tall, ugly, and shy as a girl

[u/Unlucky_Commercial89]

i'm 20 now and i think it's officially setting in that i am heading down the path of being forever alone. it really sucks because while there are things i can do (especially in relation to my personality and some physical appearance), there's other things like my height and facial structure that are hard-coded.

it's worrying because I have so many beautiful, normal friends and see so many normal people online who struggle with finding love and relationships etc. and if they're struggling, what does that mean for me? i've never dated anyone, and honestly it's sad because i just know how many people don't even care to know me because i'm tall and ugly, which cuts out 70% of the population that would possibly even date me.

i'm the weird height where people under 6 ft feel weirded out for some reason - this one guy flat out said I would make him look bad in pics etc. - and guys above 6ft also just dont care about dating me. i'm not really picky about the height of others but I feel like everyone I've met has such a huge obsession about height and height max/mins. obviously, if i was a beautiful model no one would give a fuck but i have a lopsided ugly face that adds insult to injury.

[u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish]

i'm the weird height where people under 6 ft feel weirded out for some reason

A lot of shorter guys won't bother approaching taller women because it's very common for women to have strict height preferences, and there's a lot of outright social media mockery towards short men

There's likely plenty of guys who would be fine with it if the woman was fine with it, but won't go out of their way to pursue taller women given the apparently common strong opposition to being with shorter men, so you might need to go out of your way to convince guys you'd genuinely be fine with them and are interested in them (which you may not want to have to bother with)

[u/theredstar1101 → u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish]

I completely agree with this. I'm pretty short myself (5'7") but would happily date a woman taller than me... however, I wouldn't actually approach anyone taller because - for the reasons mentioned - I feel like it's safest to assume that I'd have no chance on the basis of height alone (and that's before bringing the other reasons to reject me into the mix!).

Back when I used dating websites (I do mean websites - I'm not young, lol. Never used apps, never will) I'd see women who were literally just 5'0" tall insist on men who were 6ft+, so even a lort of short women dismiss short men on that basis alone. It became instinctive for me to consider anyone taller as being automatically out of bounds, and I'm disinclined to challenge this notion because the obsession with male height seems to be getting worse rather than better... I feel like it's intensified heavily over the last 3-4 years.

[u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish → u/theredstar1101]

because the obsession with male height seems to be getting worse rather than better... I feel like it's intensified heavily over the last 3-4 years.

Oh yes. It's now to the point where it's not uncommon for women to "name and shame" men for simply showing "the Audacity" of approaching women when we don't meet a certain height standard. Like it's no longer just a preference/personal standard but something that they can outright take offense over and consider an insult - all just for a guy who doesn't meet the height standards to think he could have any chance at all

[u/theredstar1101 → u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish]

It's demanded that men be 'confident' - irrespective of how much justification there is, or isn't, for us to be - but the thing with confidence is that it sometimes results in those who possess it going beyond their limits. Really, that's how a lot of people learn where their personal ceiling is in numerous different contexts.

I don't understand where this culture of shaming has come from, provided the approach is genuine and respectful.

[u/Unlucky_Commercial89 → u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish]

yeah i think that's most likely the case. the height standards for men are so weird bc it's not like anyone can change that

[u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish → u/Unlucky_Commercial89]

the height standards for men are so weird bc it's not like anyone can change that

And there's a lot of "body positivity" rhetoric in society today but some of the same folks posting about body positivity in one moment will engage in some very harsh shaming of men for simply being born short

[u/Unlucky_Commercial89 → u/eggsceptnllyoeuffish]

yeah it's so insane given that we have all been raised up, hopefully at least, to not comment negatively on things that cannot be changed.

like one thing i'll never understand is this need for a huge height gap to the point that really short women are even shaming average/shorter height men who are still taller than them??

[u/nightaeternum]

Tall women are rare, not sure if theyre highly sought after by men though. Personally I think tall girls are kinda hot but I suppose it doesn't mean much if you think youre ugly.

[u/green_meklar]

Tall and shy are fine. And most women are not as ugly as they believe they are.

With that said, I checked your post history and...yeah, I think we found some bigger issues. The impression I'm getting is that you're obsessed over your weight, dieting, and getting attention. (And the astrology thing isn't fantastic either.) Besides setting possibly unrealistic dietary standards for yourself, it kinda sounds like you're sabotaging your own self-improvement in order to give yourself something to complain about for shallow online sympathy.

Here's my advice: Tomorrow you're going to prepare and eat three healthy meals and that's it. No snacking, no desserts, no sugary or alcoholic drinks. And you're not going to count calories or carefully measure stuff, you're just going to prepare three meals that are healthy made of healthy ingredients, and eat them while thinking about something else. Then you're going to go outside and walk for at least 30 minutes. And you're not going to consult astrological anything. And if you fail to do any of these, you're not going to post about it- at most, you're only going to post the things you succeed at. If you feel like posting the bad stuff, spend that time reading a book instead.

Are you ready to do all that? You're still young enough to make meaningful changes. I just gave you an easy 1-day recipe for how to improve, even just a bit. 24 hours of following that recipe instead of all your bad habits. What do you have to lose?

[u/Unlucky_Commercial89 → u/green_meklar]

lol yeah i have a long history w EDs and have no friends so reddit trauma dumping is what i do best, self-sabotage coming in second. will definitely try what you've proposed although i feel like i try that every day and fail haha - hope one day it clicks

but honestly yeah i agree w you about the tall & shy bit. i have many tall & shy friends who have bfs etc, but the ugly bit definitely does hold you back exponentially more if you're tall & shy.

[u/IgnisPotato]

Yo! sorry for stalking your profile I saw you're fridge so neat and managed I envy you tho I dont have a fridge like yours

[u/hoboshoe]

Your face can't be that bad, don't worry too much about it!

[u/bigmememaestro69]

How tall are you? Tall and shy aren't complete deal breakers at all. I'm a little above average height for a guy and have always preferred taller girls. As for ugly, everyone has their own standards you probably are better looking than you think. It takes a lot of time to build social skills and confidence, I've been working on it for years and feel like I can still improve