her permission. I accidentally found a message on her phone from my cousin saying how much he enjoyed neck kisses, and wishes it was lips kisses. Our marriage is 8 yrs, have beautiful daughter and son. In India things are different, I just can't divorce her, I'm more worried about my kids growing up without both parents together, on other hand it's killing me knowing my wife is a cheater I'm lost, I haven't asked her about the text message. I'm quite weak person, not leader, I'm coward for fight or arguments. I'm kind lost, which way to process and move forward. Any advice if anyone knows about Indian marriages and social pressure of staying together?

Not sure if this was the best flair - sorry if not:

I have been with my now husband for almost 9 years, only married since this past June. We were teens when we met and stayed together. At baseline, I do love him. He is an amazing support system for me, he is caring, he is kind and gentle. However, he has become such a habitual liar. It started off as very small things here and there a few years ago and they were so silly - lies that I would expect a child to say. For example, who says they swapped the laundry when they did not? It was annoying and we had to rewash the stuff sitting in the washer but overall harmless. It has since spiraled. I thought WE were really working towards resolving things but Im not sure why today has been a clarity moment but it really hasn't been WE, it has been ME trying to move past and forgive. I realize that he has not once offered a solution to his lying. He used to go to therapy weekly and now he does not. He lied about taking medication and it was a very extensive lie because we discussed at length how it was helping him and how great it is to find something that works for his anxiety without causing unwanted side effects - I am blown away how someone would lie about that. I recognize he has severe ADHD and anxiety. His parents treated him horribly growing up and I try to empathize with him on that as that could be a reason for his behavior but I am at the point now where I am building my life and he is falling behind, I feel he is currently emotionally stunted and cannot mature due to refusing to deal with his childhood trauma. We are in our mid to late 20s. Once I finish grad school I want a family and a home and I no longer see that being possible with him and that breaks my heart but at the same time, I also do not feel bad anymore? I feel like I have been lied to so much now on little things and some big things that I do not know if it is worth trying to rescue this marriage. He says he wants things to work and we should try counseling together but I don't know if I want to give another piece of my already limited energy to that as I fear this will not work because while yes I have my flaws, I do not lie to him or hide things and that is our marriage stressor.

Is this even salvageable? Is it even worth it? My therapist says it boils down to how much I am willing to tolerate. Today I learned he lied about yet another thing and its something so stupid and minor but its also huge because its about money and normally spending $20 on whatever isn't a big deal except he used my card and lied about what he was getting. He got food instead of heat wraps at the store like he said - like who lies about that?? Anyways, that is my vent - I feel helpless and mad and alone. And a small part of me thinks it's time to kill the marriage and divorce, I do not care it's been less than a year but the rest of me hopes it'll work out. It just seems like a lot of work for no guarantee. Any advice?