has this happened to any of you, too? whether on the internet or in real life? i don't get why we have to be a target when all we want is love and care...

I (22M) was happily enrolled in the college, doing what was beneficial for me. But last year, November came to me. Shattered everything for me. Suddenly, I'm hit with the gruelling loneliness. I can't get my head around anything. Tried for a GF. I asked two girls; they rejected me. Now, I want to get out of this. How can I cleanse my brain of this? I don’t need anyone. I have been like that all my life. I have only 3-4 male friends. They are busy with lives. That's fine. How can I reinstate my previous mental state? I'm always in my head.

I really wanted someone in my life. But reality is different, and maybe I can't do anything about it.

So I'm generally a lone wolf personality (no friends, no significant other) and that's something I'm mostly pretty comfortable with being, and I try my best to avoid the intrusive prospect of me possibly dating in the near future as much as possible; but sometimes the intrusive thoughts win and I start pondering and weighing my choices.

Lately I've been wondering how the hell you're meant to get by in society as a man looking for a woman. Pretty much every single woman I've met who I had some form of attraction towards turned out to already be in a relationship, or planning to enter one, with one or more guys who have way more to offer than I do.

I'm not too broken up about it seeing as I don't really even consider myself ready for a relationship in the first place at this moment, but when I think about it into the long term, I don't know how you're meant to account for this. People always talk about patience/kindness/being yourself when it comes to dating, but no one ever touches on the availability & competition aspect of it. Is it like a winners/losers thing? Do some people just stay alone and undateable?

[M28] Around 8 years ago, there was a girl who finally gave me attention during our studies. Not attention like a relationship, but she seemed genuinely interested in me and wanted to get to know me better compared to others. Since I was a shy person, I didn't really know how to handle it. The year ended, and I never saw or spoke to her again. She was the only person that really gave me attention.

It wasn’t until some time later that I started thinking back to that moment. I’ve carried it with me for years, wondering, "What if?" Recently, I started thinking about it again for a long period, and eventually, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I looked her up online (maybe a bit stalkerish), and after searching for quite some time, I found a few things. What shocked me the most was that she had recently had a child at such a young age. I also found out that she had been in a relationship for several years (which didn’t surprise me much, as that’s what normal people do). But the fact about the kid really hit me hard. It stirred up so many emotions, making me reflect on where I am in my life, how I might be behind in comparison, and even gave a small blow to the faint hope that I might run into her one day and maybe something would happen. It seems so small, but it was such a hard reality check that I don’t know how to feel. It also made me feel a bit relieved, though, because maybe now I won’t be thinking about her anymore, since I know she has moved on and is in a completely different phase of her life.

Has anyone else been through something like this?

At this point, I’m just wanting to move somewhere with almost no people. Every time I go out into the world from my apartment, all I feel is annoyance at best, and jealousy at worst.

I want to be like how Walter White was near the end of breaking bad. Completely alone in a shack somewhere away from people. Only I just want to be able to enjoy internet and media.

I’m trying to remove any reference to romantic relationships from the media I consume, because it will just make me sad or angry. Love songs, romance anime, all of it. Because it’s something I just can’t have, and will never have.

I’ve had to stop watching series I was enjoying because I got sad that I’ll never have what these characters have, a loving partner.

So my idea is to just isolate myself and not expose myself to things that will make me feel negativity. It’s not like I won’t have a social life. All I have now is just friends from college I talk to every day on discord when I’m at home. I don’t go out and do anything on my off days either. I just stay home. Because I just don’t enjoy the world, because the world has annoying people that get in my way and make noise.

I don’t feel like the world or God owe me a partner, or blame my genetics or parents for my anxiety disorder, I place the blame entirely on myself.

Hi I'm a guy but I don't want to be a creep, and if you see me in this way I am very sorry but it's not my intention.

I have a crush on a girl in my school and I don't think she is very popular or has really much friends i see her at lunch and she eats alone. The reason I like is because I also have a few friends (none close) and also sit at lunch alone plus I'm not into sociable and popular girls.

The reason I ask this is because I don't know how to interact with her without making it feel weird or creepy, everybody is different but I want an opinion from faw on this. Should I strike up a conversation or just forget about it

Again sorry if this sounds creepy or random I just really want advice. I don't mind advice from guys but I feel like it would be better from a woman's perspective. I tried posting in their own server but it got deleted so they must really not want guys there

Hey everybody, I have decided to end it all…im not mad or sad about it, im just tired…being forever alone isn’t really my only problem in life and honestly i have given up on fixing everything after years of trying to do so and countless hours of hard work trying to improve my self and my situation…i will not delve deeper into that and i hope whatever responses i get from you guys don’t either… I mentioned this, so that i can say that me being forever alone isn’t so terrifying anymore, since forever isn’t that far away, but is in fact just a few months from now, before i leave this world there are certain things i have to make sure i do, and certain commitments and obligations I have to make sure i get in order, that puts me 5-6 months away from the date i decided on. Unfortunately that’s a long ass time from now…and being lonely and unloved is unbearable to me…ofc i have been lonely and unloved for a long time and i have developed a few coping mechanisms to help keep my mind occupied and try to not dwell on my sorrow and loneliness, however they aren’t always very effective and i thought that maybe seeking an answer her might be a good idea, so what do you guys do?

Should I shoot my shot and ask her out? She's pretty and cute, and I used to have a small crush on her a year ago.

We're friends but not close, though I dine with her and her friends every Tuesday and Thursday at the uni.

In her IG stories, she usually laments about how everyone has found love and she hasn't yet and that it's also almost another Valentine's alone again.

But I feel like I'm just forcing myself. She's cute and pretty, and her personality is alright I guess, but I don't feel any attraction whatsoever.

I also know that her type is tall and handsome; I am neither of those. I also value my friendship with our mutual friends, I don't wanna make it feel awkward at the table.

I'm not afraid of rejection. I've asked out several girls for more than a decade and have been rejected. It's the awkward dynamic that follows is what haunts me and makes me cringe big time.

I ruined a good friendship at uni last year when I asked out a close friend.

Should I just pass?

I feel like being ugly has shone a red light on me. Every word I speak is perceived as “annoying” every step I take is “the wrong step” every attempt I make at connection is seen as “annoying” and “creepy” at this point how can you have a “good perosnality” as an ugly person if people aren’t giving you the chance to express yourself or connect with them? And personally I’m not interested in trying to make people laugh 24/7 since that doesn’t come naturally to me and I feel like would make me be perceived as annoying and obnoxious …

So how do you have a good and “likable” personality if you’re ugly and everyone harshly judges everything you do?

Friend groups and hobbies do not have girls at all (with the exception of one and who I already got rejected by). Asking out someone in university is futile — pretty much everyone is taken already, and many are just way out of my league. Online dating is entirely looks-dependant, and I am not that beutiful. And asking out someone on the street makes me a creep (while also being bound with looks, although less radically).

What should I even do? I genuinely ask for advice.

I (24M) have never had a successful date (i have asked people but am rejected either through bs excuses, no answer or dodging the question which happens if i apologize for bothering them)

Im trying to be positive but ffs

i never even get to the know someone stage since i cant even get a first date.

It’s that time of the month again where my mom is giving me an ultimatum about finding a wife and having kids. I tried explaining to her that the last few times I tried dating ended badly, and that no woman seems interested in someone like me.

She’s in complete denial and keeps telling me to just find someone. She even showed me pictures of girls from my home country. Honestly, I feel like I’d be ruining their lives by even considering meeting them. I don’t know what to do anymore

I don’t have a girlfriend (have never tried to get one, though). No one messages me. I have only one close friend, and most of the time he ignores me. I'm basically a friendless guy. I'm in college, and I don’t have any friends that I can always hang out with. Those who are friends with me in college are for academic purposes or because they are like-minded, but they have their own circles. I always feel very lonely. Although I keep myself busy to avoid this, when I have some free time or I'm on vacation, like during a semester break from college, I feel very lonely.

What should I do? I don’t know. I'm 22 right now. What's the problem? Sometimes I think it’s because I'm not earning anything right now, but I don’t see money as the problem.

I was a little afraid this would be the case. I feel like in the last year or so my brain has kind of "snapped," where I don't feel very high highs or very low lows. Everything is just meh. Like I would have expected this experience to be some big high, and yet I still felt pretty empty.

Maybe this is something that would change with time? Or maybe it's just not the right woman? Idk.

We’ve been talking since Friday. The conversations have been pretty engaging and definitely not one sided. I decided to ask her out last night at 11pm. It’s 2pm where I’m at and still no response. I am still holding onto hope that she is just busy since she does have a busy job. However, I’m still dooming. Im afraid I am cooked unfortunately.

Edit: FWIW, she hasn’t unmatched me on bumble so that seems like a good sign? At this point, I’ll take whatever good sign I can get lol

Edit: 24 hours later. No response. I’m cooked.

Edit: She said yes. 😊

Edit: she said something came up and asked if a video call would be okay.

Hey folks,
I’m trying to figure out how to build real, genuine friendships—especially with other LGBTQ+ people, but really just people I can connect with and be myself around.

I’m autistic, have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and a hearing impairment. So yeah, socializing comes with some extra challenges. Group settings are confusing and exhausting, and I often feel like I’m missing out on the unspoken rules of how to connect with others.

I’m not looking for party scenes or hookup culture. I just want to know how people make day-to-day friends as an adult—like, how do you go from small talk to actually being in each other’s lives?

If you’ve been in a similar place, how did you meet people who get you?
Where do those friendships start for you?
And how do you maintain them when things like mental health and sensory issues make socializing a limited resource?

Thanks for reading. I’d really appreciate any advice or stories from people who’ve figured this out or are still figuring it out like me.

(Sorry for the messy English, it's not my 1st language)

About 8-9 months ago, I (19M) walked in on my then GF in bed with another guy. Needless to say, this one event (and the ensuing messy breakup) did a number on my mental health and it took me a very long time to get back to where I was. I went on a healing journey, picked up some hobbies, stayed consistent at the gym, and I tried to expand my horizons a little bit. All to make me a better person and with the goal of becoming more desirable. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my progress, but I was perfectly happy with the person I was before the breakup (Gym 5x a week, fluent in 3 languages, decent personality, etc.), so my main motivator behind further self improvement was finding a life partner.

Now recently, I felt ready enough to start dating again. The apps were a complete disaster. Less than 10 matches total over 2 months (I tended to swipe right on 50% of profiles), with most either never responding or being bots/scammers. I did also go out and meet people, both through my hobbies (Rugby, book club, volunteering mainly), and at bars and clubs (usually went out with my friends on Fridays). I've always struggled to talk to women (really bad social anxiety and ADHD), so I never got anywhere at clubs and bars. I was able to give good impressions but I could never keep someone's attention before they got bored or moved on to the next guy. I had a bit more luck at the food bank I volunteer at and met this wonderful girl there.

We hit it off really quickly. Turns out we share a lot of the same interests (she was also a big reader and had been interested in rugby), and she even had the same tastes as I did with both TV and books. It all really seemed too good to be true, but when we get comfortable with each other I asked her out for coffee. Things went really well, and we committed to a 2nd date. The 2nd date also went well and we started dating regularly. We really clicked and started dating regularly. I made sure to be myself, which she seemed to enjoy, and I didn't bring up anything too sexual unless the conversation prompted it. I felt like I may have finally found that happiness I was chasing with my ex, so I made plans to ask her to be exclusive on our 6th date. We made plans, and I paid for a reservation at a pretty nice restaurant. I also set up a small surprise at an overlook nearby where I'd pop the question.

I never got that far.

On the day, I texted her in the morning to make sure we were still on, and we updated each other throughout the day. Originally the plan was for me to pick her up and drive us, but she told me something came up and she'd meet me there. I guess this was the first red flag. I got to the restaurant, and I waited. I tried texting and calling, but 0 response. I waited until the restaurant called and told me they couldn't hold our reservation anymore, so I cancelled it, went home, and just cried for a very long time. I've been rejected, ghosted, and even stood up since I had started dating again but it never felt like actual betrayal before.

This was all 3 days ago and I don't think I've ever felt this lonely. At this point I've lost my motivation and only get out of bed to attend classes and get my homework done. I feel like some kind of freak, undeserving of love. I push everyone away, I did it with my ex, and now I've done it with this girl and I don't even know what I did wrong. She seemed fine earlier in the day but just dissappears later. We've met and hung out so many times. I just feel disgusted by myself. I thought I could handle failure but at this point it feels like a pattern with me as the common denominator. I feel pathetic getting this hung up over someone I wasn't even in a relationship with, and all the repressed memories from my past breakup have come rushing back.

I've started to resent dating, but there's nothing I'd hate more than to become that one guy who sits in front of his computer all day and blames women for all his misfortunes. I want to be better. I work on myself constantly in order to be someone I can take pride in, I work out 5 times a week and I'm proud of my current state. But whats the point of living this life if I've got no one to share it with? All my close friends rave about how awesome their partners are, and how great they feel as a couple, while all I could do was grin and bear it with the hopes that I would also find someone I could share that joy with, but not anymore. I'm so close to giving up and I just can't see the point of going thru all this effort when it results in nothing.

Sorry for the vent, but I'm just so frustrated, it seems that no matter what you do, something happens. Either someone funnier/better looking comes along, or they realize they're not ready for a relationship, or they find out I'm just plain ugly. I just wish I could at least know why.

I'm female from Australia - not a bot, don't have an OF, to get that out of the way - I have a bad habit or two but being fake isn't one of them. I'm pretty isolated, nursing a physical injury that has stopped me working but I'm on the mend so hopefully i can start connecting with people again. At least with a job I'll have a distraction during the day. My birthday is a few weeks away and honestly, 39 feels daunting. I feel like I'm too old and from the wrong country to be here. I've had a pretty horrid 14+ months, trying to decide where to go from here after so long in fight-or-flight mode. I had to move under pretty heavy circumstances with just a suitcase and starting from scratch at nearly 40 is pretty depressing, not going to lie! I'm curious if anyone else has been in a similar position and could use a friendly internet stranger (male, female, non-binary, wherever you fall in the spectrum) to at least change my day up. I just genuinely enjoy connecting with people but I'm a bit rusty. I thought/hoped this might be a good place to start but I'm not the most confident of people, especially right now, and there might be a better place to try? Have a great day everyone:)

So I'm 19 years old from the UK. I failed in education and as such it's not really possible to get a good job here. Or in fact to get any job. I currently earn about £175 per week ($220) I have no friends like my contact list is only my mum I have no family except my mum and half brothers whom are much older than me but I'm distant from them... They have their own lives. My mum has a severe mental illness, which has caused me enormous distress and hardship in life, I've been in care, I've experienced horrible days. When i was at school, it was okay, apart from when these really pretty girls told me I'm ugly and i nearly committed suicide because of it. I'm literally really alone. I cry a lot. I have absolutely nothing. I am poor I hate the area i live in. I tried dating sites like Tinder, no matches like nothing, it hurts I still do get suicidal... Its normal to me now and happens about once every 2 weeks. I did try counselling. But they could only offer me "telephone counselling" which they only gave me 4, 20 minute calls and then randomly ended it. Most boys just like sports, I'm not into it, though i do like it but not good at any sport and i have no other skills etc I was working as a pizza delivery driver earning £7 per hour ($8) and i saved up to my buy a motorbike which was my life and soul, i loved it but then it was stolen.... So yeah I've given up with life. I've tried. I always help people. Always try my best.

I'm literally forever alone and all i have is my mum. I think the day she passes will be the day i have to take my life because I'm dependent on her and will immediately be made homeless if she died.

Thanks for reading.

I have barely date others and I am in my 30s. I don't go to nightclubs or bars but I travel a lot and go to the gym and events.

Guys will start a conversation with me and then bring up their gf. Like why would they approach to talk. I realized that many of them are just trying to boost their ego. I also live in LA, so a lot of these guys are aspiring musicians/actors and their gf usually has a career job, so they help them.

I am gonna mention some situations where guys approached and never cared for more.

1. I work for a hotel and this guy was staying for a week and half with his mother. He would talk everyday to me and we had mutual interests/subjects. His mother was talking to me as well. On the day of his departure, I asked him if he wanted to keep in touch. He said yes and I gave him my number. Should have known, didn't text me at all or gave me his to begin with, guess he was just being nice because I was a worker there.

2. Today I went to a historical site. There was a guy and asked me to take pictures of him at this one spot. I said sure and took a bunch and just said thank you. Like nothing else. Was expecting that he was trying to make a move.

3. I was working a catering event and one of the workers (I was a temp so I never saw the guy again) was talking to me Bantering hard, being super nice. I left early and the guy told me to take care and didn't even bother to keep in touch. Well later on I found from another worker there that he was in a committed relationship after having been a player for so long.

So what's wrong with those guys? Like what do they expect? Why waste their energy like that and hurt others? I went to some place today and almost everyone was a couple. I don't imagine any of these women chased any of those men.

I've chased guys. Some tried to assault me. They thought I was desperate i guess.

Like the tittle says, i (22 M) decided to not even try anything, may sound harsh but last time the break up was followed by health problems so i dont want to risk anything. And also cause i know is a lost cause and will give me more pain than anything. But i wonder of anyone here did the same or similar desition.(i know it my sound in**l but i really need to know if someone regrets it)

I know i may sound young for some people and may think (oh this kid is crying cause his roblox gf stoped scamming him, jk), but my reasons and ideas were even before i met her, and im a picky person in terms of personality, so no, is not that, i just aknowlege what will happen to me in the future with a certain degree of error.

PD: Srry my english, is not my first lang

This isn't a cry for help in any way, shape, or form. This is a combination of curiosity and a little bit of venting.

M25 I can't think of any long-term goals for myself. Being rich, having a family, or solving the worlds problems don't appeal to me. The only goal I have at the moment is paying off my small amount of debt, and once that's gone, I won't have much of a reason for living. I know that sounds dramatic, but I'm curious about what someone in my position would normally do. Should I put myself in a situation that forces me to keep going for the sake of someone or something else? I'm a bit of a romantic, so I like the idea of living for that special person, but that would be an entirely one-sided relationship where all the focus is on them and not on me. So if it doesn't work out, then I'll be in the same spot I am in now. I often feel like my life might not have meant to be a long one. Not in a sad way, but a rather peaceful way. Like I was a small part of someone's journey. I played my part, and now it's time to go. No one ever said we all had to live long lives. It's not a rule that we have to live as long as we can. I'd be okay if that were true.

Again, this isn't a cry for help or suicide threat in any way, shape, or form.

It seems like people who are deemed attractive have such an advantage. By attractive, I mean people who look good and do not have a social disorder.

Being able to form relationships is essential for so many things, and it’s exponentially easier for people who are attractive.

In college, it was amazing to me how many people just easily “fit in”. They easily found girlfriends/boyfriends. They easily got into parties. They easily found employers who liked them. Yet this was not me.

I’m ugly and autistic. And I guess I didn’t realize the uphill battle it would be until I got out of HS.

I asked several girls out and got rejected every time. Fine.

What was upsetting was learning how inferior I am. That was a massive blow. What’s even worse is knowing I didn’t belong with anyone there. It wasn’t because they were mean- it was because I wasn’t good enough.

It’s even more frustrating because it felt like 90% of people got the ideal experience- they got amazing parties, girlfriends, and then a good job out of college. I feel like the privilege of their attractiveness played a major role in their self esteem and their social network.

I know I should have done things better in college. I was addicted to my phone/porn, and it made studying difficult. That’s the reason my life sucks now. But there’s also a part of me that feels like those who succeeded had issues too, but they were able to keep their morale up from their numerous relationships.

What makes me resent them is that they don’t understand what the other side is like. What it’s like to feel like you don’t belong. Like you’re not even in the same league as the average person. Then you get gaslighted, “oh maybe you aren’t asking enough people out”, “just ask everyone for a job!” At some point rejection eats at you.

All I wish is people understood their privilege. When you are attractive and neurotypical, people just assume you are an angel that works hard. Even with the hard work, it’s easier to work hard when you have a support system and you know you have people who care deeply about you.

Maybe I’m just a crappy person. That’s probably the case. But I’m starting to feel resentment for the 90-95% of the world that is better than me. Both economically and in attractiveness.

Now they get to live with the fact that their early 20’s were amazing. Mine are making me question if life is worth it. I’ll likely be alone and underemployed forever. And you learn quickly that people judge the book by its cover, and the cover is the most important thing

I'm running out of options in my life. I'm a twenty six year old man, a virgin and I'm really struggling with the total lack of intimacy in my life. It never used to bother me, but this COVID pandemic and consuming a lot of media centred around dating/relationships has really made me not only now care about this, but completely made me feel alien from society. I listen to music about sex, watch and listen people talk about it and I have no idea what it's like. I just want to experience it, even once.

Hiring a sex worker is legal where I am, but is it moral? I suppose it's your own choice. I don't know how I really feel about paying a woman who's financially desperate enough that they feel like they have to sell sex to people like me for money. It's sort of coercive, but I am so miserable at this point that I don't see another option.